Sep 15, 2020
Dad? 😳😳 - Oakley
..?
seen from Japan
seen from United States
seen from Denmark
seen from Sweden
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Germany
seen from China
seen from Argentina
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Denmark
seen from Russia
seen from Hong Kong SAR China
seen from Germany
seen from Bulgaria
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Sweden
seen from Russia
seen from Canada
Dad? 😳😳 - Oakley
..?
we would like some time to figure out what we’re doing. thank you for being understanding at this time.
God ... just like Izuku, I don't even want to think about the inevitability of All Might's death. The sheer fear and anxiety Izuku must feel knowing that it's coming, the clock is counting down, and how hard he's trying to stop it ... there’s a reason why Izuku’s fire has been lit, why he’s only started to work so much harder and be so much tougher on himself now. It isn’t just because he needs to master OfA : it’s because he needs to master OfA and make sure All Might can live to see that day.
He doesn't want to lose All Might. He's so important to him. Not just as a figure or a hero or an idol anymore. But as a teacher, a mentor, a father. All Might isn't some legendary figure that Izuku can't ever even hope of touching or has never met before. He's a part of Izuku’s life. A BIG part of his life.
All Might trained him. All Might believed in him when no one else did. They've had lunch together like family. Izuku’s confided in him. All Might’s confided in Izuku.
All Might isn't just some photo on the wall or a figure on TV. He's living, breathing, talking. He’s comforting, reassuring, balancing. He’s Izuku’s anchor in many ways. To think one day All Might won’t be ... to try and wrap his head around the fact that All Might exists today but might not tomorrow ... is terrifying. One day, things are not going to be alright, because All Might won’t be here, and Izuku is terrified of that day.
Continuing my vague liveblog: shit just got Fucking Weird
chat, I've started to question about why I'm so drawn to all of these sorting algorithms and things that are primarily used by system-decoding or functions, or just like- not made to be casually human readable. So- Why am I making flashcards for myself? Do I crave structure? Why am I learning rules built for robots? do I want to have a neat little code processing/operating system in place of my faulty brain? I like learning these set rules, is that me wishing that my body had been structured with these rules embedded inside of my core? these rules are easy to understand, did I type all of this out just because I want to be able to understand myself just as easily? Subconsciously, I gave myself a fantasy that my body could run on set rules and systems, because I needed this metaphor to help me recognize I'm struggling to process my own feelings and thoughts?
(this is the moment where I'd insert a self-deprecating joke to cut off this thought process, add shame for future attempts at continuing. why do I do that? make myself feel bad for wanting to understand myself? I'm split between having full self-awareness for my thought patterns, I can easily spot which are healthy-normal and what's just a toxic learned-behavior. it feels so obvious, yet I'm still giving room in my head for those unhealthy learned traits. I suppose that's where my human error shows.)
I'm.
It's Three AM.
where did this come from? feels out of nowhere, but I still took the time to write it out. maybe it was buliding up and I missed it. maybe I just felt like writing something. my questions feel rhetorical, like I'm only asking them to display my emotions instead of asking for answers.
I think I have the answers.
(that was going to be a statement. it's almost interesting seeing how fast I'll try to quiet or soften the confidence I wanted to display to myself. I feel the need to lace my assurance with doubt. I know, but I feel.)
I like computers. I feel so much. now my feelings have overpowered the self-awareness, I feel tired. I want labels for all of these parts of me, but I know that even attempting to do so would be shot down with so much shame that I won't.
I took my baby to the vet today because his eating habits have gotten worse (eating little to nothing, and he lost a whole pound). They (gently) said we should consider putting him to sleep and we decided on tomorrow afternoon and naturally I’m a mess but he just ate half of his food not too long after we got back home after he stared at me for a while while I was crying.
Hair Ruffle. o uo She's family now.
Confused squeak because she didn’t think her hair was that ruffle-able!