#apricity posts

[apricitic]

on purpose!!! love people on purpose!!! find someone wonderful and love them and tell them it wasn’t an accident, you had a choice, you saw who they were and realized how lovely it would be to love them, and it is!!! i made a good decision! i love you on purpose!!!

[apricitic]

a note on people who always say “i don’t mind” whenever you ask where they want to eat/what they want to watch/etc:

usually this is because they’ve been punished in the past for voicing their opinions, not because they’re out to annoy you specifically. depending on how much flack they used to receive, it can be very stressful for them if you try and force them to offer up an idea.

(edit: this was based off what my friends had told me about why they don’t like choosing things, it’s come to my attention anxiety at large is a much more common reason! although I will say this point wasn’t about abuse specifically, just any type of teasing/bullying/demeaning response to someone giving an opinion. there are many reasons people can feel uncomfortable voicing opinions, and they’re all understandable— I never intended to imply otherwise.)

a lot of my friends who do this appreciate me giving out like... three options. pick three different things that you will be happy to do any of and ask which of those three options they’d prefer. it removes the fear of “what if they don’t like my suggestion” without erasing their option to chose and have preferences so, you know, good all around

[apricitic]

Yes, sure, my trauma affected me.

Do you know what else affected me?

Dancing under the glow of LED strip lights with my best friend at 3am. The pair of shoes my godmother gave me with the cute little bows that I wear for good luck. My girlfriend laughing so hard at my joke she had tears on her face. The hours and hours I’ve spent scribbling in the margins of books. Buying the ugliest sweater at goodwill because it made all my friends grin. Listening to that song on repeat while I swayed through the halls at school, smiling in response to all the weird looks people sent me.

I’m never going to just be the bad parts. I refuse to be boiled down to just the bad parts. Every moment of my life has affected me in some way, more than even just the parts I remember, and there has been beauty contained within and surrounding all the grotesquities.

[apricitic]

I am alright as I am now. I am good enough, right now. I am still scared, I am still insecure, I am still difficult to love. These things may change forever later in my life, they may never change fully, they may transform entirely. All of who I am though, right this second, is worthy of love and if the universe itself conspires to keep me from love I will build a reservoir of it so deep inside myself that all hate will drown

[apricitic]

being traumatized doesn’t make you unloveable. having paranoia, anxiety, or ptsd from trauma doesn’t make you unworthy of love. there will be people who will be able to see the love in your heart and return that love back to you full force. remember this, and don’t settle for less.

[apricitic]

today in linguistics i learned that the word “butterfly” is viewed as particularly pretty/cute in almost every language on the planet

[apricitic]

types of pink

flushed pink: barely tinted pink. giggles that came like champagne bubbles and lingering smiles in the following silence

lipgloss pink: glittering pink. kind words and patient ears, always a tissue on hand to dry off tears

sweaty pink: rosewood pink. the heat of hard work right before a relaxing shower

sunrise pink: warm pink. productivity, brunch, bullet journals, hearts doodled in the margins of books

sylveon pink: rouge pink. the color of your childhood stuffed animal that helped you stop crying

infatuation pink: stage light pink. everyone can't help but look, a glow of sweetness set upon a person

[apricitic]

things i want my kids to unequivocally know

you are going to make mistakes. like, a lot of mistakes. that’s okay

sometimes you’re going to mistakes so bad that someone can’t forgive you, and sometimes other people are going to make mistakes so bad you can’t bring yourself to forgive them. this is also okay. you can not force forgiveness, even with all the love on the planet

gut instincts are based on things your subconscious is processing, which means there are facts leading you to discomfort and it is rational. trust yourself

you never have to touch or be touched in any way or by anyone you don’t want. this goes for hugging relatives, kissing my cheek, anything

someone being upset does not mean you owe them physical affection. if an adult is upset and asks you for a hug, and you don’t want to give them one, you don’t have to just because they are upset

sometimes i will outright say no to letting you do things, but i will always explain the why. never be scared of asking me why i made a decision

i am here for you, but i am not here to control you. you have the right to privacy. if anything is ever making you uncomfortable or scared, you will be able to hide it from me if you really want to. but i want to know because i want to help, not because i want to get you in trouble 

stuffed animal name selection process if very important. i recommend we do some investigation together to help you decide on a best one 

you do not need to like things just because i like them. youre allowed to have your own opinions 

my love for you is not conditional upon anything. my love is not based on you being happy, on you being charming, on you getting good grades, on your gender, on who you love, on how abled you are, my love for you is because of you and not how you will get labeled

if you want to talk, i am here to talk. if you want to not talk, i am here to watch cartoons in silence. if you need comfort food, we’re having mac’n’cheese tonight. if you need space, i will read in my room. if you need fun, it’s time for a pillow fort. if you need to cry, i will get some tissues and hold you close

i love you. past the moon, detouring to all the stars, walking around the edge of the universe for a while, and then back. forever. i love you