SWEEDY CORPORATION PRODUCTS
The Sweedy Corporation, founded by Swilton Sweedy, is the largest supplier of snack foods on Looming Gaia. Their products are most popular in the company’s homeland of Zareen Empire, but also have a large presence in the Empire of Damijana and other Great Kingdoms. Nothing Sweedy produces can be called “healthy”, but they can certainly be called “tasty”, “cheap”, and “convenient”. With countless products spanning over a thousand years, this ancient company has become a household name all over the globe.
The Sweedy Corporation’s flagship product. The Tube Cake is a very dense, tube-shaped cake with a sweet creamy filling inside. They come in 3 different sizes (Bite-sized, medium, and jumbo) and a wide variety of different flavors. Their ingredients are a closely-guarded secret, but one thing is known for sure: they are packed with an absurd cocktail of preservatives.
These cakes were invented during the 4th Age, when automatons were starting to take many jobs away from peoples. The future was uncertain and the robot apocalypse was on everyone’s mind, so Sweedy took advantage of the fear and invented a tasty, portable food item that would supposedly “never spoil”.
Anxious Zareenites hoarded Tube Cakes with such a fervor that the company struggled to meet demand. Militaries, hospitals, and other large entities ordered entire bunkers of these little cakes in case of disaster. Over time the hoarding has slowed down, but Tube Cake sales continue to spike in times of uncertainty.
Today, over a thousand years later, bunkers full of them can still be found…and the cakes are somehow still in perfect, edible condition.
Sweedy executives noticed the large influx of Aquarians–particularly mermaids–fleeing to Zareen Empire during the Aquarian Wars. They responded with a product that would “appeal to the Aquarian palate” and released Swamp Sweetz; slippery gummy candies shaped like frogs, snakes, and turtles. These shapes were chosen because such animals were familiar to Aquarian peoples and commonly eaten by them.
Few other Zareenite companies had tried appealing to Aquarians at the time, so these candies were an instant hit that has since become a classic staple for many Aquarian Zareenites. Other peoples, however, tend to be turned off by the slippery texture and “creepy” shapes.
One day, a Sweedy executive was out and about when they noticed four children fighting over a chocolate bar. The children tried to break it into even pieces, but started to squabble because the pieces weren’t exactly even. It was then that a brilliant idea struck, and the executive proposed their idea to Sweedy: a large chocolate bar with deep indentations, which guaranteed that it would always snap easily into nine equal squares. Their bosses were on board, and the Sweedy Corporation once again had another hit on the shelves.
What makes Snipsnap bars unique is the precise attention to its measurements. Sweedy’s quality control department spends extra time measuring each and every bar to ensure that all the pieces are equal, all the way down to the microscopic level. While the original bars are plain chocolate with no frills, different flavors and varieties became available later, and the same precision is applied to them all.
If the bar has nuts in it, employees ensure that each square contains the same number of nuts, shaving all the nuts down to a uniform size. If it has caramel stripes, they ensure that each line covers the exact same surface area of each square, and so on.
This treat remains a favorite for busy parents who wish to silence their kids with a treat. When they reach for a Snipsnap bar, they have peace of mind knowing there will be no further squabbles. It’s also a popular treat for large groups of friends, classrooms, and even military battalions to share. The way the bars snap has a highly satisfying and addictive quality that keeps customers coming back.
Much of Zareen Empire lies in the cold, unforgiving mountains of Evik. These regions were popular with Halostiran immigrants who sailed to the continent from an even colder, harsher one. These Halostirans were comfortable here, and their growing settlements caught the attention of the Sweedy Corporation. How could they market their sweets to a population who had never seen sugar cane, and who had no familiarity with sugary flavors?
The solution was Pepipops, Sweedy’s first frozen product. They are creamy slabs made from milk, a common staple of the Halostirans, but topped with sticky caramel and sugary sprinkles. The combination of milk and sugar went down smoothly, and not only was the product a hit with Halostirans, but many native Zareenites loved it too!
Sweedy was starting to run dry on ideas as other companies flooded the market with all manner of snacks. The company decided now was the time to take a risk, by branching out from sweets and diving into the world of salty snacks. Crispies were already an immensely popular food item globally, but especially in Zareen Empire, so these baked veggie-chips seemed like a safe place to start. They would give their version a hip, snappy name: Krizpins.
But how could Sweedy ensure their brand of crispies stood out from the crowd? The answer was Krizpin, an adorable little mascot they used to advertise their new product. Krizpin was simply a baked chip with a face and stick-limbs, but this basic design appealed to children and made him easily recognizable. Sweedy marketed the mascot aggressively, making deals with media companies to release comic books, games, and even cartoons about his adventures.
The plan was a massive success, and to this day Krizpin remains one of the most popular mascots not only in Zareen Empire–but in the world!
Flying off the success of Krizpinz, Sweedy decided to branch out yet again, this time into the cereal market. They had learned that a good mascot was essential, so they teamed up with Lor Galor media to bring the already beloved cartoon character, Loopy the Hoopsnake, into their product. This simple ring-shaped cereal was made of puffed rice and obscene amounts of sugar like many others, but what made it unique was its red coloring that made the rings vaguely resemble Loopy, and the white goat-shaped marshmallows that resembled his sidekick, Grumper the Goat. Each box contained a small Loopy toy, and the back was full of mazes, crosswords and other child-appropriate activities.
This cereal is by no means healthy–just like all of Sweedy’s products–but that didn’t stop the company from marketing it as “part of a balanced breakfast” to fool parents into buying it without guilt. The product continues to fly off the shelves, generation after generation. As long as Loopy remains hip with the youth, so too does Loopy Hoopz.
Zareen Empire has a rather diverse population which has immigrated from all over the world. Matuzans are among them, hailing from the so-called “Kingdom of Romance”, but it is a demographic that Zareenite food companies didn’t used to cater to very much. That changed when a Sweedy employee of Matuzan heritage made a proposal…a marriage proposal to the CEO!
Traditional Matuzan cuisine was served at the wedding, including heart-shaped breadsticks called Hartsas. As the couple enjoyed their food, they got an idea, and Harties were conceived. These crunchy, heart-shaped little baked goods are coated in chocolate or yogurt and topped with sprinkles. Though Hartsas are traditionally served at weddings, date nights, and other romantic occasions back in the motherland, Harties are a smaller, more portable version that is eaten any time.
Zareenites of Matuzan descent appreciated the familiar food, but its mix of sweet and salty flavor as well as its satisfying crunch appealed to peoples of all kinds. The snack has since become popular all across the globe, especially during romantic holidays.
Another classic confectionary creation by Sweedy, Frutinut is a variation of a traditional Zareenite snack called partinut. Partinut is peanuts covered in chocolate with a hard candy shell, but Frutinut adds a twist with a layer of fruit-flavored gummy candy between the chocolate and the shell. The result is a sweet, salty, and fruity explosion of flavor!
Each Frutinut candy is quite a bit larger than a partinut, so it’s easy to tell the two apart at a glance. But to add even more distinction, Sweedy produces the Frutinut in fruit shapes corresponding with their flavor. The larger size makes this candy more popular with heavyweight peoples like ogres and centaurs, who find it easier to handle and more filling to eat.
Frutinut contains no actual fruit, only synthetic fruit flavors.
The Sweedy Corporation found success by appealing to as many different demographics as possible. At one point its target was the large but oppressed population of Dami elves living in Zareen Empire. The Dami famously enjoyed extremely spicy cuisine, so Sweedy concocted Dami Dust, a spicy powdered candy that would appeal to the elves’ unique taste.
The product pleased their tongues, but the Dami were not thrilled about the name or its implication. Pyre dust was a highly addictive drug that devastated their communities, both in Zareen Empire and in their homeland of Damijana. Dami Dust happened to resemble the drug both in name and appearance, which caused a huge uproar.
Was it a simple mistake on Sweedy’s part, or yet another racial jab at the oppressed Dami elves? No one knows for sure, but Sweedy was quick to pull the product from shelves…which caused another uproar from other peoples who enjoyed the product and wanted it back. Sweedy went back and forth with Dami Dust, changing its appearance, its name, and even its entire recipe several times in an attempt to please everyone.
Today, the product is sold under many different names and formulations in different regions, but all versions are owned by Sweedy Corp. This candy was simply too profitable to axe, so instead, the company decided to manage its PR by selling different versions to different demographics. This strategy has proven mostly effective, with only the occasional complaint arising.
Since this candy’s debut, pyre dust is often referred to as “Dami Dust” by Zareenites in a disparaging and racially-insensitive way.
Cyclopes were once deeply feared monsters in Zareen Empire, but as their numbers have dwindled, so too have their attacks and the memories of the havoc they once caused. Today they are an almost mythical creature, popular antagonists in Zareenite media. Their immense strength and intimidating appearance is especially popular with children.
That’s why Sweedy decided to use them as inspiration for their new pastry product: Cyclops Horns. These pastries are quite large, intended for heavyweight species. As the name suggests, they have a horn-like shape and are colored white with powdered sugar. They have a red jelly filling that gives the illusion of blood, so that customers can feel like they have slain a mighty cyclopes every time they eat one.
