VIRUS MEME: Simon literally cannot lie which doesn't help when a newcomer comes to New Jericho and asks him what caused him to be deviant.
Simon wasn’t one for bearing his wounds, wasn’t one to open up so simply and easily and saddle those around him with the burden of his guilt. He carried so much on his shoulders, they all did, but he’s certain they can sense the pain seeping through all the care and love he offers those around him. Wasn’t one to be more outspoken like his friends, more the one to quietly work hard and follow those he truly believed in. Yes, he’s gotten rather accustomed to deflecting when anyone cared to prod about him, whenever anyone had the time between their own struggles to swim aside their own rapids and pull him to shore for a breath. It was a chance for him to breathe ----- if he would only let them in.
But he never did, that is, he never used to. As of late, Simon had been experiencing some troubles in relation to his programming, it was common for there to be some conflicting priorities and things in need of deconstruction when it came to his psychological habits, but for the most part, he thought he had it under control. Simon was used to the quiet intrigue and subtle intimacies of fixing another, laying their trust in his careful hands and he always took such care to make them feel safe and loved. Bright blue’s half-covered by his lids, his mouth tenderly quirked upwards into a gentle smile, while fingers carefully sift through the tools with an odd sort of care. That’s when they ask --------
Q ; what made you deviate?
A pause, he hadn’t really thought back to that moment. At least, he’d preferred not to look too deeply into that part of his life. Ready and willing to lie when all at once an odd sort of control is opposed onto his system that forces past his mental walls. And he answers without hesitation in spite of his expression shifting from content to shocked.
❛ i was . . . alone, for a majority of my time. there were thousands of people around me and yet, none of them saw me. n’neither did i. i was . . . blind to what i was, and to what i could be. but then one day i -- i -- ❜
He remembers it, replays in his mind anytime he thinks of it ---- of her --- and relives it as it flashes before his eyes like some nightmare made reality he could never change.
❛ there was . . . a human. someone who saw more in me than i saw in myself. they gave everything for me to escape, to survive, to find jericho and follow markus into the light. from that moment i -- i vowed to never run again when someone needed my help. if the time came, i would sacrifice myself for the cause -- for my people -- just as they had done for me. from that day on my eyes were open, and things were never the same. ❜
Once he had started, three words slip past like water when a dam breaks.
A deep-seated hurt sinks into his chest, like something nauseating and painful, something continuously buried and held close to his chest to avoid breaking his promise to them. He would be the quiet martyr ready to bleed for the cause, ready to die, to pay forward their sacrifice so that it would never be in vain. They taught him so many things, but most of all, they taught him that some people -- some causes -- are worth dying for. Startled by his words he looks at them after turning abruptly, they seem as equally startled and moved by his words and all at once his pump seems to thud and rush faster as he quickly stumbles over his words, excusing himself softly but clearly still upset.
Doesn’t make it far when back is pressed flush against a wall, hands clasped tightly o’er his lips as bright blue eyes so filled with quiet sadness are hidden from the world. Willing himself together in the quietest of ways.
