#ask gonkey

[gonkey]

Hi!! I just wanted to reach out and say thank you for sharing the queertility stuff plus your/gonkey’s experience as a queer parent. It helped me kinda realize some stuff about myself I’ve never had an answer to for the longest time as an asexual who’s still interested in pregnancy and whatnot (also afab). I’m really sex averse, but even though I’m relatively young, I’m surrounded by people who are starting to decide what they’re doing with their futures and I’d enjoy having a family when that time comes.

I’m open to adoption as well, but was always so nervous about the idea of being pregnant myself, and thought I’d just have to… endure having sex at some point. Hearing methods like IVF and whatnot gave me comfort, and I wanted to thank you in advance for when I decide to have a family of my own.

You really gave me inspiration and hope that my future can go a way where I can be happy, and I really thank you for that. I hope you and your family rest well, especially now with the young’n tramping about! <33

This is really great to hear!

While not at all a simple decision to make, I am glad that the infographics and comics could make at least one positive difference, and give you extra resources to make that decision.

[gonkey]

Please feel free to ignore if this question is too personal—did you breastfeed? If you did, what was that experience like as an agender person? I know not all people experience gender/body dysphoria in the same way (speaking as an agender person who loves their boobs), but did it affect you at all?

HEy, so, I actually am glad you asked, because I'm glad to know there's interest in this topic!

If I'm being honest, I WANT to do a series of comics about my pregnancy as a nonbinary person. And hopefully, EVENTUALLY I want to cover the postpartum stuff as well. I'm obviously still in the thick of it, so we'll see but--that's the goal!

To answer your question very briefly (and I apologize in advance to not do it justice)

I AM breastfeeding and I do not experience dysphoria from my own body very much at all. I'm overall just a person who is very disconnected from my own body, in a sense. I think I have literally gone a whole week without looking in the mirror once - not because I hate how I look or anything, but because I simply don't think about it.

I don't know if this experience is unique or if it's the reason for my lack of dysphoria, but it seems relevant.

Anyway, for me the decision to breastfeed was entirely utilitarian. It's easier than making bottles, and it's nutritionally complete, so I don't have to worry about anything like choosing the 'right' formula. I was also comfortable with continuing to abstain from alcohol, etc, so I feel like it was just the simplest choice.

That's basically it! But maybe I'll do a more in depth comic about it later.

[gonkey]

I just wanted to thank you for such a lovely comic and blog about being a queer couple on a journey to having a family. Being a non-binary bisexual myself with a bigender bisexual partner and having two kids, its nice to see. Also I really appreciated to queer-fertility comic, especially mentioning about fertility rate with age. I thought I was infertile for a long time till a surprise at 31. Then a more planned surprise at 37. I am so thankful for you spreading such helpful information to the community. Keep up the excellent work!

Hey, that's awesome! :D Congrats on your surprises. I'm really glad to hear that other queer families are out here and able to find my work.