I’m thinking either dance class or yoga class for Spideyfam or Spideypool...
It's been two years since I've updated the series "This Spideyfam Has Two Dads" so if you wanna start at the beginning: here ya go. This will be part 12 in the series of Spiderfam adventures.
“I’m not as young as I used to be,” Peter moaned, muscles stretching in ways that were going to give him trouble for the next month. Despite his morning stretches—that he performed most mornings, if he remembered, sometimes he remembered—he wasn’t feeling particularly fit anymore.
“Aw, that’s why you gotta stretch out, old man!” Of course it was Gwen, the spider that moved like a graceful dancer with ballet slippers to boot, who pointed this out. She didn’t do it maliciously. All of the spiders were trying to help him get back into shape so he didn’t throw out his back at least once a month. Sure it healed but it wasn’t entirely pleasant every time. Hence, yoga classes instructed by some youtuber that Gwen had discovered. She was disappointed that a yoga youtuber from her verse didn’t exist in Miles’ verse (or she wasn’t a yoga teacher on the internet in this one), but she said this one had the most similar vibe that made her feel relaxed and productive.
Peter found it to be a mild form of torture...
but the others seemed to enjoy it. Even Noir, still clad in their coat and mask, was happy to participate—and was much more limber than Peter could ever hope to be anymore. Surely it would be easier without the trench coat but Noir never took it off, but no one in the Spiderfamily questioned it. They all had their quirks, their secrets, and they respected everyone else’s.
“You know, it’s not really fair to do yoga when one of us defies the laws of physics…” Miles grumbled as he shifted into a much more complicated pose that Peter decided he was going to sit out on.
Pan to Peter Porker, body stretched beyond logic. Looking more like a pretzel than a man or a pig.
“The problem is your minds are too narrow to understand the right way to break those laws,” Porker replied, moving to the next pose in a way that hurt Peter’s mind and spine to watch.
“It’s like he doesn’t have bones…”
There was a sort of fascinating horror in Porker’s cartoonish abilities. On one hand, it was amazing and hilarious to see the kinds of things he was capable of. On the other, it was downright mind boggling and disturbing to witness. They’d all accepted the multiverse and their many differences, but coming to terms with cartoon physics existing was a lot harder to accept than this verse saying “you PUNT miette” instead of kick.
Peter still had no sweet clue how old Porker was, or if age mattered in the same way for a cartoon pig. Though to be perfectly honest, all of the spiders were toddlers from his perspective. A man closing in on his forties had no business being a superhero when there were other younger spiders (with essentially his powers) able to take over when he could barely manage to do intermediate yoga poses without wanting to detach his stiff and aching limbs. Keeping up with the kids was difficult sometimes but what it really came down to was Peter’s unwillingness to sit back and let a bunch of kids do his job alone.
He remembered what it was like: sixteen, completely alone, the fate of a city resting solely on his inexperienced shoulders, juggling secrets and homework and nemeses. He couldn’t retire when he could still do his part to help, to be a support for this unusual family of vigilantes trying to heal from their trauma by making the world better.
“You alright, Pops?”
Peter blinked out of his reverie to see all the spiders gawking at him as he laid in defeat on his yoga mat. “Just taking a break,” he grunted, forcing his old body to co-operate and focus on completing the next yoga post.
Next to him, Gwen didn’t look like she believed him but she didn’t press. They fell into a comfortable silence as they moved through the next round of poses.
Peter tried his best not to get distracted but he caught Gwen’s eye after he pulled off a particularly difficult pose for him. There was a fierce proudness in her eyes and it was almost too much for him, seeing how much she cared about him staying active. She easily slipped into the role of surrogate big sister and somehow landed them in the ‘struggling dad needing to rely on the assistance of the eldest kid’ trope. Peter wouldn’t have been happy with this development except her version of taking care of him was similar to the snarky scolding he would get from Aunt May, combined with the soft understanding of a strangely shared trauma. Not to mention it was also their deal. Watch over each other.
“Oh hey, family yoga?” Wade’s voice interrupted the yoga lady’s instructions as the door flew open behind them. No one was expecting him back today, but no one could ever really expect Wade. He showed up without any warning, texts, phone calls, but—which he found was lacking in the Deadpool from his old verse—he usually showed back up in one piece and not entirely as bloody as one would imagine for his line of work. He made a big effort not to worry the kids when he could help it and Peter appreciated that.
“Dad Number 3!” Miles called out. He attempted to turn his body mid-pose to greet him but ended up falling onto his mat the moment he lost his balance.
“Wow, lookin’ good B!”
Peter
could feel Wade’s eyes on his ass without even turning around. He flushed immediately but that was mostly from the pose that had positioned him with his ass in the air right before Wade walked in the door. Of all the coincidences…
Of course Gwen chose that moment to stand up abruptly and clap her hands. “Okay gang! Let’s pack up the yoga mats and break into teams to patrol the city!”
“Gwen, it’s only three o’clock.” Miles looked up at her in confusion. “I know ‘crime never sleeps’ but the city’s probably-”
“Oh, Miles,” Peni shook her head, walking over to pat his head. “So young, so naive.”
“You’re like twelve, Peni.”
“I’m fourteen. Now, let’s go! I wanna kick some early worm bad guy butt!”
“That’s the spirit, kiddo!” Gwen high-fived her and ushered the rest of the spiders out the door before Peter or Wade had the chance to comment.
“So,” Wade’s smooth voice was suddenly right behind Peter’s ear. His body a warm and solid presence slowly pushing up against him. “Working on your… flexibility, huh old man?”
Peter had to admit, there were definitely other benefits to staying active that did not involve superhero responsibilities.
Send me a Ship and a Number and I will Write a Kiss … on a scar
Trying not to look at Mollymauk was a difficult challenge that Caleb had gotten worse at completing the more time they spent together. Molly was always someone that drew the eye, which had made Caleb wary of him in the beginning - it still does to a degree but he’s come to the conclusion that if people are looking at Mollymauk, they’ll hardly pay attention to him. But Caleb’s eyes have lingered longer these days and it took even less time for Mollymauk to notice.
At first he would wink at Caleb and immediately Caleb would turn away, praying that his cheeks didn’t color with embarrassment at being caught. He didn’t say anything however, at least not until he found Caleb staring at him as he nicked his own skin with a blade for a blood maledict. Caleb stared the whole time, distracted from the battle, and for the rest of the fight, Caleb’s eyes kept flicking back to the scar. It didn’t take long to heal but Caleb couldn’t help but be drawn to it. After the battle, Mollymauk sauntered over and held up his arm, leaning into Caleb as he whispered, “Care to kiss it better, Mr. Caleb?”
Every cell in Caleb’s body froze. If someone had paralyzed him, he wouldn’t have known the difference. But he knew from the mischievous glint in Molly’s eyes that he was being played with. It took him a moment to compose himself and shake his head before walking away and vowing to not let his attention stray so badly. He could have sworn as he moved past Molly that his grin faltered and his shoulders slumped but Caleb assumed Mollymauk was disappointed that he didn’t get a rise out of the wizard.
It took him far too long to realize that wasn’t Molly’s intention. Too long and too late.
Caleb would sit awake during his watches and think about all the times Mollymauk flashed that playful grin and that teasing wink; and all the times that Caleb brushed him off, stepped aside and let Molly’s charm fizzle next to him. He’d been scared, he’d assumed the worst, and somehow keeping himself safe had left him the most broken up over Mollymauk. Even though Caleb knows he wouldn’t have been in any kind of position to pursue a romance with the tiefling, his mind wasn’t in a healthy place, he wished he had at least reciprocated or told Mollymauk that he appreciated the flirtatious gestures. But he could wish and wish, and he would never have a chance to right those wrongs.
This would have been true if the world wasn’t a little bit merciful some of the time.
Returning to the Leaky Tap had been an unexpected coming home of sorts. They had finally returned to Zadash, to the Empire, and their first stop was the small tavern. Everything had reminded Caleb of Mollymauk, they had all spent a good deal of time together in this tavern, and Molly had been the life of the party. It wasn’t until Wessek came over to their table that their somber mood lightened ever so slightly.
“And the rest shall follow, welcome back!”
The statement puzzled the Mighty Nein, all gathered around a table and ready for drinks only to be thrown by the familiar face.
“What do you mean the rest shall follow?”
“Oh, the purple one came back a few days ago. I figured it wouldn’t only be a matter of time before you all followed.”
Caleb was on his feet in a matter of seconds, demanding where and when and how. Wessek only had answers to two of those but the Mighty Nein quickly ascended the stairs to one of the bedrooms they had shared during their stay and banged on the door to be greeted by a familiar face, a sly grin, and an ostentatious coat. They celebrated for what seemed like a week to welcome back the lost member of their family.
It wasn’t until several days later, when many of the Nein had passed out at the table or gone to bed early, that Caleb found himself alone with Mollymauk. Times had changed, he had changed significantly since the last time they spoke. It wasn’t a coincidence that Caleb had only been nursing his drinks for the past few nights and finally he worked up the courage to slip into the seat next to Molly and press closer to him.
“Mr. Caleb,” Molly greeted.
“Mr. Mollymauk,” Caleb said with a nod. “May I have your hand?”
Molly’s eyes twinkled with that telltale mischief. “Oh my Caleb! How very forward of you. You have changed! But I’m married to the drink, I must confess.”
Caleb chuckled, shaking his head but he kept his hand out in invitation regardless. It only took a few moments for Molly to set his drink down and place his hand in Caleb’s. It was a wonder that Molly couldn’t feel his heart beating through their joined hands, maybe he did, but Caleb kept eye contact with Molly as he gently twisted Molly’s arm and moved him until he could find the right scar. It had faded in his near perfect memory, the passage of time had been longer than Caleb could bear, but he found the one that he was sure he’d been staring at that day and leaned in. “It’s much too late to kiss it better, but I feel I must.”
He held Molly’s gaze, the shock in the tiefling’s eyes making him move slowly, giving Mollymauk enough time to take his hand back or push Caleb away. He did neither. Molly bit his lip and stared directly at Caleb’s mouth as Caleb sealed his lips on the scar and kissed his skin. It was strange that Caleb couldn’t remember a single instance of Mollymauk blushing in their short history, but he knew that he would commit this moment to memory and never forget the flush on Molly’s cheek that he had caused.
why not both? Send me a Ship and a Number and I will Write a Kiss ... casually / in a rush of adrenaline
It wasn’t often that Peter joined Wade on any of his escapades instead of the reverse, mostly because Wade’s profession often involved murdered even when he couldn’t help it. Although Peter wouldn’t exactly call it joining and more- stumbled upon Wade during the middle of a pretty nasty fight. The gunshots had drawn him in during his late night patrol. They were far on the outskirts of his usual route but loud enough that he caught them. By the time he got there, bullets had riddled several of the neighbouring buildings and he could see through Wade in more than one spot on his body. It was unsettling, no matter how many times he’d seen Wade regenerate from fatal injuries it never got easier to see.
From the roof, Peter could hear the clicking of the empty guns, each one out of ammo, not a single person pulling out a new weapon as Deadpool wavered in front of them muttering on about wearing red and wishing he hadn’t wasted his ammo budget on a signed photograph of Betty White at the last comic con. Peter dropped down, much to everyone’s surprise, right next to Wade as the adrenaline coursed through him. He was filled with rage and the need to protect his boyfriend and the only thing saving these bad guys was his own moral code. Leaning over, he kissed Wade on a part of his cheek where his mask had been torn away, and pulled the lower half of his mask back down before marching over to the baddies, leaving Wade completely starstruck.
Send me a Ship and a Number and I will Write a Kiss
“I thought we had more time.”
Peter had felt his body glitch first that morning when he was making breakfast in case any of the kids had decided to dimension hop during the night - as they tended to do when things got a bit too intense back in their own dimensions - and also for himself and Wade. The Spideyhouse remained a hub now that they could jump back and forth, it had for some time now without any issues. Half asleep, Peter believed that maybe his hand hadn’t gone through the hot pan and actually a nerve in his wrist was still asleep or he’d been dreaming somehow. Later that afternoon when he tripped down the stairs feeling that same blinding fuzz come over his senses that he had when he fell down the fire escape with Miles, Peter wasn’t so sure it was all in his mind.
None of the other spiders were in his and Miles’ dimension so he took himself straight to Aunt May’s, sending Miles a quick non-emergency text to make his way to her place after school had ended.
“Peter, I wasn’t expecting you today was I?”
Immediately Peter felt the panic that tightened his muscles all afternoon slowly relax under her watchful eye. She always had a calming effect on him. “Hey Aunt May.”
Her eyes widened in understanding, her head tilting gently, “Come in and tell me all about it.” She always knew. Always.
“It’s happening again,” Peter said, sitting down at the kitchen table as she set a muffin and a cup of tea in front of him. “The glitching.”
“Have you been here too long?”
“The glitching started almost immediately when I first got sent here. It’s been months since we destroyed the collider and I came back, none of us have glitched since then.”
“But you stayed, Peter. The rest come and go. Maybe you need to go back and recuperate.”
“Yeah maybe you have a-” Peter seized up as his entire body glitched in and out of reality, his limbs existing everywhere and nowhere, his brain fizzling from the intensity of it. When he came to, he was on the floor after a full blown glitch.
“Somehow getting hit by a train is easier than that…” Peter coughed, sitting up when May knelt down next to him, brushing off his shoulders. Her gentle hands cupped his face and made him look up at her.
“My boy, I think it’s time you go stay with Mary Jane for a few days.”
Peter’s eyes watered and his throat closed up, “What if I can’t come back?”
Aunt May’s gaze was unwavering as she patted his cheek, “We’ll solve that problem when it comes up. For now, let’s pack you a bag.”
May hadn’t let Peter swing back to the Spideyhouse, insisting that she drive him in case he had another glitch on his way home. Which he did. He was honestly surprised that he only managed to glitch himself from the passenger seat into the backseat and not completely out of the car and into oncoming traffic.
When they arrived home, Wade was there and so was Miles - he assumed he would ditch school early once he got another text telling Miles that he didn’t need to go to May’s and that he wasn’t going to be at the Spideyhouse for a few days.
“What’s going on, Dad #2? You’re never not gonna be at the Spideyhouse. Where are you going? Who’s blackmailing you? I can paralyze them or we can go infiltrate their place like old times and-”
“Woah, woah, slow down kid. It’s nothing seriou-” Of course he would glitch. The space in between glitches was rapidly increasing and he wasn’t sure how long he could stay here without succumbing to the agony that each glitch caused. Wade and Miles were immediately at his side, holding on once he was completely corporeal.
“He’s going back to his dimension, just for a little while, to see if that will counteract the glitching.”
“What if it doesn’t?” Wade was the first to ask. Peter had to smirk at that.
“One thing at a time, dear.” Aunt May’s voice was reassuring for all of them but that didn’t stop the nerves from sneaking back up on Peter. He didn’t want to be cast out from his new home, even if it might help him. This was where he wanted to be to recover. He looked up at Wade just as the merc was glancing back at him and he could see the worry in Wade’s eyes reflected back at him.
“Hey,” Peter whispered, caressing Wade’s scarred cheek. Somehow, seeing Wade’s fear made him braver. If he couldn’t convince himself that he was going to be okay, the least he could do is pretend for Wade’s sake. “I won’t be long.”
“I thought we had more time.”
Peter’s brought his other hand up to frame Wade’s face, “We have plenty of time, it’s just going to be on hold for a bit. I’ll be back. I promise.” Before Wade could voice more worries, he pulled his boyfriend close and pressed their lips together firmly. The kiss was tender despite Wade’s desperation and Peter’s determination; he hated that it felt like a goodbye. He couldn’t let it be goodbye. Peter softened the kiss, his lips lingering on Wade’s until he trailed chaste kisses down Wade’s jaw, up his cheek, over his forehead and down his nose. He kept Wade’s head in his hands as he looked him in the eyes. He could already feel another glitch starting at the bottom of his feet. “Be back soon.”
Not once had Peter personally traveled back to his own dimension like the others had. They made it seem so easy when they explained it, reaching into themselves and pulling on that thread they called home and suddenly their body was dematerializing in this dimension and rematerializing in the other. They were so used to it that it was as simple as hopping on a bus. For Peter, it took a bit more effort to find a thread that tied him to his own dimension but he could hear M.J.’s voice and, before the glitch could start, he felt his body gradually go numb. Peter was losing footing in one reality only to find himself standing in M.J.’s living room without Wade by his side and with a rather alarmed redhead dropping her tea all over her carpet.
Sorry it's been a hot minute since I updated this little verse. It's been a time but don't worry, the title is deceiving and this isn't over. I've got more planned. Start at the beginning (even tho it’s not technically in chronological order) or read on AO3
“We did it. We won…”
Miles glanced around at all the faces he’d come to know and love. These people were more than his team, they were his family. And now they would all be going home. He would never see them again. They wouldn’t be gathering at the Spider-House. It was over.
“Yeah. Yeah it’s over,” Miles shoulder sank a little as he said it. The reality of it sinking in.
Gwen pulled off her mask, looking up at Peter with a pointed look. Of course, the reluctant father of their chosen family sighed and followed suit by tugging off his own mask and walking over to the sullen boy.
“Hey kid, it’ll be okay,” Peter placed his hand on Miles’ shoulder but he didn’t know how reassuring it would be. “We'll figure out a way to keep in touch.”
Miles looked up through his mask and nodded, convincing exactly no one. They all knew him well enough that he was grimacing under that mask, trying to keep it together and pretend as though he was okay but he couldn’t bluff the same way Gwen could. He showed his emotions on his face, in his eyes, bottling up his emotions simply wasn’t his thing and everyone understood that. Without another word, the rest of the spiders swarmed him, gathering each other up in a tight group hug and clinging to the idea of family that kept them together until they could return to their own dimensions. As much as they all had lives they needed to return to, they would miss this familiarity.
-----
It didn’t take long for all the kids to return to their own worlds. Peter stood next to Miles as they ushered everyone through the portal and watched them disappear. After Gwen hugged and fistbumped Miles, she looked at Peter and hesitated. Her arms lifting slightly and dropping back down before she finally gave in and wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight hug. They didn’t say anything as they held each other but he knew they were both thinking the same thing. He was thankful for a Gwen out there, still smiling, still thriving, still alive despite his faults. He knew she would be okay. He wasn’t so sure about himself.
Miles blinked at him after Gwen disappeared. “Are you not going?”
Peter stared long into the void that called to him, the world he knew as his own, the life he needed to return to. He sighed long and hard before shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweats. “I guess I have to, huh?”
“Um… hey so, y’know, thanks for-” Before Miles could finish, Peter scooped him up into a hug. “Oh uh- cool. This is- yeah.”
“I’m proud of you kid. Everyone wouldn’t be home without you. You saved us.” Peter whispered into his ear and Miles squeezed him back.
“Proud of you too, old man.”
Never before had Peter wanted kids and somehow he had ended up with a house full of the best children, people that supported him, people that he loved. He couldn’t believe it was coming to an end.
As they pulled apart, Miles rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “So um, what do you want me to tell Wade?”
That was a question Peter didn’t know the answer to. They’d been a small spiderfamily for months as they figured out a way to return to their worlds and Wade had been right there with them the whole time. Right there with him. This wasn’t a universe he was meant to stay in.
“Yeah, what do you want him to tell Wade?”
Peter’s laugh was more of an exhale from his nose. He should have known that he wouldn’t be getting out of here without one last moment with the overbearing mercenary. That man weaseled his way into his life on multiple occasions.
“Leaving without a goodbye kiss?” Wade asked, sauntering up as Peter turned around. Miles stood awkwardly next to him, glancing back and forth between two men that he’d playfully called dad for the past couple months.
“Okay dads, have a good talk! Love you, bye!”
The kid was darting away in a flash, faster than Peter had ever seen the kid move and that was saying something when he had just watched Miles defeat Kingpin. Peter only watched his run off for so long before his gaze eventually met Wade’s. The man wasn’t wearing the mask in public for once, instead he had a hoodie pulled up to cover his bald head and shadow his face and his scars. Sunglasses hung on the front of the sweater. Despite his bravado, Wade would possibly always be self-conscious about his scars but at least he was comfortable enough around his family to let his defenses down.
“Back to Never Never Land,” Wade nodded at the portal behind Peter.
“Guess so.”
“I can never catch a break, can I?” The carefully constructed confidence crumbled slightly, his voice catching on his words and Peter could barely believe it. Immediately, he stepped in front of the man he had come to rely on. Even come to love, not that he’d ever be able to admit it.
Peter smiled sadly, lifting his hands to push Wade’s hood back to cup his cheek and pull their foreheads together. “This was one of the best breaks, I think.”
“You know I’m gonna know about this on the other side, you can’t run too far.”
“Yeah,” Peter nodded, leaning back to look Wade in the eyes, “But he’s not you.”
“He is, though.”
Peter shook his head, “Nah. You’re funnier.”
“Hah.”
“Hotter.”
“Now you’re getting silly, Parker.”
“And I-” Peter swallowed, thumb brushing Wade’s cheek gently, “I’m not ready to miss you.”
Wade winked, “Everyone misses me. But you know, I won’t be mad.”
“Mad at what?”
“Mad if you get together with the ‘me’ in that verse. Or back together with M.J. It’s all good, no hard feelings.”
That was not something Peter had expected Wade to say. In retrospect, he should have. Wade was a self-deprecating type. This was his M.O.
“No, Wade I’m not-”
“It’s all good, old man. Don’t worry about it.” But Peter had grown to know him, knew when he was putting up walls and pushing away because he was hurt. He couldn’t hide his real feelings from Peter.
“Don’t be an ass,” Peter growled, grabbing Wade by the back of his neck and pulling him in. The kiss started rough, Peter expressing his anger at the idea of being with anyone but his Wade, at the idea that Wade would think he would want that. But as Wade kissed back, and Peter held on tighter, it became desperate and emotional. Two people who weren’t ready to be apart. Two people who weren’t prepared for a goodbye. When Peter first got to this dimension, all he could think about was going back to his shitty apartment so he could eat the rest of his pizza and wallow in self-pity. That wasn’t who he was anymore. Here he had a life, a family, but they were all back in their homes, safe and sound. Except Miles. Except Wade.
“Don’t forget me, Parker,” Wade whispered against his lips when he pulled back and Peter felt hands on his chest. He didn’t realize what was happening until it was too late.
“Wait-” But Wade’s hands shoved and Peter stumbled back and the world spun widely.
Peter blinked Wade’s sad smile from his eyes and he was greeted by the sight of clutter and mess and a place that he never truly called home. Yet here he was. Back in his own world.
----
Knocking on the door had taken some courage, not nearly as much courage as he needed when Miles had asked him to knock on Aunt May’s door but almost that much. When the door opened, he smiled his best smile and held up flowers and chocolates and tried to look presentable - only for the door to be closed once more.
His shoulders dropped and he rushed forward, clenching his fist around the bouquet as he knocked on the door more urgently. “Come on, M.J. It’s not what you think! I just want to talk.”
“You’ve wanted to talk for years, Pete!” M.J. called through the closed door. “I told you, I can’t play this game with you anymore!”
“I don’t want to play any-” Peter sighed, “I met someone else.”
Silence.
“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to say it like that. But I’m not here to try and win you back, M.J. I know I lost that battle a long time ago and you deserve better. I just, you’re the smartest person I know and I need your help.”
The door cracked open slightly and M.J. peeked out, “Did you fuck it up already?”
“Um, no?”
“Then why are you here?”
“It’s a long story. Can I come in?” Peter sheepishly offered the flowers and M.J. rolled her eyes, grabbing the box of chocolate instead as she opened the door wider.
------
“Wade Wilson?” M.J. asked for the fifth time as she paced back and forth in her living room.
Peter popped another chocolate in his mouth and leaned back into the couch that was much comfier than the one they had owned together. “That’s the part you’re focusing on?”
“You’re dating Wade?”
“Not the ‘I went into another dimension with other spiders from even more dimensions’ part?”
“Deadpool?”
“Yeah.”
“The mercenary that follows you around with doe eyes and kills people?”
“The one and only.” Peter paused, “Well-”
“The one and only of that other dimension?”
“Yeah that. Except for the fact that-”
“Wade is aware of all the other dimensions?”
“Exactly! Wait- how did you know that?”
M.J. quirked her eyebrows at him, “I’ve spent time around him too. He was always rattling on about other worlds and it made no sense except now obviously.”
“Obviously,” Peter nodded, “You know I made that connection too.”
“Sure.”
“Hey!” Peter tossed a chocolate at her and she glared at him as it sailed past her.
“Don’t waste my chocolates, Parker. You’re here for my help, remember?”
Peter slumped back into the couch, “Yeah, yeah. So?”
“So?”
“What do you think?”
“About faking your death so you can jump back through a portal - that you don’t even know if you can open again, I might add-”
“I have a sense about it.”
“Uh huh,” M.J. rolled her eyes and Peter made a face at her. “All so you can go back to dating Wade Wilson in a completely new dimension where there’s already a Spider-Man.”
“Yeah that about sums it up. Are you gonna get over this?”
“You want me to get over the fact that you’re dating Wade Wilson in another dimension?”
“Ugh, yes!”
“Not gonna happen.”
Peter dragged his hands down his face and desperately wished for M.J.’s couch to become a portal to hell. He should have known better than to come to his ex with his problems.
It was M.J.’s breath that caught his attention and made him look up. It was her thoughtful inhale that was soon to be followed by-
“Peter…” M.J. sighed. It was a sigh that always followed Peter’s schemes that usually put him in a world of danger because he was so focused on the end result that he didn’t think of the path to get there. M.J. always thought of the path.
His eyes met her and it was the first time he’d seen the worry in her eyes from so close up. It had been years since he saw her right before he threw himself in front of danger as Spider-Man.
“I’m sorry, M.J. It’s a lot to ask.”
M.J.’s lips quirked up in a soft smile, “This isn’t how I thought our lives would go.”
“M.J.-”
She cut him off with a laugh, “Can you believe there are other dimensions where we’re still in love?”
Peter was on his feet in an instant and gathered her hands in his own. Whatever happened between them, he couldn’t stand to see M.J. in pain. “Hey, M.J. I will always love you, you know that right? I fucked up. I messed up so hard with you. I didn’t step up, I was scared and I ran and that’s on me. You didn’t deserve that and you don’t deserve this. I can’t let you be held back by me and my fuck ups. You deserve the world and I know you’re gonna take it. Even if we weren’t right for each other in this dimension, you’ll always be the love of my life.”
“You dork,” M.J. laughed, bringing her hand up to cup Peter’s cheek. “I lost my best friend when we broke up and I’ve missed him. Now you’re going to take him from me.”
“If I’m right, I’ll be able to come back. Visit sometime.”
“Are you gonna bring-”
“Don’t you say this full name again, Watson.”
M.J. smirked playfully, “Gonna bring the boyfriend?”
“Maybe, if you’re good.”
“Who knew it would take the existence of the multiverse for you to come to your senses and still end up with someone else.”
Peter rose his eyebrow, “You really want to date me again?”
“Oh hell no, Parker. That train has left the station and driven straight off a cliff into the ocean.”
“Okay, graphic.”
“There were no survivors.”
“Again, a little unnecessary.”
“Even the rescue team died.”
“And on that note, goodbye M.J. It was great catching up but I have a portal to catch!”
Before he could fully pull away, M.J. grabbed his wrist and pulled back into a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around her body and squeezed her close, held her like he’d wished he could for all the years of their separation.
“I truly am going to miss you, M.J.”
“Of course you will, tiger.”
He leaned back out of her embrace, catching her eye. “I know you’re probably wearing waterproof make-up right now, but if you’re not… your face is about to get real messed up.”
Laughing, M.J. brought her hand up to delicately wipe a tear from the corner of her eye, she didn’t even smug her eyeliner. “Get out of here, Peter. Before I change my mind about your fake death.”
“You won’t change your mind, you’ll have too much fun planning my elaborate death story.”
“I can say whatever I want and you won’t be able to change it!”
“That’s the spirit!”
“It’s gonna be real humiliating, Parker. Everyone at the funeral will cringe.”
“You have fun with that!” Peter grinned, squeezing her hand before he finally pulled away. He’d almost made it out the door before M.J. called him again and he turned around to see tears trickling down her face without a hint of black mascara or eyeliner running.
“What about Spider-Man? What is this dimension going to do without one?”
“I’m sure you’ll figure that out.” Peter said, smiling as he slipped out of M.J.’s apartment, possibly for the last time.
--------
It was disorienting, coming back to a dimension that he technically wasn't supposed to be in. He was more than ever thankful that Aunt May had fixed the glitching and cellular decay issues months ago but that didn't give him any less of a headache to be thrown so completely into a new headspace. It was the worst form of jetlag.
But here he was. Peter looked around at the familiar Manhattan, much different from his own but already it felt more like his home than his old dimension. Except this time, he came prepared. He didn't have much from his old life that had value, mostly just pictures, but those belongings all fit into one suitcase that he had been determined to take with him, unlike his pizza.
Now it was only a matter of finding Wade and-
"Peter? Is that-"
Found him. It had been at least half a day in Peter's old dimension to get him back here, and yet here was Wade. Still at the collider sight. Sitting in the corner on some rubble. Crying?
"Wade are you crying?"
"I had to shove the love of my life through a portal, Parker. I can do what I want!"
"Yeah, about that!" Peter exclaimed, making his way over to Wade, who was already walking toward him after stumbling forward out of the trashed equipment and building surrounding them. It wasn't much of a choice to drop his bag and wrap his arms around Wade's shoulder, pulling him into a tight embrace. "You're such an idiot."
"I was being self-sacrificing!"
"You didn't sacrifice yourself, you sacrificed me!"
"Yeah but that's harder. I don't die remember."
"Oh that's comforting. Thanks for risking my life."
Wade pulled back from the embrace to give him a look and Peter chuckled, reaching up to take Wade's face in his hands.
"Listen, you dumb fuck. I was going to tell you that I wasn't going back to my dimension. That I was staying here with you. Before you pushed me into the portal that is."
"Wait- you what?"
"But I guess it's a good thing you did. Gave me some closure with M.J., got some stuff from my old place, made sure everything was squared away back there first."
"You- wait- what?"
Peter smirked, leaning in close so Wade could hear him whisper. "I love you."
"You dove through a hole in the universe for me!"
"Well not-"
"It really is true marvel love."
"Are you doing that thing again where you-"
"I love you too," Wade said before silencing Peter with a kiss. It wasn't elegant, it was desperate and relieved and a little wet, if Peter was being honest, but he was in Wade's arm and it felt like coming home.
"You're both gross!"
Peter pulled away from Wade gasping, "Stop spying on your dads, Miles!"
"Hah! You admit it! Got three dads! Jackpot!"
"All the better to embarrass you!" Peter shouted up to the neighbouring rooftop.
"Ah crap! You're right!" Miles swung down from the building, but he approached cautiously until Wade and Peter parted from each other. Though Wade did lace his fingers with Peter to maintain contact, as though he thought Peter was going to be sucked through another portal if he didn't hang on. "So- you're staying here?"
Peter nodded, "Yeah kid. I'm here to stay."
"Yes! I'm gonna tell the others!"
That was a startling revelation. "You can reach them?"
"Oh yeah, how do you think you got back?"
"Wishing real hard and true love?"
"Nah, the connection between us is still open and also Gwen thinks someone else is jumping through the multiverse so they're all able to communicate and travel to this dimension when needed, since they've already been here."
Wade blinked between them, "Is that scientifically sound?"
Peter shook his head, "Fuck if I know."
"Guess this means you're gonna have to buy the Spidey-house from Mr. Stark, huh?"
"We'll need to keep a headquarters if we're all going to come back here." Peter agreed. But more than anything, he was relieved that his family wouldn't be split apart permanently. He couldn't bare losing them after everything they'd been through.
"Let's go home," Peter squeezed Wade's hand as he picked up his bag and tugged him along.
"So wait," Miles paused, stopping the group in their tracks. "What about your dimension? It's missing a Spider-Man now."
Peter grinned wide and knowing, "You know, I don't think that's true."
-------
On a rooftop of a parallel dimension, stood a new spider in a mostly black suit with red accents and a much larger red spider across the front. A hand lifted, pulling off the mask to let her red hair whip in the wind. "I knew making this suit would come in handy."
Apparently all I do with this Spiderfam is write Gwen angst so here’s a compilation of little headcanons/drabbles of Gwen and her feelings regarding this new dimension:
Gwen & Peters:
“I’ll do it. I’ll stay and close it while you all get back to your dimensions,” Peter B. said definitively. There was no room for argument in his confident voice. Of course it would be him, Gwen thought. Of course another Peter would be lost.
The first time Peter B. had chimed in, saying that he would stay behind, Gwen immediately protested and insisted it would be her. She couldn’t sit back and watch yet another Peter Parker die. She had stood over the dying body of her best friend, watching the life fade from him after she’d failed him. It was the worst pain she had ever felt and when she was thrust into this universe unexpectedly, the news of Spider-Man aka Peter Parker found dead had only deepened that wound. Now, another Peter Parker was going to give up his life and Gwen could only stand by and watch. She couldn’t save a single one.
Gwen inhaled as Peter B. looked between the faces of all the spiders, sure that Miles wasn’t up to the task. She averted her eyes, shaking her head. It seemed she would always feel weak and useless when it came to the Peters of the world.
When Miles pulled it together and found his courage, Gwen could have hugged him and never let go. He did what she could not do. He saved him. One Peter Parker was going to be alive and well because of him and Gwen never wanted anything bad to happen to another Peter Parker ever again.
-
-
-
Gwen & Aunt May
The breath had left her body when the door opened and Aunt May stepped out. Aunt May, her neighbor, the aunt of her best friend, the woman who was like a mother to her. She stood quietly as she watched her and Peter B. interact. This moment wasn’t about her. This woman had recently lost her nephew, the boy she had raised as a son, and here she was being greeted with a slightly older, slightly messier version of that same boy. And with Peter, oh Peter, Gwen recognized that look on his face. She knew immediately that his Aunt May was someone he had to say goodbye to, someone that he lost and was now seeing again. Their faces reflected the same hurt, the same longing, the same feeling of coming home. It was what Gwen felt when she saw Peter’s face on the news before she read the headline, the same feeling she got when she looked into Peter B’s eyes. So she stood back and waited, she could wait.
That wait ended with Gwen sitting at May’s kitchen table, eating freshly baked cookies and waiting for the others to arrive for a training session that afternoon.
“Gwen, dear,” May said, passing Gwen another plate of cookies and sitting across from her. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I-uh, oh um I’m pretty focused on these cookies, Aunt May. I should get the recipe from you before I go back to my dimension so I can-”
“Gwen.” All May did was say her name, but there was a firm, no-nonsense tone that made Gwen freeze up. She sighed, letting her shoulders slump, and she put down the cookie she was about to shove into her mouth to keep herself quiet.
“You- you were my neighbour growing up.” Aunt May smiled in a way that made Gwen think that she knew, that the Gwen in this dimension was also a neighbourhood girl. She would have to look into that deeper another time. For now, she had something to confess. “Peter was my best friend.”
May understood instantly, her tone sympathetic. “You lost him, too.”
Gwen looked up at May, tears welling up in her eyes as she nodded, “Yeah. I uh- I wasn’t fast enough or smart enough or I was just too cocky. I didn’t save him.”
“Sometimes,” May said, nibbling on a cookie. “Sometimes I think the same thing about my boy. Why couldn’t I have done more? What could I have done differently to keep him alive. But Peter was always going to do what he was going to do, dear. No matter what reality he’s in.”
That made Gwen wince. “He wasn’t- he didn’t have powers in my dimension. He was a normal boy. But he wanted to be like me.”
May reached over, taking Gwen’s hand in her own. “He doesn’t need powers to be the same Peter. You couldn’t have stopped him, there was not failing or not saving. That boy. Oh that boy tries and tries and he doesn’t let anything get in his way. And that can be brave and heroic, but it can also be foolish and reckless.”
Her Peter had been the exact same, but then again, so had Gwen. When she got her powers she had been quick to jump into action, she had been as reckless as Miles and Peter and she had been so sure of herself. So sure that she was doing the right thing, that she was the only one who could. Watching Peter die, that had been her wake up call that this isn’t for fun. That there was more responsibility to her power than she had cared to admit. And now, surrounded by spiders, surrounded by a family of hot-headed heroic types, she knew that there were many ways to be a hero and that she wasn’t the only one.
“I- I was so scared to talk to you, Aunt May. I still, I meant I still haven’t really in my dimension except for at Peter’s funeral and I-” Gwen inhales shakely, barely holding back tears. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I can’t say that to my Aunt May because she doesn’t know that I’m Spider-Woman and I can’t put that on her. But I needed to tell you that. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect him. Any of them.”
“Oh, my sweet girl,” Aunt May stood up and moved around the table to embrace Gwen patting her hair as she soothed her. Gwen clung to waist, sobbing against her. “There is nothing for you to apologize for. You are not to blame. You’re so young, you cannot carry the responsibility for all these lives, my girl.”
She said nothing as May held her, even though she heard the door open behind them and felt Aunt May shoo them out when she took her hand off of Gwen’s head, Gwen continued to silently cry and let May hold and comfort her until she was able to compose herself. When her cries settled, May bent down and took Gwen’s face in her hands, wiping her tears away with her thumbs as she looked her straight in the eye. “I do not blame you, Gwen. And one day, I would love for you to not blame yourself.”
Gwen bit her lip and nodded, she wasn’t sure how long it would take her to get there, but with promises to Peter B. and now Aunt May, she was going to try her best to get there.
-
-
-
Gwen & her dad
It turns out Gwen was right. There was another Gwen in this dimension. She was older, somewhere in her mid to late twenties, the same age as the Peter in this dimension. Somehow, seeing a slightly older version of herself wasn’t nearly as weird as it was seeing a much older Peter Parker every day, but it definitely gave her a start when she saw her. This alternate Gwen was incredibly different though. She was smart and accomplished. Gwen knew she was smart herself, her and Peter had always competed for the best grades in school, but Gwen loved music more than grades and science and everything that this Gwen apparently loved. The music spoke to her more than equations and that was what Gwen wanted to pursue. She wondered if her dad would be happier with this Gwen as his daughter.
Except she didn’t have to wonder. Captain Stacy seemed incredibly happy to have this Gwen as his daughter. This Captain Stacy didn’t have to be disappointed that his daughter wasn’t going to college after graduating high school - this Gwen clearly had more than a couple degrees. He didn’t have to pester her about getting a real job because band gigs weren’t a steady income - this Gwen obviously was the head of some sort of scientific research department. And he certainly didn’t have to worry about his daughter not responding to phone calls because she was swinging through the city fighting bad guys and the police as she tried to capture Peter’s real killer and clear her name.
Following them around the city definitely wasn’t Gwen’s finest moment. She wasn’t proud of herself for doing it and it certainly didn’t make her feel good about herself. She wished her father would look at her with the amount of pride Captain Stacy looked at his Gwen with. Instead, her father looked at her with disappointment and when she was wearing a mask… she never thought her father could ever look at her with so much anger and contempt - and yet.
Of course, thinking about the tension between herself and her father is what distracted her as she moved to swing off the building and head back to the spidey-house; which meant her web missed the next building; which meant she fell directly onto the hood of a car; specifically the police car driven by Captain Stacy.
“Ow…” Gwen groaned, rolling over to slide off the car and rub her sore shoulder.
“Hey get off of- oh-” Captain Stacy had started yelling but was silenced when we realized there was a masked figure slumped over in front of his car. “Are you, you’re with the other guy, right?”
Gwen was frozen. Here she was, standing in front of Captain Stacy dressed as Spider-Woman and she wasn’t being held at gunpoint, wasn’t faced with a threat of life behind bars with her best friend’s death being thrown in her face once again. He was strangely calm and sounded surprised but pleased to see another vigilante spider before him.
“I-um, yes sir. Spider-Woman, reporting for duty and all that.”
“We thought there was only one of you before but now there’s two more! Why haven’t we seen you before?”
“Oh I, just visiting. Got a whole different city to protect y’know. So I’m only in the neighbourhood for a little while.”
Captain Stacy nods, “Well, you didn’t hear me say this but we appreciate the help.”
That floors Gwen instantly. Captain Stacy wanting the help of the vigilante spiders. Her help. Suddenly she wants to cry but she pulls herself together.
“I- it’s no problem.” Gwen rubs her shoulder awkwardly and gestures behind her, up to the building, “Well, I should be off.”
“That was one hell of a fall, you sure you’re okay?”
“What? No I’m fine Da- UH! Duh! Superpowers and all that! Happens all the time! Well, no not all the time, actually I’m really graceful. Most of the time. Not that time. I uh-”
Captain Stacy has been giving her a puzzling look the entire time, “You sound familiar,” he finally says and Gwen stiffens. She would try to throw her voice like Miles but she didn’t think of that this time. Plus Miles always sounds silly when he does it.
“Just uh- must have one of those voices I guess! Anyway!” Quickly Gwen shoots a web and swings herself out of the situation. She hears Captain Stacy call after her, maybe another thank you, maybe a simple goodbye, it doesn’t really matter because she doesn’t hear him and she isn’t going back. Instead, she parks herself down on another rooftop and pulls out her phone that doesn’t work in this dimension. She stares at the old unanswered messages from her father and thinks that if she has any chance of resolving things with her own father, she’s going to have to go back to her dimension eventually.
Sorry it’s been so long since a Spiderfamily update! It’s been a really weird and busy start to 2019 and I’m on a somewhat social media break? But more fics will be coming soon!
It took all of six seconds for Wade to realize he’d come home to chaos and considering he’d been in three gun fights only hours before, that was definitely saying something.
“Thank fuck you’re here,” Peter growled. His voice was much deeper and gravelly than it usually was. It was sexy. Quite sexy. Maybe the most sexy of all the-
“Hey! Fuckface! Eyes on me. Focus-” although the last part of ‘focus’ was coughed out onto Wade’s face.
“Ew, Spidey-germs. Does that mean I’m gonna get spidey-powers now?”
“You never get sick, Wade. Healing factor, remember?”
“That’s mutanist. You’re being- you’re falling over actually okay let’s get you to a flat surface.” Wade caught Peter in his arms mid-sentence as he started to tilt a little too far to the left. He propped Peter up against his own chest, turning his face so that if he coughed, he’d cough in a direction that wasn’t Wade’s tattered and bloody suit.
The falling over and apparent fever that Wade could feel through this suit didn’t stop Peter from rambling. “Gwen needs cough medicine. Peni needs a hot water bottle. Porker needs a lot of Kleenex. Noir needs some kind of old timey remedy that has too many ingredients and probably heroin so scratch that and just get him ibuprofen.”
“And Peter B. needs to lie down because he’s got the highest fever I’ve ever felt and I had cancer, my dude.”
“Don’t call me-” Peter’s coughing fit cut him off and he buried his face into Wade’s chest once again. “Don’t call me dude.”
“And Miles needs more blankets!”
Wade turned to the couch to see one Miles Morales peeking his head up from the couch.
“Miles?” Peter also turned to look but Wade assumed he got dizzy because he just put his face back on Wade’s chest. “You’re still here? I thought you went home.”
“You said there was a Spidey quarantine!”
Peter paused in Wade’s arms. “I guess I did say that. Okay. And Miles needs more blankets.”
“And water, please.”
“Don’t be greedy.”
Miles groaned and dropped back onto the couch and out of sight.
Wade stared at the back of the couch for a moment before he unceremoniously picked Peter up and starts to carry him upstairs.
“This isn’t what I asked for.”
“But it’s what you’re getting. Gotta get you into bed, old man. Have you always been this heavy? I feel like maybe-”
“Do not kick a man when he’s down,” Peter growled into Wade’s shoulder but he clings harder to him. He’s still clinging when Wade plants him down on their bed and tries to pull away.
“You’re warm,” is Peter’s only answer when Wade asks him what he’s doing.
“And you’re on fire. Didn’t you want me to help out the other spiders?”
“Leave them to die, cuddles are more important.”
Instead of doing any of that, Wade pulled away and was surprised at how easily he slipped out of Peter’s grasp this time. He was weak and pliant, which only made Wade worry more as he pressed a soft kiss to Peter’s forehead.
“Get some rest, old man.”
Peter grumbled and groaned, but he rolled over and cuddled one of the fluffy pillows on their bed, seemingly obeying Wade’s words for once. Wade was sure he’d be asleep within minutes of leaving the room.
As he walked down the hall, ready to go check on the spider-kids, he pulled out his phone and shot his reliable weapon’s dealer a quick text message and a list of everything he would be needing.
-
-
-
“You know, when I got your message this isn’t exactly what I was expecting,” Weasel held out six bags full of pharmaceuticals, Kleenex, and everything else the poor sick spiders would be needing. Weasel took in Wade’s form as he handed the bags over the threshold of the doorway. He blinked wildly, took of his thick glasses to rub them clean on his shit, put them back on, and continued to stare. “Also wasn’t expecting that.”
Wade, completely free of his usual suit and mask, was wearing a blue and white unicorn onesie and a pink frilly apron. With all the spiders sick, someone had to clean house, and that someone was well equipped with the best outfit for the job.
“It’s the uniform of a providing father, Wease.”
Weasel stared blankly at him. Clearly he did not believe or understand anything out of the mercenary’s mouth.
“Is that meds?” Gwen had snuck up behind Wade and he would have scolded her for leaving her bed but she was leaning heavily against his side for support. He’d never seen any of his spiders so weak. Gwen reached around him and rummaged through the bags until she found a package of cough medicine. “Thank fuck!” Gwen pressed a kiss to Wade’s cheek before turning and launching herself over the back of the couch to land directly on top of Miles judging by the yelp and groan that followed. He could not understand how she could still be this nimble when she was burning up with a fever.
“I got the stuff!”
After Miles recovered he lifted his head over the couch again, “Thanks Dad Number 3!”
“What the shit, Wade?”
Wade turned back to Weasel who looked completely shell shocked. He was staring into the house, eyes wide with disbelief.
“Is this where you’ve been this whole time? Everyone’s been asking for you at the bar, wondering why you’ve just been picking up jobs over the phone instead of coming in, and you’ve been… playing house with someone else’s kids? Who are these kids? Whose kids are they? What the-”
“Lot of questions, buddy. Slow down, you’ll hurt yourself.”
“Did you kidnap and brainwash a bunch of children, Wade?”
“Yes, Weasel. It’s a big conspiracy where I brainwash random kids to become mutant mercenaries not unlike myself and get them to do my bidding.”
“Al’s not gonna like this, Wade.”
“Weasel. I’m not. Obviously.”
Weasel looked from the couch, where two heads were poking up with curiosity, back to Wade. “Whatever’s going on here isn’t obvious.”
Wade sighed and shoved Weasel out of the doorway and stepped outside, closing the door behind him, much to the dismay of the two eavesdroppers inside.
“Look, you can’t tell anyone. I mean it this time, buddy. Tell anyone and I will personally slice your balls off and feed them to you on a silver platter.”
“Not the most creative threat you’ve given me but okay, noted.”
“I got married to a perfectly normal man from this dimension. His name is Peter and he has two children who are definitely both his biological spawn and they’re technically my kids now through marriage. That’s it. That’s the whole deal. And they’re defenseless little normal humans so I can’t let anyone know about them because any of my enemies could find out and hunt them down. Can’t have that. So no words out of your mouth, got it?”
Weasel stared at him for a moment before nodding, “Yup, absolutely everything out of your mouth was a lie but I can’t even begin to fathom the truth of it so- you got it bud. Not a word. Just promise me you’re not doing anything weird or skeevy or more illegal than the usual illegal shit we do.”
“Scout’s honor!”
“You’re not a- yeah okay, sure. You’re welcome for the care package. Hope the kiddies feel better soon.”
“Me too, who knew spider-people could get this sick.”
“Sorry what?”
“What?”
“The what people?”
“What what?”
Weasel rolled his eyes, waving his hand dismissively as he walked away. “Whatever Wade. You can tell me when you’re ready. Let me know when you’re ready for another mission.”
“Will do, buddy!” Wade gave him a two-finger salute before heading back inside and promptly running into Gwen and Miles who were obviously backing up from leaning against the wall. They somewhat successfully steadied each other despite looking like they were going to collapse at any moment. Gwen folded her arms and gave Wade a stern look, possibly to overcompensate for being caught. Miles glanced at her and immediately followed suit.
“Are you cheating on Pops?”
“Ye-yeah! Are you cheating on Dad Number 2?”
Wade rolled his eyes, sighing loudly as he put his arms around the two kids and lifted them up, carrying them back to the couch and plopping them down.
“Nothing or no one could make me cheat on your dad. I am faithful till the end. Sometimes beyond the end. With the exception of men that time travel and have metal arms… then sometimes I’m not the most faithful person but it’s an understandable thing. Like one of those freebie lists. You get me?”
Both Gwen and Miles shook their heads.
“Good! Now,” Wade dug through the bags he’d left in the entryway and plopped down a box of Kleenex, bottle of painkillers, two bottles of gatorade, and other supplies onto the laps. “Take some drugs, get some sleep, and feel better!”
“You’re a weird dude, Mr. Deadpool Dad,” Gwen mumbled as she crawled under one of the many blankets Miles had accumulated on the couch - including the ones that Gwen brought down when she was tired of being in her room alone.
“And you’re a weird kid.”
“But you’re good to have around. Love you and all that.”
“Ditto,” Miles chimed in though his eyes were already closed.
“Love you two and all that,” Wade repeated and patted them both on their heads before gathering up the supplies and spreading it out among the other spiders. Noir put up a bit of a fight when it came to all the meds, insisting that he read all the labels and wondering why there wasn’t certain now outlawed ingredients in them but eventually he got him to take many of the night time pills and put him back to bed. Peni was curled up with her tiny spider that somehow looked as sick as she did, so he left all the meds and supplies on her night stand and gave her a kiss on the forehead. He did not want to talk about what he saw in Porker’s room. He left seven boxes of Kleenex for him and left immediately.
Back in Peter’s room, Wade slipped in to find Peter soundly asleep on the bed, covers haphazardly wrapped around him. He put down the last bag next to the bed and gently crawled in next to Peter, brushing his hair out of his face.
Peter grumbled as he woke, rolling over to look Wade in the eyes. “Are the others okay?”
“They’re better. Gwen and Miles are particularly lively.”
“Not surprising.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Like hell froze over.”
Wade reached behind him and pulled the bag up onto the bed. “I came prepared then!”
“Ah yes! I knew there was a reason I kept you around. You’re the best.” Peter made grabby-hands at the bag and in any other circumstance, Wade would pull the bag out of his grasp. But he wasn’t one to torment the sick so he gave in.
“Only useful as an errand boy, I see how it is.”
“Oh, you’re useful for other things too. I just don’t have the energy for any of those right now.”
“You don’t have the energy for bacon and eggs and pancakes?”
“Ugh, please don’t mention food to me right now.”
Wade patted Peter back and kissed his shoulder as he downed some meds, and then Peter turned his body into Wade’s. “The kids are all taken care of then?”
“Hm? Yeah they’re good,” Wade answered.
“Cuddle with me?”
Wade smirked, moving to lie on his back and letting Peter snuggle up close to his side, “We’ve got to get you sick more often if you’re going to be this affectionate.”
“I will gladly be affectionate with you every day if I don’t have to feel like this ever again.”
“Hm, I’ll look into it.”
“I don’t like the sound of that and whatever twisted experiment you’re scheming of but okay, sounds like a plan.” Peter buried his face in Wade’s shoulder and promptly fell back to sleep. All through the house, Wade could hear subtle coughs and groans, making it hard for him to fall asleep, but this was his family and he would always protect and take care of them.
thanks to popular demand on AO3, I wrote a sequel to this prank war fic so you might wanna read that one first
“So, I have questions.” Gwen says this from the doorway of Peter’s open dorm room. He’s lying on his floor staring up at his ceiling that currently has all his furniture attached to it. It does indeed spell out ‘date me.’ He’s been there for approximately three hours as he contemplates his life, his choices, and which college he should transfer to effectively immediately if he ever wants to live another day with the shame of both outing himself as Spider-Man and exploding webs all over his crush. Yup. He has a crush. Damn.
“I have many questions,” Gwen continues when she closes the door behind her and walks into the room to lie down next to Peter. He guesses that she’s read the furniture.
“I’m in a prank war.”
“Dating you would be one hellova prank.”
Peter elbows her in the side and she kicks his shin.
“Aunt May told us to get along.”
“You started it,” Peter grumbles.
Gwen points to the ceiling, “Evidently not.”
“Wade Wilson.”
“Did you finish it?”
Peter grimaces.
“I’ll take that as a tentative yes. What did you do. Or more accurately, how did you fuck up?”
Peter sighs loudly, “I didn’t know it said this for starters.”
Gwen hums along as Peter walks her through his tragedy of earlier that day. He’s glad that she knows about Spider-Man or he would have no one to talk about this.
“Abuse of power, Aunt May would be disappointed.”
“I’m disappointed.”
“As am I, Petey boy.” Gwen pats his shoulder but he doubts there’s much sympathy in the action. “So.”
“So?”
“You gonna go on a date with this dude or what?”
“Did you miss the part where I need to transfer to a school in Alaska and hand over the title of Spider-Man to someone worthier than me?”
“Wow Petey, that’s a lot of pressure but I know I can handle it. Thanks for thinking of me.”
Peter rolls his eyes and pushes Gwen to roll her across the carpet. Though he does believe that she would make a great Spider-Person if she had been bitten instead of him. Or if they had been bitten together. They would have made a great team.
“But seriously,” Gwen says when she rolls back over, “Do you think you can trust him?”
“I mean… maybe?”
“Good!” Gwen slaps her hand down on his chest, knocking the wind out of Peter, as she stands up. “Because you’ve already leaked your secret identity so it’s not like you’ve got much of a choice!”
Peter groans and throws his hands over his face, blocking the view of his best friend and the furniture that asks too much of him. He does not know how he’s going to show himself in Physics class tomorrow.
…
Apparently it’s in a large hoodie that definitely isn’t conspicuous at all. Wade knows what he looks like, he isn’t going to be confused by a giant hoodie sitting next to him - well actually, he’ll probably be confused but he’s one hundred percent know who’s underneath the hoodie the entire time. But Peter’s instincts aren’t exactly the best. So the hoodie is all he’s got for a defense mechanisms as he slips into his seat next to Wade.
Wade, who is already sitting in his seat. Wade, who’s eyes have been glued laser-like to Peter since he walked into the classroom. Wade, who has at least three and maybe five doodles of Spider-Man on his notebook. Wade, who is visibly sticking to his clothing in some places and having to unstick his clothes from the desk every few minutes.
It takes every bit of Peter’s willpower to keep him inside the classroom. He doesn’t know how to start this conversation and from the look on Wade’s face, Wade is waiting for Peter to be the one to start this - since he obviously fucked up their last attempt of whatever this was. His mouth unhelpfully starts with,
“So I read the furniture.”
Wade immediately starts laughing hard enough that everyone in the classroom stares at them and the professor gives them a warning look that both young men have become accustomed to, the same look that stopped them from having pranks in the classroom.
“Did it tell you how to make me unsticky?”
Peter presses his lips together, he doesn’t know how much he wants to give away. If he answers that, he might be confirming that he is indeed Spider-Man when there could be doubts. But if Wade is asking, that probably means that there are no doubts and he definitely knows that Peter is Spider-Man so what’s the point in beating around the bush?
Wade continues on, seeming to sense Peter’s hesitation. “Being bald is a blessing. No hair for that to stick to!”
Peter frowns as he watches Wade remove his hat, the one he always wears, and smooth his hand over his bare scalp. In that moment, he can tell that Wade is hesitant to do it. That he’s self-conscious about it. In all the time that he’s known Wade, which is admittedly very short, he’s never seen Wade not be entirely overconfident. It was one of his favorite things about the man, the thing that drew Peter to him in the first place. It makes Peter brave enough to lean closer and whisper,
“It’ll dissolve completely in another day or two. It won’t ruin that handsome face, I promise.”
Peter thinks he’s definitely won when Wade’s mouth hangs open in shock and a blush starts forming on his cheeks. Though he’s not sure what he’s winning. Flirting? Is Peter actually flirting with someone? With Wade?
“Holy shit,” Wade whispers. “Spider-Man is hitting on me.”
Immediately any confidence Peter had disappears and he drops his head into his hands. “This isn’t happening.”
“Oh, I think it might be. You called me handsome.”
“No, not that. I-” Peter lowers his voice and leans closer to Wade, “That I revealed my secret identity.”
“Oh that. Yeah you definitely did that. Not smooth, Parker. My room is,” Wade mimes an explosion and Peter can only imagine the chaos he left in his wake.
“In all fairness,” Peter mumbles, “You deserved it.”
“Did I?” Wade asks, leaning back in his chair, “Because I asked you out. You built an explosive device.”
“Non-lethal!”
“Tell that to my carpet.”
“It’ll… it’ll completely disintegrate. It’ll be like it was never there.”
“Ah, but I’ll know, baby boy. I’m forever haunted.”
Peter sighs, pressing his head into his arms that he’s folded on top of his desk. He feels like he should just walk out of the classroom at this point, or maybe crawl out a window, that’s more to his style.
Before he can decide on his escape route, Wade’s lips are next to his ear whispering, “If I ask you out again are you going to web me to something.”
From the tone of his voice, it sounds like Wade actually wants Peter to web him to something. He bites back a potentially damaging remark that he’s not sure he’s ready to face the consequences of and says, “What kind of a date?”
“The kind where I kiss you goodnight.”
Well, Peter isn’t quite sure he was ready for that either but that one is more manageable. Again, Peter buries his face in his arms. He can feel his cheeks heating up and even the tips of his ears. This is definitely not what he signed up for when these prank wars started. Instead of contemplating time travel, however, Peter slides his phone onto Wade’s desk, silently giving him permission to put his number into his contacts. “Yeah okay, sounds good.”
