#anxietydemon

[thetravelingtotoros]

Well...this trip has started out a bit rocky. The other guardians stayed home, so it’s just me and the senior guardian. Sadly, the anxiety demon won out, but the other guardian is staying safe at home with her security person, so she’s okay. I hope I can live up to the expectations...#impossibletask #totoro #anxietydemon #changeofplans #seniorguardian https://www.instagram.com/p/BnbDsxFBbqH/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=beykdowh1qe7

[anxietydemon-blog1]

What I think it feels like to have social anxiety. Most days, not every day, I experience only what I can describe as background noise of an impeding sense of doom. You ever had that feeling? Similar to when you're seriously in trouble with your parents or whatever? Well, it feels like I'm about to endure something bad. My heart feels like it's bouncing around in my chest, I'm irritable and snappy, sometimes even a bit shakey. Lately, this background noise gets louder and more intense around people. Social anxiety. It's a good excuse, really, to be socially inept and awkward. I can't make friends anymore, hell I don't have friends anymore, and I know it's my own doing of course. I struggle to build strong relationships. Mostly because, when you're talking I'm not listening fully. Instead I'm watching your eye contact with me, I'm picking apart your tone and the words you choose. I'm paying close attention to your body language and your attention span. I'm not a people person and because I read too much into these little things that most people don't care for, I've segregated myself in to my own box.