About 6 days ago I found myself in a situation that allowed me to discover my experience with romance, being more than okay with it when it’s about others, but being grossed out and anxious about it when it happens to me. Yup, I’m romance averse.
This happens when my friends and I were at a party, and as the night went by, there were lots of people who started kissing out of the blue. Like, at one moment they were dancing, and then BAM, they were kissing. That’s when I started picturing myself in that situation, which made me realise of how I’d feel if it were to happen to me (like for example someone else mistaking my actions or that it would just happen out of nowhere). It’s not that I felt it, but I just knew that I would feel like I couldn’t breathe or that I would have a panic attack.
In spite of this, the following night, when someone I knew had a crush on someone, and they kissed for the first time I got happy for them and couldn’t help but smile. That’s when I noticed the duality of my feelings towards romance and all suddenly clicked.
