#aqua-tan

[technoneko-2000]

☆ art by Kusumi Seika, circa 2001 ☆

[kiriphite]

those two baddies from Naruto you like (sorry Idk know their names, but they look lovely together, plus I like hearing you talk about them). + Cherry Magic AU [let the ninjas do a corporate job and be a gay mess]

Thanks so much for your patience while I answered this! I haven't seen Cherry Magic at all, but I have it on good authority that if I've seen any BL where one of the main plot devices (or the only plot device) is miscommunication, then I've basically seen Cherry Magic. I'll be taking my best stab at what I think the show is while making this AU. Also, thank you so much for enjoying my yammering about Kisame and Itachi, I do love it when the ninjas are a hot gay mess.

On another note, I just started reading "The Isekai World's Books Depend on the Corporate Slave," or "Isekai Office Worker" for short, so I'll be giving you two freebie headcanons of an AU of that for KisaIta as well to make up for my lack of knowledge about Cherry Magic.

AU Headcanons Ask Post for those who’d like it!

So, based on the full title of Cherry Magic, I know it's based on that trope where if you're a virgin for 30 years, you become a wizard. And from my own recollection, I know one of them gets the ability to read minds, but is still so horrendously oblivious he can't understand the main interest is gay for him, and keeps thinking the love interest is straight. Unfortunately, one of KisaIta's best strengths is their communication, so this is a difficult AU to do for them fadsjdsll. I'll do my best interpretation of Suitable Arrangement by Ant_Bee to achieve this, since they've written one of the best cases of KisaIta miscommunication I've ever seen. Between the two of them, I think Itachi has the mind reading power, since he's more likely to overthink and not be used to interpreting people's more intimate/personal thoughts and could potentially be dense about it (is more likely to write those off or make excuses for certain thoughts to himself.) Meanwhile, it's very easy to interpret Kisame either way, as either having sexual experience, or being somewhere on the asexual spectrum and while he's not shy about sexuality or intimacy, he just hasn't had anyone catch his interest until Itachi. So I want to make Kisame Itachi-sexual and a 45-year old virgin with the ability to control water on a small scale and talk to sharks. Also, since I'm unlikely to make this an actual fic or anything anytime soon, I'll leave it to audience choice if Kisame is canon shark man Kisame, or Black/half-Black half-Japanese Kisame.

I think the premise will be just a little ridiculous, but the rest will be pretty grounded of like "I can maybe see this happening in real life, or at least suspend my disbelief and pretend this is a scenario that could happen IRL." I think Itachi's main job is being a corporate mercenary, where companies can hire him to work for rival companies and ruin their sales from the inside for a specified amount of time, or do other kinds of sabotage. I think he's been doing this since he was 22, and is just great at doing cold reads of people, and eventually he developed the perfect power to accompany this skill at 30. I think the Uchiha family tends to have kids when they're older to maximize the amount of time they have access to their powers, and they all tend to develop these genjutsu, mind manipulation-y powers like creating illusions, reading minds, copying skills and techniques, type of things. So a lot of them go into more high profile fields like lawyers, CEO, intelligence gathering, etc. So Itachi just being a salary man basically makes him kind of a black sheep in the family, but he's good at it, it makes a lot of money, and keeps Sasuke out of the typical Uchiha jobs as well so he can pursue a more artsy path in life, so why should he change. His most recent job is to ruin Seven Swords Seafood and Cookware. I think it's just funny if the Seven Swords in this AU sell knives and manage fisheries.

I'm going to base some of this on my favorite salarymen BL, Akuheki by iimo, because that's my strongest understanding of salarymen BL since it actually has the business stuff be a main plot point. But, basically, Kisame is Itachi's senpai in the company and shows him around, and Itachi discovers he's basically a 45 year old virgin who uses his water manipulation powers to pull neat tricks at the water cooler and make heating up instant ramen more fun by making shapes with the steam while he waits. Itachi is immediately like, "I need him carnally, but that would destroy my entire life's work." So to continue denying his feelings and the way that Kisame is flirting with him and is surprised by how much he likes Itachi, Itachi finds a woman co-worker from an affluent family who's interested in Kisame as well, but her family is particularly picky that she marries a man of status. So Itachi gets sidetracked on the side quest to turn Kisame into her family's ideal man by getting him promoted to section chief and all these other nitpicky requirements. Meanwhile Kisame's just... "wow, Itachi-san is really good at his job and likes me a lot, I'm excited to ask him out on a date to my favorite restaurant."

Most of the external tension and conflict is going to come from Itachi wanting to quit his job because he genuinely wants to be with Kisame. Eventually Sasuke encourages him to go for it, because when's the next Kisame going to come into his life? So Itachi eventually fakes his death and hides out in this remote village where his company will never find him, and sets up a nice house near the beach and a fishing boat for them to live at, and Kisame eventually finds him there.

I do think that Itachi has a friend at his company who vouches for him dying, and even if the company finds out that Itachi's still alive, the friend will confirm that he's no longer a virgin, and therefore no longer useful, or a threat to them, so leave him alone. I think Itachi finally getting rid of his power and embracing Kisame fully would be such a nice symbolic thing, and it's a pretense he hides behind, but they both know that it's truly Itachi choosing Kisame and wanting to do this with him.

Also, here's your bonus Isekai Office Worker headcanons:

Isekai Office Worker is about Kondou Seiichirou who stumbles on a young woman getting sucked into a portal. When he fails to pull her from the portal, they both get sucked into it and sent to a fantasy world, where Yua is a saint who will save the fantasy world from a curse called the "Miasma" while Seiichirou asks for work, and gets assigned to work for the accounting department, where he starts trying to make their lackadaisical staff into a functional accounting department that actually manages the books properly to make sure there's an emergency reserve fund for when the Miasma starts wrecking havoc on the world, but also because he can't live without working.

This world and premise is so fitting for a KisaIta AU to me, since Itachi being Seiichirou and Kisame being the super hot captain of the Knights Third Order who is a prodigy at magic and the blade is perfect. Honestly it could also go both ways where Kisame's a normal office worker who's found his only purpose in working could be similar to Kisame's dedication to Obito's promises of a new world, and ends up getting distracted by Itachi who he just jumps at every command Prodigy Knight Captain Itachi gives. But I think with Seiichirou giving Aresh some sass back whenever Aresh tries to care for Seiichirou is a more Itachi thing to do. Also, Itachi having Anime Wasting Disease from using the Mangekyou Sharingan in Naruto canon is a great parallel to Seiichirou's mana/magic sickness. On that note, I do prefer ItaKisa, where Itachi is the top, and there is a moment where the Isekai Office Worker protags speedrun getting into the relationship where Seiichirou nearly dies and Aresh has to save him using magical healing cock; I think it would be so peak for Itachi to be the top in that situation, especially with how that scene plays out in Isekai Office Worker. It's good both ways honestly, but just, small Itachi bridal carrying giant Kisame and being so gentle with Kisame is *chefs kiss*

In the most recent chapter I read, it ends on a joke where Seiichirou says "I don't consider anyone younger than me a love interest" which is a devastating blow for Aresh, but for Kisame I just picture him silently smiling but in his mind he's just "YEAAAAAAAH" lmao. In the reverse situation Itachi keeping a stone face but internally dying, screaming, throwing up is hilarious to me as well.

[dangerouscommiesubversive]

[for the writing prompt] Nakadai Mikoto + TopGaler + "Staying Alive" by the Bee Gees please

I think this is the fastest I've written a story for this prompt meme so far.

Song: "Stayin' Alive," The Bee Gees (Spotify)

it's all right, it's ok (i'll live to see another day)

TopGaler has lived for a long, long time.

For much of that time, of course, he was sealed away. The people of Dino Earth hated and feared him, why wouldn’t they seal him away? Why wouldn’t they wish to prevent his fun?

He has no regrets. He’s only ever done what is in his nature to do.

He’d do it again.

Another Earth, though, Another Earth is fun in a different way. Different smells, different sights, less competition. A partner willing to facilitate his entertainment, who has been similarly entertained by the things that he finds pleasing. TopGaler has lived for a long, long time, and most of that time has not been nearly so amusing as this last small stretch of it, when he hatched to the sight of a human face for which he now harbors emotions that he cannot sufficiently describe.

He has no regrets, but he is also ready to be done.

The human lies supine on his beak as he ascends, breathing heavily. TopGaler can feel his heartbeat through his back, steady and strong but not enough to sustain him by itself. His body may be small compared to Top’s, but it is just as complex, marvelously so. That heartbeat cannot carry him through what is shortly to come. The human—

His human.

Mikoto.

Mikoto is dying.

“Human,” he says, softly, knowing that even his quietest voice will reverberate in Mikoto’s bones, “do you have regrets-gela?”

Mikoto laughs weakly. “Strange question to ask me now, isn’t it, Top?”

“Perhaps. But answer.”

Two heartbeats of pause. “It’s funny, me wanting to live now after all this time. But it’s…not a bad feeling.”

TopGaler considers this as he flies up, considers that small weight on his beak, that strong and steady heartbeat, and makes a decision. “Then before we end, turn and look at me-gela.”

Another heartbeat of pause. “Why?”

“Because I’m asking it-gela.” A heartbeat. “Turn and look at me, Mikoto.”

Mikoto struggles to turn over; his heart may be strong, but other parts of his body are still badly damaged. TopGaler waits for the moment, the right moment, and flicks his head very slightly so that Mikoto slips, and then snaps his beak shut as hard as he can, trusting its sharp edges to do the work that he wishes to do.

The heartbeat falls away, and he flies up with the only gift he’s ever given and its tiny burden in his mouth and the taste of Mikoto’s blood coating his tongue, he flies up and up and up as the air grows cold and thin, he flies up for one last time, and then he fills the sky with light.

---

Nakadai Mikoto falls to Earth like a white meteor, and when he wakes, there are no more Dynasaurs.

---

He doesn’t wake up to that knowledge. He wakes up to whiteness, which resolves, as he blinks in slow confusion, into a hospital ceiling. His hospital, the one in which he worked for much of his adult career, he recognizes the tiling. He’s been in these rooms before, although never as a patient; why he should be in one now escapes him.

He looks to the right, and the first thing he sees, taped to the wall, is a still life depicting a vase of flowers, made entirely from what appear to be scraps of brightly-colored construction paper, with a name signed clumsily at the bottom in red marker. A heart monitor beeps steadily next to the bed. His right forearm and hand are in a cast, and there’s an IV in his bicep. Puzzled, he looks to his left, to see if he has broken bones there as well.

In fact he doesn’t, because his left forearm is missing entirely; his arm ends in a neatly bandaged stump at the elbow.

He remembers TopGaler’s beak shearing through flesh and bone and starts laughing, and his throat hurts with it, and at the end of the bed Hakua Ryoga startles into unkempt, wide-eyed wakefulness.

“I take it,” Mikoto says, voice sounding rough even in his own ears, “that I missed Mai’s recital.”

Ryoga gapes at him for a long moment before saying, “She, she’s said she forgives you? Since you’re in the hospital? But that you have to come to the next one.”

“How long was I unconscious?”

“You’ve been in a coma for three…” Ryoga counts on his fingers, frowning, “Four? Four and a half days now. The others…we took out Dezmozoriya, the other Dynasaurs went home yesterday. Asuka and Mahoro and the baby too. They, Asuka asked me to tell you that he’s sorry he couldn’t say goodbye.”

“I see.”

“They, uh, you had to get a lot of surgery, Ptera caught you before you hit the ground but it was still a really long fall and there was only so much she could do to—you were already unconscious.”

Mikoto nods slowly. “From blood loss, I assume.”

“Actually the doctors said probably from the sudden shock? Of…of TopGaler…”

“Biting my forearm off, AbaRed, you can just say it. I don’t entirely remember it myself, but I’m fully aware that that’s what he did.”

Ryoga nods slowly. “Do you…know why?”

Mikoto looks out the window and feels the phantom sensation of the bite, and before that the vibration of TopGaler’s voice, shaking his bones even at its quietest simply due to his position. Before the end, turn and look at me.

No, not the end.

Before we end.

The heart monitor hiccups, just once, and then resumes its steady beeping.

“It was a gift.”

Turn and look at me, Mikoto.

[nattobees]

Kiriya VS Kirinji XD (let's be honest we all know the answer to that one, so please image them swapping clothes and weapons and Kirinji being all heart eyes over Sparrow)

jfadkl Okay I spent a while thinking on this one so we'll see how long it turns out to be.

Here’s the post for anyone else who wants to do this ask game!

So yeah, like you said, Kiriya having his Rider gear as an option makes the battle a pretty easy win. I think that it'd be a little closer if it was just basic Kirinij vs Kiriya, no weapons or armor allowed, but I think Kiriya is definitely more athletic and doesn't canonically smoke, so I think he would have the advantage.

Also fsdjfslk I do think it would either be a draw or a flat-out Kirinji win if the weapons and armor swap happened like you said. Like, Kiriya's normal outfit is a lot more free and loose (best words I can think of right now.) Minus the leather jacket, everything seems to give him a better range of movement than a suit would. I don't think it would hinder him too much, but it would put him in a slightly unfamiliar position and give him a disadvantage.

I think if Kirinji managed to figure out the Sparrow quickly then he might be able to catch Kiriya off guard with the crossbow mode (since the default is scythe mode if i remember correct) and just end it right then and there since the arrows were manufactured for a target much stronger than just a regular human being.

I do think the few times we actually get to see Kirinji's fighting style, it's not nearly as fast or skilled as Kiriya, so I think he'd be at a little bit of a disadvantage if Kiriya managed to get in a close combat game and maintain it until it ended in a draw or one of them wore themselves out/took too much damage.

Also just putting this in here, I'm not sure on how much having bugster!Kiriya or human!Kiriya matters here, since we don't know how much energy teleporting takes up, and bugsters in Ex-Aid canon haven't really used it for anything besides travel. But, if it was a low or no energy cost and could be used in battle, then I think Kiriya could actually manage to get in there and take his belt back and then game over. But since it doesn't seem to have any battle utility, the difference might not matter too much.

Thanks so much for the ask!

[ryuunosenshi]

Welcome back, dear! ♥️♥️♥️ -hugs lots-

Thank you my dear <3<3 I’m terribly sorry for disappearing like that, but it’s good to be back <3

[sastheforestspirit]

yellow + grey :3

t-thank you!!

[jade-lop]

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[momolatch]

Funny you'd bring that up since I was just thinking today while rewatching EoS that well, Cobra fits the bill almost to a T so far... And Jesse also does, as a 'dark' version of the trope (especially since hes also shown to be Catholic) Really you could argue that all the leaders fit, I think, to various degrees (the scale being imo Smokey > Cobra > Rocky > Murayama > Hyuga), but Cobra has that duality going on with Jesse which makes his case really interesting oops