Avalon
Summary: Bucky, after facing Doctor Doom, finds himself in a place called Avalon, that exists between life and death. He is given the choice to stay there or return to his life for another chance.
Length: 3.3 K
Characters: Bucky Barnes, named OFC (she is described but she changes her appearance several times)
Warnings and other notes: I’ve been fretting about Bucky’s fate in Avengers Doomsday. I don’t care about the most recent leaks. He should be allowed a complete arc that brings him to a place where he is happy and doesn't have to prove his worth anymore. This is my take on it and I have fit in some Arthurian references because I can’t resist comparing Bucky to one of the Knights of the Round Table.
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Avalon - NOUN. Celtic legend. (in ancient stories) a beautiful island where dead heroes go. According to the legend (= story from ancient times) it is the place where King Arthur's body was taken after his last battle.
It wasn't in Bucky to give up without even trying. Even though this fight looked hopeless, he knew that if he turned away from it people would die. Good people. Innocent people. People he cared about it. When that metal face fixed its gaze on him, he felt the chill down to the core of his soul but he swallowed, gritted his teeth and stepped forward because he had to do something. It wasn't enough.
Bucky fell. Not from a train, like the first time, or from a lumbering Air Force transport plane without a parachute; those were easy by comparison. After being lifted by the throat in the unbreakable grip of Doctor Doom, to a height where no one without an oxygen supply could survive for more than a few seconds because of the lack of an atmosphere, the metal mask worn by his adversary was pulled off to reveal the face of Tony Stark, which actually seemed fitting to the super soldier, given his history with the man.
"Survive this, Barnes," sneered Doom, before releasing Bucky and watching him plummet back to the Earth below, then moved on to his next target.
Unable to do anything to control his descent, Bucky had no choice but to watch the ground come closer until there was a flash of light just before he hit. He didn't feel anything when he made contact, but there was a rush of whispers of voices that he recognized; the voices of his mother and father, his sister, Steve, Sam .... Even as he strained to hold onto those voices they faded, as did the light that surrounded him, until it became dark and a part of him understood that it was just his brain processing the last few electrical impulses before it died.
"Finally," he thought, when the last whisper faded away, leaving him in silence.
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Something soft and fragrant touched Bucky's cheek, resting there long enough to make him raise his hand to brush it away. A seagull sounded nearby, its distinctive cry hinting that he was near water. Where Bucky rested was so warm, soft and comfortable, that he didn't want to open his eyes for fear of breaking the sense of serenity and calm that enveloped him. Then it hit him.
"I'm dead."
Sitting up, he took in his surroundings. He was on a gentle grassy slope that overlooked an ocean, at least he thought it was an ocean but the water soon ended in a mist that hid whatever was beyond it. He felt a breeze caress his face, and heard it rustle the leaves of a tree further down the slope. Between the tree and where he sat were small patches of flowers but he couldn't make out what they were, just that their scent wafted up to where he sat. Further down the slope the land turned rocky, a fact reinforced by the sounds of waves crashing against them.
"You're awake," said a feminine voice behind him and he twisted around to see a beautiful woman in a dreamy looking gown of gold and silver that matched her hair, sitting where his head had lain. In her fair-skinned hand was a flower with some petals missing. She twisted it slightly with a mischievous look on her face. "I couldn't help it. No one should sleep that deeply when there is so much beauty to take in." He didn't know what to say to that. "You should ask your questions."
"Okay, who are you? Where am I?"
"You can call me Viviane. Where do you think you are?"
He looked around again, then back at her, noticing her hair and dress colour had changed to a beautiful auburn colour, and a brilliant shade of red. It was odd but not alarming.
"I don't know. I thought I was dead. Always thought I would end up in hell but this doesn't look like it and you don't seem like you would belong there."
Viviane's laugh in response to that was full and deep, then she looked sympathetically at him.
"You're not in hell. You're in Avalon." He didn't react to the name and she reached out with her hand as she rose. "Come with me, James."
He looked back at the ocean then to her but she had transformed again; her skin was now a rich caramel colour and her black hair hung down to the top of her shoulders in tight curls that he wanted to run through with his hands. The dress had also changed, with hues of orange, gold, and brown that seemed to pulse as if they were alive. This time the question slipped out of his mouth without him even thinking of it.
"Why do you keep changing?"
She didn't seem offended. Instead, she smiled kindly at him.
"Because I am part of Avalon and it awaits your decision."
That didn't make sense.
"What decision?"
"Whether to continue on or decide that your journey has finally come to an end." She put her hand out to him again. "I can look one particular way if you wish me to. You only have to ask."
"Stay like this, then," he answered, getting up without her help.
He noticed his clothes for the first time, and was surprised to see he was dressed like he would have dressed on a lazy Sunday in Brooklyn, before the war. He wore a simple white cotton shirt over a white undershirt, with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow, and the top few buttons undone. A light coloured pair of trousers, held up by suspenders completed the look. The sight of his dog tags chain drew his attention and he touched the tags from over his shirt, puzzled that they remained. That's when he noticed his left arm was flesh and blood.
"The tags are an important part of your identity," she said, anticipating his question. "After not having one for so long, they ground you and they are a source of pride whether you publicly acknowledge it or not."
She wasn't wrong. "Where's my arm and why am I dressed like this?"
"You are ambivalent about the prosthetic arm, even though it was a gift to replace the monstrosity that was forced upon you. Think of this one as a reminder of what you once had and could have again if you chose to stay. As for the clothes, I like how comfortable you look in them. Wouldn't you rather be comfortable while you're here?"
"Yes ... no ... I'm confused." He swept one arm towards the view. "Where am I again?"
"It's called Avalon." Viviane smiled, revealing her perfect white teeth, "and it's where heroes go when their time has come."
"So I am dead."
She listened to something that he couldn't hear then grinned. "Have you ever watched The Princess Bride?" He nodded. "Then you'll remember this. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive." She said the last part in Billy Crystal's voice then her face became serious. "You're mostly dead. It's because of the serum that you're still slightly alive." Bucky stared at her. "Do you feel dead?"
"No, but I would guess in an afterlife that I wouldn't. I don't really believe in an afterlife either ... yet, here I am."
"Here you are." She put her hand out again. "Please, walk with me, James."
"Bucky, call me Bucky. Only my mother called me James and that was only when I was in trouble."
Viviane waited patiently, with her hand still extended towards him. With a little bit of a disapproving click of his tongue, Bucky took it, then wondered if that action changed his status of "mostly dead."
"It doesn't change anything, Bucky," she said, as she started up the slope and he followed. "You're still slightly alive and will be until you decide."
They walked up the green hill easily, their fingers interlinked. It was nice and reminded Bucky of taking dates to the beach long after the crowds had gone home. He could still hear the ocean from here, as waves broke against the rocky shore behind and below them.
"How long do I have to decide?"
"As long as you need," she replied. "Time here is different to where you really are though. There, your time is down to a few minutes, maybe less."
That last bit should have alarmed him but it didn't. In a way it was kind of comforting to know that he could die. They stopped at one point to look out over the ocean but the view wasn't much different from lower down. Strangely, he wondered what Avalon would look like at night. As if the place heard him, the sun quickly lowered into the west, set, and the moon rose from the east, full and golden near the horizon then becoming white and silver as it ascended higher. Everything was bathed in a silvery glow that transformed the landscape into something that was too beautiful for words. They watched the moon rise until it was high above them at the zenith point. Even though it was bright Bucky could see all of the stars in the heavens, making him feel like he could weep at the sight of so many of them. Then the moon descended steadily until it reached the western horizon, and the east brightened as the sun threatened to erupt from where it was still hidden from view. Low in the eastern sky, the morning star, Venus, shone like a beacon. The sight of it made something twinge inside Bucky's chest and Viviane came closer to him, looking at the bright orb then at him.
"What is it?" she asked.
Even though he was sure that she knew what he was feeling, he told her.
"It reminds me of when I fell from the train and I woke up alive in the snow. My body was broken, my arm was gone, but Venus was there, shining down on me in the dawn. I was sure I would die at any moment and yet I didn't. It didn't make sense why I survived then, and still survived what they put me through after."
"Yet you did," she murmured gently. "So much pain, so much trauma that would have killed a lesser man."
"I wanted to die but the serum kept me alive."
"I know."
Viviane tightened her hold on his hand but didn't pull on it to resume their climb. Together they watched Venus fade as the sun peeked over the horizon forcing them to raise a hand to shield their eyes from the glare. Then Bucky breathed out and turned a little, enough to signal that he was ready to move. They kept going up towards a large shade tree that was on top of the hill. As they approached it, the ground levelled out somewhat, enough that he could confirm that they were on an island. While Viviane watched him walk to different viewpoints on the open ground the colours of her dress changed again, shimmering with iridescent reds, golds, and oranges, complementing the colour of her skin. It made him think of the colours of Wakanda.
"They know of me there," she said, reading his mind. "A version of me is in their folklore. I'm also part of English literature and several European mythologies. I'm associated with war, warriors, great battles, knowledge, and the meaning of life, love, and death."
"Sounds serious," said Bucky, "like something out of a fantasy tale."
"Like something written by Tolkien?" She chuckled. "He studied much of the literature that was written about me, but much more of what was written has been lost or forgotten over the ages."
He stopped moving when she mentioned Tolkien and stared at her, searching his mind for clues to who she was other than Viviane. The thoughts were there but they were elusive, and he turned away to look at the ocean again. Why was he here? What was keeping him slightly alive? He had cheated death several times, even though each time he was close to it he had accepted it as inevitable. Had he been here before?
"No, this is the first time you have been to Avalon," said Viviane, answering his question as soon as he thought of it. "Before when you faced death you were more alive than you are now. Your body healed itself without my ... presence, although you have always had my attention."
"Even when I was a prisoner?"
Her face saddened. "Especially then. I couldn't interfere and I felt everything they put you through, as if they were doing it to me." The colours of her dress darkened and became dull. Even though the sun was shining brightly there was a distinct chill in the air. "The evil they did should never have been allowed to exist but I and others like me were forbidden to intervene."
"Why?"
"Because human kind has free will and sometimes that takes them to a very dark place. It's like a disease that has to be allowed to run its course until it starves itself and weakens or dies, until the next form of evil becomes strong enough to start the cycle again."
"Sounds like a cycle of destruction and creation," said Bucky.
"It is," replied Viviane, "and it is older than this world. It is a part of the universe. Doesn't make it any easier to accept."
"So, does that mean that everything I've ever done hasn't really made a difference?"
The colours of her dress blazed with flames that increased as she walked towards him.
"Everything you've ever done, good or bad, has made a difference." She placed her hand on his chest and looked up at him, enveloping him in the flames that didn't burn. "You may have performed acts of evil for HYDRA but they didn't know the true heart of the man within the body they controlled. They carved you into a weapon but you resisted and those small acts of resistance were effective enough that they didn't achieve everything they wanted. By the time you were sent to die in battle against Steve, they didn't care if you lived or died. But he did, and his love for you saved you. In turn you saved him, and that helped save the universe not just once but even now as the battle still goes on without you. You make a difference in everything you do, whether you succeed or not because you still try. That is why you're here with me, in the last moment of your mortal life, so that you understand."
"Understand what?" He took in a shaky breath, feeling the burn of tears in his eyes. When he spoke his voice cracked with the despair that constantly lived under his skin. "I'm miserable. I'm alone, lonely, and everything I do seems to fail." He looked up to the sky for a moment before looking back at her. She was so beautiful and he wanted to touch her but his hands had hurt so many people. He was unworthy of kindness. When she touched his hand his first instinct was to withdraw it but she held on and lifted it to her cheek, holding it there with her own. Even then, he resisted the comfort she offered. "I don't deserve to have this; not after everything I've done. Before the war, all I ever wanted was a job that paid the bills, and someone to build a life with, someone who would be happy with me. I never wanted to be what any of them made me. The army made me a killer before HYDRA got me and they improved my abilities to take lives. I'm no hero."
"You didn't choose to kill anyone," replied Viviane as she pressed her cheek into his hand. "You did your duty during a time of war, then your free will was taken from you. When the moment comes a true hero rises to the occasion. Since you got your freedom you have done that every time but here's the thing. If you choose to live, you don't have to be a hero anymore. You can let it go. It won't be easy and there will be times you are tempted to get back into the fight but there are others that can take over now. You can let that part of your life go, and if you open yourself up at the right moment, you will find someone to build a new life with. I promise you."
"Even though I'm mostly dead."
She smiled and the flames burned brighter again. "Slightly alive."
"Are you hiding a miracle pill somewhere?"
Laughing, she pressed her lips to the palm of his hand. "You're the miracle, Bucky. Believe that you're worthy of living the life you want and it will happen."
He wanted to believe her but he had tried before and failed. His short time in Congress was proof of that. If he could survive this, he would make it count this time.
"What do I do?"
She returned to her original physical appearance, although her dress was different. His comfortable clothes were replaced by his tactical suit and his flesh arm became vibranium once more. A fog descended upon them while a marshy looking lake formed and grew at their feet then rose, slowly immersing them in the cold water. The heat normally generated by his quick metabolism retreated from his arms and legs, deeply chilling him.
"You are gravely injured," she murmured. "Your blood is withdrawing from your limbs in an attempt to keep your internal organs functioning. A rescue helicopter is approaching and paramedics from it will come to your side. You will have time for one short message before you lose consciousness. Make it count for they will do all they can to stabilize you to get you to a trauma unit. It will take a long time for your body to heal but if you believe in yourself it will happen."
"Will I remember this?"
"Probably not but the serum that runs through your veins is part of your miracle. If you do remember, it will feel like a dream that beckons to you from the edge of your awareness." She kissed him then, tenderly as if she didn't want to hurt him. "I have added slightly more life to you, as much as I am allowed."
"Who are you, really?" His voice was a whisper. "How are you doing this?"
"Viviane is just one of my names," she answered, as his breathing became laboured. "Remember the lake, remember Avalon, and you will understand."
"Huh," he grunted, then his eyes rolled back into his head and he returned to his reality.
With the awareness of her kind, Viviane watched with her mind's eye as the rescuers descended upon Bucky as she had predicted, before he opened his eyes and spoke his words. Only then did she let go of the tether between them and the lake she was in dried up. Around her, the others on Avalon came out of the retreating mist, and knew that Viviane had made her choice. Her sisters, who like her were all kin of the Lady of the Lake, and the warriors who chose to stay on Avalon when they accepted their time had come, comforted her. Letting James Barnes return had been difficult for her, for she had loved him for so long. It could be an eternity before he returned again. They all knew she would wait that long for the man who had sacrificed so much, without expectation of reward. For one of the greatest heroes the wait was worth it.
Stand alone sequel/companion Becoming .
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