#ang barks

[isolatjon]

an angel loss its wings tonight 😔 (i again fell for the trap of feeling gender envy for a 2000s cis dude w short hair and cut all my hair only to regret it immediately and remember i actually love long hair way more and seeing all the beautiful trans people with long hair on my phone omg im gonna kms)

[isolatjon]

my in laws make me feel like i’m in a twilight meets get out situation.

im a neurodivergent latino trans dude lower class and they’re a white upper middle class family living in a south american country (only his father is european the rest are latinos). and every time im invited over and get to interact with them i feel off, they feel off, it feels like there’s something off.

we’ve been dating for 10 months and the very first times i interacted with them i tried thinking that maybe i’m being too anxious and that masking with them just feels extremely exhausting.

cause i had expressed the feeling to my boyfriend: how it feels like they don’t like me and he would insist that that’s not the case. so i convinced myself that it just comes hard to me to interact with families because im neurodivergent. plus i come from a dysfunctional family that can’t stand each other.

my partner loves his family, and truly likes them. he likes to actively spend time with them, which for me was always such a foreign concept to grasp. and the time subject has been an issue during our relationship. his family would always complain about him “giving me too much of his time” (3 full days a week). and he would feel torn about this, guilty for “giving me the time that he’s supposed to be giving his family”

my partner’s parents are aware that he is queer but they kinda (fully) choose to ignore it.

the only member of the family he’s told to that i’m a trans man (and so i’d expect to be gendered correctly by) is his mother. yet not once has she referred to me with my pronouns.

his folks live in this small town that’s very popular in my city, they have a fine house there and they’re very known in the town. when i’d visit and we’d walk around the town, my boyfriend would be greeted by random strangers that he’d mostly wouldn’t personally know but they would know him because they know his mother. my friend joked that they’re vampires and that’s why in town everyone knows them, cause they’ve always been there. (i enjoyed this joke to cope with this hellish situation cause maybe in that absurdity would make more sense)

so when my boyfriend has tried to talk to his mother, asking for her to respect my pronouns. her response would be that “she doesn’t care” which is just a lame and stupid statement to hide her transphobia behind. when i told my boyfriend that she’s being transphobic and ignorant he said that she doesn’t specifically mean that she doesn’t care about my pronouns but rather that she doesn’t care about me.

so up until a couple days ago, where she blatantly disrespected me and was rude to me through text, he was always convinced that they do like me. that they don’t have anything against me that his mother just has a “strong attitude and personality” and i just felt insane because maybe it’s all in my head and maybe i’m just too sensitive and maybe i just don’t get them.

but id try, id try to bond and try to be nice and do everything that’s in my hands to get along with them. because i know it is important to him. i know he truly loves his family. but after her blatantly saying that she doesn’t care about me is pretty much insane because she’s not even trying.

but it’s also validating, to see that everything i was feeling was actually real.

my boyfriend (20) is younger than me (25) and this is his first relationship, so this whole thing has been a huge learning experience for the both of us. but specially to him. it has been hard for him to accept that maybe their parents could be the ones who are in the wrong.

so all of those fake and forced and masked interactions i had made sense now.

but i need these things to be named.

what is her problem with me? is it because i’m trans? are you being transphobic? is it because their son is not dating a girl? are you being homophobic? is it because i’m a lower class than them? are you being classist? because her saying “she doesn’t care” doesn’t feel like it’s the case. address what your problem is with me so we can point at it and label it and recognize it for what it is.

so yea im going insane and to cope with this in my head im making a twilight meets get out film where instead of racism the thing at hand is transphobia, homophobia, and classism

[isolatjon]

what’s ur sun,moon, rising? if ur into that sorta thing

im a double capri and cancer rising, also i have my venus in aquarius which i love

[isolatjon]

i looove closing the instagram app <3

[isolatjon]

why am i not a dog OJ MY GAAAQWD whatever

[isolatjon]

lol i’m sorta blind and i thought yr pfp was a butterfly this whole time <3

that’s actually so freaking cool i kinda wanna draw it now

[isolatjon]

my love language being being annoying is one of my favorite things about me and life

[isolatjon]

they should invent answers to my questions that are available for me