The Rain: “Changed Me”
HI,
SEPT 12, 2019 days were not much hot but they do have moderate felling of a little and a sweet coldness in them thus making them more pleasant than usual, as always I was on my bed having a zero motivation of stepping away from my turf(duh, my bed) and this weather, this intoxicating feeling that makes me more dizzy than usual, so I have sworn myself to not give up my bed for the whole day, I’ll just plug in my air pods and let the music do the rest. Lo-fi music with a smell of rain in the wind, barging in my room through the window. I don't know if this is a thing or maybe it's with me, I can easily sense when the rain is gonna come and also this time I was a hundred percent sure that it’s gonna be rain in a few.
Guess what, I was right, it was raining and "ugh" I was out tea leaves and sugar, milk, technically everything because where there is rain, there have to be a cup of tea and I am out of every raw material which is required to make "chai". So I had to give up my turf and run some errands for the goods. so I was there at the baldy "baldy because the owner of the shop was bald and rude and yeah the most interesting part, his forehead can also be used as a prism if needed because that damn head can spread light to 7 colors" and guess what by the I was gonna head out of the baldy, there was the rain that appeared out of nowhere and I was the most depressed one out of the fifteen ones standing beside me, because they are no waiting for the tea, I was. Few minutes were passed and that smirk baldy comes next to me whispered in my ear saying "waiting for the tea, huh".
That was time, that particular moment when my whole body and soul was both trembling and shouting saying "I am gonna smash that convex egg-head of his but my sight was stolen by an appearance which was outside, outside in the rain cherished, that particular soul was feeling the opposite of what I was feeling. It was free, free from everything not in shackles of depression, anxiety or heart-break. Every step that person took, the step was not counted, not bounded by thoughts. My eyes were stuck on that thing dancing in the rain, like a droplet moving on a leaf, like a fish in a clear pond. How's that thing is so happy, not a sense of fear or getting sick or being hit by lightning, how is that possible, that a human being in a state of blunder moving around so freely, people were watching they all were talking about him, are they talking about him or they are just no watching that soul move from one place to the other, like a dog with a ball.
My mind was powerhouse of unpredictable thoughts, like a beehive of random assumption about things which were not even there or will gonna happen if I do this or say this and now, that is what we call "over-thinking people", every word I say is weighed evenly, every step of mine was counted, thoughts were bounded by the shackles of unpredictable society "what will all these people gonna think about me".
My eyes were stuck on that human dancing outside in the rain, happy. I was crying inside because i was craving for my tea and this idiot baldy is beside me passing weird statements about his daughter success in making clay pots. I want to know why is this human making fun of itself in front of all this public, staring with their beaming eyes or are they staring, I don't know but this person have to stop. I simply left my bad on the counter and started to advance towards that human, still I was shivering on the inside doubting my every move, every step was leading me towards my end, my mind is turning again into that beehive which was numb till the time I was on my turf. Inner I was shouting, stop it you are not meant for this just stay where you were before, abort your mission of help, just stop.
I know what I was doing was completely suicidal in my head but that person was in this cold weather, as well as this rain is also sooooo cold. I stopped myself a little before that dancing human and for the first time I had an eye contact with this person and I get to know that the eyes were a little hazelnut-ish, the person was continuously watching me stand there in humiliation of people who were staring me continuously with an awe. "They are watching you and now me, could you please come down there because you'll gonna catch cold or maybe the lightning gonna smash your head, so please come down there and make yourself dry.
"Do you have eyes on the back of your head" "uh, no" "then how could you know that they are watching us or they a talking about us" "but, they are gonna watch, your stupidity and me here out of courtesy to stop you" "but why, why do you came here in the first place, why do you think that these people are watching and judging us out of the blue, why do you think that whatever I am doing out in the open is gonna humiliate me, because I don't know you and I am pretty sure you as well don't know me, why risk to come all the way in this rain in front of me with a numerous glares behind" "(with a raised voice) because I want to know why are you doing this, why are you so free, don't you feel the humiliation from all these people, all of them are judging you from top to bottom about your clothes, your physical features, your eyes, your weight and every minute detail they gonna catch to make yourself pity, how come you don’t feel all this, how", because I want to live.
"My mind was stunned with the statement that the human said, there is nothing wrong with the line this person just said, all he did, was stating the obvious, the obvious I was dodging this whole time, the obvious I was so afraid to accept, because it's just obvious that I do wanna live out in the open again. That particular moment was the one where I first cried in my whole life after the 4th standard, I cried like a baby whose mother was misplaced in the crowd and who was all alone there waiting for that that support he desperately needed, just the touch. And there was this hand on my shoulder, that warm hand awaiting to bless a broken soul who is waiting for the light. There was the Shekhar uncle (Baldy), watching me with a glare, but there was something different with that glare, he was smiling and cherished just to see me being a nutcase with eyes all wet and red from crying, he asked:
"Hey, want some tea because I am making some using your goods and I have a towel for you just soak yourself dry ok" "but you have a shop with all the supplies" "yeah, but I am making one for you also as well" "no issues but also make one for this guy, this stupid guy dancing out in this heavy rain like a peacock" "wait, what! for whom, your head must be short circuited from this rain because you were the only nutcase out here in this heavy rain, talking to himself, shouting and crying for god knows what reason" "oi you old man, just look at this foolish guy here". There was no guy out there, nobody was dancing, I was the only one standing alone in the open road.
"Just come with me have some tea, sit down at that bench and everything’s going to be okay": SHEKHAR (Baldy)
