I get no notes because as soon as someone finishes reading my post they are compelled to put down their phone and experience the wonders of the world around them with fresh eyes
Because of how bad the post is
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵

Andulka
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gracie abrams

#extradirty
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Cosmic Funnies

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Sweet Seals For You, Always
Mike Driver
Claire Keane
tumblr dot com
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Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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EXPECTATIONS
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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@baejax-the-great
I get no notes because as soon as someone finishes reading my post they are compelled to put down their phone and experience the wonders of the world around them with fresh eyes
Because of how bad the post is
Actually, the funniest thing that Warhorse could do is make it so that in the opening of KCD3, Hans and Henry have a hunting trip and they get ambushed like the beginning of KCD2, but if you chose to make Hansry canon, they have an afternoon delight right before the ambush and you get the post coital buff for the first fight of the game, so that the optimal way to play the game at least at the start is to get the Gay Sex Buff.
From a game design perspective if they actually did this, there’d be two dialogue paths of Platonic and Romantic and you’d actually have to have benefits and drawbacks to both dialogue paths, so if I’m being serious about this:
Both paths would start with Hans lamenting his imminent marriage with Henry reassuring him that nothing will change between them (the connotation of him saying this will change based on later dialogue options.) Hans, of course, brought wine along for this hunting trip to drink his sorrows away. This is where the dialogue actually starts to branch off. You can toast to Hans’s last days of freedom (Platonic) or to his upcoming nuptials (Platonic) or their heroism at Suchdol (Platonic) or to just to “❤️Us” (ie Hans and Henry) (Romantic) [you can do up to three toasts, so long as you can handle your drinking checks]
Hans says something like “I’m going to miss this” to which Henry can offer another toast, which will lead into the Platonic Cutscene of them drinking together before Henry and Hans lay down for a nap. Cut to the Clock [You are Sleeping Off the Wine]
OR if you chose the “Us” option for any of your toasts, it unlocks an extra dialogue option of “❤️is that all you’ll miss?” where they actually talk about how Hans’s arranged marriage affects them as a couple, which is its own dialogue tree that sets the tone for the romance over the rest of the game. No matter how that conversation path goes, it will end with Henry suggestively asking if his lord only brought him out here to lament his fate. Hans will act offended that Henry questions his motives before leaning into a kiss and—Cut to the Clock [You Are Enjoying Your Lord’s Company]
Both paths converge on a cutscene of Henry sleeping on Hans’s shoulder, with the only difference being what they’re wearing. If they only drank together, Henry will still be wearing a brigandine chest plate, and Hans will have on a cuirass. If they did anything else, they’ll only be in pourpoints. They’re approached from all sides by bandits who intend to ransom to the groom-to-be to his bride. Their unusually savvy captain seems to understand the massive political significance of this wedding. The fight is effectively unavoidable.
For the Platonic Path be either drunk or hungover, since all they did was drink. For the Romantic path, Henry and Hans were distracted from drinking, so instead they having a post-coital buff called something like Afternoon Delight that raises Str, Ag, and Vit +2 like Secret Herb in KCD2.
This means the trade-off for going full platonic is being tipsy/hungover in full armor, and the trade-off for romance is less armor but better overall stats. Since strength and agility buff melee damage and vitality governs stamina, Romantic gives you better offense and Platonic gives you better defense. What makes Romantic more viable than Platonic in this proposed setup is that Romantic doesn’t leave Henry drunk or hungover because they stop drinking earlier on. A Romantic Path Henry therefore never has debuffs on him, only the Afternoon Delight buff.
If you already know the game’s fighting mechanics, the buffs to all combat stats more than makes up for not having a brigandine, so more experienced players should go for the romantic path while newer players would be better served by the extra layer of armor.
There will be people that tell you the optimal path is to go for a single toast so Henry is mildly hungover for the fight, these people are lying to themselves. Gay sex is the Meta.
I saw a post on a terf blog before I blocked it from someone being like "Ummm is anybody else really concerned about the rise of antisocial kinks like pissing" and it made me laugh so hard I almost did a little antisocial kink myself
Just learned that in California they put paneer on pizza maybe I could see myself living there after all
I'm experimenting with new tools for both lineart and coloring. 💛
I love being a representative for All of America. Today my Spanish friend asked me why in movies they will have some man who doesn't know how to tie a tie and have a woman come help him tie it. Why, she wanted to know, did women, who don't wear ties, know how to tie ties while men, who do wear ties, don't?
So I told her the truth that in most US school systems, around the age of 10, all the girls are split off into a different room during PE and taught how to tie ties. I have no idea what the boys are taught. Nothing I suspect.
My maybe outdated old person unpopular opinion is that podcasts have no business being video instead of just audio
Reblog to do this to prev
Lil messy and tad bit late but happy pride 🙌🩷🫶
they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of
achilles binding patroclus’ wounds
it is funny to hear that wikipedia is apparently losing site visits to AI because let me tell you wikipedia is not losing site visits from me I am all up in that bitch 24/7 I am reading her down like an enemy I am on wikipedia like white on rice
Man imagine if this is how we learn that tumblr is dead forever
I do find this funny just for how obvious and blatant a lie it is
Man imagine if this is how we learn that tumblr is dead forever
bringing this over from twitter bc this person literally gets it. watching su for the first time i was literally shocked by how wonderfully toxic the yuri was there. thank you women 🙏
THANK YOU WOMEN. god bles
Hyperbonkers Toxically Yuri basically drives the entire show. Pearl/Rose is 60% of Steven's Issues; the first big event episode climaxes with a paean to the power of nontoxic yuri but then ends with other characters EXTREMELY MISSING THE POINT to the point they emit nightmares; there's a whole arc about Pearl repeatedly tricking her friends into a threesome; the movie is the vengeance of a dumped manic pixie clowngirl; and the Diamonds (WD in particular) definitely have some kind of oneesama shit going on.
Pearl/Rose is enough toxic yuri (I will create a new identity for you! I will compel you to keep our secret forever! I will fuck around on you but don't worry I'll always come back to you until haha I kill myself and leave you the baby to raise!!!!!!!!!) for six shows. But it's not a show about emotionally healthy people doing healthy things! Steven repeatedly tries to kill himself!
I also want to point out the het stuff is similarly deranged. Lars/Sophie is "what if the chubby girl fixated on the bad boy who impliedly fucks her on the sly (!!!!!) but is embarrassed to be seen with her and got so frustrated she made a big-deal punk band about it (so she's completely over him when he gets a glow up to UNDEAD CAPTAIN HARLOCK(!!!))" Greg breaks up a 5000 year toxic Yuri situationship by being the scrungliest hair metal guy in history. Steven gets a somewhat-requited crush and Pearl immediately projects her "what if I was a knight and I was willing to put my life on the line for you and it was kind of sexual" deal on to them so hard she creates a child soldier. Then Steven, to prove he's NOT his mom, tries to die for her without letting her die with him and she's so mad about not being allowed to die with him they break up for a bit.
Frankly the sheer density of characters eager to die for each other is somewhat alarming.
all of this of course forgetting the one "Stable" relationship is two small lesbians who are so attached at the hip they literally fused into one person, and have their own princess/knight dynamic [wow the diamonds sure love that one, wonder what thats about] and any time they have a MINOR disagreement about a major problem they usually cope by literally exploding apart, doing a shit ton of property damage, and then tearfully fusing right back together again, which is gorgeously juxtaposed by the fact that they can literally see the branching timelines of the future and so can TELL that there is literally no reality where this doesnt happen if they're fucking paying attention. which they usually arent. because they're too busy focusing on keeping steven alive