#andrei rambles

[theswoonofsin]

thoughts on fighting with horny subtext?

oooh trying to get under each others skin with specific insults that maybe don’t hold as much ire as they probably should, egging each other on to get closer and closer, not yet touching but daring you to make the first move until we start shoving at each other and gripping each others shirts. the energy of the room being so high strung with the tension between us that we’re starting to get warm and the rose-tint flush to our cheeks would look so lovely in the context in the back of both of our minds. which one of us will snap and end up pinning the other to the wall when the sexual need overpowers the annoyance that originally started the fight? the line between sex and fighting becomes blurry because neither of us can admit defeat

[theswoonofsin]

ran errands today and picked up a new bottle of lube, my T and antipsychotics, and another mcr shirt for my collection call that sex, drugs, and rock and roll

[theswoonofsin]

ugh i’ve been dealing with chronic illness more so than ever recently and most of my team thinks it’s some kind of autoimmune disease so im working on getting tests for that as well as a new primary care because my last one made the rest of my team and myself super angry for dismissing literally everything i present with in favor of “allergies”

anyway i haven’t had time to be horny bc i feel like death but i have the energy tonight to jerk off lol

[theswoonofsin]

i’ve been at my parents for fall break since thursday and i’m finally going home tomorrow and i haven’t been able to jerk off at all because im sleeping in a public room in the basement that people come and go from bc of a fridge downstairs and i take really short showers so anything longer than 5 min is sus and i’m so pent up 🥵

[theswoonofsin]

i got new pants so of course i used the opportunity to send a video of how well they hug my ass to the guy im flirting with in the hopes i get more phone sex

[theswoonofsin]

the guy i've been talking with on hinge has moved us to snapchat folks i may get dick by next week

[captainsparkly]

life update

aka more rambles by me <3 <3

school’s been ok tbh. I actually kinda enjoy going to school??? Idk. Some people suck tho. They gotta learn how to keep their fucking opinions to themselves lmao

But hey here’s the important part of this one

Anxiety has been hitting my extremely hard lately. Every thing I say, every small gesture I say, my brain just inputs it as “shit u fucked up.” I actually thought a friend of mine was mad just because I did something and I felt so bad (at the end of the day though, my friends treated us to icecream so I guess that meant they weren’t mad, still not very sure)

And yeah, about my friends. It’s still there. The fear I have is still there. Like I said before, after I say anything to them, I think a  lot. What if they think I’m to clingy? What if I’m too irresponsible? What if I’m not in the right enough standards to be their friend? What if they secretly really, really don’t like me?  I can’t exactly tell when they’re lying, but they tell me I’m fine. Am I really? Am I really okay enough to be their friend? What if I fuck up? I don’t want to fuck up. I’m afraid of everything I say. Fuck.

[captainsparkly]

I MADE A NEW FRIEND AT SENIOR HIGH ORIENTATION SHE’S SO CUTE SHE’S MY AGE AND OH MYGOD SHE’S SO PRECIOUS IM SO HAPPY AAHHH I CANT WAIT TO SEE HER MORE I LOVER HER SO MUUUCH