byler 28k, rated E. college roommates AU. completed.
“So yeah, you could say I’m sexually frustrated,” Will concludes, a wry smile on his face as he finally finishes his rant. “Not to be too graphic, but all I want is a nice, good-looking man who can fuck me hard.” He tips his head towards Mike’s where they're both leaning against the wall, and shuts his eyes for a long moment. “It’s whatever, though. I’ll get ov-”
“I could help you out,” Mike blurts out.
“You- I- What did you say?” Will stammers. Mike squeezes his eyes shut for a long moment, breathes, and then opens them again and meets Will’s gaze determinedly.
“I could help you,” Mike says, with somehow only the slightest tremble of uncertainty in his voice. "As in, we could have sex."
or; Will is struggling. Guys who are nice, hot, AND good in bed are apparently non-existent at their university. Frustrated, he complains to Mike - who makes him an offer he can't refuse.
Unfortunately, there's always an aftermath to hooking up with your best friend.
Meanwhile, Mike has some realisations.
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posting this again because it's been a while and because I can guarantee no AI was used in the making of this byler fic. hope you guys enjoy!!
From Xena:Warrior Musical [The Lost Scroll] by LUCIER&ROSEVocals by Melissa Rose Hirsch & Hannah Ripp-DieterLISTEN TO THE ALBUM! https://xen
So good! If ya’ll haven’t seen this musical or listened to the soundtrack for it, you should. It’s really well done for what they were able to pull off with theatre production.
I want you to tell me about every person you've ever been in love with.
Tell me why you loved them, then tell me why they loved you.
Tell me about a day in your life you wouldn't think you'd live through.
Tell me what the word home means to you
And tell me in a way that I'll know your mother's name just by the way you describe your bedroom when you were 8.
See, I wanna know the first time you felt the weight of hate and if that day still trembles beneath your bones.
Do you prefer to play in puddles of rain or bounce in bellies of snow?
And if you were to build a snowman, would you rip two branches from a tree to build your snowman arms?
Or would you leave your snowman armless for the sake of being harmless to the tree?
And if you would, would you notice how the tree weeps for you because your snowman has no arms to hug you every time you kiss him on the cheek?
Do you kiss your friends on the cheek?
Do you sleep besides them when they're sad, even if that makes your lover mad?
Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion or just the timid motion of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain?
See, I wanna know what you think of your first name.
And if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mother's joy when she spoke it for the very first time.
I want you to tell me all the ways you've been unkind.
Tell me all the ways you've been cruel.
Tell me- knowing that I often picture Gandhi at ten years old beating up little boys at school.
If you were walking by a chemical plant, where smoke stacks were filling the sky with dark, black clouds, would you holler, "Poison! Poison! Poison!" really loud or would you whisper, "That cloud looks like a fish, and that cloud looks like a fairy"?
Do you believe that Mary was really a virgin?
Do you believe that Moses really parted the sea?
And if you don't believe in miracles, how would you explain the miracle of my life to me?
See, I wanna know if you believe in any god, or if you believe in many gods. Or better yet, what gods believe in you.
And for all the times you've knelt before the temple of yourself, have the prayers you've asked come true?
And if they didn't did you feel denied? And if you felt denied, denied by who?
I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror on a day you're feeling good.
I wanna know what you see in the mirror on a day you're feeling bad.
I wanna know the first person who ever taught you your beauty could ever be reflected on a piece of lousy glass.
If you ever reach enlightenment, would you remember how to laugh?
Have you ever been a song?
Would you think less of me if I told you I have lived my entire life a little off key and I'm not nearly as smart as my poetry I just plagiarized the thoughts of the people around me who have learned the wisdom of silence.
Do you believe that concrete perpetuates violence?
And if you do I want you to tell me of a meadow where my skateboard will soar.
See I wanna know more that what you do for a living.
I wanna know how much of your life you spend just giving.
And if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes.
I wanna know if you bleed sometimes through other people's wounds.
And if you dream sometimes that this life is just a balloon that if you wanted you could pop – but you never would because you'd never want it to stop.
If a tree fell in the forest, and you were the only one there to hear it, if it's fall to the ground didn't make a sound, would you panic in fear that you didn't exist or would you just bask in the bliss of your nothingness?
And lastly, let me ask you this: if you and I went for a walk, and the entire walk we didn't talk, do you think that eventually we'd kiss?
No way. That's askin' too much – after all, this is only our first date.
TIMING: Current
PARTIES: @professoranieves and @detectivedreameater
SUMMARY: Anita shows up wasted at Marley’s to yell at her.
CONTENT: Heavy Alcohol Use
Anita was drunk. Sure, she drank a lot before she was painfully dumped by the only person she let get close to her in almost 15 years, but now she really drank. The meaningless hookups actually felt meaningless now. All of her solo activities that she used to love just made her feel empty. Even going home to Mexico didn’t feel right. There weren’t enough mexican beauties to get Marley off her mind. Which sort of explained why after drinking … far too much out at a bar she wound up giving the cab driver Marley’s address instead of her own. The driver was talking to her asking why she didn’t get out of the car yet. For a moment she thought about telling him to bring her to her actual house, but then a rush of alcohol-induced confidence took over and she paid the driver then walked up to Marley’s door. She banged on the door, fully unaware of the time or even if she’d actually be home. But she had some shit to get off her chest.
Marley had felt sick and tired almost constantly the past few days. She didn’t fully understand why, but she did know it only started after her meet up with Dakota, and after her terrible conversation with Anita online. She’d spent most of the night tossing and turning on her couch, trying to concentrate on a TV show, but it ended up as mostly white noise in the background. And it stayed that way for several hours. Her head hammered and so did the door. That was strange. She sat up, staring at the door. If it was Erin, she’d just come in, she didn’t need Marley to come open it for her. But after a moment, the banging came again, which meant it wasn’t Erin and that was even stranger, because there was literally no one else Marley could think of that would want to drop by at 2am. Groaning, she hoisted herself up off her couch and dragged herself over to the door. “Hold on!” she called out, rubbing her eyes and putting on her glasses-- just in case-- before turning to the door, scraping a few sticky notes off the wood, and opening it. “What do you-- Anita?” startled, she blinked, took off her glasses, as if maybe she were seeing something or hallucinating. “What-- why-- you’re here?” she looked around. Had she come to the wrong place? “Why.”
The reality of what Anita was doing really sunk in when Marley opened the door. She had gone so long without seeing her face, without seeing her body. It was the longest they’d been apart since they first met and instinctively she felt a pull to just wrap her arms around Marley and feel how perfectly their bodies fit with one another. But that wasn’t why she was there because no matter how much she wanted that she knew Marley didn’t anymore. “Why am I here?” She asked, just repeating the words she had heard with a slight slur. “Because - cause I’m fucking angry, okay? That’s why I’m here.” She wasn’t sure why she didn’t notice at first, but as soon as she saw the jacket Marley was wearing she stopped for a second. Mostly because she realized she was wearing the charm Marley had given her around her neck still. Fuck. Without acknowledging any of it, she quickly reached up and tucked the necklace into her shirt. “And you’re the reason I’m angry. So I decided to … well I was in the cab and then I was here and, just… fuck - you’re the worst, ya know that? You’re the fucking worst because you said that I was different and then… and well, you fucking lied.”
It became clear the second Anita started speaking that she was drunk. More than that, actually. She was absolutely wasted. Marley could smell it on her breath, and see it in the sway. She thought about inviting her in for a moment, but that stubborn anger inside of her made her close the door so that it was only her frame in it and she looked at Anita through tired eyes, removing her glasses. “You’re drunk,” she said quietly, glancing down, “go home. Tell the cab you gave him the wrong address. I’ll give you cash if you need it.” She straightened up a little, turning back to the little door side table Erin had set up for her with all her important belongings to take out on it were. Her waller, her keys, her badge. She didn’t want to make this last longer than it needed to, because looking at Anita, hearing her voice after all this time, was making her chest hurt and burn with her sorrow. “And I didn’t lie,” she said under her breath, turning to look back at her, holding out a twenty dollar bill.
Anita pushed away Marley’s hand as she tried to give her money. “I didn’t give him the wrong address and besides he already left.” She wasn’t really sure about that part because she hadn’t seen him leave and she wasn’t really in the mood to turn around and look. Regardless, she was already there and even if all they did was yell at each other for some reason this felt better than being all alone or even with someone else. “You did though. Or it didn’t matter enough to mean anything. You never seemed like the kinda person who didn’t fight for what they wanted. So don’t try to tell me this isn’t what you wanted. Yet what do you do? Send me gifts?! Gifts you didn’t intend to even fucking send? What’s that shit? And ok? Yeah, I skipped town. You could’ve called though. If you were worried or whatever. But did anyone reach out to me? No. Not you, and not Morgan.” She was talking so fast and not even realizing what she was saying. In fact she wasn’t entirely sure she was even speaking english by the end of that. Which made sense, she often switched to spanish when she was drunk or overly worked up, and tonight she was both.
Marley doubted that was true, but she wasn’t about to point that out. Anita was mad enough without her being nit-picky like that. At any other time, Marley would have been plenty okay with Anita standing there yelling at her, but as it were, her head hurt and she was beyond exhausted and she’d actually fucking cried-- angry tears-- earlier that day because of Anita. And this was all her fault, and she had no right to feel this way. She pocketed the money and threw her wallet back down onto the table, turning to head into her house, letting the door swing open for Anita to follow her in if she wanted. Which it seemed like she did, if only just to yell. “Would you even have picked up if I called?” she asked, going over to the counter and popping open her pain med bottle. If Anita was here to argue, she’d need it. “Don’t, Anita,” she said in a low voice, still hunched over the counter, “just...don’t. Okay. You don’t know anything about how I feel or what I want or why I did that. Because I don’t know any of those things. So just-- be mad, or whatever, but just stop. Stop saying I didn’t care or that I didn’t want you. Because it’s not true.” It was never a lie.
Anita rolled her eyes, not really at anything in particular just because it felt like the right thing to do. She was tired of hearing Marley say the same fucking thing. Without giving it any thought she followed Marley through the front door into her place, the pain of being back there hitting her all at once. “Yeah, I would have.” She really didn’t know if she was lying about that one. It probably would have depended on the day. “Just… help me understand. I’m smart, and that’s not me being cocky. I have two PhD’s. I’m smart. But this…” she gestured between the two of them, “this I just don’t fucking understand.” It would all be so much easier if Marley just said she didn’t want her, that things weren’t working out because they were too different or because Marley just didn’t like the monogamous lifestyle. Any explanation would be better than what she kept getting from Marley. Anita needed something to wrap her head around.
Marley turned around to face Anita but didn’t look at her yet. Her eyes burned with her struggle to keep the tears away, pressing palms roughly into them. She shook her head. “I don’t know what you want me to say here, Anita,” she finally relented, “I’ve told you all I can, all that I--” all that she understood about it, about why she’d done this to them. “I don’t know what you want from me,” she repeated, even if she knew that wasn’t entirely true. She knew exactly what Anita wanted from her, she just wasn’t sure she could give it to her. She wasn’t sure she was enough of herself, enough of a person, to give Anita what she wanted, what she needed, from Marley. She looked up, then, eyes puffy and red, but dry and tired. “Just tell me what you want from me.”
As Anita looked into Marley’s eyes she felt speechless. What she needed she knew she couldn’t have. She wanted things to go back to how they were. When the two of them were together before things just felt right. Anita wasn’t afraid of having to hide who she really was and she wasn’t ashamed of what she was. Now she felt so empty, like she had found something she needed with Marley and not having it anymore left her broken in a way she never knew was possible. “I want you.” She finally admitted, though she practically whispered it. Scared to admit it to herself let alone to Marley. “I made that pretty clear the last time I saw you.” She had, hadn’t she? She felt practically mortified with how much she had begged and pleaded with her that night.
Marley fell silent as she waited for Anita’s answer. As she waited for her to give her something to go off of, something to tell her to make it all better. But the thing was, it wasn’t that simple. It never could be. Because it wasn’t just about wanting her back, or needing her. There was something missing inside of Marley and she didn’t know how to tell Anita that. She didn’t know how to look at the woman she wanted more than air and tell her she was nothing but an empty shell of the woman she used to be. And the truth was that Marley wanted her, too. She wanted her so bad, but at the same time, she wanted something different for Anita. And she didn’t know how to say any of that. “I...I mean I--” she chewed her lip, “you did. You made that-- you did.” Her gaze fell to her feet and she couldn’t keep the tears out of her eyes anymore. “You did,” she kept repeating it quietly, scrubbing the tears away. “I’m not-- I don’t know why. You shouldn’t, I’m not-- I know I--” she shook her head again, “I’m sorry.”
Seeing Marley’s response made everything worse for Anita. Just further proving that this was not cut and dry. She may have been pretty wasted but she could see the hesitations in Marley’s movements and tone. They wanted each other but Marley wouldn’t let either of them have what they wanted. And Anita was once again left wondering why and not getting any answers. Maybe talking wasn’t gonna get them anywhere. Anita took a few steps towards Marley, then with a bit more confidence she reached out and placed her hands on Marley’s hips, pulling her towards her till their faces were close. There was a soft hesitation in her movement, but Anita began to lean her face up to kiss her. Maybe if they could just do what they did best the rest would fall into place.
Marley didn’t know what was happening until Anita was touching her and pulling her towards her and their faces were so close together. And she wanted it so bad, god did she want it. But her entire body seized up when she felt Anita’s cold lips against hers and she put her hands up, pushing her away. “Anita, wait--” she said, stepping back and finding herself bumping into the counter, “we--” shouldn’t. But the word fell short. She opened and closed her mouth a few times but found no more words. “You’re not thinking straight,” she finally said, swallowing every other thing she wanted to say like ‘I missed you so much’ and ‘Please kiss me’. And everything else in between. Every thought that she’d had since last time Anita had been here and everything she’d wished she’d been able to say when she had been. She bit her lip and looked away, body still stiff. “You should...go home,” she muttered. Because Marley wasn’t sure she could say no if she tried again, if she pleaded with her again, if she asked to stay again. And nothing good would come of that. Not tonight.
Even though Anita never thought anything would hurt more than the night Marley ended things, tonight she discovered she was wrong. This hurt more. Maybe it was foolish to think that after all this Marley would still really want her. Maybe it was stupid to think that a kiss or a night in bed might fix whatever had broken between them. All she knew was that she wanted Marley so bad that her bones ached. But as she pushed her away all Anita felt was embarrassed. She took a few steps away, clenching her jaw to stop herself from screaming or crying - she wasn’t fully sure what emotion was gonna take over first. “I’m sorry…” She mumbled looking around awkwardly. “I guess I just hoped…” she let her sentence trail off. For the first time things really felt… over. Marley really didn’t want her, even as she literally threw herself at her. “I’ll leave.” As she turned to the door she felt the soft stream of tears begin to pour out and she tried to get to the door before the tears turned into a sob.
Marley heard the pain in Anita’s voice and she felt herself ache again. She felt her entire body tightening, shaking, racked with a pain she was wholly unfamiliar with-- and yet she still just watched Anita walk away. Let her walk away. She barely even had the strength to close the door, collapsing in on herself and sliding to the floor where she stood, back pressed against the counter. She let out a strangled sob as she tried to keep herself together enough to not just lose it here on the floor, but she could feel her mind slipping away from her again. Why couldn’t she just cut Anita off for good? Why couldn’t she just let Anita go? Why did seeing her like that make Marley’s heart feel as if someone had ripped it straight from her chest? Why did this feel worse than before? Why did Marley suddenly feel as if she was drowning? She wanted Anita and she’d let her walk out the front door. She wanted Anita and she was sure, in this moment, that she had ruined it for good now.
