#askmarty

[martymctboy]

let's fucking go congrats on your first shot dude!

appreciate it, anon - needed to hear this :) & here's to many more!

in brotherhood <3 marty

[martymctboy]

Your posts are so good it's making me cry. I think I'll block you, I just can't take this fucking longing and wanting for something I can't achieve. I love you

stop operating under the belief that manhood is unattainable. concentrate on what is in reach. the discontent you feel is only temporary.

you will see him more with each passing day.

[martymctboy]

So, idk if this is the right place, and please ignore this if it isn’t.

I struggle to “commit”. Well, not really.I know I want hormones and surgery and would kill to get it, but I can’t yet, and I feel like I’m failing horribly. I do what I can- dressing masculine, binding, working out, trying to get strong. I even take protein shakes and stuff, and trying so hard to eat enough so I can gain some muscle. But when ppl see my protein shake, or realise I’m working out, I get so fucking embarassed and try to play it off as a joke.

And I recently realised why.

I feel like I’m failing so miserably at being masculine, that I rather want ppl to think I’m not trying at all. That’s also why I don’t dare wearing my packer, even if it really makes me happy. The thought of ppl noticing, but knowing I don’t have a “real” dick, makes me terrified and sad.

It’s stupid, and I don’t really know what to do about it. Idk. When I do pass, people think I’m a child. And while I do get a bit more defined arms, my body refuses to get bigger in any significant amount. I just want to stop feeling small.

(Also sorry again that I come to you with this. It’s just I’ve felt more understood by the forcemasc community than the broader trans one. I don’t want to be told to just “accept myself” and that his my body looks doesn’t matter. I want to stop feeling so goddamn small and cute and pathetic)

this is absolutely the right place, anon. you're not failing. that fear, that shame you feel when people catch a glimpse of your efforts? that's what's pathetic.

own it. every drop of sweat, every protein shake; you are a man becoming, and that's something to be proud of. you know what you want, so go at it with everything you've got.

wear your packer for me. give them something to stare at.