In an attempt to “merge” all my various online identities into a single one that most people know me as, I will be going by Ji or Jijo here on tumblr from here out. This is how nearly everyone aside from those on tumblr know me, and I feel better addressed that way (since Arin is confusing with a Grump of the same name.)
As such, my personal tag will be changing from “arin blabs” to “jijo jabbers”, if you wish to block my personal ramblings. And yeah, I have a thing for alliteration. Shoot me. :P
to my followers: do you think my url “defines” me? like when you see me you go “oh that’s so acceptmyshaft”
like if I were to say, change it to a more worksafe URL, would y’all be bothered? this is something i’ve been waffling on for a while bc as much as i love my url & the song it’s based on i hate the feeling of “i can’t link anything on my blog to people i don’t know well bc they think i’m a porn blog or something”
i’ve been talking to a bunch of ppl today and one of them is this french girl, not a native english-speaker
and i’m nerding out about dragon age because i’m in fuckin’ love with alistair okay and this girl i swear to god she doesn’t talk all that much but suddenly she pipes up
“isn’t he the guy who has .. angry sex to save the world?” and
i swaer to god i’ve never heard a better description i’m just
Putting under a Read More so you guys don’t have to read if you don’t want to. Death mention, cancer mention, all that stuff.
Yesterday, my family took my grandma to the doctor for a scheduled radiation appointment. They decided earlier this week that radiation would be good because it’d lessen her pain, though she is too weak for any form of chemotherapy.
But yesterday during this scheduled appointment, they found out my grandma stops breathing every time she dozes off. And, in her current condition, that’s a lot.
She’s been admitted to the hospital. Here they’re giving her the most relief they can, but they do not believe she will ever leave. In just the 3 weeks since her cancer diagnosis, the cancer has eaten up nearly everything she is. She cannot walk, or speak, or sit up or stand. She is a shell.
Tomorrow morning my family is meeting with the docs at the hospital to discuss what to do. We already know we want to put her in hospice so she can have care for what’s left of her life, but my grandpa and uncle are so in denial of her death that they are refusing that kind of care out of stubbornness. They do not think she is dying, therefore she does not need hospice. But they fail to see both the reality of the situation and that their stubbornness is making her death that much more painful.
After the meeting tomorrow, depending on how badly she is doing, I may either be returning home to Alabama, or I may be staying for another week (or however long it takes for the cancer to finish her).
As a result of this unpredictability I have indeed lost the internship I just got. It wasn’t paying as it was, so it’s not like I’m losing income, but I was really hoping this job would pan out into a paying one that I actually enjoyed. Unfortunately, that’s now lost and I have to return to the job search. But I won’t until after my grandma’s passed and put to rest, because there’s no point doing it before with all the craziness and emotions.
So, uh. Keep my family in your thoughts, I guess. I’m not sure what’s going to happen after this. Everyone’s exhausted to the core, sad, and unable to function normally and we’re scared that after my grandma goes, my grandpa is going to go with her because of their close ties. We’re trying to prevent that, but there’s not much you can do. So, again, just keep thinking of us. Thank you so much if you read this & thank you for understanding my inconsistent schedule.
I want to apologize yet again to all my followers.
I haven’t posted in a long time and I have been crazy inconsistent and haven’t done c&c in weeks and I’m awful. Again I’m so sorry.
My grandma is terminal. She has cancer everywhere, absolutely everywhere and since she lives in another state my schedule has been packed to the brim with traveling, taking care of her, etc. Next week I’ll be leaving for a whole week and will be without Internet.
And then yesterday my other grandma fell ill too, with seizures. She has been put under constant watch in her assisted living home.
I’ve also been trying to juggle a stay-at-home job but my boss has been none too pleased with my constant travel, even though I’m not even paid, so I may lose that soon too.
Enough ranting though. Again I’m so sorry to everyone and hopefully things will settle soon, one way or the other, though I’m fairly certain my family and I won’t get any rest until two funerals from now, so.. I don’t know. Sorry guys..
I love you all, and thanks for the kind messages you sent me when you noticed I was gone. It means the world.
If I had literally any talent in game design / programming, or too much money to know what to do with, I'd love to make a game. A game like Skyrim, in that it's expansive and real and fantastical and ever-changing and never quite fully explored, but the focus on combat would be only minimum (based on survival rather than hacking at anyone that displeases you). A game that truly rewards exploration and risk-taking, and encourages things like jumping from weird places or using climbing gear to get to the peak of a mountain you just KNOW there's something on the top of. Maybe those mountains would even have caves and crannies along the way up, just to further reward you for even trying. Cities and villages have alleys that are actually used: either for shady practices or leading to secret areas. The oceans actually have things at the floor, and there are trenches and caves there, too. You know, like actual Earth. Massive, unexplored, rewarding, breathtaking. I'd love it to have many cultures and peoples you can interact with; maybe some specialize in certain trades that will help you explore. A people indigenous to the mountains may be better at climbing, and island peoples may have things to help you in deep sea or volcanoes. Because, YES, why the heck can't you explore a freaking volcano!? It's a massive fantastic world, do anything you want! Maybe there'd be floating islands in the sky, or an Atlantis-like city in the deepest reaches of the ocean. And tons - countless, even - species of animals and creatures and mythical beings for you to discover and research. I want a game that encourages the pursuit of knowledge of the world you live in, instead of trying to blow it up. Is that so much to ask?
