i am very hard on myself and expect excellence from myself. so i am very critical of and hard on my dogs too. i need to COOL it and let them grow at their own pace, and give them rest when they need it, but i find it so hard. i’m constantly in the mindset of “they can do it, therefore they should/must do it” rather than whether they want to do it or even if they know how to. i did it with my rats, i do it with myself, and i really am toeing the line in terms of harming my relationship with baz over it.
i’m used to being the best at whatever i do. i guess i’m just frustrated that my dogs don’t share that drive. when it takes them a while to learn something, or they have faults, i take it too personally. i keep thinking, “why aren’t we good at this yet?” instead of, “are my dogs having fun?”
i’m actually frustrated with my students over this rn. i know it’s selfish and myopic, but i just want to scream at them WHY DON’T YOU CARE? DON’T YOU WANT TO GET BETTER AT THIS? and they don’t sometimes and it baffles and angers me. and it’s not necessarily that i’m doing something wrong, or they’re doing something wrong. they just don’t have interest in what i want them to do.
i know this is a me problem. but it’s overwhelmingly frustrating right now. i take everyone’s performance as a reflection of MY performance, and sometimes i’m actually doing too much for them and need to allow them space to grow.
god forbid i ever have children.
