#and avoidance

[queermoths]

crying and scrolling tumblr to reblog all the cute things and blorbo fanart call that self-soothing

[grinnersmiler]

Oughhhhhgghh the future that happens of what someone doesn't do

[imma-natural-blue]

Trying to avoid doing something by doing other things and getting a lot of done except the one thing that actually needed to be done

[wewalkadifferentpath]

let’s see how fast I can make today Over challenge

[icybluepenguin]

Rant about depression and how it fucks with things under the cut

The thing I hate most about depression is how worthless it makes me feel.

The overwhelming, constant feeling that I’m not worth it.  That I’m a burden, unimportant, replaceable- that my list of flaws is far longer than my positives. That I take up time and space that belongs to better, valuable people.

That feeling encourages me not to eat right- why spend time making that soup, you’re worthless; why bother cutting up that vegetable, you don’t matter.  Just eat the chips, it doesn’t matter.

That feeling keeps me from reaching out for help, because I’m not worth helping, I’m not worth the time I’d steal from someone else.

That feeling that makes me smile and say I’m fine when people ask.  Because how could I waste my friends and loved ones’ time by telling them how I’m really doing- don’t I know by now that I’m not worth it?  These are important people who matter, and I can’t waste their time with worthless me.

I hate that feeling.  That feeling like I’m a burden just for existing, that I’m taking up resources and not paying back, that I’m in debt to the world for how awful I am.  And so I pour myself into helping my friends, I burn myself out spending energy I don’t have, trying to pay back that debt.  And I end up feeling worse because I’m not taking care of myself and my needs- I’m not even trying to take care of myself.  

It’s a vicious cycle.  And I really hate it and even when I know what’s going on, even when I can see what’s happening, I can’t stop it.  It’s not like I don’t want to talk.  I’m bursting with things to say.  I know I should talk. But I can’t.  As soon as someone asks, out comes the smile and the deflection and the depression freezing my voice.  I hate it.  But mostly I hate myself.  Because that’s what the depression tells me to do.

[bastardswxrd]

ok but what if whatever happened to tye  and then killing pryam left a few screws loose in bezis head kinda and he has more involuntary werewoof transformations during which time hes more feral than he usually is during involuntary shifts but his wolf is closer to his feelings and stuff--- what if his upset wolf is still reeling from tye and pryam? what if his wolf recognizes aoba and thats the only thing thats calmed him down since things happened?

[suavedemoncrowley]

BOUNCE ON YOUR BED TO RELEASE EMOTION