#antiadvice

[votocis]

I never really got the whole idea ‘you’re not alone’, or ‘someone has it worst’. Honestly? When you’re at that particular moment in your life, there’s a high chance you don’t give a shit about anyone else. It’s your problem at that very moment and it’s bad, and awful and knowing other people suffer too doesn’t help at all, or the fact people have it worse, well ... even worse! How is that on earth supposed to help?

Everything is perfectly fine right now, just got reminded of this idea, so a random rant, here you go

[horoscopesbyscottless-blog]

Diawheaties

               Your magenta chakra (located near the “taint”) is all dull and clogged up and you need to clean that shit out. You can do this by letting go of anything and everything you actually enjoy in life like diabetes and asphyxiation. All you need is a good sit and a freshly painted wall to watch dry while you wait ever so healthily for death. Did you know Wheaties are actually bad for you? Metal fragments dude. Remember when that one guy swallowed a whole band saw because some disgruntled employee down at the General Mill dropped one in his Cheerio box? This is why we don’t eat processed foods. This is why we can’t have anything nice. This is why you need to sit and rethink your life instead of blaming all your fuck ups on forgetting to eat some cereal that morning.

  Your lesser mentioned death foods for the day are;

  Lettuce – “definitely in the danger zone because it’s grown so close to the ground” source - http://www.howtobefit.com/causes-food-poisoning.htm

  Solids – 3000 choking deaths a year. Don’t worry, most of them are children

  Sally Manelly – Man, wash your god damn hands when you handle chicken. I felt your greasy ass cabinet handles…

[horoscopesbyscottless-blog]

Atlantis

               Today you will provoke rabbles and coincide with grumbles. You will form a coup with one hand in your pocket, while the other signs a treaty full of loop holes and fine print. And you will thank Providence that your devious acts went through unhindered. Cheers. The Stars think you’re doing a fine job, but you outta know that 146 days from now, repercussions will happen, and you’re going to have deal with that shit. How appropriate. All you really wanted was success. It’s not fair, we know. But we’re here to remind you that you are indeed the Doctor. You can remedy the cross you bear by giving it back to Mr Duplicity. Think about it. While you fuck her.

  You’re current event headlines for the day are;

  Terminator 2 released on Netflix, Doomsday Preppers taken seriously

  Walmart boycotted, Target enjoys record sales

  Hippies were right environment “not in the best condition”

[horoscopesbyscottless-blog]

Sword and Cup

               Today is a big day for you. You will slide into victory with your hands cupped and extended and ready to receive reward. Your eyes are watery with innocence,  and you smile big enough to crack your chapped lips. Until now, every social interaction has been a shake-less hand against a turned cheek. But today you will be noticed. You will be asked, “Pardon me, but I’m trying to get to Lagrange and, you won’t believe this, but my car got attacked by a chupacabra and it chewed up all my gas money…” And you shall spare the change. And the Stars above totally approve your questionably selfless act. But your hands remain empty. And you’re still thirsty for density, and hungry for Mc Frys, in which you can no longer afford. Maybe you’re not supposed to get anything? Maybe that would be counterproductive? Then you will walk home with your hands in your pockets, safe from ransom. You get home and begin to tweeter the experience. But WAIT. Then you would be shoving you’re righteousness in everyone’s face! Every “Like” would put you further in the hole! Fuck! You close Twinker and stare at your keyboard for a bit. Its clean. ITS CLEAN. If you had bought the Mc Frys you would’ve gotten transmitter fat all over it. Now you don’t have to clean it. You were rewarded without choice. Because the bottom line is; you can’t do anything about a broken toe.

You un-educational children’s toys for the day are;

  That Ghost Buster’s Toilet Monster

  Life Jackets

  Loose GI Joe legs

[llamathievery]

Very Fine Advice

NOT!

For some reason, people seem to think I'm completely unaware of the fact that time is ticking and I still haven't taken my ACT. "You should've taken it at least three times by now" and "Wow, you should really get on that." are among the most common ones. First off, I pray to God that I don't need to take it three times. Secondly, I want to thank these people for their sound advice, I never would have known that I should "get on that" if it had not been for them intervening with their great words of wisdom. 

I know I seem to be a bit (yeah, don't judge. Compared to my normal self it really is just a bit) sarcastic. It's just that people seem to think I don't grasp the realization of how important this one singular test is. You know, maybe I want to skip it and be a hobo or a spy. A hobo spy perhaps. Those are two fine choices that each carry their own form of honor in some way or another. Or I just may take the test when I'M ready, get a great score the FIRST time around, and go off to college to start a long journey of obtaining a PhD in Psychology and becoming a Psychologist.

Another thing that bothers me is when people ask me "What do you want to be?" and "What do you want to do?". I know what answer they're looking for, but it's not mine. I want to be happy, content, a good Christian, and above all, I want to be the best person I can be!. You know what I want to do? I want to live life, try new things, help people, and see the world! Scratch world, I'd be happy seeing the Spam Museum, visiting the Smithsonian, or even seeing the ocean for the first time. Yeah I'd give anything to visit England or Ireland or Germany, but I'd be just as happy seeing those other places as well. 

I know I seem to be perturbed but I'm really just tired of people expecting all these things that I don't even expect of myself. Hope I didn't bore you too much. Thanks for reading!

~Jo

[bite-sized-beauty]

What would Carrie do?

Every time I have a tough decision to make, I think, "What would Carrie do?"...then I do the exact opposite. Works every time!