i am so so sorry for what your family went through and i want to thank you for sharing your story, even if it was one of the most horrifying things i've read. but that horror is just an ounce of what you've lived through. i have no intention of picking up smoking as a habit but i've always worried what'd happen if i ever did, because i know i'd easily get hooked due to addiciton being common in my family. but my conviction is even stronger now. it's horrofying watching my generation go from having the lowest rates of tobacco addiction to one of the highest now. thank you again and i hope your story convinces others to continue to not smoke or quit smoking entirely
Hey nonny, I don't know if you'll see this, but I wanted to take the time to give you a thoughtful response.
First off, thank you for your kind words. It was a long time ago--a long time ago, in the year 2000--and I've done a lot of work in the last few years with my (wonderful) therapist unpacking and working through this. I'm okay. Like, really. I'm okay. I wasn't, for a long time (for a long time, there were a lot of movies I couldn't watch, because anyone bleeding from the mouth triggered me), but I am, now. I'm okay.
I want to touch a little on your fears, and addiction being common in your family. I was--and am--the same way. I've never had even a sip or taste of alcohol, because of the addition in my family. Same for cigarettes, or weed, or even prescription painkillers (which is tough, because I live with a lot of chronic pain, and I think they could help! But I'm afraid!). The beloved Grampap in the story was an alcoholic for my mom's entire life, up until I was born (he quit drinking, specifically, for me). My Tia died at 39, after a lifetime of addiction. My Dad died before I was born, because he was he was drinking and driving (after a double shift, and taking sleep meds). My Mom was addicted to cigarettes until I was 8 and she finally managed to quit (after like 13 years of trying). There's a looooong history of addiction in my family, and I have been terrified my entire life that I, too, would become addicted to anything and everything (especially because I was told time and time and time again I had an "addictive personality").
Thing is, it's possible. It's absolutely possible I would become addicted to anything and everything. But--big but here--I have not! I'm 38--two weeks away from 39!--and I haven't become addicted to one single substance.
And, yes. That's because I haven't tried those substances. But the point is, it's totally possible to have a family history of addition, and an addictive personality, and the social and environmental factors that are ripe for causing addiction, and to dodge it happening like Neo dodging bullets in the Matrix.
For anyone wanting to quit, my Mom finally managed to quit using the Switch Down and Quit method, where you slowly wean off the actual nicotine by continuing to smoke as normal, but using brands that had less and less nicotine, until you're smoking a fraction of an amount of nicotine every day and it's easier to stop. The book is out of print now (she got it from the library), and the actual charts of which cigarettes have which amounts of nicotine are also out of date, but that info CAN be located! A copy is available on the internet archive:
https://archive.org/details/switchdownquitwh00gaha/mode/2up