#antigonies

[soracities]

birthday moodboard for the ever luminous @antigonies

“Are you there? Are you soaked in dreams still?[…] Did I say the light was touching everything?” (Robert Hass)

[antigonies]

I am becoming more unknowable with age. 

I see my friends less, pretend to be ok with it. 

Sometimes I almost am, especially on Mondays.

 I never expected growing up to hurt like this, 

I mean, so ordinarily. I wanted thunderstorms 

before the great epiphany, not this constant 

toothache, a Sunday afternoon in every second. 

I am sorry for the love, the waste. 

The years of compromising, most to come. 

In the spirit of October, I want to say what's haunting me, 

but it's October itself, the past, the fallen lovers,

 the ghost courage. (So many things hurt 

without even being there, because they are not there.)

You can hear it in the gentle howling of the wind: 

lonely, lonely, lonely. 

On most days, I have myself, and that is enough. 

Sometimes, not even that.

[soracities]

Rules: Answer the questions with the first letter of your name, then tag 10 people. If the person who tagged you has the same initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use the same word twice.

tagged by the ever fabulous @writingletterstoshakespeare

what is your name? mim

a four letter word? musk

a boy’s name? Matthias

an occupation? mountaineer

something you wear? masks

a colour? mauve

a food? madeira cake

a place? Moscow

something you shout? missives (???)

a movie title? Mulan

something you drink? mulled wine

an animal? manx cat

a type of car? mustang

title of a song? manhã de carnaval by elizete cardoso

i tag @luthienne @archistratego @pherelpis @fleotende @deerbheth @antigonies & anyone else who wants to

[antigonies]

In the dark, you tell me of the boys you wished you'd kissed by now and the man your father would want you to be. You are not that man, even if you go on pretending. I have always known your heart would have the best of you. What luck. The world is cruel to us but we know better, talk ourselves out of loneliness, take kindness for granted, believe there is nothing in this or any country that can hurt us more than we have hurt ourselves.

Gadea, A poem for G. (excerpt)

[florizels]

But this: that one can contain death, the whole of death, even before life has begun, can hold it to one's heart gently, and not refuse to go on living, is inexpressible.

Rainer Maria Rilke, Excerpt of Duino Elegies

[florizels]

'These days, loneliness fills me with an excruciating dread; loneliness in my home, beside the fire, in the evening. I seem to be all alone on earth, horribly alone but surrounded by vague dangers, strange, terrible things; and the wall between me and my unknown neighbour makes him seem as distant from me as the stars which I can see through my window. I feel a sort of fever, agonizing, terrifying fever and the silent walls of my room fill me with horror. The silence of a room in which you're living all alone is terribly profound and sad. It's a silence that envelops not only your body but your soul and when you hear the furniture creak, it makes your heart jump because in the dismal silence all around, you don't expect to hear any sound.'

Guy de Maupassant, Bel-Ami

[florizels]

Girls are cruelest to themselves. Someone like Emily Brontë, who remained a girl all her life despite her body as a woman, had cruelty drifted up in all the cracks of her like spring snow.

Anne Carson, Excerpt of The Glass Essay from Glass, Irony and God

[florizels]

It was a November night of wind. Leaves tore past the window. God had the book of life open at PLEASURE. and was holding the pages down with one hand because of the wind from the door. For I made their flesh as a sieve wrote God at the top of the page then listed in order: Alcohol Blood Gratitude Memory Semen Song Tears Time.

Anne Carson, ‘God’s List of Liquids’ from The Truth About God