When it comes to relationships, it is so easy for me to discount others’ good experiences in relationships and be cynical because, quite honestly, I haven’t been in a good one. I have never dated someone I liked (?!?!) and I've almost always felt this sentiment belonging to Anna Holmes:
"I suspect I am not the only woman to become involved with men who profess to value her for her ability to be emotionally present, curious and passionate only to reveal, down the road, an expectation that this sort of generosity of time and energy be restricted solely to interests and activities that include them. I hate the idea that there is a type of person whose impulse when witnessing a partner’s clearly rewarding, other-directed engagement is to react with contempt, not celebration; to expect the prioritizing of one’s own needs far above hers. In my experience, daring to honor my interior life — not to mention my professional commitments — has proved, in the context of coupling, to be a controversial, radical act.”
I was in three weddings in 2014, and attended a total of five. That's a lot of weddings to go to as a single person! And you know, it wasn't bad. My friends are gracious enough to be kind, even when I am the odd wheel.
The first wedding I attended this year, I was in. A close friend from college, and I helped introduce them the summer after freshman year - 8 years in the making. I was on my chairman's rotation during the wedding, and was just grateful to make it at all. I missed the rehearsal dinner. But it was so humbling to see all these people (who had all known for years) celebrate these two people. Their relationship was the first I'd ever seen the ins and outs of - and regardless of anything that happened, they seemed to belong together. I lost it sniffling at some point during the ceremony, with my friend telling me to "get a grip!"
The second was that of a guy from high school, who had crushed on all the math team girls (including myself) at some point and is occasionally insufferable and weird. My good friend found himself asked to be best man, and was surprised - never a good thing. Mom-of-the-bride drama was at its finest. But - the ceremony was absolutely beautiful. The cantor was the cutest little old lady with the most melodic voice, and she made it alternatively funny and touching, manipulating our emotions masterfully. I couldn't help but feel the love.
I was in the third one. Her bachelorette was a bit of a shitshow in terms of her having a bad night and a particularly catty bridesmaid who insisted on being the center of attention. This friend reminds me that everyone defines love in different ways, and for her it means to feel comfortable. I don't think that's what I want but that doesn't make it any less of a valid choice - and part of me could see wanting that, too. I say I want to be challenged intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, that I want to put myself out there. Maybe I'm more of a homebody than I care to admit.
The fourth I was dreading. The bridal shower had been kind of a miserable experience: stressful because of the bride's MIL-to-be, bridesmaid drama - and I wasn't even a bridesmaid. I told the bride I wasn't going to make the wedding because I had class (true statement) and thought it would be rude to just go to the reception. She let me off the hook and said she'd be glad to have me there for just the reception. I got there after driving like a maniac straight form class and was the only single at a table full of couple I didn't know. But of course, God isn't letting me be a cynic. The reception was lovely: the toasts, the first dance, the father-daughter dance that made me cry. And I got to see people I hadn't in a while (that I completely forgot would be there) - a nurse I worked with in the SICU last year was one of the groomsmen, and the bride's brother was the love of my 6th grade life.
The last was about a month ago at home. This was the one where I couldn't quite figure out why I was in the wedding party. The bride and I aren't particularly close. We've known each other forever but had lost touch until this girl and I became besties, and she was the maid of honor. I realized quickly that my job was to keep her sane. The bride is artsy and people-pleasing to an extreme - which meant that no decisions had been made and she got walked all over (specifically by the groomsgal, and on that note, who the fuck has a groomsgal?!?). The groomsgal got WAY too competitive during field day. I decided what order we were walking down the aisle during the rehearsal - a decision I shouldn't be making. I also didn't care for the groom's friends. Most of the bridal party spent the reception boozing in the parking lot - poor taste! The "of honors" and I kept the party going, but UGH. The bride and groom had actually gotten married a year and a half ago, and I was totally judging the whole wedding - until she walked down the aisle and the ceremony was really lovely and he quoted Shakespeare in his vows and everyone was crying. My cynicism and annoyance vanished on the spot, but I still think a good rule of thumb is that you're not allowed to have a huge bridal party until you've been a part of one.
I decided after that wedding that I don't think I really want a wedding party. It would have to be big. It's too stressful to get other people to plan the way you would. My friends and family don't all know each other - why would I put them in a position to organize lingerie parties (no thank you) and stress out about what I would want to do (I can tell you and plan it beautifully) and NO I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT AND DRINK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON.
I mentioned this to a friend and she kind of reminded me what being in a wedding is. It's not that you get to go to a great party. It's not even that you get to help host a great party (parties?) and celebrate a wedding. You're up there supporting a couple. You've vowing alongside them to support this relationship. And I honestly hadn't thought about it that way.
Last this year, but certainly not least, a close friend of mine from college got engaged, in Europe, and I am so very excited for her. He told me about it when I was visiting this summer, and it wasn't easy keeping it on the DL!
Other than all these weddings and engagements, I've had an up-close-and-personal view of a couple relationships and it has been so good. The ups and downs, the hopes and prayers, the difficulties in communication, the joy of being together. I don't get to be a cynic or be holier-than-thou. I even started asking the Christian guys in these relationships what it means, in the day-to-day of their relationships, what it means to lead. I know that sounds really anti-feminist, but that's not how I mean it at all. I just think Ephesians 5 has the right idea. That whole passage starts with verse 21: " Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." That is to say, stop thinking you're the most important. You're not. And I think that's exactly the basis needed for a relationship.
Of course, in all this, throw in this long-distance whatever-it-is. I don't know if it'll go anywhere at all, and that's fine. I was giddy as a schoolgirl over my Christmas gift, and it's lovely. Hopefully we'll get to hang out for reals, and I keep seeking God in the process. I was sitting on the edge of my bed praying last night and it occurred to me to start reading Andy Stanley's Visioneering - I thought it was going to be a career book, but I had this flash of intuition that it wasn't. It's about relationships for me. And unless that person can sit on the edge of my bed and pray with me, it's not something I'm actually going to want. So, we'll see where this leads. I'm open to the possibilities!
Fusion CEO Welcomes Anna Holmes to Growing Fusion Team
Fusion CEO Isaac Lee today announced that Anna Holmes, the founder of Jezebel and an award-winning journalist, has joined Fusion. "When Anna created Jezebel, she set the standard for creating a community and conversations that are infused with humor, intelligence and a diversity of voices. We are extremely excited that she will be leading our Digital Voices team as we establish Fusion as the destination for millennials who are seeking smart, irreverent and unique viewpoints on the news of the day," Lee said.
He noted Anna is "one of the most successful and creative blog editors of the past 10 years and a journalist celebrated for her ability to move between digital and print media."
See how the social sphere reacted here and read Anna's interview with Re/code's Peter Kafka here.
Lee's full message to the Fusion staff below.
Hola Fusion,
I am excited to announce that Anna Holmes, the founder of Jezebel and an award-winning journalist, is joining Fusion as our editor of Digital Voices and Storytelling.
When Anna created Jezebel, she set the standard for creating a community and conversations that are infused with humor, intelligence and a diversity of voices. We are extremely excited that she will be leading our Digital Voices team as we establish Fusion as the destination for millennials who are seeking smart, irreverent and unique viewpoints on the news of the day.
Anna – one of the most successful and creative blog editors of the past 10 years and a journalist celebrated for her ability to move between digital and print media – is probably best known for her work on the website Jezebel, which she founded in 2007. The site, which covers culture through the lens of gender politics, has been a game-changer in the world of women's media, proving that young people who are as passionate about politics and issues of equality as they are about pop culture.
In addition to her ground-breaking work at Jezebel, Anna is an award-winning journalist who has written for numerous publications including The New York Times, Washington Post, The New Yorker online, InStyle and Newsweek. After leaving Jezebel in 2010, Anna worked as a consultant to a number of digital media companies and oversaw the creation and production of her second book, The Book of Jezebel. She is also currently a columnist for The New York Times Sunday Book Review.
Anna will be working closely with Felix Salmon and others to build a stable of contributors and experiment with methods of digital storytelling that are uniquely entertaining, informative, inclusive, and authentic to our young, diverse audience.
Please join me in welcoming Anna to our digital team.
Abrazos,
Isaac
Fusion CEO Isaac Lee today announced to the staff that Anna Holmes, founder of Jezebel, is joining Fusion as Editor of Digital Voices and Storytelling.
Re/code's Peter Kafka spoke to Anna about why she is making the jump to Fusion:
Anna Holmes: Fusion is a cable channel, and they want to supplement it with really great stuff on the digital end. And because of the fact that their audience is made up mostly of millennials, and because they consume stories and the news in ways that are much different than their parents, or even my generation, we want to attract them using the tools that they’re already using themselves, in terms of telling and consuming stories. So that means not just the Internet broadly, but Twitter and Vine and Facebook and Instagram and Tumblr and so on.
The idea is to build the brand among that demographic. Which is not only younger than me, but also much more diverse than my generation. Which is really important to me. Because one of my frustrations for decades now has been that media didn’t reflect the world that I saw around me — the kind of ethnic diversity that is only becoming more prominent in the U.S..
This is the latest hire the network has made to its digital and social media teams in recent weeks – YouTube and Upworthy veteran Hong Qu joined Fusion as Chief Technology Officer; renowned blogger Felix Salmon named Senior Editor; Mariana Santos to oversee interactive storytelling unit; Danilo Lauria to lead micro-video efforts; Margarita Noriega to oversee social media efforts.
Below is some of the reaction.
First @felixsalmon and now @AnnaHolmes. I'm not sure what @ThisIsFusion is up to but I'm sure it'll be interesting. http://t.co/4mY1sFkTxH
— Josh Barro (@jbarro)
May 20, 2014
.@felixsalmon, @margafret and now @AnnaHolmes. That's a hell of a team @ThisIsFusion is putting together http://t.co/w1Hil8CArh
— Stuart Millar (@stuartmillar159)
May 20, 2014
Much more excited/intrigued by @ThisIsFusion now they've hired @AnnaHolmeshttp://t.co/w9spDzltv5
— Andrew Losowsky (@losowsky)
May 20, 2014
Ok @ThisIsFusion is making some hella interesting and awesome hires. Respect.
— stacy-marie ishmael (@s_m_i)
May 20, 2014
Fusion making ALL THE HIRES. Newest: @AnnaHolmes as "editor of Digital Voices and Storytelling" http://t.co/nyN5SDqeTl
— Justin Ellis (@JustinNXT)
May 20, 2014
Genuinely into both Fusion and nuclear fusion.
— Ben Smith (@BuzzFeedBen)
May 20, 2014
Congrats @annaholmes. One of the only recent #journomoves that's actually interesting. http://t.co/LdOch7GRBo
— Joseph Weisenthal (@TheStalwart)
May 20, 2014
— errin haines whack (@emarvelous)
May 20, 2014
This is HUGE! I need to go to Miami! :) RT @felixsalmon: BOOM http://t.co/DN2wDDQLQV … Congratulations @AnnaHolmes
— nunovargas (@nunovargas)
May 20, 2014
Jezebel's Anna Holmes Lands at Fusion, Too - An unanticipated Web talent grab for a fledgling TV channel: First Fe... http://t.co/7YfJYWO0Lr
— The Rayno Report (@RaynoReport)
May 20, 2014
This is a genius move, @ThisIsFusion. Millennials <3 @AnnaHolmes: http://t.co/MOxCgxMfaG
This is a few weeks old, but it is worth a read if you are following the whole Charlie 'Winning' Sheen story and wondering why you feel sort of icky about it. This is why you feel icky about it.
“Gold diggers,” “prostitutes” and “sluts” are just some of the epithets lobbed at the women Mr. Sheen has chosen to spend his time with. Andy Cohen, a senior executive at Bravo and a TV star in his own right, referred to the actor’s current companions, Natalie Kenly and Bree Olson, as “whores” on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” program on Tuesday. Arianna Huffington sarcastically tweeted that Mr. Sheen’s girlfriends “symbolize modesty, loyalty and good taste.” Mr. Sheen’s own nickname for Ms. Kenly and Ms. Olson — “the goddesses” — is in its own way indicative of their perceived interchangeability and disposability.
It’s these sorts of explicit and implicit value judgments that underscore our contempt for women who are assumed to be trading on their sexuality. A woman’s active embrace of the fame monster or participation in the sex industry, we seem to say, means that she compromises her right not to be assaulted, let alone humiliated, insulted or degraded; it’s part of the deal. The promise of a modern Cinderella ending — attention, fame, the love and savings account of a rich man — is always the assumed goal.
"The privilege afforded wealthy white men like Charlie Sheen may not be a particularly new point, but it’s an important one nonetheless. Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are endlessly derided for their extracurricular meltdowns and lack of professionalism on set; the R&B star Chris Brown was made a veritable pariah after beating up his equally, if not more, famous girlfriend, the singer Rihanna. Their careers have all suffered, and understandably so.
This hasn’t been the case with Mr. Sheen, whose behavior has been repeatedly and affectionately dismissed as the antics of a “bad boy” (see: any news article in the past 20 years), a “rock star” (see: Piers Morgan, again) and a “rebel” (see: Andrea Canning’s “20/20” interview on Tuesday). He has in essence, achieved a sort of folk-hero status; on Wednesday, his just-created Twitter account hit a million followers, setting a Guinness World Record."
