Where Do We Go From Here?
I’ve been vacillating between anger and sadness on BBS EP11 and now I think I’ve finally reached a begrudging acceptance. I refused to see the beauty that was this episode on my first few watches, but I’ve come around to recognizing that it really was a beautiful piece of artwork. P’Aof truly is a master at giveth and taketh away. Let it be said that the man knows how to craft an emotional journey and my feelings are wrecked for it. Even the opening song was Pran’s love letter to Pat this entire time...why sir, why. How could you? It makes everything feel like we’re watching things unfold in hindsight.
My initial anger (who I am kidding, the anger is residual) stems from PatPran yielding to their parents and letting them “win” and then apologizing for it?!! I’m sorry for having the courage to fall in love despite everything and everyone telling me it was the wrong choice. I’m sorry for wanting this beautiful piece of completeness...wholeness (that nobody has the right to deny me) for myself. I’m sorry for giving into this selfishness knowing it was doomed before it even began. How dare I try to be happy? How dare I try to be anything other than what you say I am?
But then watching Pran patiently give Pat the time he needs to mourn and accept that their relationship is over viscerally spoke to me. It was beautiful in thought and in execution. Then seeing Pat realizing how unhappy Pran was being away from his family and for Pat to once again place Pran’s happiness above everything else...it’s just too much, P’Aof why. Pat won’t/can’t ask Pran to make that sacrifice to be with him (he’s so done with Pran making sacrifices for anyone) so he does it for him and thanks him for what they had in the process. Cries.
On my first watch, I couldn’t understand why Pran seemed to accept their situation while Pat was physically reeling and then it occurred to me that Pran knew from their first rooftop kiss (and probably even before then) that giving into this, having Pat, was always meant to be temporary and fuck if that doesn’t hurt. Go back and rewatch EP6 and see how much Pran tried to deny himself (and Pat) from having this. And then they gut us further by showing us what life could have been like if there was no feud. Could you please not, sirs? Heartbreak city, I am thy resident.
So where do we go from here? I have some theories of how I want EP12 to play out which I’ll likely post once I get my thoughts in order. All I know is that we are getting a happy ending, it’s what Pat and Pran deserves, how we get there is the question.
When you're in love
Some things you take for granted
Until someone pulls it apart
And leaves you with half of your heart
How do I trade
The best I had for less
Without giving up
Should I slowly accept that we'll be no more than just friends
How do I know
When to let go
I know what I'm feeling inside
But part of me still wants to try
So tell me
Where do we go from here
Why's my heart filled with so much fear
When all that you are
Is all I need and more
There's no winning bets
The battle's just begun
I know it's over
But I still feel the same
You'll always remain number one
'Cause letting go
More and so much
I know what I'm feeling inside
But part of me still wants to try
So tell me
Where do we go from here
Why's my heart filled with so much fear
When all that you are
Is all I need and more
