going back to read tog and HEAR ME OUT!!! i’m at the part where bam is having another one of his existential crisis and thinking about how he regrets that the people he loves ever met him after finding out that arkraptor and prince are dead and remembering that conversation he had with arkraptor about not regretting their interactions and all.
first, i would like to talk about the placement of people he thinks about: team sweet and sour (partially), his master, og team. usually, these placements go from “least relevant” to “most relevant” (these are in quotations because love is not quantifiable, yada yada yada) and when we see the og team (also partially) we get to see bam’s face clearly (contrary to the other memories) and who is he focusing on?? that’s right, our pretty baby, khun aguero agnis himself (who is focused on bam, but that is not a surprise).
now i want to get a little bit more into bam’s psyche because it’s very interesting how much of a paradox he can be, because i truly, genuinely believe he knows he has the potential of unleashing way more power than he does at the moment and the only reason why he’s not doing it are his morals, but why exactly his morals are holding him back? he’s been in the tower long enough, he knows how it works and we’ve seen him letting go of some things from time to time. so my answer to my own question is: khun.
i think bam is very aware of the fact that khun does not want him to be god and unattainable (not necessarily in a conscious way) because khun has already questioned him if it wasn’t better to be human and in his head he probably thinks that is the version of himself that khun prefers: the human, slightly naive irregular who needs his help and so he tries REALLY hard to hold on to that because he wants to hold on to khun because he already expressed to khun that he finds it better if they do it together (i have already briefly touched on this in another post of mine and this just reinforced it to me).
and the thing is: he’s not entirely wrong, khun does prefer him as something attainable than as a god, but not because khun cares about the version of bam he will receive, but because he doesn’t want to be left behind (sharks can’t swim with minnows forever and all) and the more powerful bam becomes, the less khun can keep up.
that is the tragedy of them: bam is constantly battling with himself between getting so strong that nobody could ever hurt someone he loves again (you know, like putting a certain lightbearer into a coma) or staying human and approachable (also for a certain lighbearer). meanwhile, khun understands that bam has a destiny to fulfill and will help him achieve it even though he believes he will be left behind when it happens (even though bam would never, by choice).
in summary, they need to fucking communicate!!!
