Tonight was my first time astral projecting on purpose.
My whole life I have been having out of body experiences, sleep paralysis, and lucid dreams. But I have never been able to will my spirit out of my body.
This has made me feel like a failure, a fake. Sometimes like I’m not a real witch. I remind myself that it takes practice, and the fact that I can do it on accident must count for something. And I think I sometimes believed myself.
Today was a bad day. I didn’t feel productive and my life sort of feels like a waste at the moment. So I thought I’d just have a meditation where I attempted to think of nothing. And I did. I focused on the spaces between my thoughts where it felt like falling into a vast room where my thoughts zoomed around me, unintelligible, but still demanding. I simply floated past them nodding to them as they crossed me. From here I felt it. The sensation of buzzing. My body headed toward a state of stillness that I cannot achieve when I am wake. I had the urge to move but didn’t. I knew this was my chance to really try it. So I let the stillness in my mind and the stillness of my body take me. As I surrendered to that feeling, the buzzing turned to tingling and it was as if my head was being drawn to the ceiling. With my head being pulled, I felt my spine straighten and open. The base of my spine felt lighter and the feeling of my body felt far away. I wanted to open my eyes but didn’t. I felt like I was floating above myself then. This is when I became scared. The feeling of being out of control overcame me and I thought about all the scary things that could happen. But I remembered that this was MY spirit, MY home, and MY experience. If I felt scared I could just ground myself and be back in my body. So I did. Feeling heavier . And just as I felt the weight of my spine, a police siren sounded outside my window. I gently opened my eyes and smiled.
I am proud of myself. I’m hoping to try this method again next time and maybe open my eyes. The real key was surrender. Always the hardest.
