@angelsdean oh my god how did i not even think about this?????? DEAN IS NARRATING THE STORY AND HES THE ONE WHO WANTS TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF A LOVE CONFESSION
For the lovely & talented @dualityofcastiel' celebration & the prompt “love”. Read below or on ao3 (2k)
“Cas, just sleep with me.”
The angel stops in his tracks, his hand frozen over the door handle. He couldn’t have heard that right. There’s just no way.
“Uh, I mean, not like-I didn’t mean to say-”
Cas turns back to face Dean who is now sitting bolt upright on the couch, their shared movie blanket pushed to the floor and his hands held in front of him defensively.
Cas walks back to him in silence, afraid that if he opens his mouth, he’ll beg Dean to mean it the way it sounds. To mean it exactly the way it sounds.
“What I meant was, y’know, it’s late. You don’t have to wander the bunker like a ghost when there’s plenty of space in my room. And I mean, I wouldn’t mind- I could use the company actually.” He huffs out a choked laugh, an attempt to hide the nervous energy Cas can sense thrumming off his body in waves. “It’d be like a slumber party.”
Cas wonders what Dean has to be nervous about.
“Aren’t slumber parties for children?”
And that’s not what he wanted to say, not even close, but it’s what comes out.
“Uh, yeah,” Dean says, shaking his head. “Yeah, it was a stupid idea. Forget I said anything.”
He gets up, his foot catching in the blanket and almost tripping him as he hurries to the door.
“Dean, wait-”
But he’s already through the door, letting it slam loudly behind him.
Cas lets his head sag forward, a weary sigh escaping him like a deflating balloon.
___
Ten minutes later, Cas stands outside Dean’s bedroom door, his knuckles tapping lightly on the solid surface.
It took him until now to finish talking himself in, and then out, and then back in to walking over here.
“Dean? Are you still awake?”
He cracks the door open and peeks inside.
“No,” a mound of blankets replies.
Cas rolls his eyes and steps into the room.
“You ran off before I got to answer you properly.”
“I did not run off.”
“Dean, you almost fell on your face trying to get away.”
Dean sighs and sits up, crossing his arms grumpily. “Yeah, okay, maybe I did.” He sighs again. “Look, I’m sorry, man. I’m just really tired.”
Cas nods and sits on the edge of the bed, his heart hammering like a racehorse. “I’m tired too, Dean. And-” He scratches at the back of his neck, averting his eyes from the soft green ones staring back at him. “I would like to stay here, with you. If you’ll let me.”
A smile creeps across Dean’s face that makes Cas want to kiss him now and never stop.
“Yeah?”
Cas nods.
“Will you let me paint your nails?”
He glances around, perplexed and intrigued by the thought. “I wasn’t aware you had any polish.”
Dean laughs suddenly and maybe it’s a little too loud in the darkened room but it’s a relief and Cas can’t help but laugh back.
And then they fall into silence again. A silence filled with expectation.
He’s not sure what to do next so Cas stands up and takes off his trenchcoat, ignoring the way Dean’s eyes seem to trail over his body as he throws it over the room’s only chair and sits down.
“Goodnight, Dean,” he smiles, nodding and folding his hands neatly across his lap.
Dean stares back at him blankly for a moment before motioning to the chair. “What are you doing?”
Cas raises an eyebrow. “I’m resting. While you sleep.”
“Cas, you don’t-. Dean chews on the edge of his lips for a second and suddenly Cas can’t seem to look anywhere else. “You can’t-” He scratches at the back of his neck before shrugging and looking away. “Cas, there’s enough room in the bed for you and me. It would be stupid not to use it. Why don’t you just hang out over here?”
He could do that.
He could easily climb into a bed next to Dean and be completely normal about it.
Cas nods and tries to ignore the butterflies cascading through him as he gets up and steps towards the bed.
“You, uh, gotta take your shoes off first, man.”
Cas nods again and looks down at his feet, toeing off his shoes and taking a deep breath before lying back on the bed. He stares up at the ceiling trying to pretend that this is normal and he’s okay, but then he looks over at Dean who is still sitting up and staring down at him with a look he can’t describe, and suddenly he feels like maybe he’s insane already and maybe he's alright with that.
“People usually lie under the covers,” Dean mumbles, his voice wavering as he nudges Cas with his hand.
“I’m not a person,” Cas replies, because he has no idea what else to say.
“Yeah. I just- it might be more comfortable.” He pauses. “Only if you want to.”
“Okay.”
Cas rolls off the bed and lets Dean lift the covers before lying back down again on the sheet. The sheet that Dean himself has slept on. And as much as Cas tries to ignore it, the sheet smells exactly like him. Like oil and earth and that blueberry shampoo Dean secretly buys but is too embarrassed to admit he likes. “Let me just-” Dean drops the covers over Cas, folding the edges neatly across his chest. It’s nothing short of a miracle that Cas is able to keep his breathing even as he stares up at his entire world frowning in concentration and tucking the material gently against the angel’s body. “There. Snug as a bug in a rug.”
Cas squints. “That doesn’t sound very hygienic.”
Dean chuckles softly and wiggles down until he’s lying flat on his back beside Cas. “It’s just an expression, Cas.”
“Right.”
A few seconds tick by in silence and Cas begins to wonder what exactly he’s supposed to do next. What’s the protocol for situations like these? He’s afraid to move even an inch in case the entire bed explodes.
“I’m gonna, uh, turn off the lamp, if that’s okay?”
“Of course.” Dean nods and shifts in the bed before pausing. Cas risks a glance at him and notices him peering intently at the lamp. The lamp on Cas’ bedside table. On the furthest side of the bed. He’s about to suggest that he can switch it off before Dean reaches suddenly across him, his torso pressing solidly against Cas’ as his arm reaches for the light. Cas reminds himself to breath and tries to ignore the solid press of Dean’s body against his own as Dean hits the switch with a click and the room is abruptly plunged into darkness.
Dean grunts and lies back down and Cas waits for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, happy for the sudden lack of light.
“Thanks,” Dean says, his voice cutting through the quiet.
“What for?”
“For going along with this. I know it’s weird, I’m being weird. I know that.”
Cas shakes his head, rolling over on his side before he can think better of what he’s doing. “No, Dean. You’re not being weird.”
I am.
“And anyway, I wanted to.”
Dean rolls over to face him, his smile lighting up the darkness like a star.
“You sure?”
“Yes,” Cas replies, nodding against the softness of the pillow. “I’m sure. And besides, it’s much more comfortable here than wandering around the bunker all night.”
Dean chuckles softly.
“Told you so.”
“You did.”
And without the truth that light brings, Cas allows himself a moment to trace Dean’s silhouette in the darkness. He hopes that the shadows will hide how he takes in the length of Dean’s eyelashes, the mess of his hair pushed against the pillow, the glimmer of his eyes, the inviting turn of his lips.
“Cas?” Oh God, can he see how much Cas is staring at his mouth?
“Yes?”
“Tell me a secret.”
I love you.
“What?”
“People tell secrets at slumber parties. Tell me one.”
“Dean, I-”
“C’mon, buddy,” Dean smiles, reaching his foot forward under the covers to nudge Cas’. “You can make it up if you want, just tell me a secret before I go to sleep.”
I love you.
“Okay. Let me think.”
I’ve been in love with you for longer than I can remember. I love you with everything I have and I everything I’ll ever be.
Cas closes his eyes and tries to think of something he can actually tell Dean. Something he’s not too afraid to speak into existence. When he opens his eyes again, Dean is watching him in the darkness.
“I can sleep.”
“What?”
“The secret. I can sleep. All angels can.”
Dean’s eyes light up in interest as he shuffles a little closer. “Seriously? I thought that was impossible.”
“No, it’s not impossible. It’s just not necessary for angels the way it is for other creatures. We don’t need it to function but we can sleep in much the same way humans can.”
“I don’t understand. If you can sleep, then why don’t you?”
“It’s not as simple as that. An angel has to be at complete peace in order to sleep. They have to feel safe and protected in a way that’s almost impossible for us to achieve.”
Dean shifts a little closer in the bed, his arm resting under his head. “But, you’ve tried?”
“Yes. Many times,” Cas replies, his long sigh pushing a strand of loose hair from Dean’s forehead. “Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to achieve it.”
“Huh.”
And that’s it.
That's all he says.
They fall into silence again and as the seconds tick by, Cas begins to wonder if Dean is now asleep himself.
“Dean-” His words are cut off by a hum, gentle and familiar. It starts off as a melody and then Dean begins to sing, his voice floating softly through the darkness.
“I-What are you doing?”
“I’m gonna sing you to sleep.”
“Dean, it doesn't work like-”
But Dean just keeps on singing, something low and familiar Cas has heard in the impala dozens of times before.
He considers trying to reason with him but he knows how stubborn he can be. And besides, they’re not in the impala now.
They’re in bed and Dean is singing to him. Dean is singing for him.
And yes, it won’t send Cas off to sleep, but right now he doesn’t care about that.
He just closes his eyes and inches closer and listens to Dean’s voice as he sings gently to him in the warmth of their shared bed.
___
“You awake?” A voice whispers.
Cas cracks his eyes open and blinks as the bed comes into focus. He registers the softness against his face but it takes another second for his brain to register that it’s Dean’s shirt he’s feeling against his skin.
Oh no.
Cas was asleep.
Oh no.
Cas was asleep with his head on Dean’s chest.
His head is still on Dean’s chest.
Should he move? Should he pretend to still be asleep? Better yet, should he pretend to be dead?
“I’m, uh, yes. I’m awake.”
“I told you I could make you fall asleep. Shoulda made a bet first, I’d be rich by now.”
“Dean, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
His chest huffs, Cas’ head moving in time with the breath. “Don’t worry about it, Cas. If anyone deserves a nap, it’s you. And I kept a good eye on you when you were asleep, to make sure you didn’t burst into flames or anything like that.
“I don’t-” Cas smiles. “Thank you, Dean.”
“Sure. And hey, I didn’t even mind being your pillow.”
Cas smiles even wider and realizes that even in his embarrassment he doesn’t want to move.
“Although, you did drool on my shirt.”
“Oh, I-”
Dean chuckles, his chest moving again, and Cas wishes he could crack it open and crawl inside to live there forever.
“I’m just kidding. But it looked pretty close with the way you were snoring.”
“I do not snore” Cas replies indignantly, unsure why the suggestion offends him so much.
“Alright, buddy, sure.” Dean lifts a hand, placing in on Cas’ back, the touch grounding him and sending waves of affection zipping through his body. “It’s still early. You could sleep some more if you like?”
Cas nods into the soft fabric of Dean’s shirt and tries not to think about how they’ll deal with this in the light of day.
“Only if you sing.”
“Of course,” Dean replies, his hand warm against Cas’ back as he begins to rub slow circles there.
He clears his throat dramatically before picking up his earlier tune once more.
And Cas listens, allowing his eyes to drift closed again.
And he hopes that Dean can feel every atom of love he has for him in the way he burrows his head closer to the hunter’s chest.
And then the angel falls asleep, and he dreams, and yes, he snores.
hii shal (@angelsdean here) i have not started reading your fic yet but i just opened it (to keep in my tabs to remind me to start it soon!) and i just have to say, i am so utterly obsessed with your formatting. like already i am being enticed to read, it is drawing me in like a sweet siren song. i am weak for aesthetics lol and aaaa it's just so pretty to look at!! i've never played around with formatting on ao3 so i don't know how complicated it is, but that's some extra work you put in that took time and effort and i wanted to acknowledge it and give you some extra kudos<3
🖥️⌨️🖱️💻 Yay thx! @destiel-wings & @scoobydoodean helped me iron out some of the kinks. 🖥️⌨️🖱️💻
