#asexuality asks

[gideongrace]

I have a question, and hope it isn't too personal in some form, but I am very curious as to what asexuals get out of smut? What do you get out of it? I'm allosexual, and I absolutely know what I get out of it, obviously hahaha, I specifically read pwp for the porn part of it, so I am very curious what people that don't feel sexual attraction might find enjoyable about it. Sorry if this comes off as rude or offensive in any way! Love you and your blogs!

Hi! Thank you for the love! It's much appreciated! 

And your question doesn't come off as rude, but thank you for acknowledging that as you don't know about this stuff, it could. 

As for why asexuals enjoy porn, well, I can't speak for everyone 'cause everyone is different. Asexuals that enjoy porn all do so for their own reasons and I probably can't cover them all here. (I'm sure allosexuals have different reasons for watching porn, too.)

But, all that said, here are some of the reasons I have heard asexuals say they enjoy porn. 

Sometimes, for some asexuals, they enjoy being aroused but they don't want to do anything with that arousal. I once had a friend describe it as, "The car is in the driveway, the engine is on, but the driver doesn't want to go anywhere." 

So porn is just a nice way to be aroused. 

Some asexuals enjoy masturbating and, same as with allosexuals, porn is a nice aid for that. 

Asexuality can mean someone likes masturbating and likes watching porn but they just don't care about sex. (Or are repulsed by the idea of anybody else touching them. Or other people touching them is cool, they just aren't hung up on it happening or not happening. There's lots of possibilities.)

And sometimes porn can be enjoyable for the intimacy. The feelings in it, the charged emotions in the scene. There are sometimes (especially in fanfic) some feelings that don't really get addressed in other situations than sex. 

Sometimes sex in a story serves more purpose than just some bits touching other bits and that can be enjoyable. 

And for some asexuals, porn can be enjoyable if it's mostly about the lead up: the kissing, the touching, the want. (This would be me. I'm super into the lead up, the foreplay, that part is like fireworks for me, but then it gets to stuff being inserted in places and suddenly I'm thinking about my grocery list.)

And some asexuals just kinda like porn 'cause they like porn, they just don't have a need to have sex. 

To put it another, more general way, enjoying porn and being asexual can be kinda like enjoying cooking shows and having no interest in cooking. Sometimes you like watching a thing and not doing a thing. 

I hope this answer helped. 

PLEASE REBLOG THIS ANSWER AND SPREAD ASEXUAL KNOWLEDGE AROUND! AND SEND ME ANY ASEXUAL QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT HAVE! (EVEN ANONYMOUSLY!)

I AM ALWAYS HERE TO DISCUSS ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING ASEXUAL!

[thesevenumbrellas]

am i still valid for being ace even though i’m straight romance-wise?

Of course you are!!! All aces are valid no matter what. 💕 I’m sorry that tumblr has made you feel this isn’t the case.

[thatringboy]

I'm going to be writing a story where one of the side characters is asexual soon, and I was wondering if, as an ace person, is there anything that bothers you about how ace people are represented in media? Like, what are some harmful ace stereotypes that I should avoid when writing my character that an allo person might not understand are harmful? (Also, he's just ace, not aro, although he doesn't have a love interest in the story.) Any tips? I just really want to write good ace representation.

If he’s not Aro, let him flirt with people! (Even though Aro people can flirt too lmao) The biggest thing I hate of seeing Ace characters in the media is that we often get portrayed as robotic and unmoving when in actuality, we can be quite fun. 

And thank you for asking an Ace person first, this ask just made my day!

Even though your character won’t have a love interest, let him flirt and talk about romance like an allo person would. Even let him make nsfw jokes from time to time if it fits his personality! Asexuality is only the lack of sexual attraction, so don’t be afraid of excluding him from scenes that are traditionally only for allos. And if he isn’t sex repulsed, I’d say even add in like an ex lover if it fits the story. 

Of course, if none of this fits your character, then forget it. I don’t want you to change a character design because he isn’t “Ace enough”

So my closing words of wisdom are this: if your story allows it, don’t be afraid of letting your Ace character be involved in sex related things. Being Ace is a large part of anyone’s identity, but it isn’t the whole person. 

TL;DR: Ace people can do smexy things because Asexuality is only the lack of attraction 

[helpful-hardware-folk]

1, 28, 35, 31 :) X ambidextrousace

1. When did you know you were asexual?

I’ve known since middle school that I didn’t want to get married, although I didn’t discover asexuality and identify with it until college.

28. Favorite platonic song?

I’m torn between “Dear River” by Kina Grannis, “Landslide” by Oh Wonder, and “Home” by Gabrielle Aplin.

35. Are you out to anyone, be it online or in real life?

I’m only out to my sister, who was and continues to be so very supportive, and I’m content with just her knowing.

31. You are awesome.

Aww, thank you! You’re pretty awesome yourself. :)

[thesevenumbrellas]

currently i am a straight female, but recently i have been thinking about asexuality and wondering if i might be asexual. (sorry if i ramble btw) i am only 18 and i have never been in a relationship before, not even on a single date. i know i am definitely not aromatic bc i have definitely had romantic feelings. but idk if i have ever had sexual feelings before. i’m not sure if it’s just bc i haven’t been in a relationship to be able to feel that way or if i’m maybe ace. 1/4

Okay! I will try to answer all your questions. I will say though I do recommend the Trevor Project and AVEN as sources.

It sounds like you’re asexual... the definition of asexuality is not feeling sexual attraction. So, have you ever met someone you want to have sex with? Can you name a single person right now?

Asexuals can still appreciate someone’s aestethic. We’re not blind LOL. I know... say Chris Evans is hot. But the difference is, if Chris Evans showed up at my house and asked me to have sex with him I’d say no thank you.

I think the thing that always kind of reminds me I’m def ace is I can’t think of a single person I’ve ever wanted to straight up have sex with. Can you name someone?

I think ppl think there’s all these extra bits to be ace. Or we are robots who can’t even recognize good looks, etc. It is simply a lack of sexual attraction.

Of course you can change your label! I’ve never met a single ace or aro who would hold that against you. If you want to label yourself as ace now and then change your mind? Im just happy you had a welcoming community to express yourself in.

[thesevenumbrellas]

Hi!! I think my grandma might be ace. First, I thought she was prude and modest because her upbring. But the more I talk to her, I realise she has never ever been interested in sex, but into platonic and romantic relationships. Do you have any resources or links to help her figure it out? I know it might sound rude, but I swear I have the best intentions!!! I want to educate myself!! I tried google but it's not really helpful.

Oh man I’m so sorry I didn’t see this until just now. It was deep in my inbox!

Is your grandma comfortable online? If so I’d suggest AVEN, especially their forums because there will be older aces around to talk.

If she’d prefer reading I just bought a book called The Invisible Orientation. I haven’t read it yet but rumors are it’s pretty good and informative.

We are all supportive of your grandma!!

[thesevenumbrellas]

i am sorry for using you as my endless asexual database, but i need advice. i think my cousin might be ace or on the ace spectrum. she's never had a boyfriend, never kissed someone, and i dont remember her ever talking about a crush, and i dont want to assume anything, but i want to be there for her (i mean she lives with 5 other women and we talk about everything, so idk if she's gay or straight or ace and i want to be there for her) so idk?

I read that as asexual dumbass and honestly didn’t question it

I think it’s a matter of showing your cousin that you’re open to whatever she might be. Maybe mention friends of yours who are lgbt or talk about shows with representation?

She might not be ready to talk yet or might just be straight tho so I wouldn’t push it unless she mentions it.