More dads than most

🎣 A shallow seeker sinks horizontally, exhibiting a natural kicking action to attract a variety of fish.🐟 ME: Chaotic SPN/SPNwin meta writer who’s been sharing my thoughts since 2023. I'm a little contrary (in good fun), and I enjoy in-world meta shenanigans. STUFF:👬 pro-DeanCas (I have eyes) // 🤩 Mary stan //⭐ Jack stan // 🕮 Sam / Donatello / Metatron-coded

[shallowseeker]

THE LORE

I'm Shal.  I watched SPN off and on as a teen, but I didn’t join Tumblr or the fandom until late 2022, when I was bedridden due to a heart condition.

That’s when I started reading fics like american oracle by @handsliketruth & @whiskeyjuniper, The Black Dog Ache by @winchester-reload, and Redux by @valleydean... and I was hooked. Ficlets, meta, shitposts, the whole nine. (I'm still obsessed with all of these stories, if you care.)

⭐ Shal's fave re-readable Dean-Cas fics ⭐ (I need to update this so badly, but you folks keep poking me.) Anyway, I also have my bookmarks but they are forever a mess, and I keep my macaroni trash comfort porn in there, so read at your own risk.

Anyway, I'm happy to say that my heart condition is much more stable now, and I’m no longer bedridden, but I’m still on Tumblr and still having an amazing time!

ao3 @ shallowseeker

blue.sky @ shallowseeker

pillowfort @ shallowseeker

pinterest @ shallowseeker

dreamwidth @ shallowseeker

discord @ shallowseeker

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TAGGING / WARNINGS

I’m not anti-anything, but I have a real soft spot for imperfect characters. If they come across as too polished or boring, I love digging into their flaws and exploring their Achilles' heels. (For example, I’ve paralleled Lisa Braden’s struggle with understanding grief against Jody Mills’s deeper, lived understanding of it.)

Anything I think could be challenging or a bit of a downer, I tag with #complex at the beginning—#complex john, #complex sam, #complex dean, and so on.

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META

The meta-organization will go here... eventually. (I'm working on a #shal spn rewatch.)

Over the past couple of years, I’ve written a lot of opinions, some of which people still request. My meta tends to focus on later SPN seasons, with deep dives into Jack Kline—aiming to add variety to the ecosystem by highlighting the real, complicated Jack over the "fanon (toddler) stereotype."

A few people have called me TFW-positive, and I genuinely love Team Free Will, even when I'm mentally wringing their necks. My core focus is on Sam, Dean, Castiel, Jack, Mary, and Rowena/the MacLeod family.

Side Goals: @spnwin-reader @wheretheloveisstored

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FICS

I post my fics on Ao3 under shallowseeker, and the new Tumblr page for them is here. (I post a lot of rapid-fire ficlets and ideas in my Tumblr posts, too.)

I write to improve my cognitive dysfunction, and I’m fascinated by religion and natural phenomena (avalanches, sinkholes, etc). My writing style has been described as chaotic, random, and weird—"like one long manic episode."

PSA: My meta thoughts = / = my fic. Sometimes fic is just me goofing off, or horny drivel, or melt-in-your-mouth cotton candy. Don't expect that My Thoughts (TM) will align with it. I reserve the right to be lame and incomprehensible. TY~

= O N G O I N G =

For your crimes against the most high (5 of 14) = "Cas isn't real."

= C O M P L E T E D =

Proper adornment (1/1) = Cas gets obsessed with Dean + jewelry

The facts of life (and death) (1/?) = Chuck VS Symbiote

Blackout on the eastern seaboard (2/2) = Victory sex tango

Truth & despair (15/15) = Dean misremembers the confession

Mirror, mirror (1/1) = The empty peeks into the bunker

I will not be diminished (1/1) = Chuck VS Jack

///

OTHER STUFF

👬 pro-DeanCas (I have eyes) // 🤩 Mary stan //⭐ Jack stan // 📚 Sam / Donatello / Metatron-coded (and was told by a friend: Kevin Tran-coded)

My username @shallowseeker is a type of fishing lure, so I thought a Dean and Jack fishing theme would fit perfectly this time around!

[shallowseeker]

ok but when they would in in deancas 1.0, older dean is shocked to remember how flexible he was once upon a time, older cas is mortified by how easily overwhelmed his younger self is

when they hook up present day they are both internally trying to outdo their younger selves which leads to even more embarrassing shenanigans

"We can't let them outdo us, Cas!"

[demondetoxmanual]

[shallowseeker]

where can one find these dbz/spn crossover jokes you mentioned in your tags…

cas = vegeta is so real. what if you were a genocidal war criminal space alien who became a husband and family man against all odds and also your human family had you wrapped around their little finger even though you used to be able to crush a planet with your pinky. (bulma is basically dean but rich which makes this even funnier) there are even some fun trunks/jack parallels if you squint hard enough

Another plane has hit the blog.

ASIDE//

I mean, HunterCorp is a lot like CapsuleCorp. Maybe we're sleeping on an opportunity to draw HunterCorp Dean like this:

they even have their liddol euro car that fits the vibe

I MEAN

[shallowseeker]

I mean, what is Godstiel/Leviathan Cas if not Majin Vegeta?

I hate that I even follow this comparison.

[silver-salt-knife]

Dean (4x01): Well, I don't know – some badass demon drags me out and now this? It's gotta be connected somehow.

Jimmy (4x20): I've been shot and stabbed and healed, and my body has been dragged all over the Earth.

Castiel, to Dean (4x02): I dragged you out of Hell. I can throw you back in.

Uriel, to Dean (4x07): I will drag you out of here myself.

[Castiel: And what would you suggest?] Uriel (4x07): That we drag Dean Winchester out of here and then we blow this insignificant pinprick off the map.

👆 Important dynamics between humans and angels. Humans are powerless against angels and angels will use it.

[deanwinchesterwebsite]

The driver's seat in supernatural as the locus of control 🤔

[shallowseeker]

A good Sam and Mary moment

and how in the workspace domain, they move very similarly:

MARY: But I'll get used to it. Being back here, I will. I just--

Sam is being SUCH a good egg here:

SAM: Yeah, mom. You don’t have to explain anything. I get it. You need space. And– and so does Dean, you know? I-I mean, he – he's just… We just got you back, [Sam continues while we see Dean outside drinking from his flask] and he's just scared we're gonna lose you again, that – that because we're hunters, you're gonna walk away.

///

Sam is like: Dean thinks you dislike hunters but EYE SAM WINCHESTER HAVE CLOCKED YOU AS I HAVE CLOCKED MYSELF.

SAM: But I know that’s not true. Even looking at these… [Sam holds out the box of Asa’s postcards to Mary] I mean, you saved Asa in 1980, um, after Dean was born. After everyone thought you quit hunting. Seems like you couldn’t stop then, and… I’m guessing you can’t stop now, either.

SAM: This job, this life, is crazy and insane. But it’s in our blood. Come on. [Sam sets his arm around Mary’s shoulders]

[shallowseeker]

MARY TIME

I wasn't there for them, but now maybe I can be. I can lift my oldest son's burden.

shoutout to mary and sam's penchant for (nondescript) little blue caaars

///

also shoutout to her prowess with the GPS she is a MODERN GAL

But on a more tragic level, she's just spent 10 episodes in a tailspin and now she's HERE, with the WAYFINDING tools. She's trying to FIND HER WAY, MAESTRO.

///

Dean looks at her, and she looks back. (I'm trying to BE here for you, Dean. I'm trying, I'm trying to do my job. I want to keep everyone in this car safe. Driving as love, as protection.)

///

Shoutout to Sam too: brat mary 2.0 and x

also HEY

SAM about MARY AND HUNTING: "Knew you couldn't stay away"

Callback to their Asa Fox funeral convo, cause sam know they are the same in this respect and he's happy someone else is as in love with hunting as a career as he is

MOM WE LIKE THE SAME CAREER AND WE TRY NOT TO BE SO LAME AND LOW LASS BUT

///

Mary began this season episode looking for John John's journal Cas to fix her hangups with life, abandonment, lying, and hunting, shouting at him, blaming him instead of taking a good look in the mirror and seeing her part in the mess.

And now she's not in runaway mode anymore!

She'd got her map, her family, and she's sure-footed.

Except...

oh no

MAP DARK!

///

Error 404, Mary out

///

Side note////

Mary is in a very real sense taking over for Dean here, and Sam is more okay with that than we've ever seen them! Sam doesn't wanna lose family, of course not, but as we see more often than not, that loss-grief-desperation is driven more wildly by losing ONLY family, when there's nothing left after.

//

Side side note////

and now we also seee.....

why dean couldn't look cas in the eyes. (it's the classic lie of omissions bt them because truth bombs and goodbyes hurt too much)

dean had been so desperate to call cas, to tell cas to MIRACULOUSY GET here (with no time and no directinos), but once cas is here, it's hard to look at him

so so so hard

why

///

NOW MARY: what's happening

also WHY are my babies still shackled to my destiny and MY fate and MY soldier class (prisoner-coded garb) when i'm stepping up and driving and protecting???

And Death. Mary has already met Death, so she knows she KNOWS.

Not only has she MET billie at asa's funeral but so many times Death has come for her family. her parents, her husband

now her kids?????

Death got to dean

///

another midnight magic deal

doomed princess

aside/// i agree it's dumb for dean to say that a locked cell was worse that death it's OBJECTIVELY not. But what IS different is it's not a situation where dean feels like it's doomed. Even mary's poor structural supports ARE supports, and so dean was motivated in a different way to get sam out and back to their remaining fam (compare to when he thought bobby burned in 7x02)

I can't be here to support you after all

I want to be

/////

and then there's cas, who's like, i'll do something terrible, become something terrible or do something terrible AND SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES if it keeps you all together, my new precious little doomed family

the world needs you PSYCHE I actually spent this whole episode in a downward spiral the truth is the EYE need you and EYE want you happy... but happy i the way that you're happy w/ each other while i keep my ruinous distance and don't fuck that up for you

which is... no i shan't say... it's... oh god it's like

lebanon john

///////////////

Cas will also fall prey to a dream of the future

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

///

CAS: I won’t let any of you die. And I won’t let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to me. To everything. Yeah, you made a deal. You made a stupid deal, and I broke it. You’re welcome. 12x09

///

EDIT: And wait, no post is complete without Henry:

DEAN: Because [John's] dead! HENRY: No. [He turns away.] SAM: What's it to you? HENRY: Everything. 8x12

///

HENRY: You cannot begin to understand how I felt after reading John's journal. DEAN: Oh, I think I can. See, I've read that thing more times than you can imagine, and it hurts every time. HENRY: Maybe so, but you didn't let him down! I did!  8x12

EDIT: BONUS BONUS

It's so hard when you realize family is everything, and the mission... the dream... it CAN lead you astray into a position where your priorities get all kinds of fucked and it's... sigh.

JOHN: I’m surprised at you, Sammy. Why didn’t you kill it? I thought we saw eye-to-eye on this? Killing this demon comes first – before me, before everything. Sam looks in the rear view mirror at Dean. SAM: No, sir. Not before everything. 1x22

///

DEAN: I don't want to do this, but this is everything! SAM: No, it's not! 15x17

///

CASTIEL: And it was difficult, but necessary. The mission comes first -- always. 10x07

///

HENRY: We saved lives today. We made a difference. This -- our work... It's a noble calling, isn't it? I mean, yes, there's risk, but, gosh. I feel the fool for doubting it for even a second. 9x17

Even our most stalwart champions lose their way. The doubt and the regret they all feel.

It's IMPORTANT.

[prokopetz]

Every time someone tries to explain the metaplot of Supernatural to me, it basically ends up sounding like redneck Dragon Ball Z. I’m sure there’s some nuance I’m failing to grasp here.

[kazorus-deactivated20190626]

Care to elaborate on that?

…I’m not even offended, just absolutely curious.  From the stuff I’ve seen and heard about Supernatural I can’t see the connection.

[prokopetz]

Mostly, I get the impression of a show that doesn’t know how not to escalate.

Every threat’s gotta be quantitatively bigger and badder than the one that came before. Every deus ex machina’s gotta be shinier than the last one. Every season’s gotta end with a massive eleventh-hour powerup for our heroes, only for the next season to raise the stakes enough to put them back in the underdog position.

It’s like, you beat the Devil himself? Well, now you’ve gotta fight the Devil’s cousin Phil, who has conveniently gone entirely unmentioned up until now, but he’s totally twice as evil.

[prokopetz]

That last paragraph was literally supposed to be the most ridiculous hypothetical example I could think of, and people are messaging me to say “his name was Metatron, not Phil”. I can’t even make fun of this show.

[pollsnatural]

Look at the audience of Supernatural con in the show. Like I'm maybe mistaken, but the cons didn't look like this in the reality. This is how the creators wished they looked like.

[shallowseeker]

Dean should have kept up with the times and started jokingly referring to himself as Uber Lyft driver.

[shallowseeker]

nephil meaning to fall, and sam sadly saying of (soulless jack) something to the effect of, “you were right all along / we fell for him”

which says something interesting about sam’s psychology. yes he starts from “we haven’t even tried to save him” but then he slides.

it’s not “we lost him” or “he’s gone”

but “you were right all along / he’s not who want him to be”

as if there hasn’t been a cataclysmic change in jack wrought by his goodness / self sacrifice. at least cas is acknowledging that sacrifice and consequence, and at least dean is also acknowledging the change

but sam reaches to almost… consolidate all of that and collapse it into one package

it’s so interesting

reminds me of chuck “you always cast a jaundiced eye” stuff despite the audience seeing firsthand how the mark eliminates free will thru disinhibition

anyway

sam is dissociating he’s traumatized

but his view of the situationbecomes a bit disingenuous

[shallowseeker]

via @kinky-cas

no i think that’s perfect

sam the calvinist!!!!

i think maybe PK has a post about somewhat retroactive-seeming his all-or-nothing thoughts can be abt his childhood (even though he didn’t seem to always feel that way)

seeming to almost… convert the memories of his past into doomed corruption, now colored by his new knowledge of his demon blood (and i think there’s one too about how he superimposes his demon blood stuff onto his s4 *choices*)

i do think you’re right that jack reveals how they feel about themselves because they lapse into the parental struggle of “extension of me”

sam starts in a reasonable place, taking responsibility for choosing to believe originally, and even for for byzantium’s resurrection events but then!!!! it’s like he lurches just a bit too far and starts flattening it into a doomed timeline

interesting guy

[shallowseeker]

#oh interesting#i dont remeber when he said that#because sam was the only one who was taking responsibility about jacks situation#more than necessary at that#like i chose to bring him back i knew what the spell would do i dropped him on cas and left#so maybe the guilt was too much?#Sam + jack via @my-flying-sister

Yes, he's also very reasonable at turns! Kinda makes me wanna go back and see what triggers the lurching at the various points (there's certainly enough grief and trauma points to rotate around).

///

#i think I know the post you're talking about I'll see if I can find it#sam has a tendency in moments of emotional crisis to tip over from pragmatism into determinism

Yeah, and like. It's the flipside of his beautiful hope and dogged determination! Like a Sam-Reversed card.

@kinky-cas

[kinky-cas]

is this the sam childhood post you were thinking of?

[shallowseeker]

nephil meaning to fall, and sam sadly saying of (soulless jack) something to the effect of, “you were right all along / we fell for him”

which says something interesting about sam’s psychology. yes he starts from “we haven’t even tried to save him” but then he slides.

it’s not “we lost him” or “he’s gone”

but “you were right all along / he’s not who want him to be”

as if there hasn’t been a cataclysmic change in jack wrought by his goodness / self sacrifice. at least cas is acknowledging that sacrifice and consequence, and at least dean is also acknowledging the change

but sam reaches to almost… consolidate all of that and collapse it into one package

it’s so interesting

reminds me of chuck “you always cast a jaundiced eye” stuff despite the audience seeing firsthand how the mark eliminates free will thru disinhibition

anyway

sam is dissociating he’s traumatized

but his view of the situationbecomes a bit disingenuous

[shallowseeker]

via @kinky-cas

no i think that’s perfect

sam the calvinist!!!!

i think maybe PK has a post about somewhat retroactive-seeming his all-or-nothing thoughts can be abt his childhood (even though he didn’t seem to always feel that way)

seeming to almost… convert the memories of his past into doomed corruption, now colored by his new knowledge of his demon blood (and i think there’s one too about how he superimposes his demon blood stuff onto his s4 *choices*)

i do think you’re right that jack reveals how they feel about themselves because they lapse into the parental struggle of “extension of me”

sam starts in a reasonable place, taking responsibility for choosing to believe originally, and even for for byzantium’s resurrection events but then!!!! it’s like he lurches just a bit too far and starts flattening it into a doomed timeline

interesting guy

[shallowseeker]

#oh interesting#i dont remeber when he said that#because sam was the only one who was taking responsibility about jacks situation#more than necessary at that#like i chose to bring him back i knew what the spell would do i dropped him on cas and left#so maybe the guilt was too much?#Sam + jack via @my-flying-sister

Yes, he's also very reasonable at turns! Kinda makes me wanna go back and see what triggers the lurching at the various points (there's certainly enough grief and trauma points to rotate around).

///

#i think I know the post you're talking about I'll see if I can find it#sam has a tendency in moments of emotional crisis to tip over from pragmatism into determinism

Yeah, and like. It's the flipside of his beautiful hope and dogged determination! Like a Sam-Reversed card.

@kinky-cas

[shallowseeker]

I just got to the part in Failure Condition where the collar fails and I literally threw my phone and slapped a hand over my mouth in shock holy shit

ahhhh, yes. the double penetration

[shallowseeker]

Ayyyyy! A Mary Stan! That makes my day. ^_^ I don’t see many of those.

There will be more of us

[shallowseeker]

i think the way cas talks to dumah in 14x19 is at turns a good example of his man men / angels angel talk in action

jack can be “molded”

he can be “salvaged”

that’s not the words cas tends to reach for (prev w jack he used guidance, healing), but w dumah it switches it something more dominant, objectifying

that how he’s luring her

reminds me of how he compliments ishim and mirabel on the dominance and care of their cars vessels