#aru responds

[the-gender-and-sexuality-list]

Is there a name for fluctuating between agender(feeling a void/no gender) and feeling like there is some kind of gender there?

yes, of course!

[image ID: a screenshot from pronouns.page, cropped to show the definition of "agenderfluid".

Agenderfluid: a genderfluid form of agender in which one is fluid between agender and its spectrum. Someone who is agenderfluid can feel other genders but it always returns back to agender. Some may explain it as agender being its 'base gender', or that their gender is fluid but always partly agender.

There are four suggested flag designs. /End ID]

Source: pronouns.page dictionary of queer terminology

[the-gender-and-sexuality-list]

im HEAVILY questioning my gender identity atm

like. its hard to explain, but ill try

so, i'm an openly trans dude. my parents are supportive, my school is pretty chill about it (even the homophobic kids like me and are fine with me what??), and im pretty happy with my experience in transitioning so far.

ive always been scared of surgery in case i "change my mind". because, what if one day, i think im a girl again?

but the thing is

now im like. everything.

i feel more attached to my identity as a transmasc dude, but now im just some. genderqueer blob.

i like he/she, i like any and all pronouns, i like being called a girlfriend AND a boyfriend, i like being both

but when someone calls me a girl it gives me the same dysphoria as it has for the past while??

i feel like bigender is the closest label to what im feeling, but "bigender" doesn't sit right. im more attached to my identity as a boy than i ever have been with identifying as a girl, as such.

idk,, maybe im just a trans dude who still enjoys being fem

ever since the start of this year, i've embraced my femininity, but like. calling myself a girl doesnt feel right. it doesnt feel true.

im not a girl, but im a boy. im both, but one. im both, but neither.

idk this is confusing and the way im wording this makes no sense either but this is how i think about it in my head

thank you for reading my crazed rambles about my 𝑔𝑒𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇

P.S: i did not reread this and you do not have to respond

mod aru here. you can be a guy and enjoy feminine clothing and terms! it does not make you any less of a man.

the same way you don't need to be a woman to learn how to cook, or be a man to enjoy sports, please don't let the fact that you enjoy feminine things for yourself discourage you. if transmasc feels like the right label to you, then it's the only one you need.

i hope this helps 🫰 if you want to explore more niche labels, i personally like the pronouns.page dictionary of queer terminology. i learnt a lot from it, though it can be a little overwhelming. ^^ keep enjoying your transition! i'm super happy for you!

[the-gender-and-sexuality-list]

I love when people say “oh but it/its pronouns are so dehumanising!” That’s the point MFers <333

god forbid we wanna have a little fun! i love pronouns, they're so flexible (as long as you aren't stuck in 3rd grade biology knowledge...)

[the-gender-and-sexuality-list]

I've been struggling with my ace-spec identity for a while and I was wondering if you had any advice or maybe a label to point me in the right direction?

Right now I identify as reciprosexual and demisexual but I'm not even sure, because if sexual attraction is just looking at someone and wanting to have sex with them then I've never felt sexual attraction before; but if sexual attraction is looking at someone and going "objectively I know they are sexually attractive, and I would hypothetically enjoy sex with them, but if they actually asked me in reality to have sex I would say no because I don't know them" then I feel sexual attraction all the time.

The main thing I'm struggling with is I just don't look at people and want to have sex, I'll look at someone and think they're sexy but I don't want sex just from looking at someone. But also, I'll have sex with people I don't know at all if they ask me to have sex and I think they aren't ugly or creepy. I only ever want to have sex with someone if I know them personally and I already know they want to have sex with me too. So, yeah, demireciprosexual is the closest thing. I just can't tell because I don't have any clue what sexual attraction is.

🌾

Hiya, mod Aru here! I'm ace-spec as well so i may be able to help you.

What I'm understanding here is that you're struggling to tell what sexual attraction is, though you said it quite well.

Sexual attraction: I have a desire to have sex with a person. (This is regardless of if you find them attractive physically! E.g. sapiosexual people are attracted to intelligent people, that's what turns them on.)

Being able to find a person sexy, by society's standards, is not sexual attraction. You may or may not be attracted to them regardless of if they're objectively attractive.

Another factor to consider is that, even if you're on the asexual spectrum, sex can be pleasurable! You can enjoy sex and see it as something you can live without—that is part of the ace spectrum. You do not have a 'need' for it.

So, say someone you're close with—be it a friend, a partner, or anyone else, expresses an interest in having sex with you.

If you actively desire it back ONLY after they've stated it—you could be demireciprosexual!

If you think it would be nice, without feeling a strong desire—you could call yourself sex positive! You're not any less ace-spec.

If you do have a small amount of desire, but not as much as you think regular people would—maybe demisexual is the label for you!

In any case, these labels are merely there to help understand yourself better. You don't need to precisely notch down what your attraction works like, it's optional. There is also no rush in figuring it out, and labels can change as you grow—without making the previous ones necessarily false.

Hope that helped!