May 17
the social phobia got better and worse somehow
#certain things make me sick to my stomach#and...right now....its the pool#and...talking casually to anyone#feel sick with fear#or maybe it was never good. maybe i just didnt even recognize i was scared when i do those actions#like when i'll divert my path just to avoid walking past someone. on the surface it doesn't feel like fear#i just...it just feels instinctual. the decision happens so fast that i barely think about it when it happens.#its like a mini-panic decision..