Broken Mess
I often think about "putting myself out there" to see if I can find a genuine connection with a man. I add profiles on different dating apps, send likes, and connect. sighs.......
Once I chat with men and catch the slightest glimpse of them showing interest, I ghost them. Yes, I know how shitty it feels to be ghosted, but I still find myself doing it.
Why do I do it?
Much like the picture I added, I feel that with all the baggage I come with, which is overwhelming for me, would be too much for a man to ever want to take on. I'm broken. I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking mess. He may think he's ready to follow me down the rabbit hole, but I fear once he realizes just how much everything spirals he will decide to get the hell out of the fun house. Then I'll be alone again. I will, once and for all, know that I am too much.
The smart and considerate thing to do would be to stay off the dating sites. That I know. However, I end up talking myself into trying again because I feel like I'm ready. I'm ready until someone wants to get to know me.
Like I said, I'm a fucking mess.
