#ar rants

[arkivesque]

only in dream, I can be yours ~

[arkivesque]

[arkivesque]

i love winters, but it is making my head 🤯

[aubera]

...still not sorry

This used to get me in trouble as a kid. And guess what, it's probably going to get me in trouble til they lower me into my grave. We live in a society where people are quick to apologize using their words, but the sincerity is missing. As a kid I remember being asked to apologize and refusing because I was NOT sorry, and if I could re-do it I would do the same thing. Now people may look at this unwillingness to say sorry because they're offended as pride. They'll come to judgment about your willingness to be in harmony in a situation, and you'll be the jerk who hurt them but refused to apologize.

Now let me be clear, I am not in the business of hurting people. I like uplifting and encouraging people. Not because I want people to say nice things about who I am as person, but because I know people are so used to getting whacked over the head by life, the last thing they need is some person telling them  what's wrong with them. It's in our nature to criticize ourselves more than anyone outside ourselves would so you can't get very far by telling a person what's wrong with them, especially when you've never said a sincere word of encouragement to them.

Needless to say, I do not apologize unless I am sorry and I plan on changing my behavior. And while this will always be misconstrued as prideful, I would argue that it's more of an integrity issue. The point of apologizing is to acknowledge you're wrong and that you will change in the future. You don't apologize just to appease people's egos, well I don't. I don't know how to do that, or better I have no desire to do that. And that doesn't mean I have trouble apologizing, it means I don't just master in fake humility and fake apologies. I mean what's the sense of me pretending to be in harmony with you when in my heart I think you have a problem?

God looks at my heart, so I have to focus on maintaining at least my integrity in God's sight so that I'm not repenting because I said sorry but I was actually lying, so I'm lying in an effort to please a flawed human, when my heart is saying, "wait a minute, something's not right here." And I can't concede to gross generalizations about who I am, made by people who, frankly, don't know me. Only God requires that I bow down to him, and guess what, only he is worthy.