Never All Alone
Jax x Reader
Platonic | Hurt/Comfort | Oneshot | 3.4k
CW: Feelings of hopelessness, depression, loneliness, time blindness, and self-isolation.
Summary: You sat alone, feeling utterly dull and dejected after an overwhelming and unfulfilling day. Jax, upon spotting your current lonely state, decides to help you… his own way.
A/N: I absolutely love older brother Jax, like not as a sibling but just the energy in general. There's something so infuriating yet caring about that headcanon of him that I just AAAAUHGHH!!! Especially in platonic contexts, I'm SO soft for it!!! Anyway, this is a slightly lighter fanfic compared to the angst I've been writing lately cause I wanted to write something where the reader is comforted.... Well, Jax decides to do it by scaring the ever-living daylights out of you XD But hey, what are friends for am I right? Also there's some inner child healing thrown in at the end because why not? Enjoy!
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Silence.
It’s all you ever really needed.
After a long day of overwhelming activities, you finally found a quiet place in the circus to sit and process to yourself. Time felt strange here—sometimes it moved too slowly, other times it zipped past you while everyone else carried on as if nothing had changed.
You were usually good at keeping a level head, always trying to have fun and maintain good relationships with everyone, even the resident jerk that nobody else liked. It kept you sane, knowing you had no enemies and that, at the very least, you weren’t alone.
But sometimes, that wasn’t enough.
For whatever reason, there were these bouts of sadness that would creep into your chest from time to time. Brief, aimless feelings of loneliness that you couldn’t quite understand the origins of. Normally, you could sleep them off or process them in silence, but this time, things just felt… heavier.
It had been a while since you got stuck in the circus. You thought about your past life, everything you had worked towards, everything you had dreamed of.
It felt like all of it had just been thrown away. Now, every day blurred into the next, repeating itself over and over. You did your best to stay grounded—partially out of fear of the consequences of losing your mind—but you couldn’t consistently hold yourself together all the time. And you couldn’t help but wonder… was all the suffering you had endured even worth it, if this was how it all ended?
Trapped inside a literal circus, your days stretching into an unforeseeable future.
“Hey, loser. What the heck are you doin’ back here all by yourself?”
Jax’s voice cut through your thoughts from a few feet behind you. You wanted to turn and look at him, but for some reason, you couldn’t bring yourself to move.
Jax eyed the way you sat curled up on top of the rectangular block, his expression shifting slightly. He chuckled as he stepped closer, leaning over your hunched form.
“What’s wrong with you? Did the wind blow you over?” he teased, giving your shoulder a light nudge.
You didn’t react, your gaze remained fixed on the ground.
Jax’s smile faltered. He straightened up, tilting his head as he studied you. His eyes narrowed slightly, his mouth settling into a small frown.
What was up with you? It was like someone had flipped a switch and turned off all the lights in your head.
“Hey, short-stack, someone’s talkin’ to you, y’know,” he tried again, this time tapping his palm lightly against your cheek.
Still, nothing.
Jax huffed and plopped down next to you, mimicking your posture. He cupped his cheeks in his palms, then shot you a cheeky sideways glance.
“Hey, who am I, Y/N?” he teased, puffing out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout. “Who am I, Y/N? Guess who I am.”
Jax smirked, waiting for a reaction. But when you didn’t so much as blink, the smile slipped from his face again.
You sighed quietly, turning your face away with what little motivation you had left. “I’m not in the mood right now, Jax,” you mumbled, absentmindedly fidgeting with your arm. “...Leave me alone.”
Jax frowned, his expression shifting from playful confusion to something more subdued.
Normally, you'd be more willing to play along with Jax's banter. It was fun to go back and forth with him, especially since it was rare for him to actually get offended. He wasn't afraid of hurting your feelings like the others were, and for some odd reason, it made hanging out with him that much more appealing. It almost felt like he was more honest in a way, despite being by far the most guilty of masking his feelings out of everyone.
You heard the rabbit shift his seat beside you, and your eyes briefly glanced over instinctively to observe him.
Jax clicked his tongue and leaned back on his hands, tilting his head toward the ceiling with an annoyed frown. He let his head fall to face you, a bored expression on his face. "Seriously? So you’re just gonna sit there all mopey and not even tell me why?"
He let his words hang in the air, waiting, but you still didn’t respond.
Instead, you just rolled your eyes, trying to find some semblance of energy to respond in a more energetic manner. In spite of that, the wave of sadness hit you again, reminding you why you were still here, and your expression fell back into dull hopelessness.
Jax’s jaw tensed. He exhaled sharply through his nose and rolled his shoulders forward, like he was trying to shake off some weird, uncomfortable feeling. This situation was not something he was used to. Usually you'd be angry by now and yelling at him to leave you alone, even resorting to getting physically confrontational.
He wasn't used to silence.
Jax slumped his elbows back on his knees again, and he bounced his leg as he waited for some kind of verbal answer from you.
"Y’know, it’s real annoying when people get all sad and don’t say anything about it," he muttered, resting his head on his palm. "Like, at least make it interesting. Wail dramatically. Fall to your knees. Give me something to work with here."
He shot you a sideways glance, his smirk barely there. Keeping it on was more habit than anything at this point, it didn't always reflect his natural emotions. Evidenced by how his eyes showed a level of concern and dejectedness you hadn't seen in a while.
When you still didn’t react, he flexed his fingers into a fist, restless.
"Tch. Whatever," he grumbled, sighing and standing up. For a second, it seemed like he might leave. But instead, he just stretched his arms above his head and let them fall lazily to his sides. He turned back to you, shoving his hands in his pockets.
Despite his brazen remarks, Jax was internally worried about you. This uncharacteristically dull mood was starting to freak him out.
"If you’re gonna be a buzzkill, at least do it somewhere less pathetic-looking," he muttered, jerking his head toward the stage room. He nudged you the same way a child would poke roadkill with a stick. "C’mon. I dunno, go exist somewhere else for a while. You’re bumming me out."
Despite his words, Jax didn’t move. He just stood there, hands in his pockets, pretending to be waiting out of boredom rather than concern.
“Is there any reason you're still here, or do you genuinely believe I'm going to change my attitude because of your stupid little sarcastic quips?” you finally retorted, looking up at him with a deadpan expression. You didn’t need him hovering around, and you certainly didn’t want to participate in whatever pitiful games he played whenever you were feeling low.
Jax blinked, momentarily caught off guard by your blunt response. His eyes briefly reflected genuine shock after his usual quick wit failed him. Instead, he resorted to awkwardly shifting his feet on the floor, quietly breaking eye contact with you.
You sighed heavily and pulled your gaze away as well when he didn't respond. That rabbit was so bad at actual emotional comfort that his attempts to connect with you were tragically comedic. You might have even laughed if you weren’t feeling so miserable.
A sigh escaped you, and you closed your eyes, slumping your face in your hands.
“Just… Just leave. I'll be fine,” you muttered, rubbing your forehead in defeat.
Jax's competitive spirit seemed to flare up a little with those words. He narrowed his eyes down at you.
Just leave? That's it?
That wasn’t a satisfying way to end this interaction. He didn't think so. If anything, now that you’d told him to scram, he was even more determined to stay. As a matter of fact, he'd park his ass right here, right next to you, all day if needed to.
Still, Jax being himself, he never wanted to pass up an opportunity to be a little pest.
“Yeah? What if I don't?” he jested, waggling his eyebrows at you, the beginnings of a grin slowly spreading on his face. “What are you gonna do about it?”
You shot him an annoyed yet confused look, finding his stubbornness to be completely nonsensical. Was this actually fun for him? Because your reactions cannot be that entertaining. You were about as animated as a rock right now, for crying out loud.
Jax's eyes curved into the signature thin crescent shapes he sported whenever he was feeling particularly mischievous. His grin only widened when you made eye contact with him again.
“The hell are you thinking about, you jerky brat of a rodent?” you jeered, eyeing his cheeky expression warily. Everything about his behaviour right now only deepened your suspicion.
See, you didn't notice, but Jax did. His plan was working.
You were beginning to get distracted.
Jax chuckled in response, then glanced behind him, scanning his surroundings for anything useful he could use to his advantage. His grin stretched even wider when a particularly funny idea finally clicked itself into place.
“Whaaat?” he drawled, turning his gaze back to you with mock innocence in his eyes. He fought back a snicker when your position got more tense and defensive, and to save face, he threw his hands up innocently.
“Can't I stay here and hang out with my bestest pal in the world,” he gestured at you, “Y/N!”
“No— What the— Hey! HEY!”
You yelped as Jax suddenly scooped you up, throwing you over his shoulder just to start marching off in a random direction. Did he seriously just pick you up like you were a little kid!?
“HEY!! Put me DOWN, ya overgrown dollar store Mickey Mouse ugly lookin’ RAT!” you demanded loudly, bumping your fists against his back and kicking insistently at his chest. “Jax! I’m serious! JAX! UGH! LET GO OF ME YOU PURPLE TWINK!”
“Jeez, take it easy now, will ya?” Jax chortled, his perpetual grin unfazed by your relentless struggle. “This'll be fun, I promise.”
You finally stopped flailing when you realized that he entered the playroom, curiosity flickering through your irritation.
Huh? Why did he take you here of all places? What were you, five?
Jax suddenly dropped you in front of him, rudely interrupting you from your thoughts. A startled yelp escaped you before you landed in—
… A red toy truck?
Okay. Well. That didn’t answer anything.
At least it fit your adult body, so you weren't uncomfortable, just startled. You glanced around and quickly realized it was one of those oversized toy cars meant for kids, just built larger.
Once that realization settled over you, your expression quickly fell from curiosity to exasperated impatience. Your face mirrored that of an exhausted babysitter, as if you were dealing with a particularly insistent and annoying child.
“What the hell is this? Are we six years old?” you deadpanned, your hands instinctively finding the safety bar as you turned to glare at him.
Jax dusted off his gloved hands and chuckled, then smirked down at you.
"Alright, doll, buckle up," he said with a cheeky grin, gripping both sides of the truck and leaning forward slightly. He positioned his feet behind him and bent his knees, hovering his head right next to yours.
You were still annoyed at how he refused to answer any of your questions, sneering and leaning away from his face when he turned to look at you.
Jax grinned back, unfazed.
"Ready?”
For what? God, he was so annoying.
You rolled your eyes to the back of your head.
“Ready?” you echoed with a scoff, your voice gruff and annoyed. “Ready for whaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—!!!!”
A scream erupted from your chest when Jax suddenly took off, propelling you forward with him with incredible speed.
Okay, look. You knew Jax was fast, he never hesitated to show you whenever you were out solving Caine's stupid adventures. Running from monsters, racing, you name it. Even if it was completely unnecessary for him to show off, he did it anyway to showcase his massive ego over his speed.
But this? Yeah, this was the first time you finally, fully understood what ‘fastest runner in the circus’ actually meant. Because this speed shouldn't be possible to reach by anyone! Your surroundings were blurring into streaks of color and light. You were moving so fast your brain couldn’t even process dizziness.
“JAX!” you shrieked, clutching the safety bar like your life depended on it. “SLOW DOWN YOU @#$&ing MANIAC!! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!?”
Jax just laughed childishly behind you.
“HOLD ON TIGHT, DOLLFACE!” he shouted over the rushing air. At this rate, you swore that if he went any faster that you two would take off into the sky.
Then, you suddenly saw the red wall ahead, rushing towards you faster than a BMW in a schoolzone.
Worst of all, Jax wasn’t stopping.
Your panic skyrocketed, your heart slamming inside your ribcage like an absolute monster. Your back was pressed against the seat, hands clamped down the safety bar like they were superglued.
“STOP STOP STOP!! JAX!!” you screamed, eyes wide as saucers as the wall seemed to run straight for you with no signs of Jax hitting the brakes any time soon.
You couldn't stop screaming.
Was he insane!? You knew he was crazy, but crash-into-a-wall-at-100km/h crazy!?
"JAX JAX STOP STAAAAA—OHHHH @#$&!!!"
At the last possible second, Jax yanked the toy truck sideways, kicked off the wall with a foot, and propelled both of you in a completely different direction.
Your heart pounded like a drum in your chest. Your brain short-circuited, as if it was unable to process that you were still alive. And despite yourself, despite every logical part of you that should be terrified, you grinned.
That was… insane.
You couldn't help the grin that started to spread itself on your face, as much as you didn't want it to. The rush of adrenaline, the sheer insanity of the moment—it completely yanked you out of your bad mood.
Did he just dodge a wall and use it as a boost for more speed!?
You let out a breathless, growing laugh, leaning behind you to look at the spot where you and the rabbit were about to become one big pancake against the wall. You couldn't believe it.
“HELL YEAH!” you found yourself cackling, throwing your arms in the air and screaming again, this time with pure excitement.
“HAH! TOLD YA THIS WOULD BE FUN!” Jax's voice laughed behind you, amused at your enthusiasm. He then grinned dangerously as he pulled the truck in a different direction.
Then he let go, sending you barreling straight towards the ball pit.
Your eyes widened.
Now you were back to being in genuine terror, screaming so hard you couldn't even hear your own volume anymore. Your hands found the safety bar again, but you knew you were done for.
You only managed to shriek out one more angry remark;
“JAX YOU MOTHERFU—”
The truck hit the wall of the ball pit, and you went flying, still screaming the whole way before you landed in the sea of colourful plastic balls.
Jax took a moment to pant, his hands on his knees, before he jogged over to see if you were okay.
Strangely enough, the balls seemed to have cushioned your fall, and the pile was deeper than you thought. Still, you managed to push yourself up and emerge from the surface, comically spitting out a yellow plastic ball when your head popped out.
“Yo, you dead yet?” Jax quipped, leaning over to observe you in the pile of colourful plastic spheres.
Your heart was racing, your head was spinning. The adrenaline in your veins was coursing faster than a bullet.
Your eyes met his.
And you couldn't help it, you tried to hold in your laugh behind a snort, but it was no use.
You burst out in a fit of laughter at that entire experience. You hadn't felt a sense of thrill and excitement like that in so long, the feeling of being alive. The sensation of pure terror, the unpredictability of it all. Then, at the end, realizing that you're fine, but the energy is still pulsing throughout your body.
“That was so epic!” you laughed and threw yourself backwards into the pile again, a huge smile on your face that completely contradicted the dejected frown you had on earlier.
Jax grinned as well upon seeing you laugh like a little kid, his hands resting on the wall of the ballpit. He panted quietly, his ears slightly flopped over as he slowly regained his energy. He looked down briefly to catch his breath, when suddenly—
Doink.
Jax gasped when he felt a plastic ball hit his head and fall back into the pile. “What the…”
He looked up again with a surprised expression, only to find your mischievous face staring back at him from the center of the ballpit.
Jax studied you for a second, then he smirked back at you, his grin returning with a more competitive look in his semi-circular eyes now.
“Oh-ho, so this is how it's gonna be, huh?” he challenged, jumping over the wall and landing into the ball pit as well. He then quickly gathered up a bunch of the plastic balls in his arms and started chucking them at you one by one.
You yelped, not expecting such a quick retaliation from him. But not wanting to go down easy, you began to pluck random balls from the pile around you to pummel back at him.
What followed was an all-out war of plastic spheres between you two. Laughter from the both of you echoed throughout the room as you pelted each other mercilessly with your chosen weapons.
Jax got the upper hand briefly, until you started pummeling him with two at a time, forcing him to retreat.
“Truce! Hey!” he yelped with a chuckle, keeping one eye open as he threw his arms in front of his face defensively.
You were relentless, however, grinning even wider once he hit the wall of the ball pit and cowered before you. He flinched with each hit, yelping and laughing.
“Okay, okay! You win! Time out!” he pleaded, making a time out gesture with his arms.
You finally stopped, giving him the chance to catch his breath and finally let his arms fall to his sides again. You took the time to take a break as well, closing your eyes to focus on catching your breath.
That is, until you felt a plastic ball bonk your head.
You looked up at him, surprised at first before you spotted his mischievous grin. You rolled your eyes, letting him have it. You flicked his forehead instead in retaliation. He reached up and rubbed it with a soft chuckle, watching as you approached the spot next to him.
“Dork,” you giggled, slumping against the wall next to him and sighing heavily. You smiled, a soft grin at the bottom of your face as you blankly stared in front of you.
That was fun, you thought. You didn't have the chance to truly let loose up until now. It almost felt like healing your inner child, in a way.
It was characteristic of Jax to distract you from your feelings instead of counsel you, but honestly, you kind of preferred that. It took away from the frustration of having to vent and explain your feelings to someone who couldn't understand them completely.
Jax knew how to give you space emotionally without making you feel all alone. You had to admit, he was pretty darn good at that.
You smiled softly, shifting your eyes to look up at him. “...Thank you,” you finally murmured, a warm expression on your face.
Jax looked back at you, his eyes briefly confused at your gratitude. He then fell back into his neutral grin, pinching your nose playfully, then booping it.
“Yeah, whatever, loser,” he chuckled. “Don't get too used to it.”
You chuckled as well, swatting his hand away. “Yeah, yeah.”
Sigh…
Okay, maybe silence wasn't all you ever needed. Sure, it was cool when you just needed a break, but sometimes silence could get overwhelming by itself. Sometimes… you needed a bit of thrill, fun, and action to energize your spirits and lift you back up again.
So Jax was always right there for you to do exactly that. Lift you out of a hollow depression and straight into his own colourful, playful world of mischief and chaos. You didn't know how he knew to do it so damn well, but he did.
And really, you could never be more grateful to have him around for that.