I would love to allow you to info dump about football, but I am afraid im not even quite sure of how the game is played. Anyways you can use this ask as an excuse to talk about whatever football thing you want
for sure!
@andespeppermintcandies sent a similar ask so i’ll just kill two birds with one stone
long post warning—like REALLY long post warning. you told me to info dump lol—Maybe this’ll help the outsiders fandom somehow idk
Setup
The NFL is made up of two conferences: the AFC (American Football Conference) and the NFC (National Football Conference). there are 16 teams in each conference, and there are four divisions in each conference: the AFC East, the AFC West, the AFC North, the AFC South, the NFC East, the NFC West, the NFC North and the NFC South. There are four teams in each division. There’s no real reason why the teams are in the AFC or the NFC, I think it was randomized or something.
I’ll list the teams in each division and their record as of week 16! (First number in parenthesis is the number of wins, second number is losses, and third (if applicable) is tie games. This is as far as week 16)*
AFC
AFC East
New England Patriots (12-3)
Buffalo Bills (11-4)
Miami Dolphins (6-9)
New York Jets (3-12)
AFC West
Denver Broncos (12-3)
Los Angeles Chargers (11-4)
Kansas City Chiefs (6-9)
Las Vegas Raiders (2-13)
AFC North
Pittsburgh Steelers (9-6)
Baltimore Ravens (7-8)
Cincinnati Bengals (5-10)
Cleveland Browns (3-12)
AFC South
Jacksonville Jaguars (11-4)
Houston Texans (10-5)
Indianapolis Colts (8-6)
Tennessee Titans (3-12)
NFC
NFC East
Philadelphia Eagles (10-5)
Dallas Cowboys (6-8-1)
Washington Commanders (4-11)
New York Giants (2-13)
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks (12-3)
Los Angeles Rams (11-4)
San Francisco 49ers (10-4)
Arizona Cardinals (3-12)
NFC North
Chicago Bears (12-3)
Green Bay Packers (9-4-1)
Detroit Lions (8-7)
Minnesota Vikings (7-8)
NFC South
Carolina Panthers (8-7)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-8)
Atlanta Falcons (6-9)
New Orleans Saints (5-10)
*(Note: I know each record adds up to 14 or 15, that’s because each team has a bye week in which they don’t play for a week, and the colts/49ers play tomorrow to close out week 16.)
How playoffs are decided
There’s a system called the NFL Seeding. There are 7 seeds (or spots) available to be in the playoffs. The top four seeds are reserved for each division’s leader. So for example, the teams that lead the AFC East, the AFC West, the AFC South and the AFC North at the end of the season are guaranteed a playoff spot, which also guarantees them home games/home field advantage. Same thing in the NFC. The 5th-7th seeds are “wild cards”, or the teams that weren’t divisional leaders, but had the best records outside of the divisional leaders for the season. at that point, divisions don’t matter completely. just whoever has the best records. so right now, if the season ended, these teams would be in the playoffs (in order)
AFC
Denver Broncos (12-3, leading AFC West)
New England Patriots (12-3, leading AFC East)
Jacksonville Jaguars (11-4, leading AFC South)
Pittsburgh Steelers (9-6, leading AFC North)
Los Angeles Chargers (11-4)
Buffalo Bills (11-4)
Houston Texans (10-5)
NFC
Seattle Seahawks (12-3, leading NFC West)
Chicago Bears (12-3, leading NFC North)
Philadelphia Eagles (10-5, leading NFC East)
Carolina Panthers (8-7, leading NFC South)
Los Angeles Rams (11-4)
San Francisco 49ers (10-4)
Green Bay Packers (9-5-1)
Eliminated teams (As of Week 16)
AFC
Kansas City Chiefs
Miami Dolphins
Cincinnati Bengals
New York Jets
Tennessee Titans
Cleveland Browns
Las Vegas Raiders
NFC
Minnesota Vikings
Dallas Cowboys
Atlanta Falcons
New Orleans Saints
Washington Commanders
Arizona Cardinals
New York Giants
So for example, the Buffalo Bills have more wins than the Pittsburgh Steelers but are a lower seed than them. This is because the Steelers are leading their division and have a playoff spot as of now, while the Bills have the 2nd highest record in the AFC, not including the divisional leaders. Ties are kinda like a half win. A tie isn’t as good as a win but it’s not as bad as a loss.
However, games against divisional rivals mean a lot. That’s how they determine record ties and who wins in a tie. For example, the Buffalo Bills have the same record as the Los Angeles Chargers, yet they’re ranked lower. This is because the Bills lost to the Patriots in week 5 and the Dolphins in Week 10, both of whom are the Bills division rivals if you look at the divisions I listed above. However, the Chargers haven’t lost a single divisional game (against the Broncos, Chiefs or Raiders). So since they have more divisional wins than the Bills, they’re ranked higher than them.
Playoffs
Once all 7 seeds for each division are decided, the playoffs start. It’s a series of three games, and if a team wants to go to the super bowl, they need to win all three consecutive games. The number 1 seed in each conference doesn’t play the first week in the playoffs, so it’s like a bye week. They only have to play 2 games. But for all the other teams, it’s 3. And unlike the regular season, AFC teams won’t play NFC teams until the super bowl. The playoffs decide who’s going to be the champion of each conference. The divisional leaders get the benefit of having games at home while wild card teams have to play all their games on the road. But after those 3 weeks, it’s time for the super bowl. Which I’ll skip over.
Positions
I won’t go over every position, but I’ll go over the basic ones since there are over 20 specific positions and I can lump some together without needing to go through all the specific roles.
Offense
Quarterback (QB) — leads the team, throws/hands the ball off to either players, runs
Runningback (RB) — runs with and catches the ball, blocks opposing passes
Fullback (FB) — blocks passes and runs short distances
Wide receivers (WR) — runs and catches the ball from long distances
Tight end (TE) — blocks passes (similar to a lineman) and catches (like a receiver would)
Offensive line (OL) (includes Guards, Tackles and a Center) — Protects the Quarterback, runs the ball
Defense
Defensive line (DL) (Tackles, Centers and Guards)— Put pressure on the opposing quarterback, tackle and stops runs by tackling
Linebackers (LB) — tackle and stops runs the opposing quarterback and runners from scoring or getting downs
Defensive Backs (DB) (Cornerbacks and Safeties) — tackle and cover receivers
Special Teams (Don’t play, sans specific times)
Kicker (K) — Kicks for kickoff, field goals and the extra touchdown point, if the team elects to go for one extra point instead of 2
Punter (P) — Kicks the ball downfield on a 4th down if the team elects to punt or after touchdowns are scored.
Long Snapper (LS) — Snaps the ball for punts (AKA doing the thing where you pass the ball between your legs)
Holder (H) — Holds the ball for the kicker
Returner (R) — Exactly what you think it is. They return punts and kicks.
They have backup people in case of injuries—best way I can explain it to non sports people (though it mostly works with theater kids) is they’re basically an understudy in case the main person is hurt or otherwise can’t play. Sometimes players are hurt, sometimes they’re sick, sometimes they’re benched for disciplinary reasons or because the coach just decided to bench that person.
How to play
The kickoff is decided by a coin toss, in which the visiting team picks heads or tails. They can elect to kick the ball (and not have possession of it first, but they would have it after halftime), or they can elect to receive the ball first and not have it after halftime. After that, there are a series of four “downs”, or attempts to run a certain amount of yards. 1st down means you have 4 tries, 2nd down means 3, 3rd means 2 and 4th is your last try.
The play always starts on 1st & 10, meaning the team still has 4 tries to run 10 yards without being blocked by the opposing team. if you make the 10 yards, you get another 1st down to run even further down the field. If not, you’re at 2nd down and you subtract off the number of yards you already ran. If you make it that time, it’s a 1st down. If not, you go to 3rd. So on and so forth until you get to 4th down. If you’re at 4th down, you can either try to run the ball and risk needing to give it to the other team where you ended up, or you can elect to punt it so the other team has to start wherever the punt is caught and ran to.
The number of yards you may need to run varies—usually it’s 10, but it can be less, it can be more. Penalties (usually holding (holding the player with the ball for a long period of time), pass interference (pushing or roughing someone who’s about to catch the ball), personal fouls (rough play) and others) can lead to an increase in yards, usually by either 5 or 10. So say instead of having a 1st and 10, you get a penalty and now you have to run 20 yards to get a 1st down. Or, in some cases, a penalty can give the opposing team an automatic 1st down, giving them another 4 chances at advancing on the field.
The overall goal is to run the 100 yards to the end of the football field. The field is split in half—one side for the home team, one half for the away. Each isn50 yards. The main goal is to get into the other team’s endzone to score a touchdown. You can also get a field goal. If you’ve seen those yellow fork looking things at a football game, that’s what you need to kick the ball through to get a field goal.
Points
Touchdown (worth 6 points on its own)— This is when one team runs the ball to the other team’s endzone. The ball has to be in the endzone, but a person’s body doesn’t gave to be. You have to hold onto the ball and can’t fumble or drop it in the endzone.
Touchdown (worth 7 points, electing 1 extra point) — The kicker needs to kick the ball through the yellow fork looking thing to get the extra point. If they miss, the touchdown is only worth 6. If they make it, it’s worth 7.
Touchdown (worth 8 points, electing for 2 extra points) — The team needs to rerun the ball into the end zone from the 2 yard line. If they fail, there’s no extra points. If they do get it in, it’s 8 points total for the touchdown.
Field goal (worth 3 points) — If a team runs out of downs to get a run through the end zone, they may be within field goal range (usually the 30-35 yard line). The kicker needs to kick the ball through the yellow fork thing. If they make it, it’s 3 points and the other team gets the ball. If not, nothing and it’s the other team’s ball.
Safety (worth 2 points) — This is awarded when a defensive player manages to tackle the whoever has the ball on the opposing team into their own end zone. So say it’s the Bills vs the Lions. If a Bills defensive player tackles a Lions player who has the ball in their hands into the Lions endzone, the Bills would be awarded 2 points for doing this.
Plays and Faults
These are kinda just words I’ve thrown around that people have been confused about so I’ll share
Interception — When one team throws the ball and the other team catches it, giving the opposing team the ball
Fumble — When a player lets go of the ball (usually while being tackled or during a failed catch) and its picked up by the other team
Pick Six — When the ball is intercepted by the opposing team and is ran in for a touchdown
Incomplete Pass — the ball is thrown but is not caught
Turnover — When the ball is given to the other team through an interception or fumble
Turnover on Downs — failure to get the necessary yardage in your 4 downs, giving up possession of the ball
Tush Push — Popularized by the Eagles, it’s usually used on really small plays (like if you need a yard or two to get a first down/touchdown), so the team surrounds the quarterback and pushes him forward, usually to help secure that first down, sometimes touchdown.
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I think that’s everything I’ve got! Idk I just got into it in like…April lol, wheeler the draft pick was. So I’ve been kinda obsessed lately lmao—glad to be able to ramble! Hope this helps someone, lmao
this isn’t to shit on things ppl like just as a preface, i’m just talking into the void here
i’ve never really liked adult cartoons. it’s not even really that they’re raunchy and controversial just for the sake of it, although that definitely sucks. i think it’s that it feels like a bastardization. that’s not to say cartoons are inherently innocent or anything, every good cartoon has at least one episode that makes you wonder how it was ever greenlit for a children’s show, but that’s different. that usually has a purpose. adult cartoons corrupt the medium just for the thrill of it
i guess the most honest way i can describe it is that most of them just make me feel icky and i can’t really put my finger on why. some of them are okay though! i’ve never actually watched king of the hill, but it seems alright, and i actually liked sealab 2021 and xavier renegade angel! i don’t know why that is, it just is
in particular though i really don’t like south park or smiling friends. those really give me the ick, and seeing anything south park just makes me a little bit angry for some reason??? again, not to shit on things people like, if you like them that’s totally 100% fine and i support you! it’s just really not my thing
ok listen and the other problem is THE FILM IS SO GOOD. like i told myself no comparing but i need to be so fr. i was always gonna compare and sorry but girl listen
ok also my brain has been in dune mode since the movie came out, and today I was having a random convo with some coworkers and we were not talking about dune even a little, but it still took everything in me to not ask them if they had seen dune and I think that was brave of me
