summary: reader sees hotch in a different light for the first time and does nothing about it, take 1.
pairing: gn!reader x aaron hotchner
warnings: pining, angst
an: this was…supposed to be an exercise for myself to just write and put it out but then my brain said no <33. this feels a little weird for me and it’s my first ever 5+1, so i hope y’all likey. and thank you to my sweet @ssahotchie as always for betaing for me. icon is her’s as well!
word count: 1.7k
masterlist
part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6
You’re content and that’s putting it mildly. The pace of the job, sweet solitude, and your found family do it for you. There are a lot of things that you could want for and so many things that society says you lack but your life is what it is. That’s enough for you.
Until it isn’t.
The case is frustrating, you’re getting nowhere with the unsub in custody and an entire family’s life is hanging in the balance. The team is on edge, but Hotch’s behavior beats everyone else’s out. He’s disheveled. When he’s not talking his tongue sticks out between his teeth, his eyes are dark and charged, his hand on his hip. The other hand runs through his hair as he paces back and forth, mouth moving rapidly like Reid’s when he’s trying to figure something out.
Everyone else is going about the job, spouting their own theories, bouncing ideas off of each other but you sit in your chair quietly, observing. In your 2 years on the team you’ve never seen him like this. It feels wrong, but you’re captivated, interest peaked in seeing him unravel and be human for just a moment.
“(Y/N)?” Blake’s hand comes down on your shoulder as she looks down at you in concern.
“What? What’d I miss?”
She ignores your question, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, just…thinking.” You glance over at Hotch who’s brow is still furrowed, only now he’s staring at the case board with Dave, looking a little more put together.
Hotch turns to the team, his eyes still full of that spark of uncontrol. “Okay, let’s talk through victimology and m.o., again see if we’re missing anything.”
____
It isn’t until you’re on the jet home, the case solved that you let yourself think about what happened. Slipping in your headphones, you stare out the window so that you can have some semblance of solitude while thinking through your feelings. You liked seeing him like that. For the first time you see Hotch as something other than a leader, you see him as a man.
Just a man, one who’s wound a little too tight. One who needs to let himself go and to give himself not an inch, but a mile. One who’s attractive. One you’re attracted to? Yes. You fidget with your fingers as you admit that to yourself. It’s like opening Pandora’s box. You haven’t looked at someone the way you looked at Hotch in years, haven’t seen the point or the need.
You don’t get farther into your thoughts about being attracted to Hotch because someone’s pulling your headphones out, and plopping down in the seat next to you. You glare at the person sitting next to you.
Derek.
He leans over with a wide grin, “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“Nothing.” You say too quickly, snatching your headphones back from him.
“Don’t you ‘nothing’ me, I can hear the gears turning in your head.”
“It’s nothing Derek, really.”
You couldn’t tell him that you were seeing Hotch for the first time. Truly appreciating him for the man he is. It makes you realize that you were regarding him as something categorized as other. The rest are family, it’s always been easy to label them as that, but hotch has always been different. He can be put in a box, but only to a point. He’s predictable and structured, definable and yet…all you’ve ever been able to do is call him Hotch.
Hotch your boss. Hotch the leader. Hotch, the one who always knows what to do, the one you can count on to get shit done. You’ve avoided placing him anywhere else but there because of this. Have you always known? Has your subconscious been overriding?
“Talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. It was a hard case for everyone, I’m just ready to be home and alone.”
“Well alright then.”
“You know I don’t mean it like that.”
“I know but I’ll leave you be.” He gives your hand a squeeze before returning to his spot across from JJ and Reid.
You try to get comfortable, putting on your sleep playlist and wrapping yourself in a blanket but it doesn’t work. For once, the entire jet is dim, not even Hotch’s light is on. He’s awake, typing quietly on his laptop. With a deep sigh you rise, heading to the small kitchenette to make yourself some tea.
You hear the curtain move but don’t look back. There’s only one person awake, you know exactly who it is.
“Everything alright?” His voice is hushed, infused with professionalism, dashed with concern.
“Everything’s fine, I wish all of you would stop asking me that.” You bite out, cursing yourself when your arms cross against your chest.
“Things don’t seem fine.”
“Do not profile me, Hotch. That’s crossing a line.” The electric kettle dings and you grab it hastily, filling your mug to the brim.
“If you don’t talk then that’s what I have to do.” He says unapologetically. He’s surprised that you’re talking to him this way. He’s always known you have it in you, but never thought it would be for him.
Turning around, you face him. “I did talk, I said that I’m fine.”
The look he gives you makes it clear that he’s not buying it but he doesn’t block your path or cage you in. He just stands there with a mixture of worry and exasperation painted on his features. The features you can’t help but call beautiful now as you stare at him.
“You know what, profile all you want but I’m not gonna stand here and listen.” You grasp your mug firmly, heading for the curtain. When you’re standing right next to him, he reaches out and places his hand on your arm to touch you. His fingers feel like a hot iron, heat seeping through your light weight long sleeve and melting your skin.
“What’s going on?” The tone in his voice is different, pleading almost and that mixed with the strong smell of him almost makes you give in. But you’ve gone a long time without feeling this way or needing someone.
Your chin juts up in defiance as your eyes meet his, “Nothing.”
Fast legs move you back to your seat in a blur. You set the tea down, unable to drink it now that your stomach is in knots. His touch, his smell, it’s overwhelmed you in the worst way. You put in your headphones once more, something loud and invasive to distract you, before curling up into a ball under your blanket. Your hand runs over the spot where his fingers laid, trying to get rid of that warm feeling. You continue to do it even though you already know you’ll never be able to forget it.
summary: reader says hotch’s name during sex with her boyfriend and they both let it go. or at least she thought he did until he shows up at the BAU and makes a scene.
pairing: fem!reader x aaron hotchner
warnings: 18+, explicit language, angst, fluff, oral sex (fem receiving), unprotected sex
AN: thank you to the person that requested this, i can’t find the ask🥴, hope this lives up to your expectations. this amazing poster is by @haley-h0tchner, thank you sm for making this 🥺
word count: 3.58k
“Mmm, Aaron.” You mumble into the pillow, freezing up as soon as the words are fully out of your mouth. Johnny, your boyfriend, has you face down in your shared bed, hammering away. It feels good enough but boring and empty; just sex and no passion. The only true pleasure coming from your fingers rubbing your clit and the idea of your boss, Aaron Hotchner being the one ramming you.
“What?” He freezes as well, taking his hands off of your waist.
“Nothing.” You sit up in your elbows, and look back at him, a small smile on your face as you try to reassure him.
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah I’m fine. It’s good, we’re good.” You hope that you sound more convincing to him than you do to yourself.
You must because he murmurs, “Alright, babe,” before kissing your back, resuming his thrusts into you. You can’t help but feel guilty that your thoughts are still of Hotch as the two of you reach your climaxes.
_____
“Morning Y/n.” Hotch says with a wide smile, one reserved just for you and no one else, not that you knew that. You never stopped for a moment to think that Hotch would feel the same way as you, not only because of Johnny but because you thought he looked at you as just a friend.
“Oh, h-hey Hotch.” You stumble over your words as you look up into his melting brown eyes. They never failed to send butterflies through your stomach. You look back down at your mug, pouring a packet of sugar into it.
He frowns, his eyebrows furrowing. “Are you alright?”
“Yes, I’m fine.” You nod a few times, continuing to fix your coffee.
No I’m not alright, I said your name while having sex with my boyfriend, you think to yourself.
“Okay.” He says slowly, unconvinced. “You up for a late night of paperwork? It’s my turn to buy dinner.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, sir.”
That’s the dead giveaway. You hadn’t called him sir since your friendship had blossomed; the two of you had agreed it felt weird.
“Alright, my office. Now.”
“It’s really not necessary.”
“That’s an order, agent.” He’s trying to be firm but all you can hear in his voice is concern. You blow out a frustrated breath and walk behind him up to his office. He doesn’t close the door, hoping that this will be quickly resolved. Usually he could let you vent or tell you a joke and you’d lighten up. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“Nothing’s going on, I just think I should get home. Johnny says I’m not home enough so I’ll try to finish up before 5:30 if that’s alright, sir.”
He frowns again, the expression settled deeper into his face this time. “Why are you calling me, sir?”
“Is that alright, Hotch?” You correct yourself and he kisses his teeth in annoyance, not understanding why you won’t just talk to him. You always talked to him, you always saw him as more than just your boss; you saw him as a friend. Though he wanted more, seeing the way your eyes light is enough to keep him alive for years and years.
“Y/n. Please just tell me what’s wrong. When did we start keeping things from each other?”
“It’s nothing, please, let’s just drop it.” You plead with him, tears starting to pool in your eyes.
“You’re visibly upset, you won’t look at me, your jaw is tight, and you’re doing that thing with your belt loop.”
You look down, noticing that your fingers are pulling at your belt loop. You cross your arms defensively. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Why are you pulling away from me? What have I done for you to push me away?” You hate that he sounds so wounded but still don’t want to talk about the issue.
“Aaron, can’t you just listen to me for one fucking second? I said drop it.” You raise your voice slightly and his eyebrows shoot up.
“So this is Aaron?”
Your attention and Hotch’s snaps to his office door where Johnny is standing, his arms crossed against his chest and his face twisted into a scowl.
“Johnny, what are you doing here?” Your eyes go wide with panic, and you know the beginning of the end is about to unfurl in front of you.
“I needed to talk to you about last night. Look who I’ve found you with.” Johnny has a smile on his face that sends a chill through you, as his eyes tell how he really feels, brimming with an anger you’ve never seen before. He shuts the door behind him and you feel like you’re about to pass out from the anxiety coursing through you.
“Not here please, could we go somewhere else.” You reach for him and he pushes your hands away.
“No, I think our friend Aaron here deserves to know what happened.” His voice is bitter and rough, grafting against your ears.
Hotch is feeling confused, unsure of what the tension between you and Johnny is about but he doesn’t want to side with Johnny, not when you’re looking as distressed as you are right now. “I’m not sure what’s going on here but if Y/n thinks this should be a private conversation then it should.”
“Of course you’re taking her side. Is that why you wanna bone him? Because he’s a kiss ass?” Johnny takes a step towards you, and you move away, taking a step back.
“Don’t please.”
He points at you, a look of disgust and contempt on his face as he yells, “She wants to fuck you, her boss. Last night when we’re having sex, she moaned your name and not mine. Like a slut.”
“That’s enough.” The words come out of Hotch’s mouth almost like a bark and you jump, yelping softly.
“Even after hearing what a slut she is, you still defend her?” Johnny asks incredulously.
“Call her a slut one more time and you’ll see just how much I’ll defend her.”
“Hotch it’s fine, really. It’s fine.” You put a hand on his arm, holding him back so that he doesn’t take another step towards Johnny.
“No, call him by his name. It was easy for you last night, it shouldn’t be so hard now.” Johnny taunts you around Hotch’s shoulder.
Hotch has seen and heard enough and he’s sick of Johnny speaking to you in this manner. “You need to leave. Now.”
“You don’t tell me what to do buddy.”
You let out a deep sigh and grip the bridge of your nose immediately knowing that Johnny has made the mistake that sets Hotch off.
In the blink of an eye Hotch has him pinned against the door, one hand on his shoulder the other planted firmly in his chest. “When she gets home you won’t be there, is that clear?”
“Y-yes.” Johnny whimpers and if you weren’t so embarrassed by the entire situation you would be laughing at how quickly he folded.
“Yes, what?” Hotch presses him into the door again, not breaking eye contact with him.
“Yes, sir.”
“Now, out.” Hotch pushes off of him and Johnny doesn’t even glance your way as he scurries out of the office. Silence hangs heavily between you, the air thick. “We should talk.” His voice is softer, sweeter now that it’s just you he’s speaking too.
“No, no, it’s fine. Thank you for standing up for me. If you need me to take some files off of you that’s fine, sir, but I’d prefer to finish my work alone.” You look down at your feet, hoping that if you stare at the ground long enough a hole will open and swallow you up.
“We should talk.” He repeats, firmer this time but still gently.
You know that there’s no way out of this. Unless you were planning on icing him out or quitting your job you would have to talk to him about it sooner or later. You know that you can buy yourself some time though to gather your thoughts.
“Could we later? I’d really like to focus.”
“Okay, over paperwork and dinner? I won’t hold you hostage but you’ve got to eat and we’ve got to get the work done anyway.”
“Sure, I’ll be up once everyone’s out of here.”
“Alright. Mediterranean?”
You shake your head in disinterest. “Hmm….Thai?”
“Indian?” He raises an eyebrow, hoping his counteroffer will satisfy you.
You huff in defeat. You couldn’t resist Indian food and he knew that. “Fine. See you then.”
“It’s a date.” He murmurs, thinking you can’t hear him but you do, biting your lip as you make it down the stairs to your desk.
The rest of the day passes slowly. You attempt to get as much work done as you can but your kind is muddy from the unexpected events that unfolded today. You couldn’t believe that you and Johnny were really over. Frankly, you weren’t disappointed. You and Johnny had been in an empty relationship for at least a year now, together out of habit. You were comfortable around him, he had been a good friend and that’s why you’d stayed. Johnny had become your comfort zone. All that was broken by the slip of your tongue and the weaponizing of his. It hurt you when he called you a slut but you guess you had hurt him too by saying Aaron’s name during such an intimate moment. Nonetheless, you were excited to go home to an empty house, to start with a clean slate without him.
But the end of the day also meant facing Hotch. Aaron. You might as well call him that since he knows you moaned his name during sex. The rest of the team heads out at a reasonable time, all piling out to go eat dinner at a new Chinese restaurant. Reid stays behind for a second, sitting on the edge of your desk.
“I heard the yelling from early, are you okay?” His hazel eyes are some of the kindest you ever seen. Reid was one of the least judgemental people you’d ever met but you weren’t just ready to share your mishap with him yet.
“Yeah, Johnny was just trying to take me home and being really rude and Hotch stood up for me.” You lie smoothly.
“Do you need anything? We’re going out, we could get food and talk.”
“I told Hotch I’d take on some extra files and he also wants to talk to me about safety stuff now that Johnny’s shown his true colors. Rain check though?”
“Yeah, rain check. I’ll see you later Y/n/n.” He pats you on the arm, an uncharacteristic show of affection, before starting towards the glass doors.
“Bye Spence, have a good time.” You call after him.
You head up to Hotch’s office about 15 minutes after they clear out, wanting to make sure no one comes back to grab something they’ve forgotten. His door is open and he’s writing furiously when you give it a gentle knock. You feel as nervous as you did the first time he’d invited you to work together in his office.
“Hey.” You breathe giving him a tight smile as you slump into his couch.
Setting his pen down he clasps his hands together on the desk, studying you. “Hey, how’re you feeling?”
“I’m alright given everything. Things with me and Johnny weren’t very…you know what we don’t have to talk about it.”
“Actually we do. What he said-“
“Could it wait until dinner? Just a little more time?”
“Alright, a little more time. Do you want your usual?”
“Yes, please.”
Hotch gives you a small nod and the kindest smile before he grabs his phone and calls the Indian place that you always order from. Once he’s done the two of you work. It’s hard not to glance up at him, he’s gorgeous, you love the way his tongue sticks out slightly before he runs it over his bottom lip. Your thoughts wander, wondering what it would be like to have his tongue run over various parts of your body.
“Y/n? Are you okay?” Hotch is somehow at your side shaking you out of your dirty thoughts.
You feel yourself flush, and look down at your paperwork instead of at him. “Sorry, yeah, I’m fine. I just spaced.”
“Let’s just talk about it, clearly it’s deterring your ability to focus.”
“Okay, fine, let’s just talk about it.” You fidget with your fingers in your lap looking at him. You can feel his steady gaze but you’re not brave enough to meet it.
“Walk me through what happened.”
“Aaron.” You whine, embarrassed to talk to him about your sex life. You were sure if someone touched you’d burn them with how much you were heating from his proximity and the topic at hand.
“No back talk, just tell me.” He orders and you feel butterflies not just in your stomach, but somewhere lower.
“Well, Johnny and I were having sex last night. And I was…imagining that it was you so I could get off. I ended up moaning your name.”
“Anything else?” He regards you patiently, eyes sweeping over you to assess your body language. You’re nervous, mortified, but if you would just look at him you would know you didn’t have to be.
“Well I froze because I thought he heard me but he pretended he didn’t and we kept going.”
“Did you keep thinking of me to get off?”
“Yes.” Your voice is small, full of guilt and the words ring in your ears.
“So when you came last night…” He begins, his tone so casual that you’d think he was discussing the weather or a leisurely game of golf.
“I was thinking of you.” You finish his sentence.
“Do you do that often?”
“Almost every time since I’ve started working here.”
“And this is the first time you’ve slipped up?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to do it again?”
Your head snaps up so your eyes finally meet his for the first time during this conversation. “Do what again?”
“Say my name.” He pauses for a moment, his eyes searching yours for any sign of doubt before he speaks again. “During sex.”
“Yes.” You whisper, practically trembling when his hand comes up to cup your cheek.
“Can I kiss you?”
“God, yes.”
His mouth is on yours, the tongue you were just daydreaming about making its way into your mouth swiftly. You shift so that you’re straddling his lap, knotting your fingers in his hair as you brush your tongue against his. His hands are at your hips, grinding you down into his erection which pulls a moan out of you.
“Let me take care of you.”
“Yes, please.” You mumble against his lips before kissing him again, slow and deep.
“Take your panties off and go lay across my desk for me.” He couples the command with a few quick kisses.
He watches you as you get up and shimmy out of your panties, his eyes hungry when you lay down across the desk.
“Actually, sit up and take off everything but the skirt.” The rest of your clothing except your skirt is off of you in record time before you lay back down on the desk. “You look beautiful, angel. You’re such a good, obedient girl.”
“I’d do whatever you wanted me to.” The words tumble out of your mouth before you filter them but as you think about them, you know it’s true.
“I know baby and I’d do the same for you. Open your legs for me.” Your legs open without any thought, like its second nature, putting you on display for him. His eyes drop between your legs, before he sighs deeply and pinches the bridge of his nose as if he’s in pain.
“Are you...okay?”
He pushes another breath out, running his hand over his face. “Yes, I’m fine, I just, I want -” He cuts off abruptly. “Is it alright if I taste you?”
Your mouth drops open for a second before you nod. “Yes.”
You’re reduced to nothing but shudders, whimpers and moans as he laps at you like you’re a fountain and he’s a man that hasn’t had a drink of water in years. He doesn’t hold back at all, his tongue taking your body to a place you didn’t know it could go. When you cum, he holds your hips down, continues to devour you as your high obliterates your senses. And though you’re overwhelmed you still have the wit to bite your lip, his name coming out of your mouth so softly that he barely hears it. His goal is for you to scream it by the time he’s done with you.
“Whenever you want to say my name I want you to say it loud and clear. Don’t be shy, no mumbling or murmuring, is that understood?”
“Yes, it’s understood.”
He loosens his tie and snakes it around your neck, pulling you up by it to engage your lips in a sloppy, sweet kiss. Clutching his forearms you lower yourself back onto the desk, gazing up at him. He looks so different than usual, unwound with his shirt undone and tie off. His eyes are dark and cloudy, his mouth, shining with your arousal, slightly ajar as he thinks about how he wants to fuck you.
“If I go too hard or hurt you, you have to tell me okay?”
“Yes, I’ll tell you.”
It’s hot how into consent he is, making sure that all the way you’re comfortable and okay with this. It’s also hot because you know that he’s going to absolutely wreck you, his questions make that clear.
He sinks into your slowly, moaning so loudly that it drowns out your own soft mewling. You feel perfectly full, stretched just the right amount and your eyes roll to the back of your head when he slowly pulls out and slams right back in, bottoming out.
“No wonder you said my name.” He murmurs, as if he’s come to a realization. You’re surprised you’re coherent enough but you raise an eyebrow at him. “You’re mine, I can tell by the way we fit together. You’ve been needy for me, needing the only person who can satisfy you.”
If you weren’t so wet for him already his words would have you absolutely dripping. “Yes, I need you. I’m yours.”
“I’ve got you now sweetheart, don’t worry.” His words make you moan again, embarrassingly loud.
“Don’t be shy, baby, say my name.”
“Oh, fuck, Aaron.” You moan out a little louder, his encouragement making you feel more confident. He continues to push in and out of you at an animalistic pace, all the while praising you, calling you his good girl and telling you how well you take him.
He has you almost bent in half, ramming into you with a force that makes you reach back to hold the desk. His mouth captures yours aggressively, all lips and teeth and tongues. “Again.”
“Aaron.” You say a bit louder, though you’re still timid.
“Again, louder. Let the whole building hear it. Don’t make me ask again.” He almost growls at you and all your inhibitions fall to the wayside.
“Aaron. Aaron!” It’s a mix of a yell and whimper, you body climbing, chugging towards your release.
“I know, I know it feels good, I know its a lot. But you can take it.” He kisses both of your cheeks gently, the opposite of the way he’s slamming into you.
“Please, don’t let me go.”
“I won’t, Y/n, I’ve got you.”
“Oh, baby, I’m gonna cum.” You groan, as you buck your hips against him, desperate for your pleasure to peak. His hand drops to rub your clit and that’s what pushes you over the edge, thrusting you in an orgasm that pulses through every fiber of your being. Its a world’s away from any release you’ve ever had, passionate and erotic as you continously cry out.
“Yes, that’s my girl, cumming for me.” He groans as he spills into you, his hips stuttering as he fills you up. He collapses against you immediately, wrapping his arms around you and burying his head in the crook of your neck with a soft kiss.
You decide to give you both a moment, closing your eyes to digest the feeling of how warm and safe it feels to have him against you before you speak.
“You alright there?” You whisper against his hair, running your fingers up and down his back.
“Yeah, I just, I don’t know where all the possessive stuff came from, I didn’t mean it-“
“Aaron you’ve had me from the moment our eyes met. I know what you meant. Plus it was hot.”
“You like being mine?” He brings his face out of your neck, looks at you unconvinced by your words.
“I love being yours.” You correct and a tender look, one that makes you feel so soft you might turn to jello crosses his face.
“I love being yours too.”
“We should keep doing this then.” You smile, feeling lighter, woozy with the feeling of being with someone who invoked such strong emotion in you.
summary: hotch is completely enamoured with one of his students. will he let himself be happy or will his professionalism get in the way?
pairing: fem!reader x professor!hotch
warnings: age gap (reader is 21 and hotch is like early 30s), pining, some angst, fluff, kissing
an: professor hotchner my beloved 🥰. here’s my submission for the au day of @hotchappreciationweek! hope y’all enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it.
word count: 3.7k
masterlist | hotch appreciation week masterlist
Aaron Hotchner always takes pride in his discipline. He’s able to compartmentalize and thread structure through his life, and lives of others around him at all times. He’s professional, calm and collected, rarely let his emotions get the best of him when making decisions.
When he’s asked to teach a series of lectures of behavior analysis as an elective he’s reluctant to say yes. It would be nice to have a break; taking on the class would cause him to take a hiatus as long as the semester, but he knows he would miss work. He talks to Jessica about it a bit, and she encourages him to do it. He’s getting older, and so is Jack, and the hours would be more conducive to building a better relationship with him. He tells her that he’ll talk to the team about it, and he does the next day. His reluctance is met with nothing but support for the opportunity. They’re all for it, gas him up and tell him he’d be a great professor and that he can always consult on cases and do as much paperwork (which he rolls his eyes at) as he wants as long as he prioritizes spending time with Jack. The decision is made quickly and he emails back the university and tells them he’s available to teach the course. What’s one semester?
He finds that on his first day he’s nervous. He’s put in the effort and made sure that all of his powerpoints for the classes are thorough but not too wordy. He’s incorporated a couple videos into things, and a few movie days all together because he doesn’t want to bore the students by lecturing at them constantly. He plans to gauge their interest in discussion and maybe even a field trip to headquarters. He wants this to be a positive experience for them, one as positive as his first class on analysis. The best part about this? Any free time he had during office hours could be dedicated to consulting with the team and he’d be leaving in enough time to pick up Jack from soccer practice. It's like everything was aligning perfectly. And it was, until you tilted his world off his axis.
You hair is up, most of it pulled back by a clip with just a few pieces framing your face. There’s a pair of black reading glasses adorning your head. You’re dressed in a pair of light wash jeans that fit you perfectly and a pink top that makes your skin and eyes pop just right. In his opinion, you look absolutely heavenly, out of this world, like you were put here just to distract him. He watches as you take a seat that’s in what he would classify the perfect spot, row 5 which is not too far back but not too far up. You catch his eyes for just a moment, give him a friendly smile that he can’t help but return before he looks away since he got caught staring. He hopes that you just think he was scanning the crowd. He pretends to flip through the syllabus one last time as more students pile in but really he’s just stealing glances at you, watching as you acquaint yourself with the girl a couple seats down from you. You have a laptop, a notebook and a few pens ready, along with a cup of what he assumes is coffee. Once the clock hits 9:30 he introduces himself and proposes an ice breaker, making sure to answer himself so that the class will be more willing to.
“I’m Professor Aaron Hotchner, Unit Chief of the Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico, Virginia. My favorite dessert is pumpkin pie though carrot cake is a close second. When I was younger I wanted to be an astronaut and I collected coins. My family consists of my younger brother, my sister, and my son. One day I hope to retire and get a house on the beach so I can hear the sounds of the ocean no matter the time of day.”
He eagerly awaits your turn, listening pretty well to the other students, but tuning in intently when its your turn.
“I’m Y/n/n Y/l/n. I’m a junior in Criminology and Psychology. My favorite dessert is apple pie which sucks because my mom only makes it during the holidays. When I was younger I wanted to be a pediatrician. I didn't collect anything but I did watch old cartoons obsessively. My family is just me, my younger brother, and my mom. One day I’ll retire abroad, somewhere where they revel in taking naps, and don’t look at you funny when you drink wine at 11 a.m.”
Your answers are thought out, funny, sweet, and he finds that he’s just become more curious about you which means he’s completely and totally screwed. Enamoured with his student on the first day. Its something Dave would say is fate so he’ll keep the information to himself, hoping that he’s just having an off day.
That resolve doesn’t keep him from wanting to talk to you. After class he hovers, waiting to see if anyone has any questions. If you have any questions. He shouldn’t be thinking about you like this, you’re his student. But you look soft and smart and gorgeous, so open. You were completely focused as he went through the syllabus, he watched as you took out your planner and marked all the dates, noticed how you took thorough notes on the introductory video he played before dismissal. He can imagine just how much knowledge you hold in that brain of yours. That’s what he finds the most attractive about you, and he’s only heard you speak a handful of words. To his favor, you do have a question after class.
Your fingers are digging into the leather strap of your bag when you come up to him, but you hold eye contact with him as you speak. “Professor Hotchner, do you have any books you would recommend? Its just that I’ve already read the textbook, and it’ll be an easy second read for me because its quite well written.”
He nods, impressed but not surprised that you’ve already read it. “Why don’t you stop by my office hours and I can give you a few that I’ve put in my office?”
“That’d be great. Is 2:15 alright? I won’t take up too much of your time.”
“2:15 is just fine, I’ll see you then Y/n.”
“Sweet, have a good day sir.”
“Hotch is fine. Sir makes me feel...old.” It doesn’t, he just wants you one step closer to saying his name.
You smile easily, eyes alight with humor. “Hotch. I’ll see you later.”
You nonchalant demeanor makes this interaction feel familiar and for a moment he feels like knows you. He wants to know you but once he gives you these books, he knows he needs to take a step back. You’re first and foremost his student, and he’s your superior. You’re young, and have so much life ahead of you and there’s no way that you would want to spend it with a man like him.
He doesn’t know that you disagree. You find him handsome and charming. His voice is intoxicating, you hang onto every word that he says and know that even if you were a bad student, somehow you would pass this class because you’ll listen to every word that comes out of his mouth like it’s gospel. So when class ends you can’t help yourself. He hangs back for questions and though you’re practically set and have loved everything true crime since the age of 12, you ask him for some book recommendations. The last thing you expect is for him to invite you to his office, well office hours. Technically that’s what questions like this were for, and when you walk out of his class you feel nervous and giddy. You feel stupid even entertaining the idea of being interested in him, and even more stupid when you let yourself think about what it would be like if he wanted you back. Shaking your head you head to your next class, and push the thoughts of Professor Hotchner out of your mind.
-----
Hotch has organized and reorganized his office what must be a million times before 2:15. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous, he doesn’t even know you and you’re his student for god’s sake but once the clock hits 2:10 he finally makes himself sit down, keeping his hands in his lap as he fidgets endlessly.
You’re standing outside of his door, have been since about 2 o’clock trying to build up the courage to knock on the door. He sounds busy inside, you hear lots of rustling and low frustrated groans. You almost chicken out and email him that something’s come up but eventually the sounds inside his office cease and you assume that he’s figured whatever he was doing out. At 2:12 you knock on the door and he tells you to come in.
“Y/n, good to see you again.”
“You too Hotch, I’ll be quick, I don’t want to take up too much of your time, I’m sure you have plenty to do.”
“This is what this time is for. I’m your professor. I'm here to support you in any way that I can. I’m sure I’ll get something out of our conversations as well, I can tell that you’ve come prepared and educated.”
“The more knowledge the better as my mother says.”
“She’s not wrong. Now, I have a few books for you to choose from or you could take all three. Its up to you, depends on how quickly you think you’ll get through them.”
“How about I take one at a time, that gives me an excuse to come back and talk about them all separately.”
“Oh, uh, sure. That works just fine.” He gives you a smile, one you’d classify as bashful if you weren’t repeatedly telling yourself that he’s your professor and not just some man that you can flirt with.
“Great. Maybe I could bring a list of talking points once I finish.”
“Sure, I’d like that.”
“Alright, well I’ll get going, I have a class at 3 and I know you have things to do.”
“Thank you for stopping by. Would you like some coffee before you go?” He gestures to the Keurig behind him.
“Do you have decaf? I usually cut myself off around this time or I’ll have issues sleeping.”
“I do. And there’s creamers in that fridge it’s on top of.”
“Thank you, sir. Hotch.”
“It’s my pleasure.”
_____
It only takes you a week to finish the first book. You shoot him an email, asking him if he wants you to make a specific appointment or just come to office hours. You’ve made a list a million years long, not just because you want to spend more time with him but because you want to hear his opinion on everything, crime related or not.
He so desperately wants you to make an appointment so that he knows he’ll get to spend that block of time with you for sure but he resists. He beats himself up whenever he stares at you a moment too long, or smiles at you too wide. He reminds himself daily, if not multiple times a day: you are his student. It doesn’t matter how pure his intentions are, he must respect that boundary. He would never want to make you uncomfortable. In the end he tells you office hours are fine and that he’ll see you on Friday.
It’s during this first discussion with you one on one that he realizes just how deep he is. You’ve brought coffee and donuts, somehow you guessed his order, something about him seeming like a classic man. You set an apple fritter and black coffee with two sugars on his desk before pulling out an old fashioned donut of your own and flopping down on his couch.
The two of you are halfway through your discussion points when he notices some crumbs on the edge of your lip.
“Y/n, you’ve got,” He pauses, gestures to his face.
“Oh,” you feel your face warm in embarrassment before you wipe at a spot on your face. “Did I get it?”
“No, it’s just,” He points at his face again and wants to chuckle when you miss once more. “Here I’ll just,” he grabs a napkin and before he can think he stands and sits next to you on the couch, wiping the crumbs away in an overfamiliar gesture.
Your eyes catch his as he pulls the napkin away, your breath hitching as you peer into the brown orbs. “Thank you, Hotch.” You murmur softly.
He wants to kiss you. He wants to lean forward and wrap his arms around you while crushing his lips to yours. But instead he clears his throat, moves back to his seat at the desk with a “you’re welcome”.
He makes sure to keep his eyes trained on the list as much as possible after that, though his eyes do stray to your frame every once and a while. Once finished he stands, offers you a bottle of water before you leave.
“Thank you,” You say as you take the water bottle from him, being careful enough to avoid touching your fingers with his. Direct contact with him would be the death of you, you’re almost positive that you would pass out if his skin ever touched yours. “And thanks for this I…I had a really good time.”
“I did too.” He says it because it's true. It doesn’t matter to him that he shouldn’t have because the smile that spreads across your face beats out any consequences his words could have.
“Glad I could be good company for you. What’s the next book?” You lean over his desk slightly, placing your hands flat against it.
He turns, grabs a book off his shelf in such a smooth manner that your heart flutters. When he hands it to you his eyes don’t leave yours and you feel a heat spread through your entire body. “Take your time with this one, there’s a lot of information and I don’t want you to miss anything.”
“Okay, I’ll take my time. I’ll see you in class, Hotch.”
“See you in class. And next time I’ll get the donuts okay?” He doesn’t know at the moment that when he says this it's a lie.
“Okay.”
_____
He hates how he avoids you after this. A few weeks later he receives an email from you saying you finished the book and that you read it twice to make sure you didn’t miss anything. He hates the sad look on your face when you come into class the day after he tells you that he can’t meet. He’d been more than available but since your first encounter he’s started to dream about you. His dreams consist of holding your hand, pushing your hair out of your face, laying in bed with you, and lastly what he wants to do most: kissing you so deeply it makes his brain melt. He’s putting some distance between himself and you because he’s afraid he won’t be able to control himself. As weeks pass he keeps coming up with excuses, cancelling his office hours to consult with the team and requesting that all contact be through email. You don’t know what you did wrong but once you're halfway through the semester you’re fed up.
You show up to his office hours one day, and barge in without knocking. You catch him completely off guard, causing him to stand abruptly, his hand falling to his empty hip in a reflex.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It's alright. What are you doing here? I have my office hours closed right now, appointment only.”
You make a noise of frustration in the back of your throat. “Yeah, appointment only except you’ve ignored all my emails for one and refuse to acknowledge my existence.”
“Is there something urgent that you need?” He keeps his expression though on the inside he’s starting to get a little anxious, he knows where this is going.
“For you to tell me what I did for you to start acting like this.”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
“I’m not stupid, we both know what’s going on here.” You take a step forward and he instinctively uses his chair to roll back an inch. He can’t be close to you, it’ll drive him wild.
“I don’t think we’re on the same page.”
“Aaron, don’t treat me like I’m just some student. We had a moment last time, I know you felt it.”
His eyes close, and he pinches the bridge of his nose trying to manage the emotions that arise when he hears his name on your lips. To you it looks like frustration, but it couldn’t be anything further. When he opens his eyes again they’re piercing.
“I think it best if you call me Professor Hotchner.”
You scoff at his words, crossing your arms against your chest. You can’t even start to describe how angry you are at him and how stupid you feel. All this time you thought that there was something between the two of you, even if it was just a tiny spark. Clearly you were wrong and now you’ve embarrassed yourself.
“Fine, Professor Hotchner. Here’s your stupid book,” You fish it out of your bag angrily, and throw the book onto his desk, effectively scattering some of the files he has on his desk. “Have a lovely day, sir.” Your voice is full of venom as you turn to leave.
His calls your name in a soft plea, and you turn to look at him. You can see the apology in his eyes but you know that he’ll keep denying the fact that he’s been ignoring you and the reason for it.
“If you won’t be honest with me there’s nothing you can say to me. Nothing.”
-----
You’ve turned the tables on him. For the rest of semester, you don’t so much as throw him a glance in class. He knows that you’re listening and paying attention by the way you take notes, and the fantastic grades or quizzes and papers. You keep your eyes trained on your notebook, laptop, or the screen. He sees you leaning over to tell the people around you to ask questions for you. If he didn’t know he was in the wrong he would call you out for it but he doesn’t want to make things worse. Day in and day out, you walk in and out of his classroom making him feel like a ghost.
The week before finals rolls around and you don’t even come to the review, something he expected to see you at. He’s grateful that the final is in person and that you have to bring your test packet up to him because it allows him to get one last good look at you.
“It was a pleasure to have you in class Y/n.”
For the first time in 2 months you look at him, squaring your shoulders as you make eye contact with him. “I have to disagree, Professor Hotchner.”
He doesn’t have time to answer because another student comes up behind you to turn in their test. You take the chance to leave, scurrying out of the classroom before he has a chance to call after you. The final wraps up pretty quickly, leaving Aaron with a hefty stack to grade.
He’s in his office trying to focus on grading when finds himself pulling up your email thread on his computer. He types out a quick email, asking you to come to his office hours tomorrow at 2:15, just like you did the first time. He turns notifications on for you, and turns his ringer all the way up. He finishes grading all the papers and technically has no reason to come back tomorrow. He could enter grades from home, and discuss any discrepancies in grades over email or phone call. He comes back the next day anyway, even after not hearing from you because he has to hold out hope.
He checks the time obsessively, watching the minutes creep by achingly slow. It's almost the end of his office hours, 4 p.m., with just half an hour left when there’s a knock at the door.
“Come in.”
You step into his office, closing the door behind you, heart beating out your chest. “You wanted to see me sir. I hope everything with my exam is okay, I worked really hard on it.”
His feet are moving because his mind can catch up with him. He’s in front of you, scooping you into his arms and pressing his lips to yours before either of you can truly process what’s happening. But, somehow your brain catches up, and your hands are threading through his hair in seconds as you push up on the tips of your toes to deepen the kiss. His mouth is warm and soft against yours, and as he kisses you he gets confirmation of what he always suspected. You’re perfect for him; the two of you go together like coffee and cream as your tongue swirls into his mouth.
He pulls away, completely out of breath but manages to say, “Call me Aaron. Please.”
“Okay, Aaron.” You breathe, nodding against him.
“I’m sorry I was a jerk, I was trying to do right by you.”
“I know, and its not okay but I forgive you. I can protect myself. I can handle myself.”
“I figured that out when you threw the book across my desk.” He chuckles, raising his eyebrows in amusement as he thinks of the memory.
You pout, rubbing your nose against his affectionately. “I’m sorry about that I was just hurt.”
“There’s no reason for you to apologize, I understand.” He runs his hand over your hair, pressing you closer by the nape of your neck.
“So we’re doing this now? Us?”
“I’m not your professor anymore so yes, I would really love to do this, us, and take you out on a date.” He tightens his hold on your waist.
“I would really love that too.” You murmur before pulling him in for one more kiss. Its slower, and wetter than the first.
“By the way,” He mumbles between placing sweet kisses on your lips and nose and cheeks, “making out with the professor will not boost your grade.”
“Oh shut up, as if my grade needs boosting.” You smile into the next kiss, knowing that whatever you were getting into with him was going to be one of the best things you’ve ever experienced, especially if he kept kissing you like this.
summary: and they were roommates😌…oh my god they were roommates🥰 (if you know the vine reference i love you)
pairing: fem!reader x aaron hotchner
warnings: nothing but sweet stupid fluff and some kisses
An: this is for my sweet demented bestie, @shmaptainhotchner’s 1.5k celebration, congratulations again mimi, you deserve the world. prompts are roommate au and “you cancelled plans...for me?”. graphic is by my bestie @shmaptainhotchner!
word count: 6k
masterlist
When she decides to move in with Aaron Hotchner it isn’t because she wants to but because she knows that he’ll be a dependable roommate. It also works out in her favor that he won’t be there most of the time since he’s a traveling FBI agent. The first time she meets him she knows it’s safe to do this. While he’s attractive, he’s also stuffy and professional, something she knows she’ll never fall for.
Hotch, as he tells her to call him, isn’t worried about that either. He thinks she’s stunning, but idealistic, too sweet and funny to see anything in a guy like him. Unrequited love is not something his heart can handle, not after everything he’s been through. They’re both resolved and more than happy to view the other platonically. Neither of them can be bothered with it when the arrangement seems to come so naturally; hashing out all the details only takes half an hour. They both walk out of the coffee shop, heading their separate ways without a doubt that this was nothing more than a means to an end. A place to live.
Sometimes attraction sneaks up on you.
_____
What becomes her favorite memory of Aaron happens on the day she moves into the apartment she’ll share with him. Her family is across the country, and unsupportive and her friends are a bunch of wimps so it’s her and a u-haul on the day she moves in. That is until Aaron shows up.
She’s walking out of the apartment from propping open the doors when she sees him getting out of his car.
“Hotch?” She calls from across the parking lot. He flashes a small smile and waves. It's really cute, makes him look all shy and domestic in his jeans and green t-shirt but she knocks that thought away, far out of her head.
When he makes it across the lot to her, he holds his hand out for a handshake which makes her chuckle. “Hey. Have you started taking stuff in yet?”
“No, but what’re you doing here? You don’t move until this weekend.”
“I don’t, but I figured you’d need some help.” He shrugs, and she feels her entire body warm from his thoughtful gesture.
“You’re here to help me?”
“Yes. You’re my roommate, isn’t that what roommates do?”
“I suppose it is, especially when one is a very in shape FBI agent.” She says playfully, nudging his elbow with hers.
She doesn’t miss the way his cheeks flush or how his eyes flutter away for a moment. “Shall we?”
“We shall. Thanks for being here.” She says as she unlock and opens the back of the moving truck.
“Hey, it’s alright. I’m glad I could help you out, plus it puts my mind at ease.” He grabs a box that she remembers being quite heavy like it’s nothing, even stacks another on top of it.
“What do you mean?” She grabs a box herself, and they head towards the apartment.
“You’re young and single and attractive, and moving into a place seemingly by yourself. There are people out there that would want to take advantage of you. I’m hoping that with me here, anybody who would look at you and get that idea will know to leave you alone.” He replies as they make their way up the stairs.
“I didn’t think about it that way.”
“Your view of the world is much more optimistic than mine, it’s something I’m envious of. I’ll think about it that way enough for the both of us. Though I do think you should get some means of protection; pepper spray at the least.”
“Maybe one day you can teach me how to shoot that government issued glock of yours.”
“I’d be happy to.” He murmurs, glancing down at the block in his hands that says bedroom. She doesn’t know what to say back to him but luckily she doesn’t have to because he takes it upon himself to walk the box back to her room.
The two of them unpack the u-haul together in no time, he even takes the mattress and box spring up all by himself and she makes a mental note to figure out what his favorite dessert is so that she can make it for him when he moves in.
“I’ll see you this weekend.”
“Yep, I’ll have beer in the fridge when you get here.”
“Thank you. Have a good night Y/n.”
“You too, Hotch.“
When he moves in that weekend she helps him move in his stuff and then leaves him to his own devices as he fixes up his room. Once he’s finished, he makes his way out into the kitchen. There’s a beer and a plate of warm chocolate chip and pretzel cookies waiting for him on the island. She’s nowhere to be found but he glances down the hall and sees her door shut, light on.
_____
It should have been obvious. While neither of them spend much time with the other, the care manifests itself in such small ways over a long period of time that neither notice.
On a rare occasion they’re both home for dinner. She’s been planning to make dinner an event. She splurges on a perfectly marbled steak, plans to make it with a nice sauce and veggies. She’s even picked up a bottle of your favorite wine, and is pouring a glass when he walks through the door unexpectedly. She offers to share with him, it would be their first meal together. The steak was plenty for two people and though he initially protests one hour later the two of them are sitting at the kitchen table stuffing their faces. She gets to see a softer side of the man she thought was nothing but rules and regulations. It’s then that he mentions that he likes to have something alive in the house.
“You don’t strike me as an animal person.”
“I do like dogs, but I’m just not home enough for one. I was talking more about flowers or a steady fern.”
She raises an eyebrow at him, taking a sip of wine. “Oh, so what I’m hearing is that you like to kill plants?”
“Are you calling me a plant serial killer?”
“You said it, not me.”
“Since there’s two of us, would you be up for sharing the responsibility?”
“A plant baby?”
“Just occasional flowers. It could liven this place up.”
“Sure, I’d be up for it. What are we talking here? Roses? Lilies? Oh, my absolutely favorite is peonies, but they’re hard to get. Maybe daisies? The white could be good with the navy on the walls. Or we could paint?” When she start to ramble she doesn’t notice the smile that spreads across his face. He tells himself that its just because he likes to see someone so full of life and carefree.
Since dinner, like clockwork there’s a bouquet of fresh peonies sitting on the kitchen island as often as he’s home.
_____
While she absolutely loves the smell of coffee, she hates the bitter taste. She notices that he’s obsessed with it; could drink a whole pot in 2 hours if he’s working from home. She hadn’t even realized she was doing it but while she fixes her tea in the mornings she always starts his coffee machine. One morning as she’s pouring honey into a mug she reaches for the coffee in the cabinet to find its space empty. When she stops at the store that evening she stocks up, grabbing a few bags of his favorite coffee beans, as well as a new kind that she thinks he could try. She tells herself it’s what a good roommate would do.
Months later the two of them are getting ready in their respective bathrooms when he hears her groan in frustration, followed by a bunch of rustling and slamming of cabinets.
“Hey, are you alright?”
“Yeah, just annoyed. I thought I had a backup deodorant but I don’t.” She holds up the empty deodorant to him before throwing it in the trash.
“It’s not the same but do you want to use mine until you can grab some more?”
“Do you mind?”
“Would I have offered?” He asks, gesturing for her to follow him to his bathroom.
“No need to get smart, Hotchner.” She murmurs begrudgingly as he hands her the deodorant. She applies it quickly, her face heating a bit when she realizes that she’ll smell of him all day. “Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.”
When she gets home from work that evening there’s a note on the fridge saying he got called away. She heads into her bathroom to find a multipack of her favorite deodorant sitting on the counter, and it makes her heart beat quickly.
_____
Aaron realizes that he’s left his go bag at home. He doesn’t know how he could forget to bring one, he’s the boss for God’s sake and the one he’s left at home is the one he usually leaves in his office. He’s shit out of luck. Glancing at the clock he sees it’s only 10:30 so she should still be home. When he calls she sounds winded. Like she’s been doing those hiit workouts he tries not to watch her do.
“Aaron? Hey everything okay?”
He doesn’t know when she started to call him by his first name but he tries his hardest to ignore the feeling it gives him.
“Yes, don’t worry, everything’s fine. I think I left my go bag at home and I was just wondering if you could check for me?”
“Would be by the door, yeah?”
“Yes.”
“Black, sleek, full of a bunch of fed suits?”
“Y/n.” He scolds and she throws her head back in laughter.
“Yeah it’s here. I’ll be there in 20.”
She come here? That means he would have to explain to the team. He’s told them that he’s moved into an apartment and had a roommate. What he hasn’t told them is that that roommate is her. Time and time again he’d told the team that she was busy because they wanted to meet her.
His heart starts to beat faster at the thought of her here. “Wait, no, I can come get it.”
“It's on the way to the studio anyway, so I can bring it, don't worry.”
“You’re sure?” He sighs, realizing that he can’t say no to her even if he tries.
“Positive. Do you want coffee?”
“Yes, please.” He’s so polite, it makes her grin.
“Okay…more like I’ll be there in 25.”
“We’ll wait.”
When she walks into the bullpen she can’t help but notice how all the eyes of who she assumes to be Aaron’s coworkers are on her. She looks around, shifting from foot to foot as she realizes she doesn’t actually know where Aaron’s office is. One of the observant people who’ve been watching her finally speaks.
“Who are you looking for?” She’s slim and blonde and has the kindest eyes.
“Aaron. Aaron Hotchner, he’s the boss, I can’t remember the fancy title. Tall, kinda standoffish, very attractive.” The woman’s eyebrows shoot up at that last bit and she realizes she should’ve saved that for herself. She fiddles with the strap of the bag, “Just forget the last part.”
“Y/n.” Aaron’s standing at the top of the few steps that lead up to a landing and his office door. She walks over to him, stopping in the middle of the steps.
Her face warms at the thought of him hearing her say he’s attractive as she holds up his things. “Got your stuff.”
“And who might this be?” An older man with a goatee and tan skin asks as he comes out of his desk, a smug look on his face as he looks at Aaron.
“Yeah, please do tell.” The dark haired woman who was sitting at her desk is now leaning on the railing.
“You haven’t told them?”
Before he can respond, someone else is speaking, a blonde who has a bright outfit on and even brighter eyes. “Wait, who’s this, what am I missing?” Garcia’s eyes are bright and inquisitive.
Aaron gives out a resigned sigh, he knew that you meeting the team would be like this. “Everyone this is my roommate, Y/n Y/l/n. Y/n this is Dave, Prentiss, JJ, Morgan, Garcia. Reid’s around here somewhere.”
“Roommate?” Morgan’s looks between the two of you, eyebrows raised.
“Yeah, roommate. You know when one person lives in one room of the apartment and another person lives in the other room and then they share common areas.” She looks over at Morgan, appraises him slowly while he narrows his eyes at her.
“Hey, it’s alright.” Aaron pats her on the shoulder, gives her a stern look to back down.
“Sorry, sorry, I just know how judgy people can get. It’s nice to meet you all, truly. I should go though I have a class that starts in,” she looks down at her watch, “20 minutes. Bag. Coffee.” She hands them off to Aaron.
“What do you do?” Emily asks, head tilted in curiosity.
“I teach pottery classes at an art studio.”
“We should do that, sir, can we do that?” Garcia looks up at him. There are only two people that Aaron has a hard time saying no too; Y/n and Garcia.
“Yes, sure, Garcia.” He says softly, slightly exasperated.
She turns to Garcia, grabs her hand in a friendly gesture before starting down the stairs. “I’ll get your email for him, we’ll make a night of it. Again, great to meet all of you. Be safe, Aaron.”
There’s a flurry of you toos and excitement around the prospect of a night out but Aaron can’t take his eyes off her. This went much more smoothly than he thought it would. And they like her.
“Always and you too.” He tells her.
She gives everyone a kind smile as she walks towards the bullpen door. As she pushes it open she turns around. His coworkers are all gathered together at a desk, no doubt talking about her but she can’t be concerned with that. She glances past them quickly because Aaron’s still standing at the top of the steps outside of his office watching her. Her smile widens and she gives him a little wave. In true Aaron fashion he gives her some semblance of a smile and a stiff nod.
She pushes through the door, shaking her head as she bites away a smile. She tells herself the smile is because she’s done a nice deed for a friend and met some new customers.
Sometimes you just don’t stand a chance.
_____
Aaron’s favorite memory of her solidifies when he comes home one day to find her in the kitchen baking.
Her hair is up in a bun, flyaways strewn messily around her head. Face bare, swallowed in a large black hoodie covered in flour, she looks as though she’s having the time of her life. She clearly doesn’t hear him come in, evident by the way she hums to music that must be playing through her earbuds and the gentle sway of her hips. He keeps himself hidden, peeking through the doorway just enough to see her but so that she can’t see him. He can tell that she wasn’t expecting him home so soon; he’d forgotten to let her know he was coming home today.
It smells of cinnamon, and what he thinks may be pumpkin. He watches her begin to mix some sort of icing. He loves to see her like this, relaxed and happy, not worrying about walking on eggshells around him. He knows that she can find him a little intimidating, especially with the difference in age and career path. It started to feel creepy after a moment, so he makes his presence known to her, causing her to jump slightly.
“You’re home.” The smile that spreads across her face makes him want to gather her into his arms and kiss her until she’s soft and dizzy.
He shakes his head to get rid of the thought. “Yeah, no case today, just heaps of paperwork.”
“Well that’s perfect because now you can help me eat all this, I made way too much.”
“Way too much of?”
“Well it’s fall, so lots of pumpkin; muffins, scones, and last but certainly not least, cinnamon rolls.”
“That sounds great. I need to shower and then I can make us some tea to go along with everything?”
She’s surprised he suggests tea since he prefers coffee, but hums in approval. “Oh, um, sure. Yeah, that sounds great.”
When he comes back out into the kitchen, she’s swirling icing onto a pan of cinnamon rolls, already finished with the scones and muffins. She’s already started the electric kettle and he has half the mind to scold her since she’s already done so much.
“What goes best with pumpkin?” He claps his hands together, looking at her expectantly.
“Chai. It’s the orange box.”
“Got it.”
“Dessert for dinner, my favorite.” She licks the leftover icing off the spatula once she’s finished and he scolds himself for how attentive he is to the action.
“You’re the only person that could get me to do this.” She throws her head back in laughter at his words, and he feels that pull to scoop her up again.
Grabbing plates out of the cabinet she says, “Well you’re welcome, because I anticipate that this is gonna rock your very structured world, Hotchner.”
The goofy smile on his face is one she can get used to. “Can’t wait.”
There’s a comfortable silence as she places one of each dessert on the respective plates and he sets the tea bags into each of the mugs. She sets the full plates on the kitchen table and turns on the tv, flipping to some comedy movie that’s playing. When she turns around her breath catches at the most welcoming sight she’s ever seen. Aaron Hotchner looking down at a cup of tea, steeping the bag with his tongue running over his bottom lip in concentration.
“I think on the box it says it has to steep for 5 minutes?” He looks up at her, completely unaware of his effect on her.
“Coffee guy learning about tea, look at you expanding your horizons.” She teases, sitting down at the table.
They laugh and talk easily, and finds herself wanting this to be the norm and wishing that this meant more than two roommates that live together.
When he goes to bed that night he replays the last few hours over and over in his head. He wants the memory for safe keeping, for when he’s on a case that’s too tough for him to process and needs an escape. He continues to tell himself that it’s just a crush. She’s just a friend, the feelings will fade and he’s just protective of her. But why would he dream about you if it wasn’t more?
_____
Months pass and they continue to do whatever this back and forth is. She doesn’t let herself read too much into his nice gestures and neither does he. It’s easier to accept that they’re just roommates and the string connecting their two hearts remains invisible; though with each gesture there is a tug.
It’s a Friday afternoon when she gets a text from him. The texting when he’s on the way home has become frequent and is almost always sure to brighten her day. Today is different though; as she reads the text her heart sinks.
Aaron Hotchner: On my way home, it was a terrible one. You’re out tonight right?
She opts to call him instead, wanting to hear his voice to know just how much of a rough one it is. They still aren’t very close but she could always notice how he pulled away even further when things were too hard. So many times she’s wished he would just talk to her about it. They’re roommates, it’s what roommates do. She figures that it has to do with her being almost 20 years younger than. She assumes he thinks he would taint her with his horror stories, but bearing the load with him was something she wouldn’t mind.
“Hey?” His voice is a mixture of confusion and surprise when he answers but he can’t explain why hearing her voice makes the tight coil in his chest completely unravel. His team is watching him, and he has the mind to keep his eyes trained on the floor when he gets up to head to the back of the jet for privacy.
“Hey, I just wanted to check on you.” She says timidly, biting the tip of her thumb nervously.
“Oh, uh, I’m alright I guess, the case, it just was…I don’t know. I can’t put into words how sick it was.”
“I’m so sorry, Aaron. Anything I can do?”
He clears his throat and she can practically hear him fidgeting through the phone, uncomfortable with her line of questioning. “No, no, I’m alright, really. You’ll lock up on your way out, yeah?”
She lets out a breath, dropping her shoulders. She wishes he would just talk to her, but doesn’t push further. “Yeah. Be safe.”
“I will. You too.”
“Of course.”
His voice was soft and guarded the entire conversation. It causes some unidentified emotion to lance through her heart as she hangs up. It’s clarity, as she didn’t realize it was so strong till this moment. She feels something…intense for him. The irrational part of her wants to panic and completely withdraw from him. But the part of her that feels something for him has her switching to a different text thread and cancelling her plans.
Sometimes it hits you like a freight train.
She’s shrugging into her jacket to head to the store when her phone rings; it’s Simone, one of her friends. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Are you okay?”
Her face wrinkles in confusion. “I’m fine?”
“You cancelled plans and didn’t expect me to call for an explanation?”
“It’s Aaron, he had a rough day.”
“Okay, I’m tired of the stupid back and forth and all the pining. Are you finally going to admit that you have feelings for him?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”
“Yes, I have feelings for him, I realized that when he sounded so sad on the phone and all I wanted to do was be there for him.”
“What’re you gonna do?”
“Make him dinner, be a good friend.”
“That’s it?”
“Simone, he’s substantially older than me and probably sees me as a kid.”
“Didn’t you say you come home to your favorite wine in the fridge?”
She rolls her eyes and a humorless chuckle slips out of her. “It was one time and it was one bottle.”
“And the flowers?”
“His idea, not mine.” She counters.
“The deodorant?”
“No one wants a smelly roommate.”
“Honey I don’t think he’d do all these sweet things for you if he only saw you platonically. The signs are all there, if not for the romcom drama, do it for me.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Fine, whatever. What are you making?”
“I have no clue, I don’t know what his favorite dinner is.”
“I would stalk his social media for you but there’s barely anything on it. You’ll figure it out, and when you do I want all the juicy details.”
“Yes, fine, juicy details, you got it.”
When she makes it to the store she’s still racking her brain for ideas of what to make him. Nothing seems to fit as she stares at the options at the meat counter but then she’s hit with an idea. She’ll make him the same meal they had during there first ever dinner together. She buys the beer he prefers and a bottle of wine for herself, before getting the rest of the ingredients and dessert. It’s when dinner is almost done and brownies are in that she hears the door unlocking.
He steps into the apartment and freezes when he sees her. “Hey, I thought you weren’t going to be here when I got back. You had plans.”
“Well, I did, but,” She shifts from foot to foot, looking down at her fingers that are knotting together before continuing, “you seemed so down when we were on the phone earlier and I don’t know. It didn’t feel right for you to come back to an empty house.”
He comes further into the apartment after dropping his bag at the door. “You cancelled plans...for me?”
“Yeah. I mean, we’re friends, right?”
The timid sweet look on her face and the gesture to make him feel better breaks his resolve. He surprises the both of them by crossing the space and pulling her into a hug. She forces herself through her shock to return it so as not to hurt his feelings. “Y/n, of course we’re friends.”
She pulls back after a deep breath, her head swimming with scent. “Good, I thought so. Dinner’s almost ready and desserts’ in the oven. Why don’t you take a shower and then we can eat and watch a movie or something?”
He blinks in surprise, though she can tell that he’s pleased. “Sure, that sounds really nice.”
She watches him walk down the hall, his hand loosening his tie as he goes. It’s overwhelmingly domestic, like she’s watching your boyfriend walk down the hall, but she knows that’s not what this is. Aaron would never see her that way and now that she’s acknowledged these feelings she feels like she can start to move on.
As she plates the food she wonders if she really will be able to move on. It might be impossible if she still lives with him. Would she have to move out? Remove him from her life entirely?
“You alright?” His soft voice pulls her out of thoughts and she blinks a few times, before looking up at him.
How long had she been standing here? Long enough for him to shower and be back here with wet hair in a white t-shirt and grey joggers.
“Yes, I’m good, just spaced.” She looks down at the food in front of her, busies herself with finishing the plating.
He comes to stand next her, picks up her wine glass that’s almost empty. “More wine?”
“Sure. Thanks.” She gives him a soft smile as she brings the plates over to the table, taking a seat. He tops off her wine and grabs a beer out of the fridge, giving out a hum of approval as he notices it’s his favorite.
Dinner is delicious, he doesn’t let her go a few minutes without complimenting the food and she’s warm and shy, tells him it’s nothing. They talk easily as always, but more personally. The small talk is scarce, he finds himself unable to not ask her questions about her. He asks her about films and books and her favorite places to travel. She’s happy to tell him, it means she gets to ask some questions of her own. Somehow tonight seems different. They’re no longer holding back things they want to say, not thinking about all of their titles. Tonight it’s just the two of them, two people eating dinner together completely entranced in the other. They are all brushing hands, eye contact and laughter.
“Thank you for all of this, I needed it.” He says as he takes his last bite, washing it down with the last of his beer.
“It was my pleasure. I’ll clean up and you can choose a movie? It shouldn’t take me too long.” She stands and starts to reach for the plates but one of his hands comes to rest on top of hers. It’s warm and rough, and feels so right.
“You cooked, I should clean. You get to pick the movie.”
She looks up at him and into his sweet brown eyes. “You’re sure?”
“Yes, absolutely.”
“Alright. Thanks, Aaron.”
“No, thank you. This was great. Is great.” He nudges her shoulder in response before he clears the table and makes his way to the sink.
She follows him, snagging her wine glass before he can put it in the sink. “I’m gonna have another glass of wine, do you want that? Another beer?”
“I’ll just have what you’re having.” He turns around to give her a smile and she can’t help but return it as she pours the two of them a glass of wine. Picking a movie is easy, it’s fall and so a scary movie seems like the best idea. She chooses her favorite which is one that she knows he likes as well, before curling up on the couch with a large woven blanket. It’s one big enough for the both of them, though she’s not sure he’ll join her under it.
Once he’s loaded the dishwasher he plops down onto the couch beside her. She holds out his wine glass, and his breath catches in his throat when their fingers brush. She thinks nothing of it, press play on the movie before snuggling further down into the blanket.
“Do you mind if I-“
“No, of course, go for it.”
She holds her death as he lifts the covers and shifts closer to her. It’s draped over his waist and over most of her. One of his arms comes to rest behind her on the couch, and she lets go of the breath, realizing that he probably notices how tense she is. All of her thoughts are focused on him, and he’d be lying if he said he was paying attention to the movie. He doesn’t even know what’s happening on the screen though he’s seen the movie multiple times. All he can think about is the smell of her perfume and the way her thigh is against his. He realizes that he can’t hold his thoughts in any longer; he has to take a chance and hope she feels the same. At the least, he can tell her and move on if she doesn’t.
“Y/n?” He murmurs softly.
“Hmm?”
“We should talk.”
“About the case? I’m all ears.”
“No, not that. I-“
The silence between them is thick as he tries to figure out the best way to go about telling her. His mouth opens, and closes again. She can’t bring herself to look at him, not yet.
“I was a fool.” He whispers, turning his head to look at her. The arm resting behind her comes to curl around her shoulders, but it could still be friendly. That’s what she tells herself; it’s friendly until he says loud and clear that it’s not. She turns to look at him as well, their faces just a foot apart.
“Why?” She breathes, fighting so hard to not let her eyes fall to his lips.
“To think that I wouldn’t fall for you. To act like you’re not it for me. I was a complete and total fool.”
“Then I think we were two fools.” She places one of her hands on top of his.
“Yeah?”
“Of course, dummy.”
“Hey, there’s no need to call me names.” He gives her shoulder a playful pinch, which makes her squeal.
“You started it!”
“You’re right I did.” His face grows serious as he continues to gaze at her, leaning in to close the space between them.
Her eyes widen in understanding when his eyes flick down to her lips and back up again. “Aaron…” She breathes.
“Tell me to stop and I will. If I’m going too fast, just tell me.”
“No, don’t stop. I’ve wanted this for so long.”
When their lips meet, they both give out a big sigh, and she sags into him. Luckily, he’s ready, has been ready to hold her like this for as long as he can remember, and both his arms are around her to crush her to his chest. A squeak of surprise comes out of her, and his tongue is in her mouth in an instant. Their lips move together like two parts of one whole, her hands coming up to cup his face. Once they finally break apart she is in his lap, blinks a few times as she realizes what’s happened and then burrows her face in his neck.
“You tried to keep me at arm’s length but you’re great. You’re kind and caring and though you have some baggage and a job that can take it out of you, you’re incredible. I’d be lucky to get a chance to be with you.”
“You got all of that from me avoiding you as much as I could?”
“We had dinner together a few times, remember? And much as you think you’re this broody man, all your emotions are right in those beautiful brown eyes.”
“Of course, I remember. I think about our time together more than I thought I should. I just didn’t realize that you were seeing me in that way.”
“It was impossible not to.”
“It was, wasn't it? I tried. I tried so hard.” He shakes his head, runs his hands up and down her back.
“I did too, I didn’t think that you would want me.”
He chuckles, and she feels it rumble in his chest, deep and hearty. “I didn’t think you would want me.”
“Aaron, you’re all I want. All I think about, all the time, ever.”
“The words don’t even exist to convey how I feel about you. I think that’s maybe why it took me so long to realize in the first place. You’re incredible, so different from me and yet here we are. You’re the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. It was impossible not to like who you are, let alone love you.”
This is what makes her sit back to look at him again. He can’t help but think about how cute she looks, a dumbfounded expression on her face with eyebrows knit together. “Love me?”
“Totally and completely.”
“I’ve never…no one’s ever loved me before.”
“I’m glad I can be the first.”
“I think I want you to be the last.” She leans in to give him another kiss, this one short and sweet, but meaning just as much as the first. “I love you too, by the way.”
“Yeah, I was hoping you would say that.”
“Well I did. I love you.”
“How do we do this?” He pulls her close again, tucks her under his chin, finally able to bask in the warmth of her body against his.
“I don’t know, I’ve never dated my roommate before.”
“Well we still sleep in separate rooms until we’re comfortable?”
“That’s fair. Hmm, we need to make a list.”
“We still keep bills separate.”
“I agree with that one as well.”
“Just because we’re dating now doesn’t mean you can steal my beer.”
“I bought that beer.”
“Yes for me.” He stresses the last two words with an eyebrow raise.
“Never thought you were so possessive, Aaron Hotchner.”
He sits her up, pulls her flush against him so their noses are almost touching, maintaining eye contact. It makes her breathless and woozy, her heart beating rapidly. “When something is mine, I want it all to myself.”
“I’m yours; mind, body and soul for as long as you want me.”
“I couldn’t imagine a time where I wouldn’t want or need you. We’re different but it works and I love that about us. I love that about you.”
“Can we make that list later? You’re being really sweet and I just wanna kiss you some more.”
“You can have whatever you want, baby.”
She looks at him with this dopey look, one he wants to see for the rest of his life before she knots her fingers into shirt, pulling him in for a kiss so deep and thorough that all he can do afterwards is look at her, just as dopey.
summary: a simple confrontation escalates and leaves your life and sense of humanity in shambles, but your husband is determined to make you see past your mistakes.
pairing: unsub!fem!reader x unsub!aaron hotchner
chapter warnings: 18+/nsfw, dark themes, questionable morals, vigilante violence, use of knives, blood mention, pet names, depictions of paranoia/anxiety/depression, graphic description of murder
AN: welcome to our deranged unsub!hotch fic and...happy birthday to co-author of bloodlust @shmaptainhotchner! mimi you are so incredibly talented, sweet, funny, and i hope its the best birthday yet. when ya'll finish reading this, please pop over to her blog and send her some love! and give her so much kudos on this, she wrote this first chapter and its absolutely incredible. we're excited for this to finally be out, its been in the works since at least october; now here we are! please read with caution and we hope you enjoy. ch 2: rising action will be out wednesday, december 15th at 9 a.m. CST.
word count: 2678
general warnings/disclaimers | series masterlist | playlist
It wasn’t supposed to go this wrong, your hands stained with blood that wasn’t your own and Aaron desperately trying to get you to talk.
“(Y/N),” he said calmly, methodically, the way he did when he had a plan, although you weren’t sure either of you were going to like it. He pulled you into his arms and your crazed sounding rambles were muffled by his jacket. “Nothing’s going to happen to you. We’re going to fix this,”
“(Y/N),” he said calmly, methodically, the way he did when he had a plan, although you weren’t sure either of you were going to like it. He pulled you into his arms and your crazed sounding rambles were muffled by his jacket. “Nothing’s going to happen to you. We’re going to fix this,”
“F-Fix this? But I-,”
“Shh,” he hushed, a finger resting over your parted lips. “Not another word,”
And even though there was a burgeoning feeling in your throat, a fire in every bone of your body, telling you to do the right thing, you nodded. You wouldn’t speak another word.
Aaron was quick to pull your face out of where it was tucked into his jacket and push your hair away from your eyes, wiping away your tears with his thumb.
“I’m gonna take care of it, but you have to promise me you won’t tell a soul. Can you do that for me sweetheart?”
You swallowed thickly and nodded your head once more.
“Good girl,” he hummed, his voice eerily calm for the situation you were in.
He stood you up first and then took off his jacket so he could wrap it around you, hiding your bloodied hands.
Next, he looked down at the body in front of you. As cruel as it sounded to say it, not someone who would be missed, and an easy thing to peg on someone else. His enemies were rampant and there may even be a willing participant to admit to it, if the conditions were just right.
Your eyes were glazed and you didn’t even realize what Aaron had done until he placed his hand on your arm.
You blinked once, then twice and looked down, realizing that the body was no longer there in front of you, but instead positioned inconspicuously, well as inconspicuous as a murder could get, in his bed.
The sleeping pills were placed conveniently on the side of the table and the murder weapon, wiped clean of all prints and or DNA was placed back in the kitchen where it belonged.
There wouldn’t be a trace that you were ever here.
“Come on, let’s go,”
Aaron ushered you out of the home through the back door and you did a large loop of the neighbourhood before making your way to the car. To everyone else you were just a couple on an evening walk. They knew nothing of the events that had transpired mere hours ago.
In the car you remained silent, not a word coming past your lips as you stared blankly ahead.
Aaron stared too, but it wasn’t because his mind was in some far off place, trying to rationalize that night's events. Aaron planned, he planned your next move, what would come out of what he had just done, what were the implications. To him the implications didn’t even matter, as long as you were safe, you were always his number one priority, always had been.
So you followed him as he helped you out of the car and into the apartment, whispering small commands in your ear to show certain emotions to make yourselves seem, well, normal.
And you listened, you weren’t sure why, maybe it was his voice, the cadence, or maybe you had gone into survival mode. Either way, you listened and there was no going back now.
Once you were in the privacy of your own home Aaron was able to move you to the washroom, gently peeling away, layer by layer your bloodstained clothes until there was nothing.
He turned the faucet on, hot water pounding against the tub as he let it fill up before instructing you to sit in the bath.
He took your hands first, using a sponge to carefully scrub away the blood, and he did so with complete confidence. No sense of his wrongdoing. He had justified it in his own terms and you could see it already.
You weren’t sure if it was that or when he started to clean the dirt from under your nails that made you cry.
The tears came in and your body became wracked with sobs.
“Sweetheart shh, it’s alright,” he whispered. “It’s okay, I promise it’s all gonna be okay,”
How could it be alright?
You had just killed a man in cold blood.
How could it be okay?
He had just framed someone for murder.
But when he pulled your face close and pressed his slightly chapped lips to your quivering ones and whispered,
“Trust me,”
You did.
Your sobs quietly faded into sniffles while he continued his work scrubbing down every last part of your body until it was like you had shed one skin and grown in another.
Your old skin was your old self. And the new one, a shell of the former you. The new skin was a lie, a big fat lie that you would gladly tell if Aaron told you to. Because just as much as he would do anything for you, you would do everything for him.
When you got out of the shower Aaron was happy to see you walk off on your own, a towel wrapped around you while you searched for clean clothes.
After cleaning the tub, he placed your bloodied clothes in a waste basket and dug around the cabinets for a match.
“What are you doing?” you asked, walking out of the room, wrapped in one of his large sweaters, the letters GWU plastered on the front. One foot came behind your other calf as you ran it nervously up and down, observing your husband.
“Getting rid of the evidence,” he said simply. “They can’t use something against you if it doesn’t exist anymore,”
And together you watched as the basket glowed in shades of red, yellow, and orange until your clothes were nothing but ashes and dust to be scattered in the wind.
“Maybe we should get some sleep,” Aaron suggested and you nodded your head as his arm wrapped around your shoulders, leading you to the bedroom.
If you had known that night was going to be the only restful sleep you could get for the foreseeable future you would have savoured it. But after all the tears shed, all that energy exerted, your body fell limp onto the bed, and your mind and heart blank of all sins.
—
“Hey (Y/N)? Are you alright?”
You blinked a few times and looked up at Emily who was talking to you.
“Yeah, I’m good,” you nodded, forcing a small smile to your lips. “You need something?”
Although your eyes were on Emily, they also slipped past, behind her where Aaron was watching you carefully.
“Yeah, I was just wondering if I could maybe borrow that shirt of yours, then one with the yellow flowers, it actually looked really nice when I tried it on,”
Yellow flowers. Spattered with blood. Burned to a crisp.
“Oh that one? I’m so sorry but it got this huge tear in it after getting caught in the car door,” you rolled your eyes at yourself. “I got it from Macy’s if you want to check there,” you suggested and Emily nodded her head.
“And you can call me if you ever want to borrow it,” she chuckled.
“For sure,”
Emily walked back to her desk and you locked eyes with your husband who sent you a simple nod before heading back into his office. You’d done well.
And aside from the far off looks and the zoning out, no one could see any sort of difference in you.
You and Aaron left work at your usuals time and took your regular route home, it was as if nothing had happened last night, but the minute you stepped past the threshold of your home you became painfully aware that wasn’t the case.
“Sweetheart,” Aaron murmured, his hand coming to cup your cheek, lifting your chin to look at him. “I saw what you did today, I’m so proud of you. I know it was hard, but you still did it,” his thumb brushed across your cheekbone and you simply nodded your head. “And because I know how hard that was, is there something you want? Anything in the world, I’ll get it for you,”
What you wanted was to tell the truth, but you knew when he said anything in the world, he meant anything but that.
“Just you,” you whispered. “Don’t do any work tonight, come to bed early with me,”
“Of course,” he gave you a small smile and pressed his lips to yours.
You walked to the bedroom together and Aaron helped you get changed into more comfortable clothes. You got in bed before him and he slid in behind you, letting his body overtake your own as he wrapped his arm around you from behind and his legs became tangled with your own.
“You’re okay, right?” Aaron asked. “We’re okay?”
“Yes, always,” you nodded your head vigorously and turned around, placing a firm kiss to his lips. “I love you,”
“I love you too, that’s why we have to do this, you understand that right? I’m doing it because I love you,”
“I know,” you mumbled, tucking yourself further into his chest and glancing at your glimmering wedding ring. “I know,”
—
It was late, too late for him to be out and you started to worry. Pacing the floor of your living room you watched the clock as it ticked further and further into the night until you heard a quiet click of the lock on your door causing you to freeze.
Aaron slipped into the condo and when he turned around and saw you he waited a minute. He wore gloves and his large black jacket, and watched as you simply frowned at him.
“Where were you? It’s late I-I was worried about you,”
“I wasn’t anywhere,” he said simply. “I’m fine just go to bed,”
“Aaron,” you insisted, coming up to him. “What’s the matter, what’s going…” you paused as you caught a glimpse of his shirt underneath the jacket. You moved the one fabric out of the way and your eyes saw his red stained white dress shirt. It didn’t take you long to connect the dots. “Oh my God. Oh my God!” you stumbled back, but Aaron came forward quickly and grabbed your arms and held them tightly.
“(Y/N), (Y/N),” he repeated your name until he had your focus and attention, despite your shaking limbs and tears forming in your eyes. “He was onto us, I did what I had to do,” he said simply. “I did it to protect you,”
You let out a shaky breath and nodded your head and once he loosened his grip you wiped away a few tears that had escaped.
You shaking hands came up to his coat, removing it from his shoulders and examining his shirt.
Almost half of it was soaked red.
“(Y/N), you don’t have to-,”
“No,” you shook your head, your fingers undoing his tie and sliding it off from around his neck. “Let me…take care of it,”
While you started to unbutton his shirt he leaned down and stole a few kisses from you, reminding you that you were both still here, that was the point was it not?
“You’ve...you’ve got some…” you pointed to the blood spattered across his neck.
“Let’s go wash it off then,” he instructed, taking your hand in his and leading you to the washroom.
You grabbed a washcloth from the counter and wet it with cold water before bringing it to the spattered blood and trying to gently wipe it clean.
Your mind couldn’t help but go back a few weeks, wondering how you could have let it slip how it all went so wrong so quickly. At one moment you were just another couple, husband and wife leading a normal life, but as things would turn out you had both committed unspeakable crimes. Murderer wasn’t a title you could wash away with bleach.
After you had cleaned him up, you sent him to go get changed while you took care of his shirt. Digging in the cupboard and finding the bleach, you closed the drain in the tub while you mixed the water and the chemical, its unmistakable smell filling your nostrils.
Aaron must have turned on the fan because soon it faded and all you could feel was the slimy and slippery consistency of the mixed water against your skin. It didn’t cross your mind to use gloves, knowing that your skin would be irritated later, but maybe you thought you deserved the discomfort.
You scrubbed and you scrubbed and you scrubbed until every last trace of red was washed away in the water, now dyed pink. You opened the drain and turned on the faucet, rinsing the bleach off the shirt before hanging it over the pole that held the shower curtain.
Aaron was waiting for you in bed when you exited the washroom. He sat down on the side facing the door, looking over at you.
Even in the dim light of the lamp he could see your raw looking hands and he quickly instructed you to come and sit next to him.
“You didn’t wear gloves did you?” he asked and you shook your head. “Does this hurt?” he asked while holding them gently. You weren’t sure if the discomfort was showing in your eyes or if he could just read you that well. “Oh sweetheart,” he murmured.
“D-Did I do something wrong?” you asked quietly.
“No, no, no,” he shook his head and assured you, “Come on, let me put something on there to help with that, huh?”
He found some sort of balm in your medicine cabinet and placed a little in his own hands before lathering it on your own.
“Try not to scratch it, okay?”
You nodded your head, but you knew it would be an empty promise, you’d do anything to make yourself suffer for what you did.
He took your face in his hands and looked into your eyes, but he knew you were slipping, he could see it at work, how your mask was faltering, he could see it in your eyes, something that once held spark was now black and dull. Because two people really died that night.
You stared at him and blinked slowly, once, then twice.
“Maybe you can take a few days off,” he suggested. “How does that sound?”
You nodded your head and carefully pulled away from him before looking out of the window of your room that showed the view of the street.
“Aaron I… I don’t know if I can go back there. I can’t hunt for those people, not when I am one of them,”
“Sweetheart you are not one of them, you understand me?” he gripped your face quite forcefully, but you didn’t show any signs of caring. “You’re my wife, I think I would know,” he let go of you, but came closer, pressing his lips against your temple then moving down lower to your jaw. You lifted your head allowing him to trail kisses along your neck, his nose grazing over your pulse point. “You’re not one of them,” he repeated.
“But I don’t want to go back,” you whispered.
“Then don’t. But don’t do it because of that,”
“Okay,” you breathed, the word caught in your throat as he left a small love bite on your neck.
“Good girl,” he praised, his hand finding your own and fingers lacing with yours. “I love you,”
You blinked a few times and Aaron assumed you hadn’t heard him, so he repeated himself.
“I love you,”
You swallowed thickly and nodded.
“I love you too,”
—
No, no, no this couldn’t be happening. The police? How had they found out? You had been so careful, everything had gone according to plan. You did everything Aaron told you. Everything to prevent this.
The words they said were the same you had uttered yourself to many an unsub, but it felt so surreal.
“H-How did you-,” you weren’t even able to finish your sentence when you saw Aaron in the doorway, talking to one of the officers who seemed to be consoling him.
“Seems like your husband knew what you were up to,”
Of course he did. This was all his idea.
“Aaron?” your voice came out broken sounding. “Aaron what are you doing? Aaron! Aaron, listen to me!”
But your voice was muffled; he couldn't hear you. He just stared, disgusted.
You tried to pull away from the officers but their grip on you was tight. You were going to jail. You were never going to see Aaron again.
Aaron.
He was the one who got you in this situation. In more ways than one and now here he was, leaving you to fend for yourself.
“Aaron!” you called again. “Aaron, please, please!” you begged. “Don’t leav-,”
The fast beating of your heart jolted you awake and you quickly scrambled upright in your bed. You could feel the cold sweat dripping from your forehead while your breathing was laboured and erratic.
“(Y/N)?”
You turned your head to the side and saw Aaron, roused awake by the sudden movement in the sheets.
“No, no, no,” you mumbled, trying to push yourself away before he quickly grabbed your arm before you fell off the bed.
“Honey, what’s the matter?” he tried to ask you but your ramblings were incoherent.
Despite having you fight against him, feeling your heart rate rise, he still wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest, trying to get you to settle down.
The sound of your sobs broke Aaron to his very core, the broken helplessness of feeling you go limp against him, the sound coming from deep within your heart, fueled by pain and regret.
“Sweetheart, can you breathe with me?” he asked, but you only shook with sobs in response. “Deep breath in, then out. In, then out,” he whispered.
He kept trying to breathe with you until your sobs died down and turned into silent tears streaming down your cheeks. It had felt so real, he was right in front of you, that disgusted look in his eyes and you couldn’t shake it. Not that quickly.
“Alright, let’s get you moving now, huh?” he let go of you for a split second while he got out of bed and came back to help you up and push you towards the washroom.
You sat down on the covered toilet while he turned on the shower, pushing the faucet so the water was as hot as it could get without hurting you.
He helped you out of your clothes before taking off his own and getting into the shower with you. The hot water against your skin helped to wake you up slightly but it still wasn’t enough to bring you back.
You could feel Aaron’s chest pressed against your back, his hand running up and down your arms. He knew it was too early to try and get you to say something, so for now if he could just get you to feel and be present, that was a good first step.
You found yourself turning around, burying your face in the crook of Aaron’s neck while he carefully laced his arms around your waist. You sought him out because if he was there, holding you under the steaming hot water of the shower then he wasn’t turning you in. He wasn’t talking to the police, you had to convince yourself of that.
You could feel his heart beating, a calm constant rhythm, never wavering and it reminded you of your first dance at your wedding.
Neither of you really picked the song, the whole party was last minute because Dave had refused to see you have a courthouse marriage. So he grabbed one of his romantic records and let the first song play.
You both swayed together on the stone patio, your head resting right over his heart and it showed you the beat to every song you’d ever need to know.
You loved that heart, you needed that heart. That’s why you married him.
Once Aaron had sensed that the shower had done all it could in helping you, he turned off the faucet and pulled back the curtain. Grabbing a large towel and wrapping you in it before quickly drying himself off and putting on some clothes.
He dug through his own sweaters and found his old college hoodie. It was your favourite along with a pair of your leggings he grabbed from the other drawer.
First, he helped you with your leggings, one foot then the other, pulling the fabric all the way to your hips before leaning in and pressing a tiny kiss to your belly button.
Then the sweater slipped over your head before he led you towards the kitchen.
Opening the freezer, he grabbed the first tub of ice cream and placed it on the table while he grabbed a spoon.
He scooped up a small bit and placed it in front of your lips.
“Try some of this, and focus on it while you eat. It’s cold, right? Focus on that,”
You opened your mouth and ate the ice cream, allowing its lower temperature to send chills down your back from the contrast you had felt.
“Good girl,” he whispered and replaced the cold ice cream and metal spoon with a warm and soft kiss to your lips.
You tried your best to do what Aaron had told you to, but there was just a point where you didn’t want anymore and you shook your head and turned away.
Aaron sighed and finished the last bite himself before putting the tub back in the freezer.
You had moved yourself over to the couch, staring at the blank television when Aaron had an idea.
He turned on the TV and looked through your CDs before finding your favourite movie and placing it in the player.
After the advertisements were skipped and he pressed play, he pulled you into his arms and let you rest your head against his chest, curled up into his side.
He tried to make conversation with you, point out your favourite parts, encourage you to laugh if something funny happened. And even though you didn’t talk, every once in a while he’d see your lips twitch upward and that made his heart swell.
When the movie was over the sun had just started to rise, small rays of yellow peeking through the curtains.
You turned to face Aaron, letting your forehead rest against his before giving him a very grateful kiss.
“Thank you,” you murmured. The first words you’d uttered since you had woken up hours ago that night. “I love you, Aaron,”
“I love you too,” he mumbled against your lips. “And if you ever want to talk about it-,”
“I just want to forget it ever happened,”
It seemed like you were alluding to more things than one.
“I understand, but you know that I’m here with you, every step of the way,” you nodded your head and pulled him in for a tight hug.
“Let’s go back to sleep,” you suggested.
Aaron agreed and you walked together to your bedroom, you climbed into your side first and when Aaron came to his, you opened your arms for him to rest in and he placed his head against your chest allowing you to gently massage his scalp and press a few kisses to his forehead. Aaron did everything for you, this was the least you could do for him.
“I love you,” you repeated. “Always will,”
Aaron sighed contently and pressed a kiss to your sternum where his head rested.
warnings: the slightest bit of angst, lot-o-fluff and kissing
summary: supporting jack is hotch’s number one priority, even if it means being a chaperone for a field trip on his birthday. what he doesn’t expect is you.
an: HAPPY HOTCH APPRECIATION WEEK MY FRIENDS. and happy birthday to our favorite FBI agent, and the love of my life Aaron Hotchner. thank you to @shmaptainhotchner and @lilacprentiss for putting together @hotchappreciationweek! also thanks to @ssahotchie for getting this screen grab for me.
word count: 2.6k
masterlist | hotch appreciation week masterlist
Aaron walks into his son’s classroom around 9:30. It’s empty except for his teacher, Mrs. James, and the other parents that are chaperoning. He’d dropped off Jack earlier when school started and then stopped in the office to grab some paperwork to do this weekend. He’d got an earful from the team who were chewing him out for being in the office on his birthday. But his birthday had become like every other day, he didn’t want to make a big fuss about it.
“Mr. Hotchner, great to see you! We have everyone now.” Mrs. James almost looks surprised that he’s here but he can’t let himself feel bad about it. He’s here for Jack today and that’s what matters.
“Mrs. James, great to see you as well. Please, call me Aaron.” He shakes her hand, gives the other parents a warm smile.
“Alright, Aaron. And actually we all just go by our last names now.”
“Of course, I’ll remember that.”
“Jack’s really happy you’re here. He mentioned it’s your birthday?”
“It is, I don’t really celebrate it and I want to spend time with him so this worked out perfectly.”
She gestures for Aaron and the other parents to follow her out of a door in the back of the classroom. It leads to a patch of sidewalk that’s in front of one of the playgrounds. “Sure. Oh, here’s the class we’re going to partner with, my class is already there that’s why they’re not in here. The class is a couple grades above Jack and they’ll partner up with an older kid.”
He can hear all the kids coming from somewhere, and a couple start to come around the corner. He’s looking for Jack as more kids come into view. Jack is mid conversation with another kid, doesn’t even notice that his dad is there. There are some other parents that come around the corner. “That’s a really great…” He doesn’t finish his thought because he sees you.
You’re easily one of the most attractive people he’s ever seen, dressed in jeans and an olive green sweater, your hair framing your face perfectly. You’re talking with another parent when James calls you over. You pat the parent on the arm and excuse yourself, making your way over to them.
“This is Y/l/n. Y/l/n this is Aaron Hotchner, Jack’s dad.”
“Mr. Hotchner, really great to meet you, Jack’s an angel when James shares her class with me.” Your voice is sweet and makes him feel tingly.
He outstretches his hand, which you quickly take, giving it a firm shake. “Please, call me Aaron. I’m happy to hear that, he loves to be here.”
It’s James that notices how you and Aaron hold eye contact and each other’s hands a beat too long.
“Okay, Aaron, I’m Y/n. And we love to have him. Should we get this show on the road?” You look at James, and she nods though there’s a hint of something in her eyes.
The two of you corral your two classes together, pairing up the kids so that they’ll sit with their buddy on the bus. You end up sitting near Aaron, he’s on the seat behind you and the two of you talk here and there. You don’t get very far in any conversation because of the kids but every time you’re interrupted he gives you a patient smile.
_____
All of the kids are on the carousel when you walk up to stand next to Aaron, and give him a wide knowing grin that makes him raise his eyebrow in confusion.
“A little birdie told me it’s your birthday today.” You say crossing your arms and rocking back on your heels.
He gives out a resigned sigh, his cheeks warming slightly. “That was supposed to be a secret. I don’t celebrate it, it’s not a big deal.”
“All birthdays are big deals, Aaron. It’s another trip around the sun and I bet there’s so many people that are grateful you made it.”
“I suppose so.” He says begrudgingly, though he’s smiling
“Let me buy you lunch.” You offer, to both your surprise and his.
The flush on his cheeks deepens and you bite away your widening smile. “Oh, you don’t have to, that’s really okay.”
“I know I don’t have to, I want to.”
“You want to?”
“I do. Have lunch with me? And kids of course.” You tack on, not wanting to come off too forward or unprofessional.
“Yeah, okay, I would like that.”
“Great, I’ll see you there.” You give him a soft smile, before returning to your spot closer to the exit of the carousel. You look at your watch and know the kids have a few more minutes so you pull out your phone and start to snap a few pictures.
“What’s going on with you and Jack’s dad? Or should I say, Aaron.” James comes up to you, nudges you with her shoulder.
You look at her like she’s crazy, shaking your head. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Y/n, you were definitely flirting with him, I know your flirty face.”
“I was not, I just feel like the man should get something for his birthday.”
“You’re getting him something for his birthday? Oh come on, fess up. You were flirting.” She insists and you smooth your hand over your face in embarrassment.
“Okay maybe I was! But he seemed a bit flustered when we met and I thought that he was into me a little. I offered to buy him lunch, that’s all.”
“You’re gonna sit with him?”
“And Jack and his partner, and whoever else ends up at the table, its not a big deal.”
“Its a huge deal, Jack always talks about how he wants his dad to date.”
“Its lunch on a work field trip. The kids will be there. Nothing more.” You explain, keeping your voice level.
“Hmm, whatever you say. We should get ready for them, the carousel’s slowing down.”
_____
“I didn’t even get to choose, huh?” He comes up behind you, his mouth so close to your ear it almost makes you shiver.
But you compose yourself, turn to look at him with a smirk on your face. “Birthday surprises are some of the best surprises.”
“I guess we’ll have to see about that. I’ll go get us a table.”
Your heart flutters at those words, they’re ones that you find yourself wanting to get used to but you quickly shake yourself out of that thought. He’s Jack’s dad. He’s much older, always travelling, and probably not interested in a young person such as yourself. It takes no time for you to order and receive his food, and you maneuver through all the other patrons and make your way to the table he’s chosen for you, him, Jack and his partner, Grayson.
“Y/l/n, dad said you got him a surprise for his birthday!”
“I sure did, I got him lunch, do you wanna guess what it is?” You lean in with a grin.
Jack looks pensive as he thinks about what it could be. “Um, grilled cheese?”
“Close, it is a type of sandwich.”
“Use your investigative skills Jack buddy, what do you smell?” Aaron looks at the little boy with an infinite amount of love in his eyes. Jack closes his eyes immediately, and starts to sniff, an indicator that this isn’t the first time Aaron has asked him to do something like this.
“Smells like when you make burgers.”
“Is that your final guess?” Aaron asks him, and the little boy opens his eyes and nods feverishly.
“What about you Grayson, what’s your guess?” You look over at your student who is already closing his eyes and sniffing.
“Potatoes?”
“Burgers and potatoes - final answers boys?” Aaron gives them one last chance to change their answers and you grin at him, so surprised that he’s so playful and open. James had only ever described him as focused and professional.
The boys both look at each other and then nod, eyes lighting up as you start to unpack the food out of the bag.
“Well, you two make a great team because I got him a double bacon cheeseburger and french fries. I didn’t know what kind of condiments you take so I got everything on the side.”
Jack’s next words knock the wind out of you.
“Y/ln, do you like my dad?”
Your eyes flicker to Aaron who’s as red as a tomato. You recover quickly and answer Jack. “I think your dad is very nice if that’s what you mean.”
“Do you want to kiss him?”
“Jack.” Aaron admonishes gently.
“No, its okay, Aaron. I’m not sure that’s an appropriate question to ask here Jack.”
“I’m sorry.” Jack pouts, looks down at his sack lunch. Grayson is looking anywhere but at the three of you and if you weren’t so embarrassed you would find his reaction hilarious.
You reach out and smooth Jack’s hair before standing. “Hey, its okay. I need to check on some of the other kids so you all eat up and I’ll be back soon.”
Aaron makes sure that Jack and Grayson have their sandwiches out, and asks another parent to keep an eye on them before he follows after you. You’re grabbing another student a caprisun out of the cooler when he comes up to you.
“Look, I’m sorry, he’s just anxious for me to have someone. He didn’t mean any harm.”
“Its really okay. If anything, I was the one who made things inappropriate.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“The flirting and lunch, I mean I’m on my job and-”
“Y/l/n!” A little girl screams, clearly distressed even when you haven’t seen her yet. You cut yourself off, whip your head around to locate her, and quickly identify a sweet girl in your class named Josie as the source. She’s fallen, scraped her hands up pretty bad and you apologize to Aaron quickly before running to her to get her cleaned up.
By the time you get Josie bandaged and calmed, lunch is over and you avoid Aaron at all costs. He tries to get your attention a few times but you always just give him a tight smile, stay close to a few pairs of kids that aren’t Jack and Grayson. Aaron tries to keep his best face on for Jack but he can’t help but feel like things are messed up. He plans to try to talk to you again before he takes Jack home this evening, hoping that you’ll let him.
_____
With the day over you run over to Jack to make sure he knows you aren’t upset with him for what happened at lunch. Kneeling down you give his cheek a gentle pinch. “Jack, it was so great to share you today, thanks for being partners with Grayson.”
“I’m sorry Y/l/n.” He says softly, looking down at his hands.
“There’s no reason for you to be sorry, I had the best day.”
“Promise?”
“Pinky promise!” You stick your pinky out to him and he wraps his around yours before pulling you into the tightest hug.
“Jack, why don’t you go say bye to Grayson and then we can go get some ice cream?” Aaron asks, and you look up to see a bunch of questions swimming in his deep brown eyes.
“Before dinner?” The little boy asks, his voice high with excitement.
“Before dinner. Special treat for dad’s birthday.”
“Okay!”
You start to push up off of your knees alone, but his hands grasp yours, pulling you up effortlessly.
“Thanks.” You breathe.
“My pleasure.”
“About earlier-”
He holds his hands up to stop you. “Maybe I could go first? Just so you know where I stand before you make all your decisions.”
“Oh, sure.”
“The flirting and the lunch, I enjoyed it. I haven’t done this,” He motions between the two of you, “in a really long time, and I wasn’t sure if I was reading things wrong until Jack asked you that question. Selfishly, I found myself hoping that you would answer his questions and say yes to both of them because if someone asked me those questions about you that’s how I would answer.”
“You would say yes?”
“In a heartbeat.”
“I would’ve too, I just didn’t want to make it weird.”
“I think Jack’s got that covered for us.” He jokes. You both laugh, and his is louder and lighter than you expect.
“You know Aaron, its not selfish that you want someone. Companionship isn’t selfish.”
“Even if its with someone who’s a teacher at my son’s school?”
“Even then.” You’re completely sure that you want this but you see the hesitancy in his eyes. You place a hand on his arm, giving it an encouraging squeeze. “Maybe the next time we see each other, it can be with no kids. And I can buy you more than amusement park junk food.”
“Absolutely not, I’m paying. But I’m in agreement on everything else.”
“Alright, fine, but we’re taking turns paying. I’m independent.”
“I’ll respect your wishes, if that’s what you want.”
You glance behind you, and Jack and Grayson look like they’re enthralled in a very interesting conversation. You catch James’ eye, she’s smirking and you roll her eyes before holding up a finger, giving her a signal that you need a few minutes. She nods, walks over to Jack and Grayson to keep them busy.
You lean in and whisper to him, “Come with me.”
He turns his head in confusion but does as you say, following you down the hall to the teacher’s lounge. Once inside you make a beeline for the bathroom, pulling him into the single stall with you before you lock the door behind you. He must understand your plan because he pounces on you immediately, his hands cupping your face as he pulls you in for a bruising kiss. Your fingers are knotting in his hair immediately, as you try to push yourself as flush against him as possible. He tastes like heaven, his mouth warm and wet as your tongue brushes up tentatively against his. He kisses you like his life depends on it, pushing you up against the wall and crowding you against. You know from this kiss alone that you could never want this man to walk away from you, and when you break the kiss, you look up at him completely mesmerized.
“I’ve been thinking about doing that since Jack asked that question so thank you for the opportunity.” His chest is heaving and you laugh at his words.
“Who am I to deny the birthday boy what he wants?” You ask before leaning in to capture his lips in a kiss that is much softer but just as desperate.
“As much as I would love to keep kissing you, I should take Jack home.”
“Of course. I have some grades to finish anyway. Here.” You fish your phone out of your pocket and the two of you exchange contact info. You walk him to the door of the teacher’s lounge, not wanting to look thoroughly kissed in front of kids that still may be waiting on their parents. You already know that James isn’t going to let you hear the end of it.
“I’ll call you tonight?”
“I’ll be waiting. Happy birthday, Aaron.” You reach up and push a hand through his hair. He leans into your touch, a look of contentment on his face.
“Thanks for making it the best birthday I’ve had in a while.”
“We’ve definitely got to one up this next year?”
“I like the sound of that,” He leans in, presses one last chaste kiss to your lips, “Later.”
summary: the all knowing rossi sets reader and hotch up on a blind date.
pairing: fem!reader x soft!hotch
warnings: 18+ content, feelings, fluff, unprotected sex, love confessions
word count: 4k
AN: this is my submission for the hotchafterhours smut challenge.
You only thought there was one person on this earth that knew why you were single; you. The reason was embarrassing, one you tried not to think about too often but failed miserably at because you were constantly surrounded by said reason.
Aaron Hotchner. Your boss.
You’d started at the BAU only a year and a half ago and fallen head over heels in love with a man you couldn’t have. There was never a day that went by that you didn’t wish you could’ve fallen for one of your equals like Emily or Derek; even JJ who was married would’ve been a better choice. But your brain was a bit of a masochist, so here you were, smitten with him. You were sure it would never work, primarily because you know he feels nothing for you; he probably would prefer someone older and more like him. You would only see yourself as a means to an end if he was interested.
The only good thing about this situation is you were really great at hiding it. This saves you the embarrassment of not only being teased by the team but being rejected by a man who by all accounts was respectful, sweet, and thought you were a valued member of the team.
At least that’s what you thought.
When Rossi continued to poke and prod you about letting him set you up on a date you were reluctant but eventually gave in. It must’ve been his Italian charm.
“You deserve someone that cherishes you bella.”
You couldn’t argue with him on that.
_____
Hotch had done everything in his power to avoid showing what he felt for you. You were just so incredibly easy to love. He was hung up on everything about you. The way you bit the tip of your pen while filling out reports, the power in your stride, the constant sweetness underlying all your facial expressions. His favorite thing was how soft your voice was and how loud your laugh was in comparison.
Hotch knows that Rossi’s caught him red handed. One too many times he’s felt a gaze on him while studying you only to find Rossi looking at him with a smirk on his face. He also knows that Rossi understands the situation, though that doesn’t stop him from telling Hotch maybe it would be worth the try, worth the hassle.
Of course he knew you were worth the hassle, but he also knew you wouldn’t feel the same way. You could never want an older man like him, not with your energy and optimism. You were too good for him, too everything he wished he could be. This is what keeps him from taking Rossi’s advice to attempt to get closer to you. It’s always what makes him say yes when Rossi says he’s setting him on a blind date.
“You want to try to forget her don’t you?”
“Just tell me when and where.” He grumbles before sulking back into his own office, but not before taking a glance at you.
_____
The night of your blind date you’ve finished all your reports and all you need to do is take them to Hotch. You hope that this will be the last time that you walk up to his office with the hope that he’ll take you into his arms and kiss you. If the blind date went well enough you could forget about your feelings for Hotch, that’s what you were aiming for. You’re surprised when you get up to his office that he’s standing, packing his things up.
“Just set those on my desk, agent.” He gives you a polite and professional smile, one that’s warm enough but still distant.
You had a love hate relationship with that smie. You wanted him to smile at you the way he does Rossi or JJ or even Morgan. Instead you get the reserved smile that’s for interviewing families and meeting new officers at the precincts. But he was so gorgeous, so beautiful and you couldn’t actually be mad. Seeing his smile, no matter what kind of smile it is, is a blessing in your book.
“Of course, sir. Getting out of the office early tonight?” You try to make small talk.
“For once. Dave has convinced me to-“ He must realize himself because he stops and begins again with, “Yeah, getting out early. You as well?”
“Yes sir, I have a date tonight.” You’d be lying if you said you don’t know why you say this. It’s because you wanted him to be jealous, you knew he wouldn’t be but you wanted it. Even if it was a flash of jealousy in his eyes that went away so quickly you’d question it. It doesn’t come.
“I hope it goes well, Y/l/n.” He’s jealous but he continues to have that smile on his face.
“Thank you, sir. Have a good evening.” You say softly, disappointed that there were no micro-expressions to read.
When you’re just out the door you hear him murmur, “Be safe.” It makes your chest warm in a way you hate.
You almost wait for him, walk to the elevator and have an actual conversation with him but you decide against it. No reason to invest in a man that you were trying to forget. To help with that you take the stairs instead of the elevator.
When you get home you take a long, hot shower, scrubbing yourself thoroughly with a vanilla and lavender scented body wash that calms you. You truthfully weren’t that nervous as no one could gaze at you with an intensity that Hotch could. He had an aura to him that just made your knees weak and breath stutter. You weren’t sure how you’d made it through the days with him as your boss, though you did volunteer to be partnered up with anyone but him as much as possible. You still haven’t ever shared a room with him.
Rossi has gone all out, setting you up at a fancy steakhouse and is even covering the bill. You’d given some push back, but he claimed he wanted both parties to have a good time and not worry about anything. The worst thing about this being a blind date was that he wouldn’t give you any details except that he knows you would like him. You decide on a long burgundy dress that has a neckline and shows just the right amount of cleavage but clings to your body in the perfect way. You decide to pin half of your hair up and swipe on a nude lipstick before putting in some simple diamond studs. You didn’t want to look like you were trying too hard but you felt confident in your looks before you stepped out into the night.
The steakhouse is very fancy, taking your car for valet parking and handing you a flute of pink bubbly when you step in the doors. You give them Rossi’s name and they lead you back to a private booth with a closed curtain. There are a few others just like it, and it makes you a bit nervous that you won’t be able to rely on the chatter of others to fill silence in case this goes poorly. You take your seat in the curved booth and wait patiently, taking another sip of champagne. You pat your hair making sure its in place and take one last ill timed sip because it goes into the wrong pipe when the curtains open and Hotch is standing there.
The two of you stare at each other for a moment, the gears in both of your heads turning for a moment before speaking at the same time.
“Rossi.”
“Rossi.”
“I can’t believe this is happening.” Hotch has a resigned smile on his face, one that you can’t figure out. Why is he not more surprised? He looks as if he almost expects this.
“I can go, we can pretend this never happened.” You scramble to grab your purse and start to scooch towards the end of the booth but then he slides in next to you, surprising you.
“No, Y/n, you don’t have to go. I think we should…” He stops, unable to find the right words.
“You think we should have this date?” You breathe, your face twisted in confusion.
“Yes.” He answers, his voice unwavering.
“But I’m your subordinate.”
The corners of his mouth lift up ever so slightly. “Also, yes.”
“I’m young and inexperienced and-“ You begin but he quickly cuts you off taking your words in a different direction.
“Beautiful and brilliant and hilarious.”
“Hotch.” You murmur, looking away from his intense gaze, your cheeks heating.
“Aaron.” He suggests but you shake your head. You didn’t want to get ahead of yourself.
“We couldn’t possibly do this.”
“Why not? You haven’t said that you’re not interested in me.”
“I, well, um…” You struggle to find the best words. You were more than attracted to him, you were in love with him, but Hotch was out of your league.
“Are you actually interested in me?”
“It wasn’t obvious?”
“I had no idea.”
“Hotch, you had no idea?”
“Aaron.” He presses but you hold your resolve on not calling him by his first name.
“There are so many things that could go wrong. So many things that we could mess up. This isn’t right, people won’t look at you the same. And you need someone better, someone who can meet your needs and take care of you and Jack.”
“You take care of me all the time. You’ve told me to go home before, made me laugh when you can tell I’m upset, got me coffee when I looked and felt exhausted.”
“But the team, and Strauss, and your son. You couldn’t possibly think that I’m the right person for that. You’re out of my league.”
“Nothing’s ever been less true. I know you’re the right person.”
He had to be baiting you, he had to think you were naive. Did he think this was a joke.
“I should go.”
“No, Y/n, please, just get it a shot. Give us a shot.”
“There’s too many outside factors, it could never work.”
“We could make it work, we could do this, you know we can.”
“Aaron, we shouldn’t.”
When his name finally leaves your mouth it’s like the wind is knocked out of him. Even with your voice thick from the unshed tears in your eyes, it’s an angelic sound. The way your mouth caresses the syllables of his name makes him want to ask you to say it over and over again. He knows that he can’t let you go now, that you were made to be with him and to call him by his first name for the rest of his life.
“Y/n, look at me.” His hand rests on your cheek. “I want you to forget everything and everyone else but me.”
“But-“
“No buts. We’re two people who are attracted to each other on a date. If it goes poorly then we go back to how our lives were. I can tell you now that mine will never be the same, not when I know what having you can be like.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah.”
As soon as that word is out of your mouth he moves closer to you, leaning in to press his lips to yours for what may be the softest kiss you’ve ever had. It’s patient and gentle, and makes you feel like you're levitating in your seat. He knows what he’s doing with his mouth and now you wonder what it would feel like in other places. You want to keep kissing, and if your lungs weren’t screaming for oxygen you wouldn’t pull away. When you do though, you rest your forehead on his, panting into his mouth.
“Wow. You really know what you’re doing there.”
“So do you.” He murmurs and you hum in agreement before pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. A smile spreads across his lips and his eyes look like melting chocolate, warm and sweet and inviting.
When the waiter comes the two of you order and then talk about any and everything. It’s amazing how easy it is to be with each other, it was like riding a bike or baking in the sun. Carefree, relaxing. When he told you to forget about everyone and everything but you he meant it, and it’s not hard to. He is everything you knew he was; sweet, caring and funny. He’s more animated than you’ve ever seen him, especially when talking about Jack. Dinner comes but the two of you continue to talk through it and after dinner there’s dessert and after dessert, drinks. You’re dreading the end of this date and so is he. You can think of a way to extend it but you’re nervous to pose the question. Luckily he takes the lead for you.
“I’m not ready for this to end.”
“Me either. I know you have Jack and I would never want to overstep but do you…maybe…want to come back to mine?”
“I’d love that.”
The two of you slide out of the booth and he takes your hand, leading you out. You wait for your cars to be brought up by valet, texting him the address during this short time. Your car is brought up first and he walks you around to the drivers side, and gives you a gentle kiss before helping you in.
As soon as you’re out of his sight you let go of the breath you didn’t know you were holding. Was this actually happening? You just went on a date with the boss that you were in love with. And he wanted it just as badly as you did. Your mind is spinning, trying to get a hold on this reality when you walk into your apartment.
Should you change? Was this more than a one time thing? Was he serious about giving this a shot? Were you going to sleep together? Your thoughts are interrupted by a knock at your door.
“Hi.”
“Hi. Come in.”
“Thanks.” He grins nervously, running his thumb over his fingers.
“Something to drink?” You offer as you shut the door.
“Maybe some water?”
“Sure. Please make yourself at home.”
You head into the kitchen taking your filtered water pitcher out of the fridge and filling two glasses. You glance up at him before placing the pitcher back into the fridge, watching the way his muscles move when he takes off his jacket and loosens his tie.
The two of you down your glasses of water in comfortable silence with you tucked into his side on the couch. Once finished you lean into him, your head coming into the crook of his neck. He kisses your forehead affectionately, and you look up at him, puckering your lips for another kiss. He obliges, bringing one hand up to wrap around you throat, though he’s put no pressure on it as his lips meet yours. It’s a lazy kiss, one that allows him to explore your mouth and that fills you with wanting. Before you know it you're in his lap, your hands tugging at his hair. After several minutes of making out and grinding into him he’s the one that pulls away.
“We don’t have to take the next step if you don’t want to.”
“Oh, sir, I absolutely want to.” You move out of his lap, pulling him with you down the hall and to your bedroom.
He leaves a trail of kisses from your shoulder up to the spot underneath your ear, making you shiver. “No more sir then. The only thing I want to hear you moan is my name.”
“Yes, okay.” You whisper as you turn around, leaning in for another deep kiss. Its long and heated, but sweet and it takes your breath away. He turns the two of you around, sitting down on the edge of the bed and pulling you into his lap once more. His hands slip down your body, and up the skirt of your dress, where he rests them on your thighs. You begin to undo the buttons of his shirt, slowly and unhurried. You wanted to take your time, just in case this was the only time this ever happened. It didn’t seem like he had any issues with that as he didn’t move to go any faster. Once unbuttoned, you push his shirt off his shoulders. When you start to fumble with his belt, you lean back in order to get it undone.
Nothing but mingled, harsh breaths and the rustling of clothing fills your bedroom as his hands come to remove your dress.
“You’re more beautiful than I imagined.” He breathes, unclasping your bra to free your breasts.
“I could say the same about you.” You stand to remove your underwear, and he lifts his hips to rid himself of his boxers, pants, and socks. You both are completely exposed to the other and for just a moment take in the sight of the other, partially in awe and partially in disbelief.
This was really happening. You’d have to thank Rossi, though you weren’t sure what to get the man who was rich enough to buy whatever he wanted. You shake your head slightly, ridding yourself of thoughts of Rossi. You didn’t want to think about a fatherish figure while engaging in sex.
“What are you thinking about?” He murmurs as he pulls you back down on his lap.
“About how I need to thank Rossi, but also how I didn’t want to think about him when I’m about to have sex.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll get your mind off of him soon enough.” He smiles into a kiss, his hands come up to brush over your nipples. All you can do is whimper into his mouth, which elicits a groan from him. You continue to kiss him, pushing your tongue into his mouth as you reach in between your warm bodies to grasp his erection. “Y/n.” He whispers as you sink down onto him. It’s easy, you’re incredibly wet from just making out with him. If there was a next time you would focus more on foreplay but for now, you needed him inside you, needed to feel him.
“Mmm, Aaron.” Your hands find his hair, and you run your fingers through his hair as you start to move up and down on him slowly. His hands come to rest on your back as his arms wrap around you, pulling you into a hug. A low moan leaves your throat as he mouths at your shoulder, sucking a dark mark into it.
“God, the way you taste, the way you feel, the way you sound. You’re intoxicating.” His hips move up lazily to meet yours, causing the tip of him to brush against your g-spot repeatedly, a moan slipping from between your lips every time. You’re overwhelmed not only with pleasure but with the strong need to let him know how you feel about him.
“Aaron?” You whine into his neck, rocking your hips against him.
“Yes, baby?” His voice is strained as he ruts his hips up into you repeatedly.
His term of endearment shocks you in the best way, a small satisfied giggle leaving you as you pull back to make eye contact with him. His eyes are glowing full of desire and warmth and you know if you fall, he’ll catch you. “I think - fuck you feel so good - I think I’m in love with you.”
You’re too timid to say how you truly feel, it felt like too much too early.What he says next takes away all your nerves.
Without hesitation, like he’s been waiting his whole life to say this he replies with, “I know I’m in love with you. You’re everything.” His words push you into the most intense orgasm you ever experience. It makes your eyes squeeze shut and your body stiffen. He holds you tightly, making sure you don’t fall backwards as he continues to pump into you, whispering sweet praises into your ear. He meets his not long after you, letting go as your name leaves him in a soft, satisfied sigh. He falls back onto the bed, keeping his arms around you.
The two of you lay there, breathing deeply and basking in the safeness of post-coital glow. You’ve never felt more at home than in his arms. He’s still inside of you, and you feel full in more than one way. Full of him and love.
“Do you know how long I’ve waited for this?” He murmurs, kissing your forehead.
“Do you know how long I’ve wanted this? I would say wait, but I never thought I’d be here.”
“I’m assuming those are the same.”
“That would mean you wanted me from the moment you saw me?”
“I wanted you before you even came into my life, I just never thought I’d get you. I never thought that love was possible for me again, not after...you know.” His words make your heart squeeze with sadness.
You take his face into your hands, making him look at you. “Aaron, anyone would be lucky to have you. When I said you were out of my league, I meant it.”
He flushes, a shy smile spreading across his face before he speaks again. “I’m not perfect by any means and I know I have things to work on but I want to be that for you. I want to be a person you feel would do anything and everything for you.”
“I don’t care about the past, we can’t worry ourselves with that. I know that you can be that person for me, I trust you with my heart Aaron, you don’t have to worry. The question is will you trust me with yours?”
“Of course I will.”
“Then there’s nothing to worry about.” He purses his lips at your conclusion and you raise an eyebrow, asking a silent what?
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He’s quiet, his eyes wary.
“That’s impossible, even if we do everything at full capacity, we’ll hurt each other. What we have to focus on is how to do our best in apologizing and holding the other accountable with patience and love. We have to be understanding.”
“You’re not afraid?”
“I’m absolutely terrified but there’s no one else I want to do this with.”
“I would be honored to be able to do this with you. The only thing is, once you have me, you’re stuck with me. I’m yours, until the moon falls out of the sky.”
“Very poetic of you Agent Hotchner, but you’re a dimwit if you think I’d have it any other way.”
“A dimwit?”
“A dimwit. One I love.”
“This dimwit loves you too.”
_____
The next morning you’re at your desk as Rossi walks in. He stops to talk to you, keeping his voice low.
“No complaints about your date?” He asks expectantly.
“It was memorable. One for the books.” Your face warms, but you can’t help the grin that spreads across it as you look at him.
“I knew it would be.” He gives you a wink before heading into Hotch’s office.
“Morning, Aaron.”
“You could’ve told me.” Hotch doesn’t look up from the report he’s working on.
“You wouldn’t have gone.” Rossi says matter of factly.
“Alright, I’ll give you that.” Hotch sets his pen down and looks at Rossi.
“Your secret’s safe with me until you’re both ready.”
“Thank you Dave.” His voice is sincere, a strong sense of gratitude courses through him.
“No problem.” Rossi turns to leave but then stops in the door. “Oh, and Aaron?”
“Yes, Dave?”
“You deserve it.”
Hotch’s mouth turns up into a genuine smile, one that doesn’t grace the offices of the BAU often. “I’m starting to understand that. Thanks.”
summary: recovery takes time but it’s always easier when you have someone you love leading you in the right (or wrong) direction.
pairing: unsub!fem!reader x unsub!aaron hotchner
chapter warnings: 18+/nsfw, dark themes, questionable morals, vigilante violence, use of knives, blood mention, pet names, depictions of paranoia/anxiety/depression, a decreased healthy and accurate perception of reality, unprotected sex, oral sex (f. and m. receiving), blood play, praise kink
an: surprise! @shmaptainhotchner was cool with putting this out early so welcome to chapter two! please, please, please we beg of you to read the warnings before reading, things begin to take a turn in this chapter. let’s chat in the comments or the discord, we love to hear what y’all think! also, there’s a read more glitch so please disregard the duplicate line in the beginning!
general warnings/disclaimers | series masterlist | playlist
Most would ask how after such events someone could jump right back into work. But Aaron had gotten to be very good at compartmentalizing.
He thought about it day in and day out, even if it seemed like he didn’t, but he had rationalized everything. The man you had killed was a bad person, you were a good person, therefore your actions were justified. And his? Well, he did everything to protect you.
“Hey, Hotch?” there was a knock at his office door, pulling him out of a trance.
“Hey, Hotch?” there was a knock at his office door, pulling him out of a trance.
“JJ, what can I do for you?” he asked, putting down his pen.
“It’s just, I’ve been messaging (Y/N), and she hasn’t really been texting back. Or returning any of my calls. Is…Is she alright?”
Aaron took a moment to think of what his response should be, how should he explain it.
“She’s alright, I think she just needs some space from the job and the BAU. It’s been hard on her lately,”
“Yeah, yeah of course,” JJ nodded. She turned to leave the room when Aaron stopped her.
“JJ, she still loves all of you guys,” he assured and she nodded with a small smile.
“We love her too,”
But Aaron couldn’t tell you that. Not when you were at a point where you wouldn’t believe it.
Each time he came home from work you were sinking deeper and deeper into what felt like a pit of darkness. And almost every night after you were asleep, Aaron would go into his office, open his desk drawer and pull out the knife he kept in a locked box.
Just staring at it, twirling it between his fingers. Because the one thing he struggled to rationalize was why he wanted to go out and do it again.
He always knew he had been a bit looser with the trigger on his gun than most of the people on the team, but then again, this was different. Very different.
He relished the feeling of the blood covering his hands, the way it stained and splattered against his shirt. Watching the life slowly leave his victim’s eyes, it gave him a kind of euphoric pleasure he’d never experienced. And he tried to relive it, closing his eyes and remembering that feeling, but each time he gripped the knife he knew it wouldn’t be long before he couldn’t control his urges again.
He wished you hadn’t seen him like that, one night when you couldn’t sleep, eyes glazed with fatigue.
The way his eyes shone when he looked at the metal, when he ran its flat surface along his palm.
And you knew it was wrong but every bone in your body felt too heavy to try and stop him.
Either way, you stopped thinking it mattered. You were going to love him no matter what, he was still the same Aaron Hotchner to you and you were the same (Y/N) Hotchner to him.
You couldn’t say you were surprised when he came home one night, covered in blood, a sense of relief in his eyes.
“He wasn’t a good person,” Aaron assured you. “The world’s better off without him,”
You didn’t say anything. You didn’t say much these days, but you could take care of him, that was one thing you were good at.
Wiping away the red stains from his skin, Aaron could see you were drifting, your movements becoming robotic, mechanical.
“Sweetheart, honey, look at me,” Aaron curled a finger under your chin and tilted it up to look at him. “There she is,” he smiled softly. “There’s my beautiful wife,”
“Beautiful?”
Lately you didn’t feel beautiful, days on end spent in bed doing nothing but stare up at the ceiling. But that word pulled you back. Did he mean it?
“Yes,” he nodded. “Beautiful as the first day I met you. Gorgeous as the day I married you,”
You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks at his words until he silenced all your thoughts with a searing kiss.
“Come on sweetheart, let me show you just how beautiful you are. The rest can wait,”
You nodded your head and let him kiss you once more. He’d do anything to keep you there with him. Absolutely anything at all. The light that he saw in your eyes when he called you beautiful was a familiar one. One he remembered seeing almost everyday before the incident. He wanted to keep you there, keep your spark on.
You’d let him guide you to the bedroom, both of you ignoring your wet pajamas. Neither of you cared, not when you were connecting in this way for the first time in so long. His mouth was firm against yours as he peeled off your tank top and sleeping shorts.
“I’m sorry that I haven’t been doing a good job of showing you how beautiful you are.” He whispered as he laid you on the bed, situating himself beside you.
You pushed a hand through his silky hair, shook you head. “It’s not your fault, Aaron, I’m the one who made the mistakes. I’m the one who started it.”
“Do you think any less of me when I come home the way I do?”
Your answer was immediate, truthful, and admittedly worrisome. When did you become okay with his actions?
“No, of course not.”
“Then why would I think any differently of you? We did this together, we made that choice together. You did it with bravery and a conscience. I did it because I love you. I love you more than anything and right now, all I want to do is prove that to you. Can I?”
You nodded timidly, tilting your head up for a kiss. It started out gentle, slow and sweet, the need increasing as he coaxed your mouth open. Still gentle, but filled with so much longing. You hadn’t realized how much you missed being with him like this.
He took his time with you, kissing you so thoroughly that by the time he pulled away you felt like you were floating. He didn’t stop there, kissing his way down your neck and body. He paused at your breasts, twirling his tongue around one nipple and then the other.
You whimpered, back arching up into his. “You make the most gorgeous sounds.”
“Aaron.”
“Yes, my love?” He questioned as he continued to twirl his tongue, pulling and sucking on your nipples.
“Feels so good.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Keep going please?”
“I won’t stop beautiful, not until you cum all over my cock.” He continued to kiss down your body until he made it to the apex of your thighs, pulling your clit into his mouth with no hesitation.
Your hips bucked up, pushing your pussy further into his mouth. He groaned, and when you looked down at him you saw his eyes roll back into his head, something that just made you wetter. You don’t know what overcame you but you have the overwhelming need to take over, thrusting your hand into his hair to hold him where you need him most. You didn’t stop moving your hips and Aaron didn’t complain, just gripped your hips to anchor himself against you as he drank from you like a fountain.
It didn’t take long for you to cum and before you can even recover fully, you find yourself pulling him up to kiss you, one of your hands falling to his erection. You pushed him into you, tilting your hips so that he’s fully inside you.
“Aaron, baby.”
“I love you. I’ve got you. You’re so beautiful. So incredibly beautiful when you take me. Look at how well we fit together.” He glanced down at where the two of you meet, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip at the sight.
“I love you too, Aaron. You feel so good.” You said breathless as your eyes dropped to watch him glide in and out of you.
Your second orgasm builds almost as quickly as the first. Aaron’s skilled mouth never left your warmed skin, as he sucked and nibbled on your throat and chest. If his mouth wasn’t on you, it was showering you with constant praise. Likewise, his pace never faltered, his hips slapping against yours as he pushed his cock into you over and over. The consistency and intensity was ultimately your undoing and when you tighten around him with a garbled cry his fingers tighten in the sheets.
Your release catapulted him into his own, a guttural groan stuttering in the back of his throat. He crushed his mouth to yours as he filled you completely, driving his hips into you a few more times to get his cum nice and deep. Praises fell from his lips as he pulled out, gathering you into his arms.
The two of you were in the shower cleaning up when you looked him, directly in the eye.
“What’s on your mind, sweetheart?” He continued to wash your body.
“You’re not scared that we’ve opened Pandora’s box?”
“If anything, we‘ve helped eradicate some of the evils that came out of it.” You looked at him not entirely convinced, eyes wary. “You’re my sweetheart. My angel. Too good to have come out of something that’s infamous for being evil.”
You didn’t say anything else, just nodded with an uneasy smile as the two of you finished cleaning up. It was late, and you were exhausted, physically and mentally. You couldn’t say the same for Aaron as he scooped you up in his arms and carried you into the bedroom.
“Thank you, Aaron. I love you.” You mumbled sleepily as he placed you into the bed.
“Of course, sweetheart. I love you too. Go to sleep, I’ll join you in a bit, I have a report to finish.”
“Will you stay? Please? Just until I fall asleep.” You begged, your lip jutting out ever so slightly.
He sighed, and slipped under the covers next to you, pulling you into his arms. Neither of you said anything else, he just placed a kiss on the top of your head as you drifted off into what is your most peaceful slumber since the murder.
___
“Sweetheart,” Aaron called as he entered your apartment. “Sweetheart, I’m home,”
The place wasn’t any different than when he left that morning. He dropped his briefcase on the couch that was already a mess, piled with papers and files.
As he walked towards the room he took his suit jacket off and tossed it on the armchair in the corner, tilting his head at you. You hadn’t moved an inch since he left. Laying down on your back, one arm extended towards his side of the bed with another thrown across your stomach.
He climbed into bed next to you, moving some hair out of your face.
“Hey, sweet girl,” he said softly. “I missed you,”
You only blinked but he still bent down and pressed a kiss to your temple before running his hand across your cheek.
“I brought you a little something,” he said, pulling out a little trinket from his pocket and placing it on the pillow in front of you. “It’s from Penelope, she misses you,”
You missed her too. So much. You missed all of them, Emily, JJ, Derek, Spencer, even Dave. But they could never know what you did and you were in no condition to lie anymore.
You moved your hand to come and curl around the little figurine. It was always your favourite one, something you pointed out each time you would visit her office. You could feel the tears burning in your eyes at the sight of it, but you let them come because it was nice to feel something.
“Maybe we should get you up and take a shower?” Aaron suggested. “And then get you something to eat,”
You nodded your head and reached out for him, he gladly picked you up and walked over to the washroom, turning on the shower until the water was warm and then setting you down on the counter so he could help you undress.
This became your routine, he went to work, came home, took care of you. A never ending cycle so it seemed.
You stood with Aaron in the shower for what felt like hours while he helped you wash your hair and clean your body. Each touch was intentional, hoping to get you to feel something, anything.
His kisses to your shoulder made you lean into his hold and he took a deep breath, thanking the universe that you were still there with him. And when he turned your chin around and pressed his lips to yours, your hand came to gently cradle his face.
He looked so beautiful with water dripping off his lashes, that love in his eyes he held for you, shining just as bright as ever, which made you realize with everything that happened he probably couldn’t see that you loved him the way you could see he loved you. So you told him.
“I love you, Aaron,”
Which pulled his lips into a grin, allowing you to fit your thumb right where his dimple was.
“I love you too, my sweet angel,”
Angel, you liked that. In a way you kind of were an angel. Your choice had brought the fate of three other people. You had delivered justice, that’s what Aaron insisted on. You had helped rid the world of three people who didn’t deserve to be there in the first place. And when you looked at it like that, well, everything just all started to fall into place.
—
Aaron noticed over the next few weeks something seemed to have shifted. When he came home from work you weren’t sitting in bed each time, you had tried to clean up a bit, even made dinner or ordered food on occasion, but he thought he could say you were doing better.
And you spoke, you talked to him, asked him about his day and his heart soared because he loved hearing your voice.
“Sweetheart, I'm so happy you’re doing better,” he smiled and leaned in to give you a kiss.
“Me too,” you agreed. “But, I was actually wondering…”
“What is it?” he asked. “Anything, you name it, it’s done,”
“Can you call me angel?” you asked. “I liked it, a lot,”
“You did?” his lips quirked upward and you nodded your head. “Then it’s done, angel. Is there anything you want to do?” he asked and you shrugged.
“I was going to make some dinner, why don’t you rest a bit, you must have had a long day at work,”
You stood up without another word, pressing a kiss to his forehead before making your way to the kitchen and pulling out the various things you would need to cook.
You grabbed a knife so you could cut the chicken but caught yourself staring at the glistening metal, remembering what it felt like to have in your hands, remembering the imprint the handle left after you had squeezed it so hard.
And when you finally brought yourself to cut the chicken it slipped and nicked the side of your palm. You couldn’t even tell if it was on purpose or not.
You stared at the red blossoming on your hand and dropped the knife on the counter, mesmerized by the crimson red colour.
Using your other hand you smeared the blood, watching as it coated your skin like a glimmering paint. Why had you never noticed that before?
“(Y/N), is something wrong I-,”
Aaron stopped when he saw the onions almost burning on the stove and quickly turned it off before addressing you.
“Angel, we should clean this up,”
You wanted to protest, but you knew he was right, for now at least.
“It’s beautiful though,” you mumbled and he either didn’t hear you or elected to ignore it because you knew he agreed.
A few nights later Aaron could feel you turning around in the bed, he carefully awoke to try and figure out what was going on but you didn’t seem disturbed, you looked at peace.
And yet inside your mind was racing with images, that knife in your hand before you plunged it into someone’s chest feeling an instant high after the action, even though it was just a dream.
A few moments later your eyes blinked open and you almost looked disappointed.
“Was it a nightmare?” Aaron asked, just to be sure.
“No,” you shook your head. “A good dream,” you sighed, leaning into his chest and letting yourself fall back asleep.
As the days went on, you felt more and more like yourself. You were in the kitchen trying to focus on icing the batch of cupcakes you’ve just finished and not the set of knives behind you. It didn’t prove to be too hard, but everytime you face their direction you couldn’t help but steal a glance. You were starting on the last cupcake when Aaron walked in.
He did a double take as he dropped his bag by the door, a slow smile spreading across his face as your eyes met his. “You’re baking again.”
“Marble cupcakes with chocolate icing. Your favorite.”
“Thank you, sweet girl. You’re so good to me.” He came to plant a kiss on your cheeks, which you felt heat not only from his praise but his steady gaze.
“Because I love you.”
“I know. I love you too, so much. More than anything.”
“Enough to come cuddle in bed with me? There’s a pie in the oven so I can’t start dinner yet.”
“Cupcakes, pie, and dinner, you’re spoiling me. So if that’s what you want then that’s what you get.”
You kissed him, cupping his face with your hands before you led him to the bedroom. You were only in a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt but he’s fully dressed from the work day. The two of you worked together to get him stripped down to just his boxers before laying in bed. He was completely wrapped around you, face buried in your hair. You sighed in contentment, hitching your leg around his waist to pull him closer though at that point it’s physically impossible.
The two of you laid there for a moment, the closest to peace you’ve been in weeks before you raised your lips to his neck, placing a litter of kisses on it. He looked down at you, eyes soft and warm and inquisitive.
“Kiss me.” You breathed, tilting your face up so your lips hover less than an inch away from his. His mouth is on yours in an instant, tongue pushing in to explore every inch of your mouth. You couldn’t help but sigh into the kiss, feeling like you’re exactly where you want to be.
You kissed him back gently at first, relishing in the feel of his warm lips against yours, his body on top of yours. Aaron’s touch was one of the only things grounded you these days, and you find a hunger bubbling deep within you. You bucked your hips up to push him back, and when you feel he’s off balance you roll over, straddling him. He groaned in surprise but kept kissing you, hands gripping your waist tightly.
You increased the intensity of the kiss, deepened it so that the two of you are just lips, teeth, and tongues. You groaned into his mouth, it’s deep and animalistic. There was that feeling again; the all encompassing need for more and to give in to your impulses. You started to nibble on his bottom lip, swiping your tongue over it to soothe the sting of your teeth. He seemed to like it, sparred you on but holding you even tighter, moving his hand up to the back of your neck to pull you closer. It was your undoing, making you lose it and you took his bottom lip between your teeth once more, biting down on it with more force.
“Fuck.” He leaned away from the kiss, pulling his lip from between your teeth. His hand slid up your body and he brought it up to his lip which was bleeding from your harsh bite.
You felt your face flush, embarrassment and dark arousal rushed through you in one foul swoop. He looked upset, eyebrows drawn together as he gazed at the blood on his fingers so you began to apologize. “Oh, I didn’t mean to. I-I’m sorry, does it-“
Before you could finish he’d pulled you down to kiss him, taking your bottom lip in between his teeth and biting just as hard as you did, if not harder. You whimper as you feel his teeth cut through your skin, the taste of his blood mixing with yours invading your mouth.
“Rough, naughty girl. You like that?” His voice was low, seductive, it sent a chill up your spine, and though it felt wrong to be so turned on by the spilling of his blood it was reality. He made you feel anything but ashamed when he looked at you, his eyes glistening with adoration.
“Yes.”
Some blood had made it onto his chin and a light went off in your head. Bending down you flattened your tongue, ran it up his chin to capture the few drops of blood that dot it. He groaned, and his hands tightened his grip on your waist. The kiss he gave you was much harder, deeper and rougher and you grinded down against him, feeling his erection easily through his boxers.
“I want you,” You murmured against him, adding, “in my mouth. I want you in my mouth, want to show you how much you mean to me. How much this, us taking care of each other and protecting each other means to me.”
He pulled away, stared sternly into your eyes for a moment to make sure, but found no hesitation in them. “I could never say no to you, angel. Let me strip you.”
You laid back on the bed immediately, and he took off your clothing in a flash. He pressed soft, worshiping kisses to every inch of your body. You were practically trembling once he made it all the way up to your body and planted a kiss on your lips.
“Where do you want me?”
“Can you sit on the end of the bed?”
He’d nodded, kissed you one last time before removing his boxers and following your instructions. Once he’d settled, you rose from the bed and dropped to your knees in front of him.
You took him into your mouth easily, your mouth wet and warm and tight as you moved up and down on his length. He was reduced to nothing but a string of moans, his hands fisting in the duvet, his head thrown back. You took your time, moving not too fast but not too slow either. You mouthed at the head, swirling your tongue around it before taking him down into the back of your throat.
“What a good girl you are, that’s it sweetheart. Nice and slow and deep for me.” He praised, his hands gently guiding your head as you took him into the back of your throat repeatedly.
All you could do is moan around him, looking up at him completely drunk on the taste and smell of him. He was everything to you, and you feel safe and cherished. You could be whoever you wanted to be and there was no doubt that he would love you all the same.
Your hand fell between your legs with a moan, and the sight of you with his cock in his mouth, pleasuring yourself was almost his breakpoint. His hands stopped your head, cradling it gently as he guided you off of him.
You placed your hands on his thighs, scooting closer to him. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No angel, you and your mouth are perfect, but I need to be buried in you.”
His words made you spring up from your knees. He’d predicted this and you find yourself flipped over underneath him, you back pressed in the bed.
He was slick with precum and your spit and when he bottoms out inside of you. Both of you moaned, the sounds swirling together in the air as he began to pump in and out of you. Each movement was accompanied by a deep kiss. You could taste the cocktail of his blood and yours, almost intoxicated by the metallic flavor that invaded your senses.
He ran his thumb over your bottom lip, collecting some of the blood there before running his hand down your body. “It’s you and me baby. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe, keep us safe.”
“Me too, me too, anything. Anything for you, Aaron.”
“You’re so gorgeous, so strong. My sweet angel, ready for anything. I promise, I’ll take good care of you. I swear.”
“Yes, baby, I know. I trust you.”
“Oh god, you feel so fucking good.”
“So do you.” Your words came out breathy because something in the atmosphere changed. The air was thick and heavy, the smell of blood a welcome, sinister scent as your bodies worked against each other. His slow, gentle thrusts began to change, his hips moved rougher and faster. His lips have fallen to your throat and chest, sucking marks into your flesh.
“Mmm, yeah, harder.” You murmured into his ear, hips tilting up to meet his.
He didn’t remove his lips from your throat, just asked, “Harder?”, punctuated the question with a light love bite.
The feeling of his teeth sinking into your skin, even softly, drove you crazy. “Yes, please, harder Aaron.”
“Harder.” Your voice was rough, your fingernails digging further into the skin of his back.
He hesitated, pulling back to make sure that you’re confident in what you’re asking for. “Angel,”
“I want you to be rough with me, please, baby?”
His eyes lit up and darkened in the same moment, a sinister brightness detected in them. If you were in your right mind it would scare you to see him this way, but it only made you wetter and caused you to tighten around him.
He doesn’t take it easy on you, hand running up your body and wrapping around the sides of your throat as he sat up on his knees. His other hand wrapped around your hip, pulling you onto his cock as he slammed up into you, a grunt left him with each thrust.
A smile spread across your face as you wrapped your legs around his waist, encouraging him to go harder. “Yeah, mhmm, just like that.”
“Dirty angel.” His grin matched yours, deranged and satisfied as he finally unleashed his roughness on you.
He was relieved and in awe at how well you took him, but scolded himself for doubting you. You’d done nothing but prove to him from the moment you met that you two worked well together. He shouldn’t have been surprised that it translated to such dark places.
He picked up his speed as he neared his release, watching how your mouth opened, eyebrows furrowed in almost a frown as he absolutely railed you.
“That’s it sweetheart, cum for me won’t you? Make me happy and cum for me. I’m right behind you.”
“I’ll cum for you, I’ll make you happy.” The words had barely made it out of your mouth when you detonated around him, your pussy tightening around him with a pressure that made him cum immediately. He fell into you, a muddled version of your name leaving his lips as he fills you up. The two of you laid there for what seemed like forever until he finally spoke.
“Come on, let’s get cleaned up.” He picked you up bridal style in his arms before making his way to the bathroom. He set you down in front of the sink, walking towards the shower and turning it on.
You’re mesmerized by what you see in the mirror. Your body is lightly smeared with blood, your bottom lip puffy and redden. He’d also littered you with hickies, they’re all over your neck and chest. You looked a mess, almost like you’d just gotten out of a fight but the sight made your breath speed up, your legs clench together.
“You like it.” He observed, causing you to turn to look at him.
“You don’t?” Your voice sounded melancholic, worried that he won’t enjoy this the way you are.
He shook his head, a small smile played on his lips, “I think you look gorgeous in red, angel.”
