You know what fucking sucks?
Not just being a disabled person ( do not argue with me. Being disabled sucks ass and I will not have anyone up in here trying to tell me my lived experience is otherwise ) but being the disabled person who does EVERYTHING for EVERYONE because for so long you were 'allowed', to be disabled.
Too young to hurt like that, too young to have these issues. Gotta push through like everyone else... You get so used to being Batman with all his contingency plans for when bs goes wrong. ...
Just for fucking once I just want to exist as a disabled person who is not expected to carry the weight of and fix abled people's shit. But I also don't wanna have to carry and make space for other disabled people who are purposely putting me into positions where my disabilities ( both physical and mental) are ignored, dismissed, and downplayed.
I am tired of being 'the stable one ' because I wasn't given a choice and was also wise enough to get help. I'm tired of being forced to do shit because someone 'less stable than I ' cannot get their shit together. I am tired of physically and mentally going thru hell on a daily basis for other people's lives to be less uncomfortable.
The cup of compassion and empathy is fucking empty my chums.. has Been for a long fucking time. I'm tired of handing out bits of my soul and being left to lay here hemorrhaging what's left of myself on the floor... I'm tired of doing for others what nearly no one else will do for me...
I'm sure I'll move past these feelings and go back to be a good little helper. But not today. Today, I'm fucking tired of holding other people's hands while I drown.
Today is a nap/ snack/ do what I WANT day. And I won't have that taken from me