#ask tulip

[mechdyke]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I FORGOT TO ANSWER WAAH BUT THANK YOUUU!!!

[classlesstulip]

You had a run-in with what now??

A bearwalk. It's a Native American sorcerer who walks at night as a bear. Also known as a bear walker or as me'coubmoosa in Ojibwe.

My fam has a cabin up near Manastee, MI. It's in a forested, ridge-y area, and our land butts up against the local chieftain's home. We're all on pretty good terms with the local tribe, with our families going way back.

Well, one afternoon he hobbles over to our place and tells us to make sure we're all inside and tucked in by moonrise. Oh, and lock your goddamned doors, for fucksakes.

Why?

"Oh, there's going to be some bearwalkers out."

...the fuck?

"Yeah. My great great uncle? He was a bit of a bad dude. He sometimes likes to come by and start some Shit. He got the Holcomb's dog last winter."

That's...nice. Just, what IS it?

"Oh, sorry. My great great uncle was a medicine man gone bad. He likes to turn into a bear and eat people, now."

Great. Is this related to the one that chased me onto the top of the cabin yesterday?

"Naw, that's Ginger! She just hates people."

Thanks.

Anyway, night comes and all of us are tucked in. We're in front of the fireplace, eatin' snacks and drinkin' drinks. We double checked the doors and made sure that the Bat Window was secured (Mike the Bat pays his rent by eating skeeter's) and stuff. Old Chief also said to not answer any knocks, either.

Guess what? There was a knock at the door.

Al, my dumbass cousin, goes to answer it.

We all tackle the idiot (he's 12) and pin him while he's going on and on about how he's "from Detroit and he'll fuck anyone up".

(Al, your a 12 year-old white boy from Saint Clair Shores who is skinnier than a toothpick. Cut that gangster shit out.)

Well, turns out his sister dashed for the door. She opens is right before I pick her up, and on the other side is a Big Fuckin' Thing. I can't describe it other than that; it's Big, and it's a Fuckin' Thing.

It looked vaugly bearlike, but not quite. I know what bears look like. Shit, I got chased by one a few days before because she thought I was trying to steal her friggin' salmon! And that!?

That wasn't a bear.

So I look at it. It looks at me. And I look at it.

Cue the most awkward game of Lookie Lou ever.

"Sorry. No soliciters."

*confused groan*

"*points at door* No soliciters. Sorry. Have a nice night. *shuts door*"

The Thing must have sat there foor a good 10 minutes or so. We could hear it breathing. Then it just...gets up and walks off.

Next morning, Chief comes buy and asks how we're doing. Everyone tells him what happened, and he smacks Al upside the head. Then he gives Al's sis a paddling, too. Then he asks what the fuck I did.

"No soliciters. We have a sign."

He just looks at me like wtf? So, I show him our sign. The poor man is just flummoxed. They've had to put up with this for YEARS. Ocassionally, someone's gone missing.

And the bearwalker just fucked off because of a sign!?

Bullshit.

Well, now everybody in that area has "No Soliciting" signs bolted to all their outside doors, including the two-hole'r. Not had an issue since.

[classlesstulip]

Hey, I wanna share sex-related shit about the Umbra/House Principia. If you has questions, I'll has answers.

(Yes, this involves the sex lives of my characters, along with rules, customs, and festivals. Go hog wild, y'all.)

[classlesstulip]

Headcanons for Papa Ty and Julian??

Oh god. I just *clenches heart as she dies*

Julian

A nervous wreck before the baby gets here.

Will he be a good Papa? Please let him be a good Papa!

Paces the hall outside of the delivery room, wringing his hands and bitting his lip.

Seeing the little one for the first time, he gets scared shitless. THEY'RE TINY!

HE IS NOW RESPONSIBLE FOR A TINY HUMAN BEAN!

Oh no! No, I can't hold it! What if I drop them!!!???

...I can hold them with one hand. THIS CHILD IS TO GOT DAM SMOLL!

Once he gets the baby properly placed in the crook of his arm, he just...freezes.

He curls up around the little bean, just, looking at it, afraid to breath.

His heart just explodes when a teeny, tiny hand grips one long finger.

He cries quietly, not wanting to wake the little one, but unable to hold in his feels.

He will not give this baby back. You'll have to pry them from his cold, dead fingers.

Tiberius

Will not stop stroking a puffy baby cheek.

Thinks the new arrival looks like a cross between a wrinkly old man and a turnip. But red.

Stupidly happy. He's wanted a little one for a while, just didn't expect to actually be able to raise one.

Will watch the squeaker like a hawk. Lots of cuddling and cooing.

Will utterly destroy anyone who looks at his chicky wrong.

Yes, even YOU, Gemmy!

Will build many a nest of blankets and pillows around the house.

Has been known to just, stand over baby's bassinet. Watching them sleep.

Knitted their little ones Receiving Shawl. It took him nearly all 9 months to do it. Worth it.

Both

If one wakes up to an empty bed, they just head over to the baby's room. The other can usually be found in the rocking chair, holding the little one.

GROUP NEST CUDDLES!

Julian has a little rocking cradle in his lab. Will use his booted toes to gently rock the baby to sleep when he's doing paperwork.

Ty makes a little nest out of fleece and an old wine crate in his workshop.

If baby is fussy, he just plops them in that and starts weaving. Something about beating the reed against his fresh weave just puts them to sleep.

Malak roosts next to the bassinet. Will LOUDLY wake either/both Papa's if baby cries.

Malak will also spin the mobile Julian made.

And has been known to tuck himself in by their itty bitty feet.

SO MUCH KNITTED GOODIES!

Baby has so many hand knitted goodies, they outgrow most of them before they can wear them even once.

Ty can go without sleep for a while. Julian's an insomniac. It makes the first few months both easier and harder.

BABY'S FIRST WORD! THEY CALLED ME PAPA! No, they called ME Papa!

Baby won't sleep? Just lay down with their little head on your chest. Your heartbeat will send them straigh off to sleep.

(Oh dear lord I have so many hc's about this.)

[classlesstulip]

Hey y'all, I'm going to bed, but who wants to hear stories about the time I was a mobile teller for an insurance payout company? This includes tales such as the time I nearly got robbed by a guy who then asked me to step on him, the time I had to deliver to an illegal strip club, and the time my bodyguard flipped a Toyota.

Oh, and I visited a sex dungeon. Told @ask-count-lucio about that one, which is fitting because duh.

(Let me know in the notes, and feel free to send me asks if you want to know anything specific)

[classlesstulip]

What are some weird/gross habits the Principa's have? (If you have the time to answer love you boo take care of yourself)

Cordelia: he can go a little too long between showers/baths. Not because he's a slob, he just looses track of time whilst in the lab. He can literally go days without needing sleep, and has a habit of doing several experiments at once. So, yeah, he can blink and three days have gone by, and he smells like sulfur and is covered in blood.

Germanius: scratching himself. It took a few years for his mother to knock out his habit of scratching his balls in public. He took her seriously when he had to duck a thrown skillet lol.

He'll still scratch his ass in public, if he can get away with it.

Tiberius: belching. Yeah, Ionith taught her son some gotdam manners, but if he's with some broski's and there's money on the line? He will rattle the windows. His ribs are apparently a bit thicker than the typical Principia, which gives him not only a great, operatic basso profundo voice, but some GREAT reverb on his belching.

Belial: he's a 13 year old boy, and 13 year old boys think farts are the peak of fine comedy. Ask any boy if they think farts are funny, and they will agree and then try to out fart each other.

(Grown men do, as well. Which just goes to show you, the only difference between a man and a boy is the pant size.)

Tybalt: hates pants. Just pants. He's not nearly as close to being a nudist as Ty is. Literally, Tybalt will walk around in a shirt and socks, but no pants. Just lets it all hang out.

Ty is disgusted every time he catches his brother in such a state. "Only a shirt and socks!? You look stupid!"

Gothicus: eats icecream in the bathtub. And only the bathtub. He will not explain why. Theo says it's because he can't keep a relationship. (Which is a little too close to the truth 😞)

Theodosia: hates underwear. In fact, refuses to wear it. Doesn't matter if she's in a gown or pants; she aint wearind undies. Oh, she has on a miniskirt? Guess y'all're getting a show.

BONUS:

Ionith: likes to store stuff in her boobs. She is very chesty, and has been able to store a full toolkit in her chesticles. Lost Baby!Tiberius under one of her boobs when he was a newborn.

[classlesstulip]

Tell me everything about my man Germanius and his likings in bed 👀

The man's a dom-leaning switch, and will OCASSIONALLY bottom for the right woman, but was only ever submissive for his wife, Pallas. And when I say submissive, I mean it. Not only did she peg her man good, but she rode him like a stallion.

Literally. They had an actual saddle, bit, stirrups, the works. Pony play was a big thing for them, and is part of the reason behind him getting a mohawk: the bridle had two straps that went down the back of his head and connected to his harness (to keep his head up, for "presentation"), and the long hair he used to have kept getting tangled, despite their best efforts. The mohawk itself used to be longer in length, but he cut it short a while back.

She was also a master Face Sitter and had great fun torturing her husband with orgasm denial: she'd get him all riled up before strapping him into his harness and boots and then play with him for a few hours :)

[classlesstulip]

Since I'm apparently asking random questions: How are the Principia when they're sick? Any drama queens? Does anyone forget the definition of self care?

Okay, so, a "Who's Who?" of sickness! Luckily, this is actually pretty easy.

Drama Queens/"Go on without me, my life is over!": Tiberius, Germanius, Gothicus

Fuck you/Stay away from me: Ionith, Theodosia, Cordelia, Tybalt

*sniffs*/looks pitiful: Belial, Tiberius

Cocoons up in a blanket: Belial, Germanius, Theodosia, Gothicus

"*insert name here*? Can you make me chicki noodle souuuuup?": Cordelia, Tybalt, Tiberius

"'m sick. GIVE ME CUDDLES!!!": Tiberius, Gothicus, Belial

Germanius will literally stand in a doorway, look you straight in the eye, and give the loudest Dad Sneeze™ possible before sniffing loudly and declairing "'m sick."

Cordelia would probably be found curled up in a ball of misery in a corner of his lab and glare at anyone who looks at him funny.

Ty will go through all the stages of mourning, grief, and acceptance before acting like a big baby.

Tybalt just gets, like, offended. Like "really? ME!? Sick!? Unnacceptable!"

Gothicus is the same as Ty, but m o r e D R A M A T I C

Theo just becomes a riproaring bitch.

Belial just becomes a miserable ball of sadness.

Bonus!Ionith swings between mean and cranky and "woe is me!"

Valora just sighs and resignedly takes care of everyone, somehow not getting sick.