#anoddbirb

[autistickitten]

hey kittens, does anyone have any ideas on how to gently/non-confrontationally stop a friend from infantilizing you? my one roommate does this very often and it’s really wearing me down. they order me around and tell me the way i do things is “pointless”. when we go out together they even refer to it as “like taking my dog out for a walk” and say “you’re like having a child. no, you’re more like my pet” they’ve said these specific phrases nearly weekly. i’m hurt and very offended

I only know how to be aggressive and confrontational about things like this, but maybe some kittens with more grace and tact than me will be able to help?

-Brother Cat

[autistickitten]

hi kittens, how do you come out of a nasty shutdown quick? with like damaging stims and nonverbalness the whole nine yards of nasty.. i fell into one and scared/frustrated my friends can’t explain what’s happening during it :< any tips for getting out of one?

I’d say step 1 is explaining to your friends now that it’s over what it was and why it happens before it happens again. That way they don’t get scared by it next time, and they’ll be able to help with step 2. Come up with a method of communication that isn’t verbal, whether it be cards, notes, texts, gestures, whatever works for you.

Step 2 is, when you notice it’s happening, remove yourself (and/or have friends help remove you) from the situation ASAP. Like a pot of water boiling over, the only way to stop it is to take it off the heat. Once you’re out of the stressful environment, try stimming for internal deescalation. Here’s a post with about a hundred things to try!

-Brother Cat

[autistickitten]

hey again kittens, -thank you for the link bro kitten! i usually do leave but i was stuck in the car when it happened :< i’ve warned them before but i guess they didn’t understand, um how do explain damaging stims to those not on the spec.? im not sure how to explain in a non clinical way

I’m a fan of metaphors, so the way I’d try to explain it is like... surgery. Surgery is, by definition, causing harm to lessen harm. Creating a more manageable trauma so the body can heal from a worse one. Every surgeon knows that surgery is the last ditch effort, and that all other methods of healing should be tried first, but sometimes it’s the only option.

Damaging stims are a bit like that. A final effort to manage one harm by managing a different, less harmful harm. If that makes any sense.

-Brother Cat

[autistickitten]

hey do guys ever have trouble with being too agreeable?and then guilty for being diagnosed with something because it causes others to worry about it or, even completely disbelieve it due to fear or lack of connection? and then start kind of disassociating from the diagnosis just to be agreeable? thoughts like 'what if they are right, i dont have this like the doctors said?' 'they're right that didn't happen and if it did it wasn't that bad' turns into 'i don't have this none of that happened'?

Self doubt is extremely common, even after an official diagnosis.

Try to remember that your experiences are yours, they did happen and you definitely don’t have to make yourself agreeable to other people if it’s going to cause you harm !

Hang in there <3

- Sister Cat

[autistickitten]

hey kittens just curious are any of you on ODSP (or the UK or US version if there is one)? i'm getting mixed opinions on applying. my doctor, therapist, and aunt & uncle want me to apply, but my parents are really angry at the idea of applying and say i'm not 'disabled enough' and don't 'actually need the help' so i'm kind of confused? it should be noted im not employed, im a uni student and have no financial support at all except OSAP (i have ASD, PTSD, GAD and i need a hearing aid). thoughts?

Deciding whether or not you are disabled enough to receive help is literally not your parents’ job ! Apply, apply without shame, and let the people who are in charge of deciding whether you qualify for it do their job :)

- Sister Cat

[autistickitten]

hey kittens this wednesday im being evaluated for a diagnosis in PTSD on top of ASD and GAD (got those when i was 9) i've been feeling anxious and irritable for weeks thankfully i hide it very well. but today i accidentally started an old anxious stim of wolfbiting i think i should warn my roommate/friends that my mood is going to change cus i feel fresh out of self control. but im not sure How to tell them, or even what i want them to do with that info (since only 1/3 know this going on) :<

Aw crap I’m sorry we’re too late :( I hope your week and your evaluation still went ok ?

[autistickitten]

hi kittens im feeling all twitchy and grumpy :< my doctors have been trying to get me to get a hearing aid for years since i was 11 and an injury messed up the bones in my left ear my parents were embarrassed so i never got 1. im in my 3rd year of uni and i cant hear lectures, movies or people talking. i have a trial 1 in and the backgroundnoises i can now hear are sending me into sensory overload. how should i explain this to my audiologist?i dont think she knows about my asd is it safe to say?

Oh no that’s awful ! I’m sorry something that’s supposed to help you is harming you instead !

If you don’t want to disclose your ASD, can you talk about sensory overload without mentionning it ? Perhaps by talking about Sensory Processing Disorder instead ? Allistic people can have it too, so it wouldn’t be too weird.

If your audiologist seems like a safe person to disclose to though, I’d say go ahead ! I’d do it in much the same way, say I have sensory issues that cause overload but instead of saying it’s SPD, I’d say it’s because of my autism instead.

- Sister Cat

[autistickitten]

hi kittens in ur experience does it help to explain asd stuff to friends or does it make it worse? i love my friends (and i live with them as roommates) its just been me and friend A at the house this summer this week B came back and A started to change? she's teasing me, excluding me, complaining to B about my 'whining' (i didnt realize i had been i really dont mean to) and B has picked up on it and started too? im very very scared and dont know how to fix things with them without seeming weak

It can go either way, unfortunately, and it can be hard to predict which outcome you’ll get. But standing up for yourself is the least weak thing you can possibly do! They’re practically being schoolyard bullies and there’s no good reason for that. Whether or not you disclose the ASD stuff, they’re being immature and hurtful, and if they care about you they’ll stop if you confront them.

-Brother Cat