dirt enthusiast
$LAYYYTER
Love Begins
@theartofmadeline
RMH
titsay
taylor price
Keni
Not today Justin
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art blog(derogatory)
⁂
Xuebing Du
we're not kids anymore.
almost home
DEAR READER
Claire Keane
styofa doing anything
wallacepolsom
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@skitzkraken
airpods are literally such a massive downgrade like remember when headphones cost £2 didn’t need charging didn’t randomly disconnect and didn’t get lost all the time. remember when tech kinda worked for kinda cheap
remember when phones just fucking had headphone jacks
Remember when phones came with the charging cord, the wall block, AND hesdphones??? Fam we just keep getting scammed harder every yesr by these assholes...
Cw: Rejection sensitive dysphoria, mental health. And unpleasant bitch session about the inside of my skull lasagna, if you will.
Man... this Rejection sensitive dysphoria is gunna end up being the end of me one day.
I know that im ALLOWED to have feelings and what not. But like.. stop kicking the bucket out from under me ffs.
Its so hard to shut the voices up some nights though. To stop being so far in my head...
It was so hard to ask for help. And you said youd be here. And your not. And lord only knows the reason...there's so much going on. So much painful shit and loss and valid reasons to have forgotten.. And yet it hurts.. the silence hurts. I know how this is gunna go. Because its not intentional. But god dammit does it ever hurt.
I hate that I wanna sit here an sob and feel sorry for myself and dig in deeper like my home life isnt already on fire, but I cant afford that. I hate that I feel paralyzed. I hate that I feel like im not capable, because I know that things are happening. It feels selfish and ugly and lonely. But I also hate sitting here. Like a lonely puppy. Waiting for the door handle to turn. To hear your voice and see your face and feel your warmth. I hate that these things can slip people's mind woth minimal consequences to their feelings, but it feels like someone screaming ' your not important'..
I fucking HATE that I cant be allowed to just feel mild disappointment and momentary sadness. That it instantly snowballs into this gut wrenching feeling of abandonment. I hate that I feels like the floor is gone and im free falling. Reliving everytime I trusted another only to be promptly slapped in the face. Like a rejection layered cake that I cant deconstruct and just take the useful bits....
Im allowed to be disappointed dammit. So why cant my own brain just let me feel that mild disappointment, and adjust accordingly? Fuck ive been disappointed and let down constantly my whole life. You'd think id fucking have a grip on it by now. And yet somehow. Out of nowhere. It just sneaks up and slaps me. And *surprised pikachu* oh no im having RSD, my life is falling apart. ( tbf it kind of currently is through no fault of my own but 🤷♀️).. I knew one of my mental health rabbits would rear up sooner or later after all the stress and death and life changing events last month.. I just really fucking wish it was ANYTHING else. Even the C-PTSD fueled bullshit dreams feel easier to tolerate. Like why the FUCK is RSD so god damn painful.
To those that read this and personally know me, im fine, and safe. Thr silence in the house is just.. overwhelming. The time spent in my own head too long.. and I no longer have a secondary safe space to flee to to not be alone at this moment. I learned to sit with rage. So I will learn to sit with this too... I will not give in to this. I will grt out of the bath thats now ice cold. I will wrapped myself up in bed. And I will get over whatever tf started this slide.
I just wish I wasnt this soft. That one simple thing couldn't take out my whole being and deflate me in such a fashion... this will pass. As it does every year... and every time... god I wish I was NT like the people I work with. It feels so stupid being this way and having no real say over it. Could I not have existential disappointment in something far less painful? Like a famous person? A food item? A movie? Literally ANYTHING OTHER THAN THIS.... ugh. Like.. who coded this brain? They need to have their developers license revoked 😵💫🫠
Sorry to those who've messaged and not gotten answers. And those who've gotten answers that are short, distracted, distant, and disconnected.
Some know what the last 9 days have been like for my little family. And some only have a glimpse..
I share now because I believe that in doing so, I can hopefully avoid any more painful recounting, and that maybe this will bring some sort of closure?
Death is never easy. Even though we've buried MANY friends and loved ones in my 33 years on this floating rock.. its never easy. But you learn the motions, if you will.. it becomes mechanical in a sense. You cry when alone and no one else is looking. And then mechanical again to be strong.
Nothing prepares a person for so much in 9 days though. 4 lights are no longer here in these 9 days.. 4 lights that left marks and impacts across many peoples lives...
my grandmother, Arlee Maxine Nelson. The solid rock who taught me it was ok to be weird. It was ok to be artsy fartsy. Who didnt shame me for being different and looking different and just let me exist as I was.. part of the solid foundation of my childhood between her ans my dear Nana Sue.. garage sales, shopping, going to the K n K food liner and neat little shops she loved.. running amok with my cousin Kevin Nash in her tiny condo, hanging out on the balcony watching the molson sign turn circles.. movies and swimming. Her insistence that if I was gunna eat the corned beef I had to TRY the cabbage.
Words will never describe how greatful I am that you were my grandma, nor will they articulate how much im gunna miss you.
Grandmother Faith... I didnt get to know you for long. But in that time you made me feel welcome. You loved talking about knitting and cooking and telling me what your younger grandchildren had been up to. You loved your ever cranky cat Barney, and you enjoyed a good drink put by the fire. I appreciate the kindness and care you gave to me in what brief time we had. I hope your pain is eased. I will do my absolute best to stand side by side with your grandson and love him with every fiber of my being.
Great grandma Pat. For the very few times ive met you, you were kind and soft spoken. Daniel spoke fondly of you, and I wish wed met more times. May you rest no longer in pain, and may your soul be at ease in that place now.
And Ahmed... my dear dear friend.. my heart breaks to know your last moments were those of terror and apprehension, for you were a man who gave so much to all who knew you. Your love, acceptance, kindness, gentle smile and easy going attitude made working along side you a great joy. Your soft spoken words of wisdom, your ability to just.. make a person feel heard and understood, and your kindness were remarkable. May you be in Allah's peace now. I hope you know just how deeply loved you were by your community and those who were blessed to call you friend and work with you. May you look down on us and guide us as we continue on in our journeys.
These 4 people, who left marks on my little families lives, who are now no longer here, have all taken a little piece of my heart with them... and that takes time to heal from and grieve.. not just for myself, but for my family, and the man I love so very much.
This is just a slice of the very painful things happening in my life as of now.. and 3 more people may very soon join this list of those who have passed..
It weighs heavy and makes being present a little hard. So for that, I beg patience. And forgiveness. I am here.. it just hurts. Its alot to wrap one's head around.
I ask only for love and support. And patience and forgiveness while I grieve... even having buried probably 50 people in my lifetime... nothing prepares you to lose 4 in less than 10 days... hold your loved ones close..
And remember, you ARE loved.
uhhhh hello tumblr!
first post on here
still not sure how this works
but erm yeah
How far gone the world is these days, that people don't know what it is to be loved as a friend. And not just some surface level shit. But going out together, sitting in together, having a weinie roast, bullshitting bout politics while dead-heading the flower beds... Playing bingo and speaking about the state of the world and navigating what that means for old and young...
You were such a great friend, and much like the Nana I lost a while ago... And to hear you say you love me, filled my heart. Your children will never understand the deep friendship you, myself and my mom shared.. and that hurts. But I'm so glad you were in my life. Your strength and conviction to helping those around you, and to being vocal against injustice in the community was inspiring, your desire for justice and fairness for those of us tossed aside by society was comforting... I cried knowing we wouldn't make wooden Easter eggs this year .. I cry knowing you won't be at my convocation.. but those final coherent words of ' I love you and I'm so proud of you' and worth so much to me.. your son will not rob me of that... He may have robbed me of the ability to come see you one last time... But he won't rob me of hearing those words.. feeling that hug. Seeing that smile...
God's why does it hurt to love so much.. why is it so easy to make these connections, and hurt so much when it's time to let go? .. and why do you surround me with people who cannot fathom what it is to love others that aren't blood? Why do I have such a big 'found family' ?? .. so many questions....
But regardless of it all... Your time with us is expiring... I'm going to miss you so fucking much. Your laugh, your sharp wit, your political awareness, your absolutely insane sense of humour... Your delicious apple pies.. even the mild scoldings when I'd sass my mother infront of you .. I'm gunna miss it all. God really does take the best.. I hope your there at the gates when it's my time... I really really do.... It's not goodbye.. just see you til then 💔💔💔 and I know your daughter's know just how special you are.... And I hope to God your son gets some help and healing.
Til then, my friend,
May you be in pain no longer
I love you.
Deep does the wound lay, but deeper still seethe a lake of rage. Do not bite the hand that feeds, for the other may be what makes you bleed. In darkness quiet, in daylight loud, neither boastful, raucous, festive or proud. Revenge and spite once served ice cold, now bright and red hot, a sight to behold. For only twice can ye strike a heart, before the owner falls apart. But is it dispair that claims its prize,or burning hatred that's unwilling to die. ...I suppose one never knows, until they are forced back down that road....
a japanese guy who made a bunch of creepy pasta videos a long time ago (you’ve probably seen Youtube666, he made that) is playing through minecraft for the first time and he’s not using any guides or anything other than the in-game guidebook and he’s fucking. doing it in such a buddhist way.
like, he’s so patient and detached from all of the stuff he’s gotten.
in the newest episode he destroyed 14566 blocks of bridge and blew up his original house just because he learned about xyz coordinates by accidentally pressing F5 and he wanted his house to be at the X:0 coordinate.
also look at this quarry. it’s his 5th quarry.
look at this absolute fucking massive hole.
and it’s not like “HELLOOOOO EVERYBODY WHAT IS UP, TODAY WE’RE GONNA BE PLAYING MIIIIIINECRAAAAFT” he’s just like. a quiet 30 year old japanese man who speaks very precisely and politely. and he even does his own english captions which are overlayed on the video and he uses emoticons like (0u0)/
he’s so wonderful and cute.
please watch at least like 5 minutes of this.
i PROMISE you you’ll smile.
i’ve been keeping track of piropito’s minecraft series since the beginning and i can promise you all 76 episodes and counting are well worth the watch because it’s incredible the LENGTHS this guy goes to learn and explore without help from others.
some highlights:
-spends literal HOURS upon HOURS building these long, seemingly endless bridges because he wants to reach “the ends of the earth”
-around episode 40, he’s learned the ins and outs of redstone but doesn’t realize you can sleep in your bed.
-the noises he makes when he’s afraid of enemies/dies are precious and gentle and not at all what you’d expect from a famous horror artist
-spends hours trading resources with villagers to get glass only to find out almost 50 episodes in that you can make glass from sand
-destroys several mountains of sand in the desert to not only fuel his love for glass, but also because “explosions are sugoi 0u0″
-sees a silverfish and
-builds a giant “machine” that runs on redstone, minecarts, and pistons that pushes colored sand through a massive glass window. it doesn’t do anything, it just pushes all the blocks to the bottom and breaks after a few minutes. piro seems very pleased with it.
-makes these complex shapes/structures in an attempt to create a nether portal, doesn’t realize it’s just a rectangle
-a fan made a skin just for him, complete with 0u0 face
-falls in lava multiple times, never gives up
-builds a giant coin pusher game for funsies
-NANI KORE?
-in short i beg of you to watch this gentle man play minecraft blind it’s so fascinating
You ever been in a state where you physically have no energy, but you're bored and socially understimulated so you kind of wish you could just invite people to come over like this:
I can't decide on a name for my fic sooooooo....
Name ideas
A pigeon in gotham
Pigeon perspective
Birds Bats and pigeons
Another option (reblog)
Pigeons can what?!
Aerial View of Gotham
Hit the wrong answer, but I personally think ' a pigeon in BatCity' kinda has a ring to it? 🤷🙈
I just saw a story on AO3 tagged "pet p!ay"
TIK TOK MUST BE STOPPED BEFORE IT DESTROYS LANGUAGE
Ok, unless something's going on I'm not aware of (extremely likely), I gotta point out the term "Pet Play" is significantly older than Tik Tok, or most of its userbase for that matter.
Yeah, I'm not mad about using the term "pet play". That's a perfectly fine term. I'm mad because they didn't use that term: they used "pet p!ay", a censored version
Oh. Oh gawd I missed that. Objection withdrawn, that is objectively terrible.
To anybody who is new to posting on ao3, if you’re using a tag you have to use the correct spelling of that tag. People aren’t going to type in every version of a censored word to hide or look for your content 
For everyone new to tumblr, the same rule applies to tumblr too.
You cannot censor your tags! Censored tags cannot be block or filtered. Censoring tags HARMS your audience, it does not protect them
"we need to bring back x" it starts with YOU
"we need to bring back inviting people over for coffee and cake" invite people over for coffee and cake. "we need to start watching films on dvd" start watching films on dvd. don't wait for something to become a trend to start doing it.
The BBC is releasing over 16,000 sound effects for free download
The BBC have released their incredible, expansive library of bizarre and obscure sound effects, all available for free download.
THIS will be sooo good for my soundboard. Those online sessions are about to become even better :D
First music, then voice modifiers… Now this. Perfect.
Also, I’m pretty sure it can be used for a lot of other activities.
Yay, no more Soundbible!
Yellowstone National Park are in possession of a treasure trove of ambient samples which they've released into public domain for your sampli
The direct link: https://www.nps.gov/yell/learn/photosmultimedia/soundlibrary.htm
For any content creators who’d like it!
[Image one: closeup on someone’s hand opening a can of Coca-Cola. Image two: Landscape photo of Yellowstone National Park, two mountains in the background and a buffalo in the lower right hand corner.]
!!!!!!!
@ people who depict vitiligo as perfectly circular/round shapes on the skin: maybe don’t.
vitiligo typically forms shapes that really aren’t perfectly round??? like it isn’t shaped like polka dots and tbh i find it kind of insulting when people do represent vitiligo in art with perfectly circular shapes. typically, it crops up on the hands, arms, and face (particularly fingers and knuckles on the hands, and on the face, it can often kinda starts out by centering around the skin around the mouth or eyes.) it can also affect the hair (which may or may not extend to eyelashes or eyebrows) or even the eye colour too in some instances – it all just depends on the individual.
vitiligo-havers all possess our own unique and fun lil patterns on our skin. those patterns of lighter areas will often expand if untreated, and/or the person who has vitiligo is subject to extreme stress/illness/etc.
usually, vitiligo leaves shapes/patches on the skin that are VERY irregular in shape, and the edges of the shapes aren’t generally super smooth. (in some instances they are – like i said, everyone is unique.)
on some people (on the face), it can have this really kool semi-symmetrical kind of appearance, like this lovely lady below:
but for me, personally, the patterns are NOT symmetrical, especially around my mouth (which is the only place where it shows up on my face so far.) its a bit lopsided and bigger on one side of my mouth, a bit like this:
here are some other examples for good measure, just to demonstrate how much the appearance of vitiligo around the mouth/on the face can vary!
remember: vitiligo doesnt just happen to people with dark skin! vitiligo can affect ANYBODY, even white people. it is literally a skin condition that does not discriminate. i get that from an artistic viewpoint, contrast is nice and that vitiligo is probably going to be more noticeable on darker characters (which, in and of itself, has become a concept that i have mixed feelings about, because before mine cropped up, i was told to stay out of the sun because it made me “too brown”…. but now, it’s become “stay out of the sun because you dont want those weird spots to show up even more than they already do, do you?“ and “but aren’t you happy that it’s going to make your skin lighter? i thought that’s what you wanted!” maybe focus on depicting vitiligo because you care about people who have it and what happens to us, rather than it just being a kool design choice? idk.) for the sake of accuracy, there needs to be more characters of all complexions who have vitiligo. also, i dont feel like i should have to explain why depicting people with vitiligo in fantasy as funny polka-dot skinned aliens is dehumanizing. or that its weird when all your ocs are white and the ONLY dark-skinned oc your have has vitiligo.
please be aware that visible vitiligo is kind of stressful to have, and is still heavily stigmatized. i’d be lying to you if i said i didnt cover mine up with bronzer or makeup when i leave the apartment to run errands or hit the town – and speaking from experience here, the mask-wearing mandates introduced in response to covid has been a period of bliss for people like me who have mild vitiligo on the face. when those areas are covered up, people can’t gawk at them and make shitty comments.
tl;dr vitiligo is something that shouldn’t be gawked, ridiculed, or stigmatized, nor yet should it be fetishized and considered an ideal or co-opted into an aesthetic (especially by people who dont have it. seeing tik tok clowns utilize it as a maekup trend makes me nauseous.) vitiligo should just simply be normalized! if youre going to portray people with vitiligo – particularly poc – then do it right, or don’t fucking do it at all. you can literally just google vitiligo and you’ll be presented with zillions of images of how vitiligo can appear. also, as someone who depicts vitiligo but doesnt actually have it, id suggest supporting creators who do have it and/or participating in the overall effort to bring awareness to the many issues people with vitiligo are facing. there’s a lot more that i could say on the subject but for the sake of this post already being too long, im gonna leave it at that for now.
[Image descriptions: photos of people with vitiligo on different parts of their bodies. The people have various skin tones, and some have their vitiligo show up on their hair or lips. In all the images except for one, the vitiligo patches are irregular in shape and on the edges, with some being more or less symmetrical and some not at all, some large and others small. The one photo features the model Winnie Harlow, a Black woman with smooth-edged and symmetrical vitiligo pattern on the lower part of her face. End image description.]
Andrew Garfield on consent and privacy
I wish Americans fucked with more foreign music. You don’t have to know the language to appreciate a good record. Folks in other countries listen to our music and don’t speak a lick of english. Music needs no translator
yall wont trick me into listening to kpop
You can try Radiooooo.com - The Musical Time Machine!!
choose a country, pick a decade, and GO!!
you’ll get an endless streaming of songs (ad free!).
I personally found myself loving 1970s Ghana, Senegal and Cote d’Ivoire! Also 1920s and 1970s Japan for sure! Cambodian music: spectacular. Love Armenia and Mali as well. I’ve been told 70s Germany is weird and 30s Algeria is cool but I haven’t gotten around to those yet. Italy’s 1960s is bomb ofc but I’m biased ;)
So my sister wants to start sewing more, because
a. She’s 5′ 11″ and can never find pants long enough for her legs or shirts long enough for her arms.
b. She hates synthetic fibers as much as I do and it’s difficult to find natural fiber clothes that aren’t made of cotton
c. She’s a biologist and would physically fistfight microplastics if given half a chance
So her gift from mom and dad for her birthday was a sewing machine. Not a super expensive one but a good solid serviceable one.
And recently she asked “So where do I GET wool or linen and thread that isn’t polyester” and mom was like ‘go ask your sister’
And I, of course, crashed into the group text like “GET A PEN I HAVE WEBSITES FOR U” and honestly I’m thrilled about this
“Where did u get all this”
“Bets, u know I’m a 15th degree blackbelt of buying shit on the internet”
“oh yeah tru”
Op can may we inquire about the website list
Linen; https://www.graylinelinen.com/
cotton and Silk thread; https://redrockthreads.com/
Linen thread and wool fabric; https://burnleyandtrowbridge.com/ (they’ve got wool stuffs and worsted wool fabric for $15 a yard! I just got three yards of navy worsted wool I’m making a constellation winter skirt from)
More linen thread and wool; https://wmboothdraper.com/ (just ordered wool broadcloth to make a coat)
Silk fabric (THE best place to get silk lining fabrics and raw silk fabric):https://www.dharmatrading.com/
A varying assortment of wool and silk and cotton and even some leather, use coupon code spring2020 for 50% off your full order, worked yesterday when I bought some stuff there; https://metrotextilesnyc.com/
Wool. You want wool coating for under $20 a yard? Sure you do. It’s here. Not a huge variety of colors, most are black or brown, but hey https://www.fashionfabricsclub.com/Catalog?refinementIds=4096748&Keyword=wool&pageSize=16
I don’t know a lot about sewing, but I want to make or have my mom make some linen pants & shirts for when I’m watering, because it gets to 105 here and we have mosquitos so I need to be covered. What type of linen do I buy? Also, linen pajama shorts, yes/no?
(I’ve been wearing my renfaire pants which are a linen mix, I think. But the frikking mosquitos that hide in the tomatoes get my arms)
Medium weight is what I’d go with.
And linen pajama shorts is a HARD yes.
Renaissance Fabrics is good for all sorts of things
Mood doesn’t specialize in natural fabrics but they do have basically every fabric ever made so
For wools, I cannot recommend Woolsome enough! They’re a bit more expensive then the above links, but they have a spectacular range of colours and weights, as well as diamond pattern and herringbone weaves. They also have a range of linens, though not as extensive.
Historical fabrics for re-enactors
Tiedtohistory.com has sheer voile linen
The Linen Lab has a variety of weaves, weights, and colors available
Period Fabric has a variety of wools, but switch to the full website if you’re on mobile
incredibly powerful image reblog roan of arc to tell assholes to fhut the fuck up
