Nov 11, 2017
wow,.
#ive been feeling shitty this nite#first things first#i kno nobody is gonna read this bc nobody cares about my life#im not even a super popular account :/#but like i need somewhere to talk to myself about this shit#second;#last week my friend told me i could go to her house but i didnt want to be such a mess since she and my other 2 friends are like#super bestest friends#and i insist to her that i seriously dont mind not going if im such a disturbance to their group#ofc i get along with all 3 of them but......#i feel like they don't want me there ??#it's 12am and i went there at 6pm and left at 9pm bc my parents had to go to a party or some shit#and they just made a live video together just... laughing.#and stuff?...#and i :/ huh#my self esteem has been lowering and lowering a lot since last year and idk if it's my hormones or something but i just feel worthless#and not socializing is not making any better#i just stick up to the same people i know yknow ? my actual friends#and uh#everyone else is out having fun and going to parties and kissing (and fucking??? like????????? they're almost all 13 wyd)#and i barely can even go to the market yknow#i know that i dont have to go anywhere if i dont wanna but i do want to go and have fun but i feel like i'll end up doing some#michael in the bathroom shit#i always get panic attacks on parties....#i hate super loud music that i hate (ehem reggaeton) and everyone is older than me and im not even attractive physically#im fat and im hairy and my hair is gross and i have a hip dip and thick thighs and not good clothes to go to parties ukno#third;#my life's been some real shit#i dont have parent issues or a familiar with cancer/dying or some shit#just in general?? ive been fucking up every single thing i touch and get yelled at for that