“because why would we want her to be anything like me?”
She knew.
Not the details. Not every single second of what her daughter watched unfold in front of her once innocent eyes like a nightmare come to life, the rough edges softened by tear gas.
But she knew.
Ziva knew because her own childhood had been marred by death and fear and decisions that had to be made so fast, she only looked back at what she’d done when she could no longer change it. The look in Tali’s eyes when they pulled up to the safe house was all she needed to see to understand that the daughter they had sent away with Sophie, was not the same one who rushed up to her father in a fit of relief.
“Let me see you,” Ziva’s hands gripped either side of Tali’s face, the same cheeks that once were chubby and cherub like before Tony knew her, still felt as soft and comfortable under her fingertips.
Their eyes matched. The dark brown, hardened slightly, but carefully allowing a softness to emerge. It was no doubt that she was looking back at a reflection of herself, but one that she was far more proud of than any she’d stared at before. That was her girl. Their girl.
She may have been bursting with pride as she pulled Tali close, but Ziva also harbored an insatiable fear of what this meant for the little girl she worked for years to protect from her own past.
Prompt 22 “and neither should you”
Fandom: Mass Effect
Title: Not a Sole Survivor
Pairing: Egan Shepard/ Kaidan Alenko
Rating PG? _ mentions of PTSD, and the effects of it
They were on their way through the Kepler verge when the message came in.
“Message from Alliance Brass, Commander” Joker called over the intercom.
“Let me take it in my office.” Egan was tired, and it was evident he was going to have to respond to something.
“Commander Shepard, this is Admiral Hackett, we have some disturbing reports I would like your attention on. Alliance scientists have been being killed one by one. Commander, this … this may get personal for you. These scientists were working on a top-secret project on Akuze.”
“What kind of project?” Egan asked, although he almost guessed what it meant immediately.
“They were studying the thresher maw’s there.”
“Oh.”
“Shepard, we need to find out what happened to the scientists, but what you do with the information after you find out is up to you.”
“Thank you for telling me Sir,” Egan replied swallowing the distaste in his mouth. Six credits say it was Cerberus. Eight says that the last scientist is expecting to pay for his crimes. However, he couldn’t figure out who the person was attacking the scientists. He had been the only survivor. He had seen no-one else and he had checked.
Egan walked out into the mess hall, dazed. Sitting down he put his head into his hands. It had taken him the few minutes from his quarters to here to figure out that this meant he had left someone behind.
“Shepard?” It was Kaidan who saw him, of course, since he had been checking the electronics in the sleeping pods. Everyone else was scattered and doing their own business this time of day.
“Ah, Hi Kaidan,” Egan said looking up, though for the world he wished he had a coffee to drink, a real one not the crap they had for traveling on these longer space trips.
“Coffee?” Kaidan asked as if reading his mind.
“Thanks.”
“I was just about to have a break for an energy bar.” Kaidan did his best to be conversational “So do you mind if I join you?”
“Huh?” Egan was not really paying attention, going over the names of his lost squad in his head. Kaidan placed a coffee in front of him and sat down opposite with his energy bar and coffee.
“Earth to Shepard?” He asked raising an eyebrow when he got no response he said “Egan?”
“What? Oh. sorry.”
“What’s going on, I have not seen you this spaced out since…. Well in a long time.”
“I got some information.” Egan said, “It… brings up some questions.”
“Tell me?” Kaidan said pointing with his energy bar between bites. “You always said a problem shared is a problem halved, or some other crap, but you get the point.”
“Yeah… Admiral Hacket called to ask us to look into the death of some Alliance scientists, well more than that, to look for the last scientist that is alive.”
“Ok, that isn’t so bad. What is it that they worked on?”
“Akuze.”
“Shit,” Kaidan swore, as the information, and why Shepard was sitting there shell shocked sipping at a coffee across from him fell into place. “You are telling me it was… planned?”
“It would appear so.” Shepard sighed “I’d bet anything that the scientists were part of a small black ops organization that later went rogue…”
“Cerberus.”
Egan just nodded.
“Shepard, I’m sorry. It .. damn it… why would they do that?”
“No idea… some misguided concept of what makes a good soldier.”Egan sighed, he would have to face this sooner or later. “I thought with all the counseling and rubbish I was over it. Like the past was done.”
“It is, you just have to close it down.” Kaidan said, “and remember that the Geth also got attacked and eaten by the Thresher Maw.”
“True enough.” Egan nodded, that had actually been a sight he was glad to see after they had killed a thresher on that one planet.
“Kaidan,” Egan said swallowing the last of the coffee “There is one more thing…”
“Ok?”
“Someone has been killing those scientists. Someone with a grudge big enough to link to Akuze… “ Egan swallowed again “I think that means someone else survived…”
“How?”
“I don’t know, I checked for everyone, I have been going over it in my head, I went everywhere I could to check for everyone.” Egan ran a hand over his head and around his neck as he often did when stressed or confused by something “I saw the Maw’s take several of the squad underground. No-one could survive that right?”
Kaidan started shaking his head then stopped. It was possible, a slim chance.
“I don’t know, maybe? It might be something? I know you checked Shepard, you don’t leave people behind if you can change a situation.”
Egan swallowed.
“I guess the only way to get answers, is to go there. Get ready to suit up Alenko, grab Tali as well we might need to hack our way into the building.”
“Ok I got your back Shepard, you know that.”
“I know. Thanks.”
They landed on Ontaron, a greenish planet with wide expanses of the ground and a little bit of water. Science was the only place here really, and as they approached the compound in question, it was surrounded by mercs.
“Danmn it., Was hoping to not have to fight my way in this time.” Egan muttered after having a look through the turret on the mako.
“Needs are.” Kaidan replied, “Maybe we can use the gun from here rather than getting in close?”
“Let’s go. We won’t get far without getting rid of the mercs, and it is more or less what they signed up for.” Tali pointed out.
So they dealt with the mercs and entered the building, Egan started to sweat a little in nerves as to what they would find.
“Hell Egan, focus!” Kaidan said as he pulled him down just as a shot when wide overhead.
“Damn sorry.”
“One more room.” Kaidan replied, “Just stay focused on the here and now.”
“Did I miss something?” Tali asked concerned.
“Explain later.” Kaidan sighed, as he turned back to the fight, with a flare of his biotics that was aimed squarely at the guy who had fired at Egan.
The room finally clear they moved on through the rest of the facility.
The three of them entered the backroom to find a merc with a gun pointed at a doctor.
“Mr. Toombs, you’re insane, you need help!” the doctor was saying to the merc, trying to not get shot.
“You don’t get to lie!” He shifted forward with the gun “You don’t…” He turned as he became aware of other people in the room. “Shepard? My god… Shepard is that you?”
“Corporal Toombs?” Egan gaped his mouth feeling dry as he tried to rationalize what he had seen to who was standing in front of him “But… I saw you die... I saw you killed on Akuze…How did you get here?”
“They took me, Shepard, the Scientists.”
Egan knew then what had happened, they had been a study, a project for the scientists to use them and see what happens with Thresher maws, and because Toombs had survived being dragged underground and bitten, they thought he was a special part of their project.
“You can’t prove any of this!” the scientist turned to Egan “This man is delusional!”
“I woke up in a holding cell!” Toombs continued “They were delighted I survived, now they had someone to run tests on.”
“Toombs... I… I didn’t see you... I didn’t see anyone….I would have come back for you had I known, I swear!”
.” You can’t believe Toombs, he has no proof!” The scientist cocked his head up and looked at Egan “I demand a fair trial.”
“He was there! He knows the truth!” Toombs said forcing his way back into the conversation. “They are part of some organization called Cerberus, that run secret tests like this… they treated me like a lab animal!”
“This man deserves to die, Shepard, For you, for me, for everyone in our unit.”
He moved a little shifting his footing “Are you with me?”
Egan felt Kaidan place a hand on his shoulder, as he swallowed the anger and chose to look at things rationally.
“You are better than this Toombs, you aren’t like them”
“Don’t tell me who I am! You got away with a few scratches and a scary reputation! The rest of the unit died and I was tortured for years!” Egan heard Tali gasp behind him “You can’t judge me, Shepard, you don’t have that right!”
“Toombs, If I could have done anything to help you on Akuze I would have. I am sorry I couldn’t, but I can now. Let me help you.”
A few moments passed before he spoke again, lowering the gun.
“Okay, I am not a murderer, they couldn’t turn me into one. Just as long as he goes to trial.” Toombs holstered his weapon and covered his face “Maybe the screaming will stop now, I don’t know.”
“These bastards can’t hurt you anymore.” Egan said heartfelt with a glance at the scientist “Joker, we need a pick up from the fifth fleet.”
“You.” Egan moved aside so Kaidan could cuff the scientist - one of the joys of having authority in the galaxy. “Out of here now.”
“Toombs…” Egan said to the man who shook his head “I am glad you survived, I know you don’t really know that yet, but you can do a lot to shape this galaxy.”
“Shepard, you always were full of shit.” Toombs gave him a crooked smile. “I will keep an eye on you as always man, Take care eh?”
“Thanks. You too? Please? Take all the help they offer. If you need anything, use my name and I will help you in any way I can.”
Toombs just nodded. They had been friends once.
“Just take care, Shephard.”
Egan managed to walk outside, and see the mako before going a little further and throwing up.
“Egan?”
“I’m ok.” He replied “Just…”
“Shell shocked?”
“I saw them take my entire squad…” he shook his head, “to find out it was Cerberus, and that they took and kept people as science experiments… I mean we kind of knew with Kohaku but…”
“Boshtets.” Tali flung out as she came over “Cerberus are. Boshtets.”
“Quarian swearing?”
“Yes. Shepard, I am sorry.” Tali sat down next to him “I know this is ridiculously insane, and that you have a thousand things to think about all at once, but I am sorry I didn’t know. Didn’t take the time to find out.”
“You heard of Akuze though?”
“It is a name spoken in hushed whispers by your crew.”
“oh.”Egan shook his head. “Let’s just get back, I could use a good night’s rest or more.”
Kaidan frowned at him but didn’t say anything until they were back on the Normandy and Egan was again staring at a cup on the mess halls table.
“You sure you are okay?”
“As much as I can be.” Egan replied, “Definitely interesting things to tell my therapist when I see him and I don’t promise to be over everything. but having the scientist bought in helps enormously.”
“Therapist?” Kaidan looked confused “The first time I have heard you mention therapist… oh.. You mean me?”
Egan grinned his usual grin “Yeah, you always seem to scrape me up.”
“I have heard a rumor it’s what friends do.” Kaidan replied, “plus I owe you for having a beer with a stray.”
“Nah that debt was paid a long time ago. Does not mean you can’t do so, but yeah.”
“Friendship is like that - give and take, you hear my issues and I hear yours. Both of us bring beer!” Egan grinned at Kaidan’s description of friendship, it had been pretty much this way over the years.
“Egan, you let Toombs off the hook for this despair he had.”
“Yeah, he was feeling guilt among everything else.:
“He wasn’t responsible, and he isn’t alone anymore. He has support.; you didn't let him shoulder the guild for that” Kaidan took a deep breath “and neither should you.”
