The Reason Matthew Does What He Does
It’s a lovely summer day. The birds are chirping, the bees buzzing, and all is right in the world.
Well, maybe not all.
Two men stand across from each other in a secluded, woodland clearing. One, an intimidating hulk of a Russian, the other, a slightly smaller but just as powerful American. Their wingmen meet at the middle.
“They’re going to go through with this no matter what we do, aren’t they?” Gilbert asks.
“Yup,” Matthew affirms curtly.
They collectively sigh, then turn on their heels to report back to their respective clients. On the sidelines, a heavily-eyebrowed gremlin stands furious.
He bristles with rage. “Ooh, I don’t see why you two have to take it this far. I don’t see why Matthew and Gilbert are letting you take it this far. And I don’t see why I have to be dragged into this as well!” He raises his voice to shout that last part.
Alfred far too cheerfully yells over, “We need a doctor on stand-by in case one of us gets shot!”
Ivan corrects, “You mean when!’”
“Oh yeah– When!’”
Arthur continues grumbling angrily to himself as Matthew and Gilbert join him. Ivan and Alfred each remove a single pistol from the holsters at their hips, readying them. They meet at the middle as Gilbert and Matthew did previously.
“You’re going down, commie,” Alfred threatens with a smile.
Ivan responds in kind, “No, I believe it will be you who goes down, pig.”
They sharply turn and begin to count the steps.
“One.”
“два.”
“Three.”
“четыре.”
“Five.”
“шесть.”
“Seven.”
“восемь.”
“Nine.”
“десять!”
“Ten!”
Alfred aims for the sky.
Click.
He turns around. Ivan is repeatedly pulling the trigger, glaring down at his gun.
Click click click click click click click click click click click click-
Gilbert asks Matthew, “Was that you?”
“Yup,” he affirms curtly.
“Dude, what the fuck, you were actually going to shoot me?!”
“Um… no. ’(^ ^)”
Arthur blinks in confusion. “Wait, so you removed all the bullets from their guns beforehand?
Click click click click click click click click click click-
BOOM!
“Whoah, holy shit! You just shot clean through the ground!”
“Oh, looks like it’s working again!”
Matthew grins. “Not all. They need some warning.”
*Submission by the talented @kittyreaper