Before we begin, I want to stipulate that I have seen every MCU movie and am a fangirl to a stupid degree. That said ... -I know people complain about superhero movies being full of clichés, and I normally don't mind that much, but ... dude. I was mouthing lines along with the actors on the first viewing. Bad sign. -Wait, is Scott Lang an experienced master cat burglar or an electrical engineer who got pissed at his former bosses and pulled off one really incredible job and got caught and sent to prison for it? Because I don't think you can be both of those things at the same time, and I am legitimately confused. -San Quentin seems like a pretty hardcore lockup for a guy who is actually Paul Rudd. Wouldn't a nonviolent burglar be more of a minimum-security type? How badass an electrical engineer is this guy? -Was Darren Cross a LOT more stable when Pym hired him? Because I had him pegged for a Froot Loop the second he started talking, and I have to wonder what that does for investor confidence. Also job interviews when he was young. -It is really impressive that Scott managed to keep up with the ever-changing tastes of his toddler daughter from inside San Quentin, despite the influence of an unhappy ex-wife and an obstructive stepdad. -I'm not a hundred percent sure, but I think Scott might be the leader of Team Broad Ethnic Stereotype. -Is it just me, or did this whole movie spend a ton of time establishing how Hope is a better-qualified superhero than Scott in every way—smarter, tougher, better trained and informed, more experienced with the equipment, and way calmer in a crisis—and then insist that she couldn't wear the suit because Dad said no? I mean, Scott stole the thing. Hope kind of seems like the sort of woman who'd steal the suit and just go do the job herself, what with the whole "it's time-sensitive" and "lots of people will die if I don't" thing. But she doesn't because ... Daddy? I am legitimately confused. -Okay, seriously. WHY did Pym not tell his daughter that like twenty years ago? -Hee hee hee. Tank! -I'm kind of insulted that Paul Rudd found a way back from the microverse and Jan didn't. Because apparently her extensive familiarity with this technology counts for nothing in light of his ability to stick stuff in stuff. If you want to fridge Jan, fine, I have no dog in that fight, but give us a good story, huh? -FALCON! Falcon is here. I love Falcon. I'm annoyed that Falcon is getting beaten up by Paul Rudd, but FALCON! -FALCON! -FAAALCOOOOONNN! -SAM! (Just as important as FALCON!) -Wait, Hope is kissing Scott? I realize that I tend to not understand why movie romances happen, so this may be my personal blind spot, but it kinda looked like Hope would kiss that giant ant before she'd kiss Scott. I'm so confused. -Why does Hope's costume have no sleeves? I'm not seeing a need to violate the structural integrity here. -BUCKY -BUCKY BUCKY BUCKY BUCKY BUCKY -WHY IS NO ONE HELPING HIM OR AT LEAST TALKING TO HIM OR MAYBE GIVING HIM A COOKIE -BUCKYYYYYYYY -I'm pretty sure I just paid eleven bucks for five minutes of Sam Wilson and ninety seconds of Bucky Barnes. Not that that wasn't worth eleven bucks, but come on. -SAM -BUCKY Okay, I'm done.