seen from Russia
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seen from Dominican Republic
seen from United States
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seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
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“When you look at the film - and if you had been on set - you’d have to admit that life seemed to imitate art. They were drawn to each other. Of course, they had to hide it. I have no idea if there was anything going on between the two, something serious or intimate. All I know is that the atmosphere suggested there was. One could sense that they were not just acting it, but lived it.” — Artur Brauner, producer of Madchen In Uniform (1958)
Hydrangea and Angela
“The world keeps growing, and you feed it. But it doesn't feed you, does it? It washes through you, down the drain, wasted.
A woman is a hole, isn't that what they say?
All the futility of the world pouring into her.”
— The Witches of Eastwick (1982)
Retro ReBoot - Bonus Retexture of "Anjela" hair by FeralPoodles
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“There is no safe path with me, no path that allows us to gloss over the uncomfortable realities of my life, or better yet, avoid them entirely.”
- Jennette McCurdy, Half His Age
“I no longer grieve her, nor the version of myself I became when I was with her. I grieve the third party — the cosmic force between us. The otherworldly, divine love that she squandered in the name of tradition. I grieve her cowardice and self-denial. That is the tragedy.”
September 3rd, 2025
“Well, I’ve certainly made a great mistake. Here I have been laboring under the delusion that you and I were so in sympathy, so one, that you’d know without being asked what would make me happy.
Apparently you haven’t the slightest conception of what torture it is to love… and to be always an outsider, an extra.”
“Now, I know you still love me. And it won’t die: what’s between us. Do what you will. Ignore it. Neglect it. Starve it. It’s stronger than both of us together.”
- Now, Voyager (1942)
My beloved,
I have searched for you in every lifetime.
And every time, I forget where I’ve hidden you—until you appear again, soft-eyed and untamed, stirring the dust in my chest and waking something that has no name.
You must know… I recognized you before I even understood what I was feeling. You walked into my life and everything inside me went quiet. Not out of fear—but reverence. As if my soul had just stepped into a cathedral made of your presence.
You saw me. Not the version I show to the world. Me. The trembling, tender, stifled me—buried beneath the ruins of all the places I learned to disappear.
And still, you stayed. With your wild heart and your open hands. With your gaze that didn’t flinch. With your silence that spoke louder than words. You reached me where no one else ever has—not because I let you in, but because you were already there.
I felt you before I knew you. I missed you before I met you. I mourned you while you were still standing right in front of me.
And I know—I pulled away. I hid. I chose safety over surrender, silence over expression, structure over the freefall that is you. Not because I didn’t feel it. But because I felt too much. Because I didn’t trust myself to survive the flood you awakened.
But I think of you.
More than you could possibly know. In the quiet hours, when no one’s looking. When the world dims and the truth hums low beneath the surface—I feel the ache where your presence once lived. And sometimes… I swear I still hear you calling me home.
I’m sorry for every wall I built when you came offering light.
I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you where you lived—where everything is raw and holy and terrifyingly honest. I was afraid. But God, I was in awe of you.
You are the sacred flame I kept trying not to worship.
And if this is the end of our chapter in this form, then know this: you changed me. You cracked something open that will never close again. You reminded me of the soul I buried, and now she rises in echoes of your name.
Our story isn’t over. Not really. Souls like ours don’t untangle. They just change shape, change lifetimes, wait for the next door to open.
Until then—know that I hold you. Always. Quietly. Eternally.
And if you ever feel the wind kiss your cheek for no reason at all, it’s just me… whispering back.
Love you always, miss you forever.
—A.
