I turn 19 today
Hi everyone, it’s your girl Shay. I am going to start out by saying thank you to all of you guys, my followers. Although I don’t really put a lot of personal stuff on my blogs, I am very happy to have talked to some of you and the support you guys have given me over the years.
A year ago I was welcomed into adulthood (well the legal age of one) and of course like many others it was not an easy transition and it still isn’t as I know I still have much to grow on. All I can say is that this past year as changed me and I can only hope it has changed me for the better. My 18 birthday was very different from my previous due to an idiotic issue with my mother which then proceeded to an idiotic issue with my father. I remember crying before it was even noon to my sister and asking, “Why was I even born? Why did they have another child? Why are they so fucking stupid?” I remember texting one of my best friends crying and not knowing what to do because I was so lost. I hate how much that day still bothers me even after all this time, I hate how much I still get mad and how I can remember every emotion I felt that day, I hate that my mother had the gull to cry to me about the dumbest issue any mother could cry about. I hate that writing this now a part of me wants to cry all over again.
In this year I was extremely stressed be it from getting rejected from the one university I applied to and then re applying for another and wishing everything went well, or familial issue that have yet to be resolved. I have cried quite a bit this past year but even with all the issues I asked myself why? Why was I crying over the same thing again? Everything was said and done and nothing could be done about it. So, after sometime I noticed I reverted back to the same way I acted my sophomore year in HS, I hid every emotion as best as I could. Looking back to everything from a year ago, hell even six months ago, I remember thinking of stupid stuff. I was in a constant state of depression and a part of me just didn’t want to talk, not even to my sister, or my two best friends. I knew it was bad when I didn’t even want to talk to my sister and just wanted to stay put. I never wanted to get out of bed, I always felt sad, agitated, irritable, annoyed, and most of all I didn’t want to deal with anyone or anything. I wanted to stay where I was. Even now I still have these tendencies, but I don’t know what came over me, I don’t know how I got up in the first place.
I got accepted into another university and gained some freedom in my life, although a little, it is more than I used to have and I cherish that. I know I am still very dependent on others at the moment and I hope to be able to change that in the coming year or so. I truly hope that one day I can let go of these burdens and bad memories along with many others. I want to thank those who helped me when I was in my worst moments and even if they didn’t know I want them to know they more for me than I could have ever imagined.
I love you Unni!! @eruriwhere You are the best big sister I could have ever asked/wished for and I am so thankful for everything you have done for me, which was everything in my life. (I will cut it short here because I know you don’t do the warm and fuzzies or anything close to it but I can’t help it. Plus I can just tell you in person ^3^)
I also want to say thank you so much for everything since we first met in 3rd grade to our growing friendship throughout HS and on. From smoke that crack to Jabooty inside jokes, I love you like a sister and love when we catch up even after time when we haven’t talked in a long while, @jeezlouisee I am so grateful to have you as one my closest and best friends.
Last but certainly not the least, a girl I met almost three years ago on this crazy site from a post I made back when I got Kyuhyun’s At Gwanghwamun album and poster. I never would have imagined those few ask and messages would have lead to three years of an amazing friendship, even with its ups and downs you were there when I needed to talk or had stuff on my mind. Thank you and I love you, as much as you love Soft Taco and Sean, @minho-dabs
