so first things first, every art post of Stan Pines with an aromantic flag adds years to my lifespan, and every time I see one, I feel an urge to dedicate my life to winding up on the Nobel Committee so I can somehow campaign for the artist to get a Nobel Prize. hence, this is obviously a pro-"throw aro flags onto Stan until he's drowning in them post," because we love our aroallo king. however, in my heart, there's a somewhat different headcanon about Stan's relationship to his sexuality that's canon to me, and it's something like:
Stan's known he's bi for at least as long as he's known what bisexuality was, and that's been a long time. he thinks he and bisexuality have always gotten on just fine, so if it ain't broke, why cough up the money (ahem. rather, the self-reflection) to fix it? of course, he still listens when Mabel tells him all about all the new terms, 'cause it makes her happy and that's just more pride flags to sell and get rich from! but it's not for Stan, he always feels.
but after a few years, Mabel starts trying out aro-spectrum microlabels, while still being pan, and Stan's internally like. huh. didn't know you could do that. and then Wendy comes out as aro and bi, and Stan's like. huh. Wendy makes an offhand remark about relationships losing appeal every time she actually got into one, and Stan's internally like. who the hell gave you permission to plagiarize my life story.
so, Stan doesn't go on to talk about "his romance thing" a whole lot. old habits die hard, and "bi" gets across everything he's every really felt like sharing, anyways. if you wanna know more than that, buy his dang memoir! (which he still hasn't written, 'cause Wendy went and pre-emptively plagiarized.) but Stan knows himself better now — and, you know, it's sappy, but he's actually kinda glad he does. old "failures" feel just a little less like failures, now.
Words: 1,400~ || CW: -Slightly phobic ideas- || Mabel asks her Grunkle Stan for some romance advice.
For @stanuary Week 1′s theme of Love. The ending doesn't really come to a resolution, but sometimes that’s how it goes.
__
They heard the door loudly kicked in and both Stan and Ford jumped a bit from the table before relaxing at the triumphant voice headed their way.
“Date SUCCESS!!” Tromping feet soon entered the room revealing a victorious Mabel. “Up top!” She raised her hand toward Grunkle Stan first.
He grinned, high fiving her. “That’s my little charmer!”
She beamed then held out her hand to Grunke Ford who clapped his hand against hers with small smile. “Congratulations. It sounds like it went very well.”
She nodded. “Oh yeah, it went great-!!” Mabel leaned over on the table and talked with quiet glee. “Date number three.”
Ford squinted, thinking. “Is that... chocolates here?” He tried
“You’ve been back on Earth for four years, poindexter, you don’t get to use the ‘what is it in this dimension again?’ excuse anymore when you don’t know something.” Stan said, using air quotes.
Ford shrugged innocently. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Stan rolled his eyes when Ford quickly evaded. “So what does a third date mean, Mabel?”
“It means you can go to the next level. I’m going to ask her to be girlfriend and girlfriend!” She pronounced proudly. “Girlfriend squared.”
“That’s great, pumpkin! Go get her, yeah!” Stan said, slapping the table.
“Yeah!!” Mabel resounded back, swinging an arm with a smile on her face, looking out into the hallway. Then... stayed like that. The expression on her face stuck on the smile, but it looked... off and nervous now.
Stan glanced over making sure she wasn’t looking at nothing and when he looked back she still hadn’t moved. “Uh, pumpkin?”
In the same cheerful upbeat voice that had a clear anxious undertone, she finally looked back at the pair of them. “How do I ask someone to be my girlfriend?!”
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Ford looking over at him already. Good thing one of them had some experience at least. “Okay, okay,” Stan said waving a hand, “calm down sweetie, it’s a lot easier than it looks! I mean heh, I had a girlfriend, you know.”
“What’d you do?” Mabel asked, letting the forced smile go.
Stan crossed his arms easily and shook his head almost fondly at the question. “Ha, ‘what did I do?’”
Hell, what did he do? He stalled as he ransacked his brain. “Well, course I started talking to her, like you’ve been doing. We went on a couple dates...”
(Wait, did he ask her out or did Carla ask him out? Either way, he was pretty sure it was just a real simple question.)
Stan shook his head. “Anyways, all you gotta do is just outright ask her if she’d like to, boom easy. If she says yes, great, and if she says no then you never gotta see her again!”
Mabel sighed, half relieved. “Okay, piece of cake! That’s not too hard, and then we can do after third date couple things!”
“What after third date couple things?” Stan asked.
“You know, Matching outfits-” Thank Christ, just the dorky stuff.
Stan missed a couple points, but quickly tuned back in to Mabel still listing more out on her fingers, “-sending each other lovey dovey messages, romantic walks at night whenever we want, sharing jackets, super romantic stuff!”
“Sharing jackets?” Stan asked.
“Yeah, you know where someone else is wearing your jacket and you get all warm inside seeing them in it!”
“How’s that one romantic?”
Mabel seemed stumped for a second, “because- when you see them wearing your jacket it makes your heart all warm and it’s just really nice.”
Stan still didn’t get it, but before he could say anything about it Mabel was looking over at Ford, “you know?”
“Ah, yes- ah, well,” he cleared his throat, caught off guard, “Well, I remember Carla wearing Stanley’s jacket quite a few times.” He said gesturing back over to Stan.
“Ha, yeah she did.” Stan said. “You know she always just stole it when I wasn’t paying attention? Already had her own jacket and everything! If I was her I would have stolen a better jacket from someone else.”
“Yeah!” Mabel perked up. “But wasn’t it really romantic and sweet when she borrowed your jacket?”
“I mean borrowing something’s just stealing without following through.” Stan said. “It’s not really something ‘sweet’ or ‘romantic’ just because she’s wearing it around me.”
Stan was surprised to see Mabel’s eyes shift back over to his brother. “Grunkle Ford?”
“I’m sorry. I can’t really say, Mabel. I’ve long since stopped trying to understand romance, frankly.”
Stan scoffed. “Spoken like a true nerd.”
Ford shrugged his shoulders in defeat. “It’s a thoroughly confusing subject matter.”
He was just to make another nerd joke when Mabel drew back his attention. “Hey, Grunkle Stan, can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, ‘course you can. What is it?”
Her face was scrunched together, like she was trying to really hard to understand something. “You’ve gone out with a lot of girls, right?”
“Yeah, I have. I was the good-looking casanova type.” He told her with a smile.
“Did you like any of them romantically? Different from you would a friend?”
He laughed a little. “‘Course I did. I kissed them and everything.”
“No, not just kissing. Like all the feelings and junk.” She explained.
“... Like when you kiss them?” Stan asked. “What are you talking about, sweetie?”
“Like yeah, when you kiss them, but how you feel even before you kiss them!”
“Wanting to kiss them?”
Mabel groaned, pulling her hands down her face. “No, not the kissing. Just forget about the kissing!”
“What can I say? Kissing’s the best part about having a girlfriend.” Stan said. “That’s what dating is for!”
Mabel spun around and started walking in a circle, hands clapped near her serious face.
“Pumpkin-?”
“A-buh-buh-buh!” She hushed him, waving a hand his way, soon stopping and taking in a deep breath.
Stan waiting, going to take a drink from his soda when Mabel boisterously turned back to him suddenly.
“Okay!!” Mabel walked back over. “Grunkle Stan, what’s the difference between a girlfriend and a girl you’re friends with that you kiss and stuff?”
“Uh, they’re the same thing. What is this, a trick question?”
A gleam of understanding flashed in Mabel’s eyes as though she had just solved some grand mystery.
“Kid, you know that’s what makes a girlfriend a girlfriend, right? The whole kissing thing.” Stan tried telling her.
“What if you had a girlfriend you didn’t kiss? They were still your girlfriend but they didn’t like to kiss.” She asked him.
“That’s just a friend.”
“But they’re still your girlfriend!”
Stan just took a breath. “Sweetie, that doesn’t make any sense.”
“Grunkle Stan, romance isn’t just kissing or wanting to kiss or even the stuff later on!” Mabel said.
“Alright, then what is it?”
Mabel thought. “Well it’s uh.... Hm, you kinda just-..” she made a face, “you kinda just know?” She shook her head. “Look, Grunkle Stan I’ve got to talk to Candy or Grenda, but just think about it for now okay!” She said, already leaving the kitchen.
“Wait, kid-!” Stan sighed and sat back in his seat as he heard a door swing open. “That kid don’t make any sense sometimes.”
Instead of a response from his brother though, he only got silence. Stan glanced over to find Ford thoughtfully staring at him. “Hey, I just got that look from Mabel, I don’t need it again from you this, you know.”
Ford glanced down at his coffee. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”
Stan waited for a good second or two before just asking. “About what?”
He was quiet for a beat. “Just trying to remember back when you and Carla were dating, I suppose. Along with what Mabel was talking about... I don’t know.” Ford frowned.
“Beep Boop. Dating does not compute.” Stan moved his arms out and turned like a robot before dropping the act to jab an elbow at Ford’s side, smiling at him. “Heh, don’t fry out your nerd brain there, poindexter.”
Ford briefly glanced over at him then back down again to drink his coffee. “Right...”
“Hey, remember when you made a kissing machine?”
“Dear Tesla-” Ford put his cup down and fully looked over at him. “Why is that the one thing you always remember from our teenage years?”
Stan shrugged, doing his bare minimum to push down a smile. “Just really memorable, I guess.”
