I still feel so betrayed.. and it won't let go.
Obviously it will eventually.. and it's only been like a week anyway, but still.. it gnaws on the back of my brain.
5 years we were together. For 5 years everything was pretty dang chill and nice. My latest visit was -this summer- and still everything seemed normal.
Then a week ago I get the least personal breakup text I have ever seen in my life.. (basically "to whom it may concern, this is a breakup"). And my immediate reaction, as it usually is, is to just roll with it bc you can't force people to do anything anyway.
But the expectations that I have to now just sit around and be quiet and "give her room to grieve uwu" is fucking me up. Especially since she's using the time waxing poetically over how terrible everything apparently has been, how I've never been supportive, or ever done anything good for her, and that I've abandoned her when she was at her most vulnerable (bitch, what the actual fuck!?) on her FB (which I blocked right out of the gate, but I've been getting reports from shared friends who've read her statuses and been like "uhm.... This does not at all sound like the Amos I know", so I went back in and checked for myself ).
I legitimately thought I had found a piece of my forever family with her, and then she just spins around and chops me off at the wrist and leaves me with one less friend, one less gf, one less actual family, and implies in her posts it's all my fault anyway for being such a horrible unsupportive shit (???????) and that the next time she's trying for a relationship she's gonna find someone who -ISN'T- shitty like that, and won't abandon her in the middle of a shit storm (APPARENTLY).
But hey, I can't -really- know if it's about me either, since both me and her other date mate got the exact same, and just as impersonal , dear John letter in the history of teenage dramas. And idk what's more offensive really.. the fact that she couldn't be assed to specify, even after 5 years, or just.. didn't even consider it to be important enough to distinguish.
Idk.. it just bugs the everliving fuck out of me, and what I most want in the world is to just yell at her that she's not the only goddamn person in the world who has feelings or who's exhausted atm. But that would be cruel or whatever, so here I am instead.. grumbling into the void.. while she gets to whine about how everything is so super terrible for her and only her, and I have to just sit here and say nothing and not defend myself against any of it.
-reminds self to relax jaw as to not crack teeth-
Fuck me for having boundaries around people, right? (That honestly is the only thing I can trace this whole debacle back to, the fact that I put my foot down for the first time in 5 years and upheld a boundary I haven't had to enforce previously).
But if the reaction to keeping boundaries is this.. well, then fuck it. Keep your soggy, dog-poop burning bridge to yourself. You'll won't get me to cross it again, that's for sure..