Oct 4, 2018
Torture
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Torture
I have an exam tomorrow and the kids I taught today really tired me out how am I going to pull an all nighter being stressed and tired?
Yes ofc I had to run to Twitter to drool over Chris Jackson
I have been tasked by my couples therapist to do absolutely nothing for 3 minutes a day.
Pray for me.
It really feels like life right now is discordant noise followed by small flatlines of euphoric silence, and I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone but it is slowly killing me. And I would really love to control my own peace.
What if I’m not “vibrant,” and I’m just dissociating?
My couples therapist told me I have to write 3 things that I WANT every single day when I wake up and COMMUNICATE them.
Pray for me.
Huh.
Change has meant death to me my entire life. And I am suddenly finding joy in it.
I’ve always been obsessed with controlling the rooms I am in - being solely responsible for whether things burn or blossom. Control the people, control the variables, control how things shift. Have a plan. And for the first time I am sitting in discomfort and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do and I don’t feel responsible for figuring it out. And I’m trusting that the people around me won’t leave while I figure it out.
That last part? Fucking radical.