#askmint

[mint-chocolatey-chip]

Tbh I think the whole concept of lesbian =/= woman to be taken to a ridiculous level. As you say, on an individual level it makes sense but when you start applying it on a large scale and insisting no one even make a generalisation that lesbians are women? What does lesbian even mean then?

Honestly, agreed

I still stand behind my reasoning that you can be nonbinary and a lesbian, but you do have to be comfortable enough with being associated with women to be a wlw.

I dislike the definition “non-men attracted to non-men.” First of all, who is a man is just as difficult a question as who is a woman. Second of all, it seems weird to phrase lesbianism around men. Like, people do that to bi women all the time (“available to men”) but lesbians? Why?

I just think it’s important to keep the wlw community centered around women who love women, because misogyny and homophobia and biphobia are all at play.

[mint-chocolatey-chip]

Pride is a celebration of same sex attraction and really doesn't have anything to do with trans people. The T was only added onto the community for gay and bi trans people. We never imagined 50 years into the future most of the trans community would be straight and against same sex attraction because it means lesbians truly will never want to suck dick.

I haven’t been answering asks bc I want to give them thought and grad school sucks the energy out of me but this one just

[mint-chocolatey-chip]

1/2 I’m a lesbian and I don’t like other lesbians saying “we don’t share a sexuality with gay men.” That one blogger said bi men and bi women have the same sexuality. So is sexuality only “who you are attracted to” and nothing else? By that logic WE HAVR THE SAME SEXUALITY AS STR8 MEN.

2/2 We have so much more in common with gay men than straight men. We’re both GAY. So what if we’re gay for different genders? Gay men can make a recolor of our flag if they want to because they’re gay too and we’re in this together. I think those people just hate gay men and that’s why they say we don’t share a sexuality. They’re the ones saying mlm can’t make posts for mlm only too.

I’m bi so I’m not gonna comment but any gay/lesbian followers can. (I actually am kind of curious — do straight men and straight women have the same sexuality?)

[mint-chocolatey-chip]

genuine question, do u believe someone can truly be "grey-asexual"? Wouldn't someone either experience sexual attraction or not? even if you only experience it rarely you're still not asexual? lots of "allosexual" people aren't hypersexual maniacs having sex every week lol

You’re right. This is why I say that unless you never ever experience sexual attraction (as in never wanting to have sex with people) then you’re allosexual. But I do believe that gray-aces can exist as a label, they are allosexual but also under the a-umbrella (since the umbrella is not limited to just aces/aros)

Personally, I don’t see the need for the word “allo.” It doesn’t denote any group of people that is important to separate from others. Like I said, allo people are very often under the a-umbrella.

The reason that I think gray-asexuality can exist is that labels can give people a sense of security. If someone struggles with physical intimacy for example, it can be difficult to tell whether it’s due to attraction or trauma or just how someone is with no reason. Unless that struggle is causing distress (in that case they should see a therapist about it) identifying as gray-ace can help them come to terms with it.

I don’t really see a-umbrella labels as “sexual orientations.” It’s more like just a label someone can use if they want to, but don’t have to. Ideally, the a-umbrella will make it so that there doesn’t need to be any labels; if you need these resources, then use them and be part of this community. There are no special labels required.

In fact, it should be for everyone, even people who don’t think they need the resources. I want the a-umbrella to have public, open conversations about consent. I want us to talk about friendship and romance and what those can mean, about polyamory, about being single in a world designed for nuclear families. I want us to talk about arranged marriages, unions made for raising children, how to grapple with dating someone who does not want sex ever, how to date people while you don’t want sex ever. There are so many conversations the a-umbrella could be having with the world, if we just stopped being obsessed with being LGBT and actually started looking WITHIN the community and creating our own space.

[mint-chocolatey-chip]

Not all non-binary people are trans. Think of it like a Venn diagram.

This is an interesting point that I’ve talked about before. Are nonbinary people trans?

hypothetical scenario: a person is, say, a heterosexual nonbinary man who does not identify as trans. Is he LGBT?

Is it possible for there to be cishet nonbinary people? Not-LGBT nonbinary people?

This is I think another instance where nonbinary people mess up the system since as a whole we can’t be described in simple terms.

If some nonbinary people are not trans, do we need to make the acronym LGBTN? Or are not-trans nonbinary people simply not part of the community by virtue of gender identity?

[mint-chocolatey-chip]

the pink and blue on the bi flag don’t stand for men and women— they stand for homo and heterosexual attraction. and the purple means experiencing both at once— aka bisexuality

Doesn’t the purple stand for nonbinary attraction? I have never heard of the first part — which one would stand for heterosexual attraction? The blue or pink? That doesn’t sound right....

[mint-chocolatey-chip]

In relation to the spectrum ask: Wouldn't aspectrum still not include celibate people? And that opens up another question, of a spectrum does exist, to what point do you need to not want to have sex/lack sexual attraction where you'd be in need of resources? I think "asexuality belongs with feminism" is a great take because making the world easier to live in single really does just, help everyone and little to no specific groups. Cause, even non-ace ppl will have a period when they live alone

An a-spectrum would indeed exclude people who choose not to engage in sex or romance. This is why I prefer the “umbrella” language because it’s less about where you fall on a “spectrum” of attraction (which is just so muddy and difficult to define) and more about do you need to be under the umbrella or not? Are these discussions relevant to you? If so, welcome.

For your second question, as far as an ace/aro umbrella goes, I don’t think there is or should be a clear boundary between who is in and who is out. If you find yourself in need of the resources then partake in them. And even if you don’t? Why don’t you still go to a meeting or discussion and listen in, maybe you’ll learn something about your own relationship to sex/romance.

Because you’re right, everyone will probably be single at some point. Everyone needs to know about consent. Everyone needs to be aware of the different kinds of relationships outside of romance. I think cishets especially would benefit from this information and culture an ace/aro community can bring to the table, since cishets are often pressured to stick to tradition, and often just don’t explore different ways of doing relationships (unless they live in particularly liberal families and areas — which I do not, so my friends and family who are cishet are very stuck to traditional gender roles and relationship styles which is why I bring this up).

[mint-chocolatey-chip]

It’s so hard to find people that talk about ace resources and needs in proper detail without it’s validation hinged to needing to be lgbt every sec and resemble lgbt culture every sec. And when people do this, it often tramples on valuable discussion that could be had about aceness because people are afraid that somehow it devalues aro/ace experiences and needs of they don’t.

Exactly. People are so obsessed with aces/aros being LGBT that it actively hurts the efforts to create an actually beneficial ace/aro community. Ace/aro is not about identity or about validation or anything like that, it doesn’t matter if you identify as ace or aro, all that matters is whether you struggle with society’s demands of being in romantic/sexual relationships.

But you’re right, people act like I’m ace/arophobic even though I’m an actual asexual person who wants to have an actual community where I can talk about this and get support for it. But all I have is my local lgbt club that 1) makes gay and bi people feel bad for talking about their same-gender attraction around aces/aros, and 2) doesn’t actually give ANY resources to ace/aro people other than “you’re valid uwu”